He looks better every day, but seeing him laid up still jars me. At least his skin has lost the gray hue that had clung to it after the surgery. Jeremiah had always been the definition of strength and support. But in a hospital gown, gray whiskers, and supported by pillows, the possibility of death feels too close. Jeremiah almost hadn’t made it.

  I try not to let myself go down that thought process. Most of the time, when he’s not right in front of me, I can avoid the terror of him dying. My visitor’s chair is angled so we don’t need to stare at each other straight on. I close my eyes and try to keep my voice from wobbling.

  “So, you and Marcus sorted things out?”

  I’d watch their apologies happen at a distance. It had been weeks of the men hemming and hawing about every topic under the sun until they had both broken down.

  “We’ve started to. I told him I’m going back to AA. That I’ve been going to counseling, trying to put the ‘functioning’ back in functioning alcoholic.”

  “He went back to work?”

  “My health is getting better all the time. Even if you can’t bear to look at me.”

  That hurts. It should hurt.

  “I’m sorry, some fucking partner I am. It’s just… it’s hard seeing you like this.”

  Jeremiah hums. “Probably just as hard as it is for me to see you, day in and day out, with shadows in your eyes.”

  I make myself look at him. His eyes are soft, gentler than at any part of our partnership. Uncomfortable emotions well. He’s my best friend and I almost lost him. My mind tries to find something else to think about, it finds it.

  I frown. “You shaved?”

  Jeremiah’s cheeks pinken. The reaction is so curious that it takes me a moment to puzzle together the reason.

  “You old dog.”

  Gloria should be around soon. She’s been visiting Jeremiah with me the whole time.

  “We aren’t talking about me right now. We are talking about why you look like you’re off to face the executioner.”

  Fuck.

  I look away. “I’m resigning. The Bureau, it’s just not the place for me. It fosters unhealthy behaviors for me. The work environment…”

  Jeremiah just nods. “They never deserved you.”

  He sounds unsurprised.

  “I think I’m going to go into consulting. It’s more… flexible.”

  Why is it so hard to talk about this?

  “You’ll do well, going into business for yourself. I assume you have some starting capital.”

  “Malcom left me some funds.”

  “Have you decided where you’ll set up base? I don’t expect you’ll move back to your hometown.”

  I shudder. That would be awful.

  “I’m not exactly sure yet. Maybe somewhere more remote. An internet connection and nearby airport should be all I need. Gloria wants to live somewhere with mountains. Maybe a cabin.”

  “Mountains sound nice. I’m sure we can find a couple cabins. Not anywhere that gets too cold. You have older folks to think about.”

  My brain snags. “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, you thought you were going to go do all of this without me? I’m not staying at the Bureau without you. I already put in the paperwork to retire.”

  I’m speechless, but not for long.

  “But—what about Marcus? Don’t you want to live near him? You two just barely made up.”

  “Just because we aren’t estranged doesn’t mean the man wants me living next door. Don’t you want my help with your business?”

  Yes. Yes, to all of it. I want to go into business with him. I want to live next door to each other. Slow it down, Evie.

  “Jeremiah, there are things you don’t know—”

  “About Agent Bradley who wasn’t Agent Bradley?”

  “How the fuck—”

  “You’re not the only clever one on our team, kid. It was kind of obvious that something odd happened when the boss said that Agent Bradley wouldn’t be able to wrap up the case for us because he was currently on an investigation, an investigation he’s been on for the past month.”

  I figured Jeremiah had been on too many painkillers to understand that phone debriefing. I sit in silence, not really sure where to go with this conversation.

  Jeremiah sighs. “I’m just glad he saved you. He was your ‘Good Samaritan,’ wasn’t he?”

  I slouch in my chair, not answering. Jeremiah laughs, enjoying my response. I don’t have the heart to get annoyed at him for it. We’re both breathing, both alive. We almost didn’t get here.

  “Anything else you want to cover before we go into business together?” he asks once his laughter has subsided.

  I roll my lips before I sigh and tell him.

  Silence. I look over and Jeremiah lets out a shocked whistle. I’ve finally surprised the man.

  16

  Eugene

  My walk is stiff as Jeremiah follows me. I don’t want to give this man my back, but I hadn’t planned for his presence. I actually hadn’t planned much after seeing Evelyn again. It’s difficult to make plans when you don’t know how the other person in the situation is going to react. I gave it fifty-fifty odds she’d shoot me on sight.

  I should have considered that she wouldn’t move out to the middle of nowhere alone. I’m glad Gloria and Jeremiah are here for her, but either of them could prove a hindrance to convincing Evelyn that I’m here to be with her.

  “Eugene.”

  I stop and slowly turn. We’re now out of sight of the women. Is he going to kill me? I’m dangerous, a killer. I wouldn’t blame him if he decided everyone would be better off without me hanging around.

  Adrenaline has my hair standing on end, but Jeremiah doesn’t make any sudden movements. Doesn’t go for a gun. A bird sings in a nearby evergreen.

  “You saved her,” Jeremiah says.

  I stay on guard but nod. “You called me.”

  The man gives me a considering look. “Thank you.”

  “No thanks necessary.”

  Because there isn’t. I’d save Evelyn every time. It’s a truth written on my soul, traced when I’d first seen her at a press conference and carved deep with every new thing I learned about her. Whether it put my life at stake or not.

  The depth of my feelings for Evelyn is something I don’t understand. Maybe someday it will make sense, but for now, I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep her alive. Happy. Which means standing in front of her partner like a man in front of a firing squad.

  Jeremiah just nods. “Are you staying?”

  “Yes.”

  The man’s lips curve. “Even if Evie doesn’t want you to?”

  “I… I need to stay. Even if she says that there isn’t anything here for me, I need to be near her.”

  Jeremiah waits and my cheeks heat. This man didn’t gatekeep for Evelyn at work, but obviously he has no qualms about doing so when it involves her personal life.

  “I-I have feelings for her.” I don’t realize I’m rubbing my chest until I say it out loud. My hand presses into where my heart aches for a woman I’ve barely spent any time with. Nothing about this makes sense.

  Jeremiah sighs and shakes his head. “You’re going to have to work on your words if you want to convince Evie of anything.”

  I freeze. “And that would be okay with you? Me trying to convince Evelyn of my feelings?”

  Jeremiah’s brow creases and his eyes take on a look as if he can see into the distance. “I took a chance, when I was shot. I took the chance that you could help Evie. That you would help Evie. You didn’t disappoint. If you hadn’t shown up, Evie would be dead.”

  Silence falls and the thought of what could have happened haunts the space between us.

  Jeremiah continues, “I would have woken up from surgery with the knowledge that because I hadn’t been paying attention, my partner died. When you saved Evie, you saved the last piece of my soul too. My son speaks to me, and now with Gloria… I have a chance to be alive again. All because you didn’t disappoint.” He looks down and kicks a rock. “The way I figure it is that you are worth betting on, and I can give you a chance to make Evie happy.”

  He looks up at me with a forbidding glare. “Just one chance though. You break her heart and I’ll bury you. Vigilante or no.”

  I just stand there blinking. Why does it feel like he just gave me permission to date his daughter? Let’s focus on not having her pull a gun on you, Eugene, dating can come later.

  I clear my throat. “I appreciate that.”

  “You can move into my cabin with me in the meantime.”

  “What?” My voice goes up an octave.

  “Wouldn’t you rather be near Evie if she needs you?”

  “Yes,” I answer instantly.

  “Good. It will give me a good opportunity to get to know your character.”

  I just agreed to move in with a retired federal agent.

  I’ve lost my mind.

  Evelyn

  Gloria and I enter the kitchen and I help her start to put away the food. My anxiety builds. Gloria wants to talk about my confrontation. I bite my tongue to keep myself from being the one who brings it up.

  “He seems nice. Respectful.”

  “Gloria—”

  “And I can tell you like him.”

  Exasperation bleeds into my words. “I can’t be with that man.”

  “Why not?”

  “Other than the fact he’s a criminal? It’s not healthy! I shouldn’t even like him.”

  “He did save your life.”

  “So, I should what? Fall into bed with him because I’m grateful?”

  “No. I’m saying that you’ve always been attracted to him.” Gloria gives me a steely-eyed look. I’ll never tell a soul that her look is the one I perfected when talking to media.

  I make a gesture in the air with my hands. “I have issues! Being attracted to a serial killer goes into that category.”

  “Yes, you have issues. You’re working on your issues, but your issues have been compulsively searching out anonymous sex. Your issues haven’t been wanting to be with a man who you’ve been playing mind games with for months and who saved your life.” Gloria’s voice vibrates with purpose. Her shoulders drop and I can tell her argument is going to move into tender areas of my heart. “Both things can be true, Evie. Your attraction to him, the chemistry you two feel, is real and you’ve had a history of risky sexual behavior. The feelings you have for him haven’t abated since starting counseling, but your compulsive urges have.”

  “It’s wrong, Gloria.”

  “Who says? Whose voice is in your head saying it’s wrong to love the man who saved your life? A man who has sought you out. Why do you doubt yourself?”

  That hits like a hammer. Who indeed? I don’t really have to wonder. Sinner, slut, daughter of Eve.

  “My judgment is suspect,” I say hollowly.

  Gloria continues as if I hadn’t spoken, “From the way you explained it, you two have been circling each other for nearly a year. Now he’s here—”

  “Because you told him I’m pregnant. Why did you do that, Gloria?”

  “Some men need a kick in the pants to act.”

  “A kick in the pants? Jesus, Gloria, I bet you gave the man a heart attack.”

  “What if he was as lost as you were? He broke his killing spree, didn’t he? Maybe he needs more in his life than that. Maybe he needs to be here.”

  The idea is a precious one. One I want to keep and hold to myself. But it sounds like beautiful fiction.

  “Malcom wouldn’t have needed a kick in the pants to find me,” I mumble.

  Gloria scoffs. “Not to mar your hero-worship of the man, I loved Malcom, but to get him to propose I had to act like I was going on a date with someone else.”

  “What?” My voice raises in volume. Why is this the thing I’m reacting to?

  Gloria sighs. “Malcom was an amazing man, but his tendency was always to wait and see when it came to making decisions. I just showed him what he wanted by making him think my affection for him was in danger.”

  “That is… devious. Wow.”

  And risky. This woman is always so direct and brave that it’s almost uncomfortable to be around her sometimes.

  I ask the thing that plagues me.

  “How do I know he’s here for me?”

  “What did he suggest?”

  “That he stay until I believe him.”

  Gloria rolls her eyes. “Hm, so he’s equipped to wait years?”

  I snicker. “He doesn’t seem to know me well.”

  “Yet. I’m sure you’ll find a way to test the man.”

  That gives me pause. That sounds manipulative but I don’t reject the idea instantly. I like the possibility of knowing for sure.

  “Evie, take it from someone who lost one of the most important people in their lives. Don’t turn him away without giving him a chance. Life is too short for regrets.” Gloria doesn’t list all the ways this could go poorly. Those are the things that keep me up at night.

  “About you and Jeremiah…” I start.

  “Oh, you noticed something past your moping?”

  My lips twitch but my brow creases. “Are you sure you’re ready to—”

  “I’ve done my grieving, sweetheart. I make my own decisions about my life.” Gloria’s decisive voice is a warning that I heed.

  Just then Jeremiah waltzes into the kitchen cheerfully. I glare at him.

  “Done with the dismemberment so soon?”

  “A messy business, but someone has to do it.” Jeremiah gathers his grocery bags. “Tomorrow I’ll bring over the steaks and we can make a night of it.”

  “Steaks sound lovely,” Gloria pitches in. “Make sure to invite that nice young man.”

  I turn slowly on my heel toward Gloria. “You really want to push a serial killer at me?”

  Gloria’s face is full of innocence. “You’d rather I try to play matchmaker with the population of single men in town? You’d eat them alive.”

  I try not to smile at that and pick up a water glass.

  “I’ll bring him with me. He’s moving into the spare room of my cabin for the time being.”

  I drop the glass.

  17

  Eugene

  There’s a knock on the front door.

  “Housekeeping!” Evelyn calls from the other side, and Jeremiah chuckles and gestures for me to open it.

  I do, holding my breath when I see her again. It’s only been a few hours since my aborted attempt at her door but feels longer. Maybe it’s the awkwardness of moving in with my new roommate. My retired law enforcement roommate. Or maybe it’s because I’m starving to see the woman.

  Evelyn’s face still packs a punch. She glares at me and the action makes the corner of my mouth kick up.

  “I’m ignoring your presence,” Evelyn says.

  “Consider my presence ignored.” I let her into Jeremiah’s place.

  Evelyn goes into the front room where Jeremiah sits in his recliner. Evelyn takes out items from the side table and starts proficiently checking off tasks. Medical things like blood pressure and temperature before getting to questions about his pain levels and areas.

  I watch the interaction with curiosity. Jeremiah takes pity on me. “I’m an addict. Alcohol. Healing an injury while being an addict is a shitty experience. I’m sober when it comes to alcohol, but my medications have to be administered by my trusty partner.”

  “You could have had your medications administered by the pretty nurse up the street,” she says.

  Jeremiah scowls. “I didn’t want her to think of me as her patient.”

  Evelyn sighs and I fill in the blanks. Gloria is a nurse.

  “Maybe Gene can go make tea. Does tea sound good?” Evelyn asks Jeremiah. I jump that she isn’t quite ignoring my existence. That she said my name. Crumbs of her attention sustain me.

  Jeremiah deflates a little. “Well, that’s your tell, kid.”

  “What?” Evelyn asks.

  “You always make me tea when you’re not going to give me a pill of the good stuff.”

  Evelyn looks up at the ceiling, considering. “Huh, you’re right. Gloria always makes me tea when I have trouble sleeping. Has done that since I first moved in with her. I guess it’s my go-to when I don’t want you to stay up and think about the pain.”

  There’s a silence and I don’t leave to start the water boiling. I’m an avid audience to this dynamic. I’ve never seen Evelyn like this. Caretaking.

  Jeremiah looks away. “I want it, Evie.” His voice is raspy.

  Evelyn’s face softens. “I know.”

  Jeremiah clenches his fists before releasing them and sighing. “But I want something else more.”

  Evelyn scowls. “Jeremiah, Gloria can’t be the reason for your recovery. You know that’s kind of against the rules.”

  Jeremiah shrugs. “We have a lot of reasons for things throughout life. I get to pick mine. Go ahead and roll your eyes at me.”

  I get to pick my reasons. Perhaps Jeremiah and I will get along after all.

  “Stubborn mule,” Evelyn says under her breath. “Would talking to your sponsor help?”

  “Maybe in the morning. I’ll touch base in the morning. I have another babysitter here anyway. I’m sure Eugene can talk about lots of things to keep me occupied.”

  My eyes widen in alarm. Evelyn tries not to smile but fails. Then she’s back to frowning at Jeremiah.

  “By the way, what happened to waiting to make your move with Gloria? You said you wanted to wait till later and now you’ve moved on to holding hands? It’s scandalous.”

  Jeremiah blushes. “She said that she wasn’t going to wait around for me to know what I want and that I’m not getting any younger.”

  Evelyn coughs. “Gloria’s directness strikes again.”

  I can see where Evelyn gets that trait. I’m eager to get to know this Gloria.

  “We’re taking it slow,” Jeremiah mumbles.

  “I wouldn’t bet on that,” Evelyn says under her breath before turning to me. “You bring alcohol anywhere near here and I’ll put a bullet in you.”

 

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