Every time my heart brea.., p.19
Every Time My Heart Breaks, page 19
“Is Riley okay?” she finally asked.
“She’s fucking fine,” I muttered, turning the truck right at an intersection. “And she should’ve known better than to keep pressing you like that until she hit a damn trigger.”
“No, she shouldn’t have. No one has to treat me like a fragile piece of spun glass that’s going to shatter the moment someone sneezes around me. I don’t want that.”
I simply snorted and shook my head. “You could be ten-inch thick, tempered, plate glass infused with beams of steel rebar. You just had the impact of gale-force winds slammed against you. And it left cracks, whether you like it or not. You’re not a hundred percent yet, and you need time to heal. So give yourself a damn break.”
When she didn’t answer, I exhaled and asked, “You’re still visiting that therapist every week, right?”
“Yes,” she snapped irritably.
With a sigh, I considered grabbing the pill bottle for myself. Today was definitely not a good one for her, and it was miserable enough to give me a headache too.
She remained quiet the rest of the way home until I reached her place.
And that’s when she finally mumbled a snide, “Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist.”
I glanced over as I put the truck into park and killed the engine. “Excuse me?”
“You weren’t exactly yourself tonight over there either, you know.”
I pulled back, shocked by that accusation. “I was fine,” I insisted.
But Chloe only snorted. “Yeah? Then why were you so quiet and off to the side the entire night, like you were simply a bystander? That’s not your usual M.O. And what the hell was that dead fish response you had when I made the crack about your maturity level? You said absolutely nothing and just left me hanging.”
“So…” I squinted, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “You’re mad at me for not insulting you?”
“I looked like a complete asshole when you didn’t strike back!” she cried. “So yeah, I’m mad.”
“But I…” I winced and scratched the back of my neck. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” She lifted her eyebrows and gaped at me as if I’d lost my mind.
I shrugged. “Next time, I’ll…Jesus.” Throwing up my hands, I scowled at her. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say here. What if I just didn’t feel like insulting you at that moment?”
Her mouth dropped open as she gaped at me. Then she shook her head and scowled, hissing, “What?” as if my explanation made no sense to her.
“I’ve had a bit of a revelation, okay?” I mumbled, irritable about having to explain it. “I say stupid shit. A lot. And I don’t necessarily want to be that way anymore. I mean, I was so inappropriate and wrong to you that night in the bar.” I shook my head and swallowed down the nasty taste that rose up my throat when I remembered what I’d done. “I made fun of your dating life and was completely dismissive of your restraining order. And then look at what happened, not even two hours later. God, it makes me feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it.”
“Luke…” Her voice softened sympathetically, and her eyes filled with pity. “Believe it or not, I appreciate it when you smart back to me. It lets me know that things are still normal in the world. And sometimes, your big-mouth cracks are the only normal thing I feel like I can cling to. So honestly, I almost need you to be rude to me. Alright?”
I shook my head. “But what if I don’t feel like being rude sometimes?” When her brow furrowed in question, I tried to explain. “I want to be able to tell you that you look nice when I think you look nice and not have you immediately seek some ulterior motive from my words. Because you look fucking nice tonight, and now I’m freaked out, worried I’ll never be able to actually say anything nice to you. I mean, has it always been like this between us? Or did I break something somewhere over the years that’s prevented us from ever being real with each other?”
Chloe’s face paled and she started to shake her head. “N-no,” she said, frowning slightly. “This is real. It’s the most real thing I have right now.”
“What is? Insults and snippy comebacks?” I asked, lifting my eyebrows. “Honestly?”
She stared at me without speaking, and I swear tears filled her eyes, but it was dark in the truck and I couldn’t see all that well. I opened my mouth to ask if she was okay, but she rushed to cut me off before I could speak. “It’s late. I have a headache. I’m going to bed.”
And she shoved open her door, popping out of the truck before I could even respond.
I sighed as I watched her hurry up to the front door. Then I shook my head and slowly climbed out of the truck as well.
I could hear her moving around in the back when I came in the door. Closing it behind me, I locked up, then walked through the house, making sure everything else was shut up and put away for the night.
She was in the bathroom by the time I made it to her room, but she’d left the door open, so I strolled that way and slid a hand into my pocket to find that she’d already changed into sleep shorts and a tank top.
I leaned a shoulder against the doorframe as I watched her apply lotion to her arms and legs.
“What scent are we getting tonight?” I asked after a good ten seconds of her ignoring me.
She usually put on a different smell each night, and the variety was like a mystery revealed every time I crawled into bed with her.
“Warm Vanilla Sugar,” she answered coolly, not even bothering to glance my way.
I nodded. “It’s nice. That one gets a thumbs-up from me.”
“Swell,” she muttered dryly, letting me know she didn’t give a shit what I thought about the scent of lotion she wore.
I exhaled and lowered my gaze to her vanity countertop where I noticed a pharmacy checkout bag sitting. It was still unopened with a prescription receipt stapled to it.
“Holy shit!” I said, reaching out. “Did you actually get some sleeping pills?”
I lifted the medicine bag, to read the label as if I actually knew what any of the foreign words meant. But Chloe plopped her lotion down and ripped the sack from my hand.
“No!” Sniffing in irritation, she tossed the bag back down onto her sink counter and scowled at me. “Do you mind?”
Honestly? I didn’t mind at all.
Squinting at her, I guessed, “Anti-anxiety meds, then?”
She rolled her eyes. “Jeez, you are such a snoop. It’s birth control. Okay? Just birth control.”
I blinked, startled mute by that one. Then, I blurted, “Who are you planning on using that with?”
“No one.” Rolling her eyes, she picked up her lotion again. “That’s not the point.”
I shook my head, confused. “Then what’s the—”
“Oh my God!” she exploded impatiently. “I recently learned just how easy it was for a man to knock me unconscious, strip me naked, and chain me to his basement floor. Alright? Is not wanting to get pregnant from a rapist a good enough reason for you?” she demanded. “I mean, he could’ve done all sorts of things to me if you hadn’t shown up when you did…”
I shuddered at the thought, and bile moved up my throat.
But Chloe just kept talking. “I don’t care if I never plan on having sex again. I’m going to take this shit every day until menopause or until I actually want a kid. To protect myself.”
I nodded and hoarsely said, “Yeah. Good idea.”
With a condescending scoff, she tossed her lotion bottle onto the counter without applying any more and brushed past me to reenter her bedroom. As warm vanilla floated up to greet my senses, I turned after her and watched her move to the dresser to take off her watch and put it on its charger.
“I think we should get married,” I said.
Out of freaking nowhere.
No idea why I said that. I hadn’t even been thinking about it at all. The words just tumbled out of me without any kind of prompting at all.
Chloe didn’t bother to glance over or even stop what she was doing. She gave a dry laugh and said, “Funny,” with her back still to me because, yes, I’d just proposed to a woman’s freaking back.
I drew in a breath and calmly answered, “I wasn’t joking.”
Finally, she turned and lifted an eyebrow. “So… No ring, huh? I mean, didn’t you at least offer Lucy JB’s old ring he bought for his first fiancée when you proposed to her? And you got down on one knee too, if the rumors are true. I think I’m offended that I don’t even rate a hand-me-down ring or a bended knee. Really. Thanks a lot, buddy.”
The fact that she completely blew off my suggestion made me frown. “I’m serious, Chloe.” When she merely turned to walk from the bedroom toward the hall, I hurried after her. “I practically live here already. We sleep in the same bed. You’re—”
“What is with you and wanting to marry everyone all of a sudden?” she cut in, plowing to a stop so she could turn and gape at me. “Are you having a midlife crisis or something? Is that it? I think you’re still a tad too young.”
“Jesus, will you stop with the jokes and just…listen to me?” I muttered.
She laughed harshly and turned away, storming further down the hall. “Um…no! I’m not going to listen to you. Especially when you’re being ridiculous like this.”
“How is it ridiculous?” I asked, following her. “If you’d stop for one damn second and just think about it, it sounds pretty fucking practical to me. I mean, we… We have the same family and friend base already. The same core values and basic beliefs.”
“Core values?” she repeated, stopping again and lifting her hands to shield herself from me as she spun back around. “Okay, just stop there. This is not coming from you. Someone’s been filling your head.”
I was so surprised by her discernment that I wavered, gaping at her for the longest second with nothing to say and unable to believe she’d been able to figure that out with, like, three compliments and a stupid term like core values.
And okay, maybe the marriage proposal hadn’t been the smartest move. Especially tonight of all nights, when she’d obviously seen better days.
But that had just come out; I hadn’t planned that one.
The woman was definitely her father’s daughter because she saw right through me.
Her hands fell limply to her sides and her mouth dropped open. “That’s it, isn’t it?” she guessed. “Someone put this idea into your head.”
Ignoring the yellow warning lights flashing inside my head that were screaming, warning, warning! Approach cautiously, I snorted and rolled my eyes. “No.”
“Right,” she countered. “Who was it?”
“Why is it so hard for you to believe I came up with this shit myself?”
Chloe squinted, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “It must’ve been…” She shook her head, mentally filing through names until, bam, she snapped her gaze up. “My dad,” she said. “That’s the only likely possibility to explain this.”
“You know, I think I’m insulted,” I muttered, jabbing a finger into my chest. “Do you seriously think I can’t come up with my own damn ideas? And you even called it ridiculous. Doesn’t something ridiculous have my name written all over it? Not Pick’s.”
“Usually,” she murmured, frowning because I’d actually made a good point. Score! But then she gripped her head and leaned against the wall. “Except not this time,” she murmured. And from there, I basically watched her world drop into the pit of her stomach.
“Oh my God,” she breathed in doom before flopping down her hands to gape up at me. “He did, didn’t he? He asked you to marry me.” After blurting out a small, hysterical laugh, she shook her head, trying to deny it. “What was he thinking? I’m not—this is just— No.”
“Chloe,” I said softly and reached for her hand.
She startled me by looking up sharply and gripping my fingers.
“Don’t worry,” she assured gently. “I’ll fix this. He’s not in his right frame of mind right now. His daughter’s safety was jeopardized. It’s jostled his rationality. He’s thinking in extremes and trying to find the ultimate safeguard to protect me. But it’s only temporary. He’ll come back to himself again. Eventually.” With a wince, she added, “And I know you couldn’t tell him no. He’s your boss, a man you respect, and you’re one of those people that feel duty-driven to step up when you learn one of your people is in need. But I’m not in need. I’ll heal. And I will tell him no for you. Alright? It’s going to be okay. You’re not going to end up strapped with me for life, I swear.”
“Chloe,” I repeated softly, tightening my grip on her hand when she tried to pull away. She paused and looked up, her brow furrowing in question. “I don’t want you to tell him no for me,” I murmured. “If I hadn’t wanted this, I would’ve told him no myself.”
Chloe’s jaw dropped as she listened to me. Then she nodded. “Oh, okay. I get it now.” With a sigh, she rolled her eyes. “What does he have against you? It’s blackmail, right?”
When I exhaled and let go of her hands in frustration, her eyebrows lifted. “Or is it a bribe? Oh God, he’s going to give you something. Is it the bar? It’s the bar, isn’t it?”
I hissed out a breath and refused to answer that. “He loves you and is worried about you,” I said instead. “I’m worried about you. We just want you to be happy.”
Chloe sniffed. “And you two think you can fix that? Oh my God… Really?”
“Hey!” Offended, I scowled at her. “You can trust me a hell of a lot more than pretty much every douchebag you’ve ever dated. Especially—”
Pointing sternly, she glared. “Don’t you dare mention that name to me.”
I lifted my hands, relenting. “Okay, I’m not,” I swore softly. “But your dad asked me to at least try with you, so that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Oh, jeez. I wish you wouldn’t. It’s not worth the effort, Luke. I promise.”
“Worth the effort? Are you serious? Woman, no one’s worth more than you.”
Her lashes wavered uncertainly. Then she stiffened her spine. “This isn’t happening. End of story.”
Staring her straight in the eyes, I leaned in and murmured, “I bet you ten bucks you’re going to be Chloe Hamilton by the end of this year.”
“Ooh, ten bucks,” she repeated sarcastically, waving her hands and rolling her eyes. “You must be so sure you’re going to succeed.”
“Fine. Ten thousand,” I immediately revised, not batting an eyelash.
She sighed, exhausted with me. “You are just so—”
I grinned and lifted a finger, taunting her. “Watch what you call me, honey. Because you’re the one who’s going to marry me. And what will that make you?”
“Wow,” she whispered, gaping at me as if she just couldn’t believe my immaturity. Then she pushed past me, shaking her head incredulously.
“I’m done talking about this,” she announced, lifting her hands and starting down the hall toward the kitchen, only to stop and whirl back. “Just seriously…” But she must not have had any more good arguments left in her. Or she decided it was useless to argue with someone she considered a fool.
That was probably more likely.
So she groaned, “Dear God,” and turned away again, walking off as if she wasn’t going to come back this time.
So I called after her. “I might not win you over today, but I am going to win you over. You just wait and see.”
“Yeah, good luck with that,” she countered over her shoulder.
“Thank you!” I grinned. “I’ll take all the help I can get.”
“You’re an idiot,” her voice trailed back from the front of the house.
“Maybe,” I shouted. “But I’m your idiot now.”
19 CHLOE
If my phone wasn’t currently in my bedroom, charging, I would’ve called my father right then and rained utter hell down on him.
I mean, what had he been thinking?
He had just ruined everything. Nothing between Luke and me was ever going to be normal again. And Dad needed to pay for orchestrating that.
But his punishment would have to wait.
For now, I had a man who didn’t want me but was determined to marry me in my bedroom, and I had no idea what to do about him. The fact that I used to daydream about this very thing from this very person made it all even more traumatic.
Slipping into the back bathroom on the opposite end of my house as my bedroom, I quietly shut the door at my back and then sat on the closed seat of my toilet so I could grip my head between my hands and rest my elbows on my knees.
The tears came freely, sluicing down my cheeks in rivers, and I let myself have a good, long cry.
Because the problem with all this was that while Luke might have his issues—namely crude, inappropriate, clueless immaturity—he was still a good man. His parents were two of the sweetest, most dependable, loyal people I’d ever met. And Luke might think he was nothing like them. He was loud where they were quiet. He had always needed to move, while they could just sit…peacefully. He needed more of an active, trade-type occupation, and they were more cerebral and academic. But he was still like them when it came to his basic morality. And he would obediently stay with me from this point on. No matter what.
Which would get to me. It was among the many reasons I’d fallen for him all those years ago, to begin with. And it was going to make this even harder for me to discourage him now.
Because now I was going to be fighting myself and him.
But if I didn’t fight, it was going to break me. It was going to break me as I’d never been broken before. I just knew it.
And so, I had to resist everything he threw at me.
I probably wasted half an hour’s worth of time, sitting in that bathroom, trying to steel my resolve against whatever wooing came next.
Luke gave me all the time I needed, not coming to find me or barging in, to demand…well, anything. It was all part of his plan, I swear. Give her time and space. To hang herself. And his consideration was working, dammit.
Wait. No, it wasn’t.
