Care for me, p.17
Care for Me, page 17
But this time, it seemed he had it all planned out. Molly would spend the night at her grandparents’ house, which would allow Rowan to take Aurora out for an upscale dinner. She didn’t know where they were going, but he’d told her to wear something nice.
As she got ready, slipping into a little black dress and heels in front of her bathroom mirror, she thought this felt like a step. You took a woman out to a fancy dinner when you were trying to impress her. You didn’t do it if she was just somebody you were sleeping with when you didn’t have other plans.
The fact that she didn’t know which scenario she was living didn’t reflect well on her, she thought, and yet here she was, lovesick and hoping that the man she was sharing a bed with on a regular basis actually had feelings for her.
Because her feelings for him were growing by the day.
You’re pathetic.
She told herself that even as she fluffed up her hair, then carefully applied her makeup. Underneath the black dress, she was wearing a black lace bra and panty set she’d bought for the occasion. A plea for love was what it was, because she had no close family left and few friends, and if she lost Rowan and Molly …
If she cried, she would mess up her makeup, so she took a deep breath and stuffed her feelings inside. This evening was a step, one that would move her and Rowan in the right direction. That was all she had to focus on right now.
She put on jewelry—a matching necklace and earring set—gave herself a spritz of perfume, and headed downstairs to wait for Rowan.
Rowan arrived at Aurora’s place wearing a pair of slacks and a sport coat over a dress shirt that was open at the throat. He’d put on a suit at first, but then had reconsidered. This was Cambria, after all. In a suit, he’d have stood out like a nun at a frat party.
He rang Aurora’s doorbell, going over his plans for the evening. Shane’s special night with Lily had involved him cooking. But Rowan didn’t cook, so he’d adjusted things to involve a restaurant dinner instead.
They’d eat, have some wine, enjoy a nice dessert, and when it looked like they were ready to leave, he would text Lily, who would go to Rowan’s house to light the candles he’d set out, turn on the music, and set out the chilled bottle of champagne and a set of flutes.
He’d have done all that himself, but he didn’t want his house to burn down while they were eating dinner.
When he’d enlisted Lily’s help, she’d jumped up and down, clapping and squealing with enthusiasm. “Of course I’ll do it, you big jerk. Oh, my God, she’s going to love it!”
He only hoped Aurora reacted the way Lily thought she would.
When she opened the door for him, he stopped breathing for a moment. The way she looked—it seemed he was never prepared for it, even when he saw her every day. He was never quite ready for the way his heart stuttered at the sight of her smooth skin, her tumble of dark curls, or her lush lips, slightly parted for him.
He knew he was supposed to be saying things, but he was struck speechless by her.
“Rowan. You look great.”
And that last part was supposed to be his line. “You’re stunning,” he said. “Absolutely breathtaking.” It was the truest thing he’d ever said to her, or maybe to anyone. “Shall we go?” He extended the crook of his arm to her, and she took it.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
From there, the evening was magical for Aurora. They went to Neptune, the swankiest restaurant in Cambria, and sat at a candlelit table near a window with a view of Main Street. They ordered wine—cabernet sauvignon for Rowan, Chardonnay for Aurora—and an appetizer of steamed clams in a garlic and butter sauce.
Soft music played in the background, but Aurora barely heard it. All of her focus was on Rowan—how handsome he was, the way he was looking at her, and what all of this might mean. He was wooing her. Surely that said something about where he wanted things to go with her. Surely this meant he was ready for them to take the next step to—what? Not a marriage proposal—Aurora wasn’t that naïve—but maybe some sort of commitment. Some sort of statement that she was his, and he was hers.
“Everything is so pretty,” she said.
He reached out and took her hand across the table. “Is it? I can’t seem to notice anything but you.”
It was the perfect thing to say, the kind of thing a man said when he was in love. Or when he was trying to sweep a girl off her feet. Well, he could consider her swept. Her feet were barely touching the floor.
While they waited for their entrees, they talked about Aurora’s mother and how hard it was to lose her; Rowan’s sister, Molly, after whom his daughter was named, who had died as a teenager; how Aurora had decided to move to Cambria when she’d inherited her mother’s house; and how the Brody brothers had decided to open their practice on a cash-only basis—no insurance companies, just a sliding scale based on need.
They’d talked about all of it before, of course—they knew each other’s stories by now—but before, they’d touched on all of it in a way that was mostly superficial. But now, Rowan was telling her things he hadn’t told her before. This time, he talked not just about what had happened to his sister, but how it had affected him.
And how it had affected Shane.
“He was destroyed,” Rowan told her, his face grim. “For years. We all told him he had to forgive himself. I mean, yes, he was driving the car when they got into the accident, but he was a kid, and accidents happen. But he didn’t really believe it until Lily came along. She healed him.”
“Love can do that,” she said. “So I’m told.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
Yes. Yes, I have. I am.
She wanted so much to tell him, and she almost did. But she didn’t know whether he was ready to hear it, so she held it back at the last second. She knew Rowan well enough by now to know she couldn’t push him too far. Not yet. Not when she wasn’t sure he felt the same.
“I … ah … sure. I’ve been in love,” Aurora said at last, after a brief hesitation. “Hasn’t everyone at one point or another?”
He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He’d been in something that resembled love once, but he wasn’t sure that’s really what it was. He’d been crazy for Vanessa Hollis when he was in medical school—he was first year, she was second—but she’d dumped him when he’d proposed to her.
Are you out of your mind? she’d asked him, her face alight with anger and incredulity instead of the love and pleasure he’d expected. What do you think, I’m going to cook for you and pop out babies while I’m doing my internship and my residency? I’m supposed to sideline my career? For what? So you can have a housewife at home to scrub your toilets?
He’d wanted to explain, to tell her he didn’t expect any such thing, but he was so shocked by her response that he’d simply stood there gaping at her.
You’re a good time, Rowan, she’d said. A very good time. But that’s all I want from you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from you.
He’d never told his family he was serious about her—he’d passed it off as another fling—and that had allowed him to pretend everything was fine. But it wasn’t.
After Vanessa left him, he’d been so heartbroken he’d nearly quit medical school. Once he decided to stay, he’d nearly flunked out.
It was his brothers’ support that had gotten him through. They hadn’t known what was wrong, exactly, but they’d known something was, and they’d been there for him. Shane and Aidan were both years ahead of him, and they pulled him along by sheer force of will until he’d been able to stand on his own.
He owed them for that. Hell, he owed them everything.
Since then, it had always seemed to Rowan that love was too risky, too uncertain. Women thought of him as a good time, so that’s what he was. That was all he’d ever tried to be since Vanessa.
Now, though, things were changing. His feelings were changing. And he didn’t know what to think about that.
He could have told all of that to Aurora, but instead, he answered her question about love by saying, “Have they? I’m not sure about that.”
He knew what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to say, I was in love once, and now I am again. But the words didn’t come. Instead, he deflected like the coward he was.
Aurora’s face fell, just for an instant, before she covered her feelings. But he saw it. He knew he’d fucked up.
Then their entrees came, and the moment passed.
He’s not sure that everyone has been in love.
What did that mean? Was Rowan saying he’d never been in love? That he’d never felt for anyone what Aurora was feeling for him? And that he still didn’t feel it, even now?
Or was she reading something into it that wasn’t there?
She wanted him to love her so much that she knew she visibly blanched when he said what he did. But then she pulled herself together and smoothed her expression. She didn’t know what he meant, so she shouldn’t pretend she did.
And if he didn’t love her now, that didn’t mean he never would.
She changed the subject when their food came, telling herself it was nothing. He hadn’t meant anything by what he’d said. And there was no reason to let it ruin their evening.
Just before they ordered dessert, Rowan excused himself to go to the men’s room, then texted Lily to let her know it was time to get the house ready.
He felt good about his plan. When Aurora saw everything he’d prepared—the candles, the flowers, all of it—she would forget that he’d disappointed her with his response about love. This was going to fix everything.
He went back to the table grinning with anticipation.
They shared a chocolate mousse cake that was possibly the best thing Aurora had ever tasted. Then Rowan paid the check, and he rested his hand gently on the small of her back as he led her to his car.
He opened the car door for her, and then, when he was settled into the driver’s seat, he picked up her hand and kissed it. She looked at him with such open adoration that he felt as though some unseen fist was squeezing his heart.
Love? Ah, shit. He was drowning in it.
But how could he tell her that? The love he felt was so rare, so precious, that he had to keep it safely inside himself, in a box with a padlock keeping it from flying away.
Feeling love was one thing. It was only when you exposed it to the light—only when you exposed yourself by revealing it—that everything blew up and went to hell.
“Would you like to come back to my place?” he asked her.
He had a couple of strategies in mind if she said no—one, that he had to pick something up at his house before taking her home—but it wasn’t necessary.
“I’d love to,” she said.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When Rowan opened the door to his house and ushered her inside, at first she didn’t know what she was seeing. She knew his home almost as well as she knew her own, but the sight that greeted her was wholly unfamiliar.
There were candles everywhere, dozens of them, all lit and giving Rowan’s living room an ethereal glow. In the middle of his coffee table stood a vase full of red roses. Music, something soft and instrumental, played low, as though the notes were emerging from the very air.
She stood there taking it all in, wordless, and her heart soared.
Rowan had never done anything like this for her before. He’d always been so casual, as though this thing they had together was just another part of his day. But this? He’d put in effort. Planning. Thought. He’d taken time to consider how to please her, and he’d done … this.
This romantic, perfect thing.
She turned to him, her eyes wide and shimmering with tears. “Oh, Rowan. It’s beautiful.”
He looked pleased with himself. “I had help. Lily came over to light the candles while we were having our dessert.”
“I’ll have to thank her.”
“Just her?” He grinned at her playfully, and she went up onto her toes to kiss him.
“No. Not just her.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. The taste of him, the feel of his tongue caressing hers, nearly made her bones melt and her blood ignite.
He ran his hands up her back. “Champagne?” he said.
“Yes, please.”
A bottle stood in a bucket of ice next to the roses, with two flutes standing by. Rowan opened the bottle with a pop, then filled the glasses and handed one to her. Aurora drank, but she was so consumed with Rowan that she barely tasted it.
“Should we go to the bedroom?” His voice was a low rasp, and the way he looked at her made her body quake.
“But it’s so pretty out here.”
He gave her a mischievous smile. “Just wait.”
When Rowan escorted Aurora into the bedroom, she gasped. It was exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for.
Everything that he’d set up in the living room was here as well, but more. More candles flickering, casting light on the walls and the ceiling. More flowers. More soft music. And more expectation for what was to follow.
“You really thought ahead,” she said.
“I did.”
“Rowan … It’s lovely. It’s so … It’s just …”
Before she could finish her thought, he cut her off with a kiss. But not just a kiss. An earth-shattering kiss, his hands entwined in her hair, her lips and tongue and breath mingled with his, her body straining toward his, the urgency and the need nearly driving him insane.
He didn’t break the kiss as he reached behind her to unzip her dress. Still tasting her, still exploring her soft, yielding mouth, he moved his hands over her shoulders to ease the dress down until it pooled on the floor at her feet.
Rowan pulled back from her a little just to look at Aurora in candlelight, her hair a riotous mass of curls, her skin smooth and inviting in a lace bra and panties. He wanted her so much he could barely control himself, but this was no time to rush. This was a time to take things slowly, to savor her. To fully enjoy and experience everything his emotions and his body were feeling.
“God, the way you look …” He trailed off, his words inadequate to the task.
She began unbuttoning his shirt slowly, pressing a kiss to his chest with each button undone. Lower and lower she moved, a button, a kiss, again and again until at last she rose to slide his shirt off of him and discard it on the floor.
Aurora slid her hands over his chest, his shoulders, and his back, and he closed his eyes to focus on the pleasure of it, the way it felt to be under Aurora’s power.
When she reached down to unbuckle his belt, he worried that all of this might be over before it really started.
“Wait.” He put his hands over hers to stop her. Then he thought of things to cool himself down: his gas bill. The need to get his car serviced. The unfathomable bureaucracy of HMOs. When he thought he had himself under control, he kissed Aurora and let go of her hands. “Okay. I’m good.”
So she resumed what she’d been doing. She unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants, and lowered them over his hips. Then she wrapped her fingers around him and stroked him.
“Ah … God.” Rowan sighed her name. “Aurora …”
Then he said nothing as the sensations washed over him.
Aurora knew that at some point, they would have to talk. They would have to discuss where things with them were going, what he wanted, what she was willing to accept. But not now. Now, she wanted only to lose herself in him.
She took off her bra and let it fall to the floor, and he held her breasts in his hands. When he caressed the hard nipples with his thumbs, she felt it like an electric jolt that went all the way to her toes.
Then he closed his mouth around one breast, caressing the hard nub with his tongue, and she threw back her head, eyes closed, and reveled in the sensation.
Slowly, he ran his hands down her body. He slipped his fingers under the waistband of her panties and pulled them down, down, lowering himself to his knees as he did it. Then, holding her ass in his hands, he pressed his tongue between her legs and found the sweet, wet center of her.
One thing about sleeping with a man who had this much sexual experience was that he knew exactly what he was doing and what it would do to her. When his tongue found its mark, her legs shook and she could barely stand upright. She moaned his name.
“Rowan. Oh. Oh, God.”
He rose to his feet, then picked her up and lowered her onto the bed, covering her body with his.
She wrapped her legs around him, and he thrust into her. When they were like this, their bodies joined, Aurora always felt as though all the joy and pleasure in the world were concentrated right here between them. When she was with Rowan, she lost track of time, lost track of her worries and obligations. Everything left her except this, this feeling.
She’d enjoyed sex before, but never like this. Never anything like this.
He moved inside her, and the pleasure within her rose and intensified. She ran her hands over his chest, his back, and his ass, wanting to feel all of him, wanting to experience every part of him.
When her orgasm came, it shook her body and her soul, spasm after spasm roaring through her veins.
Moments later, he went still and then shuddered, his body trembling with the force of his release.
Rowan came so hard he nearly blacked out. He collapsed onto Aurora, then worried that she might not be able to breathe under the weight of him. He rolled onto his side next to her, pulling her to him and holding her in his arms.
“I love you,” she said.
And everything inside him froze.
He wanted to say something—to tell her he loved her too—but the words didn’t come. Nothing did. His body tensed and his brain shut down. Even as he made that critical mistake, he knew he was going to regret this moment.
