When our worlds go silen.., p.1
When Our Worlds Go Silent, page 1
When Our Worlds Go Silent
Our Worlds
Lindsey Iler
Published by Lindsey Iler, 2018.
When Our Worlds Go Silent
Our Worlds, Volume 4
© Copyright 2018, Lindsey Iler
KINDLE EDITION
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the publisher, except for the use of brief quotations in book reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to action person, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover Design by Lindsey Iler
Editing by Katie Mac
Proofreading by Kaitie Reister
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Epilogue
A note from the author
READ MORE...
YOU’RE TO BLAME
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dedication
This is for anyone who doesn’t believe in true love...
There are people out there who are willing to fight for you.
Allow them.
Chapter One
Graham
Kennedy’s warm body nestled against mine, her back flush against my chest, is just the thing I need tonight. From running around with Ben, to planning the wedding, we’ve barely had time to breathe. The ritual of life with another human being is something I never thought I’d grow used to. Every day the same thing. The same lips to kiss at night. The same smile greeting me when I roll over in the morning. Other men aren’t as lucky as me. They don’t wake up to Kennedy’s laugh.
“Our wedding is tomorrow,” Kennedy whispers into the darkness of our bedroom.
I’m still surprised how her voice weaves magic into my life. The room is brighter because of her. She knows what I need, when I need it, without me having to utter a single word.
After much argument from everyone, we’ve thrown caution to the wind and chosen to spend the night before our wedding together. We’re already married. Some traditions are meant to be broken, especially if it means I get to sleep next to my wife.
“Are you nervous?” Her shoulders vibrate with laughter.
Our first wedding at the courthouse wasn’t anything special, but it was ours. The traditional parts were lacking, but the love in the room was at its highest. Ben finding his forever home under our roof is more important than the glitz and the glam.
It’s been official for a month now. If I thought I loved Kennedy before Ben, the love I have now is a whole different kind. She’s selfless, and since it’s her, it comes as no surprise. To step up to the plate like she has, without reservation, is a privilege to witness.
“Nothing about us makes me nervous.” I kiss the top of her head, and she rolls over to cuddle into my chest.
“Me neither.” She reaches over me and switches on the lamp. Her sexy brown hair cascades down one side of her neck, draping over her shoulder as she falls to her side of the bed.
“It’s getting long.” I twirl my finger around a curl. “I like it.”
“I’m going to cut it once the wedding is over.” She giggles, propping herself up on her elbow.
“Of course, you are.”
“I thought I’d donate it.” The velvety tone of her voice screams satisfaction.
Her generosity never waivers, even when those who demand it don’t deserve it. I’ve been on the receiving end of Kennedy’s kind heart too many times to count. I’ve never understood what she saw in me that night on a Tennessee dirt road, but dammit, I thank my lucky stars every morning she’s beside me when I wake up.
“Of course, you are.” I grin. “And that’s why I love you.”
Kennedy is all the proof I need to know I’ve done something right in this world.
“Mom.” Ben’s sweet voice travels down the hallway.
Kennedy glances at me, and her eyes soften for our son. Our son.
It’s a surreal moment every time I realize I’ve become a dad. My journey has been less than conventional, but dammit, I’ve enjoyed the whole damn ride to this point.
I selfishly follow Kennedy to Ben’s bedroom to watch her walk around in those tiny, spandex boyshorts. If ogling my wife as she goes to comfort my son is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
“Can you read me one more chapter, please?” Ben asks when we step into his room.
“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Kennedy sits on the edge of his mattress, stroking her fingertip over his left eyebrow.
Ben grins over Kennedy’s shoulder. I’m half-tempted to call him out, but I get it. He and I have that in common. We’d listen to Kennedy read the grocery list just to hear her soothing voice.
“Do you remember what page we’re on?” Kennedy smiles over her shoulder. She knows she’s being suckered, but that’s the thing—she doesn’t care. She’d read every book in the world to Ben.
“I’m going to leave you guys to it,” I say, rubbing Kennedy’s shoulder. I bend down and kiss Ben on the crown of his head. “Goodnight, buddy.”
“Goodnight, Dad.” Ben’s full attention is focused on Kennedy, dismissing me. Little shit.
I step into the hallway, leaving the bedroom door cracked, and press against the wall. I slip to the floor and rest my elbows on my knees. I don’t do it to intrude on their time. The exact opposite, actually. Every so often, Ben requests extra time with Kennedy, and I always find a reason to make myself scarce. I go far enough to seem gone but stay close enough to be present.
“Now, where did we leave off?” Kennedy asks. The bed creaks as she slinks against the headboard beside him and begins to read.
I listen to every word like they’re my only source of oxygen. She’s animated and present, which is the best part about watching her with Ben. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in her life, how busy and stressed she is, she manages to always keep Ben at the forefront of her mind.
“Why do you think he did that?” Kennedy asks. She often stops and asks Ben questions. She says it keeps his imagination running.
“Because she loves him.”
“Exactly.”
“Like how my first mom loved me.”
“Loves,” she corrects. “Just because someone isn’t here with us, doesn’t mean their love goes with them. Your mom loves you without a shadow of a doubt, kiddo. She is wherever you are, Ben. Please don’t forget that.”
“Do you think she’s mad that I live with you and Dad now?”
“No, Ben, I don’t think she’s mad. If it were me, I’d be relieved you’ve found a warm, safe bed and someone to love and protect you.” At Kennedy’s delicately chosen words, my body stirs. I hear the worry in her tone, full of fear of the day she won’t be able to protect him. She calls it a mother’s worry.
“I love you and Dad, but I miss her.” Ben’s voice cracks. He’ll always be the boy who loves and cares just a little bit deeper than most.
“You never have to apologize for missing your mom. The choice of leaving you wasn’t hers. She was ripped from you, Ben, and that void inside your kind and gentle heart, won’t ever go away.”
Ben’s too smart for his own good. When he came to live with us, we decided to speak freely and honestly with him.
“You chose me. That’s what Betty tells me.”
Ben and I volunteer at the shelter, or more like I volunteer, and he visits with the kids. Kennedy and I think it’s good for Ben to show his friends there is hope. If we could adopt every one of them, we would. Kennedy’s heart breaks a fraction every time she leaves them behind.
“The thing about me and your dad is that we did choose you. Every day, we choose to lead you through this life that you already know can be cruel. You chose us, too, though.”
“Every day,” Ben whispers his and Kennedy’s promise. I imagine his small pinky finger twisted around hers. It’s their thing. I’ve never tried to make it an our thing.
A loud yawn escapes Ben’s mouth, making Kennedy laugh.
“You think you’re ready to fall asleep, don’t you?” The bed creaks. “Goodnight and get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow.”
“Aren’t you already married?” Ben questions.
“I’d remarry him every day if I could.” The door swings open, and I glance up at Kennedy as she blows our son a goodnight kiss.
“You’re really good with him,” I state, not to give her credit, because I know it makes her uncomfortable, but because, sometimes, it astonishes me how easy it is for her. Motherhood for her is second nature, as easy as taking a single breath.
“He makes it simple for me.” Kennedy grunts, her grip tight around my wrists. Doing most of the work, I stand,
“Honestly?”
“No, please lie to me. You know how much I love it.” She’s such a smartass.
“I like to imagine what you’re like with him. Your words are always honest, yet mindful of his situation. You at your rawest is remarkable.”
“Trust me, you’ve witnessed me at my rawest.” Kennedy tugs back the sheets for me, and I roll onto my side of the bed, checking my alarm.
“And that’s exactly why tomorrow morning”—I roll to face her— “I’m going to slip into my tux and watch you walk down the aisle in front of everyone we love. Because even with everything we’ve been through, the good, the bad, the ugly, we’ve managed to find it in ourselves to keep fighting.”
“You’re a romantic.” She swings one leg over my body until she straddles my lap, running her manicured fingernails up and down my chest.
“You make me want to be romantic.” I strain to kiss the tip of her nose. “Men aren’t born romantic. We’re either taught by our fathers, or the right woman comes along and proves to us that those feelings shouldn’t be hidden.”
“Tomorrow, then?” Kennedy’s smile shines brighter than the stars in the sky. I’m constantly reminded of the reasons I love this girl.
“Every day.” Just this once, I’m stealing their promise. I don’t think Ben will mind.
I coerce her body down against mine until she’s perfectly tucked against my chest. My palm rests over her heart to experience the beat I know like my favorite song. Her breathing evens as she falls asleep on top of me, a silent promise to do the same thing every day until the day the world is cruel enough to rip us apart.
*****
“Are you ready?” I straighten Ben’s tie. He looks so handsome and older. I ruffle his hair to remind myself he’s the little boy who wore Batman footie pajamas. As a nine-year-old, he’d kill me for even mentioning it.
“The better question is, are you ready?” Ben grins. Rico stops primping in the mirror long enough to high five him.
“I love this kid.” Rico’s nose tweaks.
“What’s not to love?” Ben shrugs, and I want to die. The more time he spends with Rico, the cockier he becomes.
“Your kid is smooth. He’s going to be my wingman tonight, aren’t you?” Rico slugs him softly on the shoulder.
Ben gazes up at him with such admiration, and it drives me crazy. Rico is a great guy, but I’d prefer if Ben would find life inspiration from someone who doesn’t believe panties are a road block.
“I’m your guy.” Ben giggles, proud he’s standing next to Rico at the wedding and the reception.
I cover Ben’s ears and whisper to Rico. “Do me a favor and don’t use my son for your own personal gain.” I stoop to Ben’s level, releasing my hold on his head, and push a small box against his chest. “Make sure Mom gets this, okay?”
Ben runs off to find Kennedy, and once Ben is out of sight, Rico offers me a shot. I promised Kennedy no excessive drinking would happen in front of him.
“Cheers!” he boasts, happily clinking his glass against mine.
“Cheers.” We down the clear liquid.
“Okay, okay, enough of that shit. We need the groom to be sober.” Mark enters, fully dressed and ready for the festivities. Dan is close on his heels, shouting something to Violet before closing the door behind him.
“And where would the fun be in that, huh?” Rico pours us another one, and I grin.
These three are my best friends, and I can’t imagine getting married without them by my side. Without knowing it, and sometimes being fully aware of their roles, they’ve helped me through some of the hardest times of my life.
I lift my glass, and they do the same. “I can’t thank you guys enough for everything you’ve done for me and my family. You’ve welcomed Ben in like he’s always been here, and well, I don’t think it needs to be said, but you treat Kennedy like a sister.”
“A sister Mark almost fucked,” Rico whispers under his breath, covering his remark with a fake-as-shit cough.
“Seriously!” Mark looks over at Rico, glaring holes into the side of his head.
“Back to the sappy shit.” Rico laughs, twisting his hand in the air to move me along. “Forget I made the joke.”
“And I barely rounded first with her.” Mark’s lips pinch together while he’s crumbling from restrained laughter.
“Not from a lack of trying,” Dan chimes in.
“Are you done now?” I level my best friends with a single stare.
We clink our glasses, down our shots, and hug.
“Why do I think I’m minutes too early before the dicks come out.” Amanda’s voice forces us apart. “Should I leave you four alone to finish?”
Amanda grins from ear to ear. Her dress is the perfect shade of emerald green Kennedy’s worried over for months. By the look on Rico’s face, and the drool pooling at his feet, I’d say my wife did an excellent job at picking out the bridesmaid dresses.
“Oh honey, quit staring. It won’t make the fabric disappear,” Amanda whispers, passing Rico and placing a finger under his slack jaw.
Rico jerks away, acting as if he’s unaffected. “Whatever.”
“You’re beautiful, Amanda.” I kiss her on the cheek.
“I know. Wait ‘til those brown eyes of yours land on the bride,” she counters with a wink.
“I have no doubt.” I check my watch. Thirty minutes until go time. I’ve only been tempted twice to bust down the door across from mine.
“I was told to bring this to you.” A white box lands on the table beside me. “Don’t let these pigs look at it, okay?” She leaves the room, and I thumb the black bow.
“Leave,” I bark, shoving the three of them towards the door.
“What, you aren’t going to even let us peek at what’s in there?” Rico reaches for the box, but I cut a look at him, and he backs off. “Fine, we’ll be harassing the bridesmaids if you need us.”
“No one is harassing anyone,” Mark argues, pushing Rico the rest of the way out and closing the door behind them.
Unbuttoning my tuxedo coat, I sit in one of the chairs, resting the box on my lap.
“Of course, she got me a book,” I mutter to myself.
The black leather is soft as a cloud. I flip open the cover, and Kennedy’s beautiful handwriting is scrolled across the ivory front page.
To Graham, the love of my life.
Today I’ll be walking down the aisle in a gorgeous white dress. I’ll be the girl with a bright smile on my face.
Flip the pages to bring a smile to yours.
I love you more.
Yours always,
Kennedy
I turn the first thick page, and a submarine-sized lump forms in the back of my throat.
“Holy. Hell,” I say, skimming through her present.
Every photo is different, but each sexy in its own right. I pause on the one of my high school baseball jersey. It’s unbuttoned, and she wears nothing but a pair of black lace panties under it. A baseball bat rests on her shoulder.
“Jesus.” I puff out a breath of air, my dick swelling from the sight.
“God damn,” Rico shouts from behind me.
“What are you doing in here?” I slam the book shut and stand to my feet, hiding my growing erection behind my gift.
“Accidently checking out your wife.” He cringes. I’m seconds from knocking him on his well-manicured ass. “But that’s not why I came in here.”
“So why did you?” I ask, placing the book in the box and setting it on the table behind me.
“It’s time, man. You ready?” Rico pats me on the shoulder, ushering me to the door.
In the hallway, my mom wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tight. She’s just as beautiful as she’s always been. It’s taken a long time for her to get back her strength. Her honey-toned eyes used to be dark and afraid, but now they’re filled with a confident light I’ve been desperate to find in her for far too long.
“You’ve always been handsome,” she whispers, her voice shaky with tears. “And I haven’t said this enough, but I’m proud of the man you’ve become.”
It doesn’t matter how old I get, it’s troubling to watch my mom cry, happy tears or not. With her close by my side, we walk towards the back garden and pause for our eyes to adjust.
