And once my body settles, I grab him and stroke his amazing cock, sucking again, so I can pull his release out of him, but he stops me and says, “Fuck me.” Turning towards him, I engulf his shaft. Loving the moment he is nestled high inside me.

  His hands dig into the skin of my thighs, his eyes are fixated on mine, and our bodies move together, rocking and thrusting in and out, in and out. My body quivers as he rubs my g-spot, and it feels so unbelievably good.

  But that’s what Latch does and always has done to me. He gives me the greatest pleasure. Pressing my hands against his stomach, I rock my hips, enjoying him and our love.

  I’m grateful in this moment that I have him. Yeah, we might not have the perfect life and have had to deal with a whole lot of detours and obstacles along the way in such a short amount of time, but right now is enough to satisfy me. My release creeps up on me and upon opening my eyes and looking at him, he’s so lost in the bliss, grunting and moaning, and I let go…again, sliding into the chasm of ecstasy. Latch does the same, and as he comes, I lean down, kissing him, pushing him farther into his favorite place.

  As we settle and come back to reality, his phone rings. He glances at it then grumbles, “Fuck!”

  “What?” I ask.

  “Jessy’s appointment is in the morning and she’s been blowing me up all night.”

  “It’s fucking late, Latch, you gotta put a stop to that bitch’s shit!” I complain, hating that she is calling him so much. “Can’t you just cancel on her and we could stay in bed all day tomorrow?”

  “I wish,” he says kissing me and squeezing my ass in his large hands. “You should come with,” he suggests.

  “No, no way! It was awkward enough seeing her the other day. I don’t need to go through that again.”

  “You sure? I really want you there.”

  Cupping his cheek with my hand, I plant a kiss on his lips and respond, “I’m sure you do, but this is something you’ve got to handle on your own.”

  “Fine,” he grumbles and kisses me long and tenderly, our lips lingering. Then he kisses my necklace too. The simple gesture sends a tinge of remorse rocking though my soul. Resting my head on him, he holds me. The sound of his heart soothes me and I fight back the tears, so thankful that he’s mine. Maybe I should go, just to make sure that the tramp keeps her claws out of him.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” he responds, tickling my neck.

  “You are going to get a paternity test, right?”

  “Absolutely! I’m gonna ask the doctor if it can be done before the baby is born. I don’t trust her, baby.”

  “You and me both.”

  “I’m really sorry we’re in this situation.”

  “Me too.”

  “Please, come with me?” he tries again and I shake my head. Forgive me for not wanting to see another woman’s baby thriving when mine is in heaven.

  “You hungry?” Latch asks me checking the clock, seeming to accept my reluctance.

  “I could eat.”

  “Let’s go get something. It’s late so you know the paparazzi aren’t out looking for us. They’re stalking clubs and shit, I’m sure.”

  “Like literal shit?” I ask and he tickles me. I squirm and his cock falls out of me. I hate the feeling of him not being inside me. But the thought of sneaking out late does sound fun.

  “I’ll go out if you take me to get a Philly.”

  “There’s my girl!” Latch kisses me and his phone rings again. He hops up and presses the ignore button on it and then leaves the room naked.

  Fucking twat Jessy, and this is just the beginning!

  I get my ass out of bed and throw on a change of clothes and then brush my teeth. Latch comes into the bathroom with a huge grin on his face and I shake my head at him. “What?”

  “Nothing, I’m just admiring how gorgeous you are.”

  My insides ignite. I love the way Latch has that control over me.

  I finish brushing my teeth and he says, “Grab a coat.”

  “Why? Is it that cold?”

  “It might be where we’re going.”

  “No, that Philly shop is small as hell and always crammed with people, you know that.”

  “Well, maybe I have another surprise planned for you.”

  “For me?”

  “Yup, so bring a coat.”

  I contemplate what in the world he could have in mind and I’m stumped. “What does it involve?” I ask putting my shoes on.

  “I’m not telling, but you better wear some comfortable shoes too.”

  I roll my eyes and switch to a pair of tennis shoes.

  “Ready?” he asks.

  “I guess.”

  “You look gorgeous,” Latch says, and the one simple comment ignites my spirit. He pulls his hat down low and wraps his hand tightly around mine as we jog across the street and head into the subway tunnel. “You okay if we eat afterwards?”

  “Sure, but why are we taking the subway?” I ask as he buys us two tickets to Manhattan. We never ride the train. “If we took a cab, I’d have to tell the driver where we’re headed. This way, it keeps the element of surprise there. Plus, it’s slow this late at night, another perk of sneaking out late.”

  I don’t complain. I like the subway and he’s right, I never get to ride it, so this is a nice change, although I would like to know where we are going. The suspense is driving me crazy. We scan our tickets and cross the barrier, hopping right onto the 3 train. Our car is empty, just like he thought it would be. As the doors close and it pulls away, I lean against Latch’s chest, swaying with the motion.

  “Can I have a little hint?” I ask, still not having a clue where we are going.

  He points to a map on the wall at all of the stops and says, “It’s one of those stops.” I look up, barely able to read what he’s pointing at and figure I might as well just give up.

  “You’re such an ass!”

  Once the train arrives, we hop out and walk up the street. Once we are back on the ground level, it’s a whole different world in Manhattan compared to where we live. I look around at the stores and buildings, all still open, and try to spot where we are headed.

  Suddenly, he responds, “We’re here.”

  “Where?” I ask.

  He points to the Empire State Building and I crane my neck to look up its gigantic height. “You ever been?” he asks me.

  “No, you?”

  “Once.” He doesn’t say who he came with and I begin to fear it was a client. He grabs my hand and we cross the street. “I came with Maris when I was young. You’ll like it.”

  Walking inside, I ask Latch, “Are they still open?” realizing how late it really is.

  “If you have reservations, they are.” He winks at me as we approach a hotel-style reception desk.

  “Good evening, how can I help you?” the woman asks us.

  “We have reservations tonight, last name is Teracino.”

  She types into her computer and then says, “One private lantern release.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Latch responds and my heart skips a beat, giving me a stomach full of butterflies. I squeeze his hand and he looks at me with a gleam in his eye. “Sign right here, please. Then take this card to that gentleman.” She points across the lobby. “And he’ll get you to the top.”

  We pass through a security check and then head towards the elevator. I know why Latch is doing this. We talked about doing something for the baby since we never had a funeral. “Is this okay?” he asks me and I nod, swallowing back the tears, trying to stay strong. This is more than okay.

  “Good evening,” an older gentleman says and Latch hands him the card. He walks into the elevator with us and inserts the card, then presses a button and says, “Have fun!” before stepping out.

  As we ride up the many, many stories, Latch pulls my eyes towards his, holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I hope you’re not disappointed, thinking it was something else.”

  “Latch!” I exclaim, searching for the right words. I don’t think he realizes how much this means to me. “This is the best gift you could give me and our son. We all need this. It’s an amazing way to remember him.”

  “I’m glad you feel the same as me.”

  “Of course I do, I always do.”

  He kisses me and finally the doors open. Another man enters and removes the card. “Good evening, how are you both doing?”

  “We’re okay,” Latch tells him.

  “Good, follow me.”

  We walk behind him. The inside of the building is all marble and granite and he comes to another elevator. “Almost there!” Then he sends us on our way up again.

  When the doors open, you can see everything through a wall of windows, and I gasp. Latch says, “This isn’t the top yet!”

  “How did you do this?” I ask Latch wondering how he coordinated everything.

  “I just called and they were great in setting it all up.”

  Getting into the old rickety elevator, I suddenly become nervous. I’m surprised it is still in service. There is an attendant that rides inside of it with us and as I fidget with my necklace, he asks, “You afraid of heights?”

  “No,” I shake my head, not realizing that I fidget with my necklace as much as I do. Latch never touches his, but I always seem to have my hands on mine. Watching the floors tick by on the vintage dumbwaiter, it finally stops at 102 and the small door opens. As we step outside, the view is breathtaking, unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.

  Walking to the edge of the fence, I look through it. You can see all of New York and then some. The lights of the buildings sparkle under the night sky. There really isn’t anything more beautiful. Latch wraps me in his arms, his chin resting atop my hair as we take in this amazing view.

  “This is perfect,” I tell him.

  “It is, huh?”

  I nod, my insides breaking as I realize what we have to do. Giving over to the pain, I need to let it all out. Tears stream down my cheeks as I recall the events that all led up to us losing our baby. Before that fateful night, we were so happy. I’d let go of the hold Darrell had over me and I was focusing on the future and the gift God gave us. But Darrell had other plans and the consequences of those plans hurt so much. Reliving everything we’ve endured, Latch sniffles too, and I turn in his hold, knowing he’ll give me the strength that I need. But then I notice a worker standing behind us with a lantern and the sight rocks me. That lantern represents our son. Latch looks behind him at what has upset me and cups my face saying, “We don’t have to do this, Abby.”

  I fall to the ground, crying like a baby, and he slips down with me, sitting and coddling me as we let the agony out, every bit of remorse seeps out as I grip on to Latch, moaning into his coat. A cold breeze whips through me and I contemplate his words, maybe we shouldn’t, maybe we should just keep going on the way we have been. Making it through every day.

  In that moment, I think about the right thing to do, not the easy thing. Our son deserves this. He deserves to be remembered and then set free. Walking away from Latch, the answers that I’ve been looking for are all right here. As much as it kills me to do this, releasing this lantern will set us all free and release the burden of guilt that I hold deep inside my soul.

  Standing next to him, I tell Latch, “We have to, baby.”

  With his arm wrapped around me and fingers dug into my skin, I find the strength that I need in his eyes. And for a brief second, I imagine the lantern is our son. Right now, I’d give anything to have him here with us. Closing my eyes, I breathe in the sweet air through my nose, feeling a connection so strong.

  “I don’t think I can let him go,” I tell Latch.

  “You can, we can, he needs to be free.”

  I sob a little more, afraid of how I’ll feel once we release him. Going back, I think of when I found out I was pregnant and how nervous I was. Then when Latch came running after me and forced himself into the cab grabbing my stomach and crying, it made me feel like everything was going to be okay, when it hadn’t been for a long time. Tears burn my eyes, going back to that day, and right now, as empty and scared as I am inside, as long as I have Latch, I’ll be okay.

  And I pray to God to always keep Latch with me.

  Latch takes the lantern out of my hold and automatically I give it over to him. Just like anything he ever wants from me, it’s his. “Abby, when you told me you were pregnant, it was the best news I’d ever heard. I didn’t question becoming a parent with you for one second, the way I always had questioned things in my life before. For sixteen brief weeks, we got to enjoy the thought and excitement of how it’d be to be parents. And in one devastating moment, that ended, so unfairly, and our son was stolen from this earth way before his time. However, he was still a blessing and always will be. We must always remember what happened to him was neither of our faults. As fucked up as things are sometimes, baby,” tears crown his eyes as he holds me snugly, “everything in this God forsaken world happens for a reason. Standing here with you now, I can truly say no mater what God throws at us, we’ll be okay. Because we have an amazing angel watching over us.”

  Reaching down, Latch takes my hand that is clutched around my necklace and places it next to his on the lantern. “Let’s let our little boy go.”

  Slowly, I nod, my insides crushing at the thought, but my hand opens on its own, following Latch’s, and ever so gingerly, our boy floats away, glimmering in the night sky, high above New York. I am frozen, watching him, a weight lifting off my body as I watch him float away. Watching him for as long as I can, Latch’s words resound in my head, We have an amazing angel watching over us.

  I miss you, I text Abby as I wait for Jessy outside of the seedy ass building that her appointment is in. Leaning against the brick wall of the building, I remind myself that as much as it hurts to go through what I have to today, that it’s the right thing to do.

  I love you, baby, she texts me back.

  Checking the clock, Jessy is late. I’m sure she wants me to call her and get all worried and shit. But it’s just not going to happen, if she can’t pull her crap together, then I’m gone. I’ll make the next appointment.

  “Latch!” Jessy yells, and I look to see her strutting towards me in another ridiculous dress. You’d think she was a goddamn stripper, not a yoga teacher.

  “What’s up?” I nod my head and she hugs me as I just stand there not really sure what to do. She looks up at me and says, “Really, you can’t even hug me back?”

  “I don’t like you like that.”

  “Come on, Latch, a friend’s hug.”

  “Exactly,” I chuckle. She swats at me and I ignore the gesture asking her, “Are you ready to head in? We’re already way late.”

  She nods and I open the door, following her inside the old brick building. She reads the directory with the list of all the occupants, then says, “Nineteenth floor.”

  “Haven’t you been here before?” I ask.

  “No, I told you this is my first appointment.”

  We take the elevator up and I can sense she is staring at me. “What?” I ask aggravated. I don’t mean to sound like a dick – I’m trying here, I really am – but she wants more from me than I can give her.

  “You’re so different.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re just different now than when we used to be together.”

  “We were never together, Jessy.”

  “You know what I mean. It was just different back then,” she says.

  “Well, I didn’t give a shit about anyone except for myself.”

  “You could’ve fooled me.”

  “It’s the truth. Now, I’ve got Abby to worry about and things are a whole lot more complicated.”

  “Didn’t you like it when they weren’t complicated?” she asks stepping in front of me and touching my face.

  I scoff at her and yank her arm way. “You think when I was sleeping with multiple women for money all over New York, that wasn’t complicated?”

  “No, I meant I could give you a simple, non-complicated life.”

  “So I should leave the woman I love, for you, because you’d be less complicated? You’re fucking crazy.”

  “I’m carrying your child, Latch!”

  “I don’t give a fuck.”

  “What about the connection we shared? How can you just let that go?”

  “Jessy, there was no connection. You were always a client, nothing more. When we were together, I kept you pleased so you’d keep paying me, not because I fucking cared. Don’t you get it? There are so many other women out there just like you that I made feel like they were the only ones. I was good at my job, but the truth is, it was a job and it’s part of my past. I have Abby now and she is it for me.”

  She steps away from me, her back against the other wall, and finally the doors to the old ass elevator open and we are on the nineteenth floor. I follow Jessy blindly, assuming she knows where to go. After what seems like a full circle around the building, we come back to the elevator and aggravated, I snap, “Really?”

  “Maybe we missed it.”

  “Are you even pregnant?” I ask in frustration. She blinks a few times without responding and then breaks down crying. I’m not sure what to do as she stands there with her head in her hands sobbing. Gently, I pat her back. That uncomfortable thing you do when you’ve said something wrong. “I’m sorry, Jess, I…I’m just really stressed, that’s all. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  She clings to me, hugging me again, and this time, I hold her gently. “Maybe it’s on the ninth floor,” she confesses through a sniffle.

  We take the elevator back down, and sure enough, as soon as we exit, there it is. Abby texts me as soon as we walk in and asks, How’s it going?

  Not sure yet, we just walked in. This girl’s a mess!

  “Hi, how can I help you?” the woman behind the desk asks Jessy.

  “I have an appointment with Dr. Neligh, at one o’clock.”

  The woman glances at her screen and then asks Jessy, “What’s your name?”

  “Jessica Baughman.”

  She types into the computer and Abby sends me a text, Oh, I’m sure she is. Is she dressed like a slut again?

 

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