The edge of juniper, p.7
The Edge of Juniper, page 7
“Thanks, but I don’t think so. I’m here with Abe and Jeremy. I’ve been ditched before, and I don’t want to do it to anyone else.”
“Okay then, I’ll join you.”
I stared at him. I had to admit I admired persistence in a person. “I suppose I can’t stop you, since it’s a public park, and all.”
“Yep, and that way there’s no sneaking around, and it wouldn’t be you hanging out with me, it would be me relentlessly refusing to leave you alone.” He smiled, and I smiled back, grateful for the levity.
I leaned back against the tree, the bark rough through my shirt, and tore a leaf into strips. It felt good to rest my legs after standing with a fishing pole for so long. Malcolm took up my rod, expertly hooking a worm and casting a third of the way across the pond. Abe and Jeremy stood beside him, mimicking him. It was sweet how they widened their stances and tried to cast as far as he had.
“Do you have siblings?” He was a natural with the boys. He seemed like he had big brother experience.
“An older brother. His name’s Wolf.” He didn’t turn to me as he answered, so I kept my eyes on the broad expanse of his back.
“Wolf. Wow, that’s a name.”
“It’s weird, huh?”
“I didn’t say it was weird. I just said it was a name. It’s a name that makes you take notice.”
“My mom named Wolf, and Dad got to name me.” He smiled, turning to face me. “Dad’s more traditional. My mom’s family is kind of…unique. She wanted to name me Hawk, but Dad said it was his turn.”
“You’re a little bit like a hawk.”
“How so?”
“You’re singularly focused on your prey.”
Malcolm laughed hard then, shaking his head like I surprised him. He sat down by the edge of the water, still holding the fishing pole, and plucked a blade of grass from the ground and poked my knee with it. I brushed it away, but reveled in the way that small connection between us felt, skin to grass to skin.
“Fay, you’re talking to me today, letting me be here. I wasn’t sure you would. Why did you change your mind?”
“You didn’t give me the choice, remember? What could I do, manhandle you onto your lawn mower and tie you to the seat?”
“I wouldn’t put it past you. But really, why?”
I thought about it for a minute. Abe and Jeremy were in the middle of their own conversation, paying us no attention. I spoke quietly. “I don’t know that I changed my mind, exactly, but what you said to Abe earlier? You were right. He’s a kid and it’s not fair for him to be put him in the middle like that. Then I just sort of filled up with that idea—why should the rest of us have to hold up my uncle’s anger? That’s not right. Then I thought about the consequence of not holding it up, which is maybe some fallout I wouldn’t even have to deal with. It would be on Abe and Celia. I don’t like my options.”
“That’s only true if you feel like you have to make a choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, maybe it doesn’t matter to you whether or not you have to steer clear of me. If you don’t want to be my friend, there isn’t an issue here.” He turned back to the pond, as though he didn’t want me to see his face.
“I think you’re fishing for more than fish, Malcolm.”
That earned me a smile. “Maybe. Tell me then. Do you need to choose? And if you do, which way will you go?”
My feelings surrounding Malcolm were too new, too confusing, and too muddied by circumstance to sort out what I thought. So I avoided the question. “I think my family would be angry with me if I...” I suddenly couldn’t finish my thought.
“If you what?”
I was surprised at myself. It was rare for me to be lost for words, so I used his. “If I became your friend.”
“You’ve thought about it then.”
“I guess I have.”
We heard the roar of a large truck engine then, and all four of us turned our heads to look down the path.
“Paul,” Malcolm said, as the red truck crested the hill and parked next to the lawn mower.
“Oh good. I was hoping to see Paul today.”
Malcolm’s expression fell, and I laughed. It was almost too easy to needle him. “Hi, Paul!” I called out as he cut the engine, climbed out of the truck, and walked down the hill toward us.
Paul sauntered over, hands in his pockets and his lanky body loose and light, like he had no cares weighing him down. “I got the gas, man.”
“Yeah, I see that. Why did you choose this one time to be quick and efficient?”
Paul sank down onto the grass beside me. “I had a feeling I was missing out on something. You know that feeling? Something told me I should hurry back. Here, Fay.” He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and held it out to me.
“Hey, that’s mine. It was in my glove box,” Malcolm said, and snatched it off Paul’s palm. Then he turned to me. “Here, Fay. Want some chocolate?”
“Oh my God, you guys,” I said, laughing. I had figured out that Paul wasn’t really flirting with me, but only teasing Malcolm, in much the same way I was. I wasn’t sure what drove us to do it, but it was an irresistible lure. Malcolm had an easy way about him, but even so, seriousness lurked just beneath the surface. I could tell that things mattered to Malcolm, in a way that made me admire him but also drove me to try and pull him up and out from behind his smile. For some reason, teasing him seemed like the way to accomplish that.
Paul was open as a window on a spring day, and I knew where he stood, and it seemed to be in the same place I did. He winked at me conspiratorially. I unwrapped the chocolate, and broke it into five pieces. I gave Paul a piece first, which I knew would bug Malcolm. I gave Abe and Jeremy pieces, and even bit into my own piece before I gave Malcolm his piece. “Thanks, guys.”
Malcolm glared at Paul, but in that way best friends do. Long friendships have a way of flowing from irritation to happiness to peace, and back again, the comfort of acceptance and trust making every feeling easy.
“It’s pretty cool that you two have your own business,” I said. “How long have you been working together?”
Paul puffed out his chest. “Since the beginning of last summer. I got us started.”
Malcolm punched him on the arm. “You did not. I suggested we start a mowing business way back when we were freshmen.”
“Yeah, you did, but two years down the road, who was it that found the auction and got that mower up there? I’m the one who put the plan into action,” Paul said. Then he quickly turned his head and whispered to me so that Malcolm wouldn’t hear, “Now watch these fireworks.” He sat back and grinned.
Malcolm may not have heard the words, but he didn’t like that Paul whispered in my ear. That much was evident by his narrowed eyes. He leaned back on his hands. “Whatever, Paul. It’s my Weed Eater, that’s my truck; those are my gas cans you filled. I book all our jobs. You’re late every damn day and I get at least an hour’s worth of work done before you even show up. You want me to continue?” Being that Malcolm was a fairly unflappable guy, his voice stayed smooth and lazy through his rebuttal. After the touchy moodiness that comprised Celia’s household, this type of friendly discourse was a welcome relief.
I laughed and stood up. “As entertaining as your arguing is, and it truly is entertaining, I’m sure you both should actually be doing the job you keep bragging about.” I took my pole back from Malcolm, who hadn’t even had one fish nibble at his bait, and leaned it against the tree.
“I may let my catches go, but at least I catch something in the first place.” I let my eyes fall on his for just a second, knowing the buzzing I felt when he was near would start up again. It did.
“I just needed a little more time, that’s all,” he said. “We really could stay a little longer. I promise we can stop arguing. Paul just knows how to push my buttons.”
“It’s not that. It was fun to watch you guys. It’s easy to see you’ve been friends for a long time.”
“Our whole lives,” he said, proudly. He walked up the hill, and this time, I followed. At the top, he stood beside the mower, and we were alone. “You’re really going to let your uncle’s old grudge stop you from seeing me?”
I knew I was standing too close to him, but I didn’t back up. He smelled green, like grass, and piney, like wood. A breeze came and blew his hair the wrong way, so it stood straight up before falling back down to his scalp. “I’m going to do what I want.”
“And what do you want?”
“I’m figuring it out. When I know, you’ll know.” The truth was, Celia avoided being home by being with Ronan and Esta, or at work. Abe did the same thing with Jeremy. My own need to disappear from the house was quickly pointing me in the direction of Malcolm.
As if he had read my thoughts, he said, “Come to my house for lunch tomorrow. Meet my mom.” He spoke quickly, as though he was afraid I’d take off again.
“I can’t come to your house, Malcolm.”
“You can.”
I shifted from foot to foot, and considered him. My mind brought forth the other night, and the compelling list of reasons why he wanted to know me. “You’re off-limits, so why can’t I stop thinking about you?”
His gaze darted away, and I saw his throat move as he swallowed. “I’m having a similar problem.”
I looked down at my feet. “I can’t figure out what the right thing is. You should probably just make friends with someone else.”
“You’re going to have to let me decide what I want. I’ll do the same for you.” He picked up the gas can that sat next to the mower. “If you end up deciding it’s best to keep your distance from me, I promise I’ll leave you alone.”
As soon as he said it, I realized I didn’t actually want him to leave me alone. “Malcolm, this doesn’t mean I’m coming, but what time do you eat lunch?”
“Noon.”
“Okay. Good to know.”
He turned his eyes to mine, and we stared at each other longer than was probably normal. I’d never looked at anyone that long before, but at the same time, I wanted it to last longer than it did. His gaze flickered down to my mouth, for just a fraction of a second, and then moved right back to my eyes. I tensed, heat rushing to my cheeks. Had he really just looked at my mouth? Finally, he turned away, to open the gas cap on the mower. “You can come earlier if you want.”
“If I decide to come.”
“Yeah. If you come,” he said, and tilted the can to pour in the gas.
I walked back down to help Abe and Jeremy pack up the fishing gear, and tried to get my heart to fit back into its rightful place in my chest. It seemed to have dropped into my stomach.
I saw that Paul had helped the boys pack up everything. “Want to carry the fish?” he asked me, holding the basket out.
“Uh, I’ll carry the cooler,” I said, and picked it up.
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “You big baby. You’ll never survive the apocalypse.”
“Sure I will. I picked the right people to survive with.”
We had fried fish for dinner that night, courtesy of Jeremy, and it was delicious. After dinner, I was helping Abe do the dishes when I heard a door slam, and then the indistinct shouting of my aunt and uncle started up and carried through the house.
Abe took the plate I had just washed out of my hands, and carefully dried it. “Like I said before, they do that. It’s okay. They’ll stop in a minute.”
The phone rang then, and I was grateful for the interruption. I answered it, delighted to discover it was the first phone call from Freya since I left Perry.
I took the phone into the bedroom. “Freya, thank God. I miss you more than I can say.”
“I’ve called about ten times this week. What kind of place doesn’t have voicemail?”
I snickered. “The kind of place that also doesn’t have an available car, a computer, or cell phones. I fell through time.”
She laughed, but I felt a sudden ache in my gut, ashamed of my own words. Mom and Dad were out there doing without technology, in order to help people who had to do without education and medical care. “Never mind, Freya. I shouldn’t say things like that. It’s different here, sure. But I’m finding a lot of things to enjoy.”
“Like what?”
“I went fishing with Abe today. That was nice. He has this friend who’s like a fish whisperer. He just kept reeling them in.”
“What else?”
“Just stuff like that—you know, the little things. Ice cream, s’mores, and the town is super cute. Oh, and I got a job washing dishes and busing tables at the restaurant where Celia works.”
“Please tell me you’re saving that money for a phone.”
“I’m saving it for my car, and you know it. All twenty-three dollars and seventy-eight cents.”
“Not the best pay, huh?”
“That’s an understatement. That was my first check. I don’t actually know how much I’m making per hour, my boss never even said, but I hope that was just for one shift. At least it gets me out of the house.”
“Think I should try busing tables?”
“No luck on the job hunt yet?”
“No, and Finn got the job I wanted at the theater. Lucky jerk.”
“No way. He gets to see all the free movies he wants?” Usually only seniors and college kids were hired at the theater. It was lucky indeed that he got such a job.
“Any time he wants.” Freya sighed. “And he has the nerve to complain that now he’s seen everything that’s showing, and it’s boring. At least it gets him out of my hair.”
I smiled. They both liked to pretend they weren’t the closest siblings to exist in the history of humanity. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I don’t mean it. I guess it’s a little lonely around here with you gone and him at work all the time.”
“What about Gene? I bet he’d love it if you gave him a call.” Freya had been after Gene since middle school.
“I can’t call Gene. We’re still at that stage where he’s pretending he doesn’t like me.”
I laughed out loud. That stage had lasted for years, off and on, but they both seemed to enjoy it. “Okay.”
“Don’t ask me anything more about me, there’s nothing to tell and it’s just boring. Tell me more about Juniper.”
It was the opening I was waiting for, because I wanted to unload all the things that were stressing me out, and get her opinion on the Malcolm situation. But Aunt Donna walked in then, carrying a basket of laundry. She set to work hanging up Celia’s clothes. I thought she might be offended if I left the room, so I just told Freya I’d met a lot of nice people. Then I talked a little about Heidi and Dan, which was good for a laugh, and Donna seemed to enjoy my end of the conversation.
If I had been able to talk to Freya openly, I would have said, Donna and Todd yell at each other and snap at the kids right in front of me, which makes me terribly uncomfortable, they have unclear expectations of me—even the curfew changes with the day and the mood, Celia isn’t around much, and I’m forbidden to spend time with the one person I want to befriend. I wasn’t even tempted to complain that there wasn’t much to do here and I had no car to get anywhere fun. I could make my own fun, if I had anybody to make it with.
I ran out of things I could safely say in front of Donna, and grew quiet. Freya must have sensed something. “But what’s it like living with your aunt and uncle?” she asked.
I glanced over at my aunt. “Um, it’s okay. Different. I get to share a room with my cousin, and you know how I always wanted to do that with a sister. Celia’s out on a date now, but my aunt’s in here with me.” I smiled at Donna, and hoped Freya would understand that I couldn’t talk openly.
“Ah, I get it. You can’t really talk?”
“Right.”
“Is anything wrong? Say pineapple if something is seriously wrong and I will send my dad to get you.”
I laughed. “No, no pineapples here. Bananas are plentiful, though.”
“Fay, I can see right through you, even over the phone. What you need is a pep talk.”
Freya was the master of the pep talk.
“You, Fay Whitaker, are in the middle of an adventure. There will be times you might wish for a different adventure, but you must embrace the one you were dealt. Adventures always involve the unusual, the different, the complicated. You are there to taste another slice of the world’s pie.”
I laughed, and my eyes stung with homesickness.
Freya continued, her voice rising as though she was speaking to a crowd. “Good things will happen to you. Great things. And probably a bad thing or two, but you’ll brush that off. Ultimately, your parents will reunite with you at the end of the summer, after having reunited themselves, and all your strife will have been worth it. What’s a summer, anyway? It’s up to you. A summer could be anything you make it.”
Warmth stole over me at the reminder of the real reason I was here. My family would be whole at the end of this. I could do anything for one summer. “You’re the best, you know that? And you’re right too. I’m going to chase after the great things.”
“Heck yeah, you are. And knowing you, you’ll catch them.”
Late that night, Celia burst into the bathroom without knocking, silent, but brimming with even more of her usual frenzy. “I don’t care if you’re on the toilet, we have to talk.”
I rinsed the toothpaste out of my mouth and steered her out of the bathroom and onto my bed. “Talk.”
“Okay, well.” She picked up a hairbrush from my night table and pulled it through her hair. “I feel weird. Part of me wants to tell you it was amazing. But someday you’ll go through this too, so I want to tell you the truth.”
I found her choice of words odd. I never imagined sex as something I would go through. “It wasn’t amazing?”
“In a way it was. It was surreal. For my whole life people are saying all kinds of things about it. ‘Do it. Don’t do it. Never do it. You have to do it. You’ll get pregnant. If you do it you’re a slut, if you don’t you’re a prude. Know what I mean? So when I was actually doing it, it felt like it couldn’t be happening.”
