Impavidus the impavidus.., p.51
Impavidus (The Impavidus Cycle Book 3), page 51
They both seemed taken aback by the question – but Adramellach’s ears perked forward.
“I am struggling to narrow the list down enough to begin,” he said. “I very much enjoyed dancing when we did so during the winter festivities… and perhaps I might try my hand at learning to make music as well.”
“I would like to continue the paintings I have been working on over the past months,” Tebryn mused. “Your seneschal has been an excellent help in teaching me… and there are such a great many things in this world that are such interesting subjects to depict.”
“And I would like to study, as well,” Adramellach continued. “If this place is to be my home now… I would like to know more of it.”
Albtraum cast him a faint smile. “There was some talk long ago that I might attend Sylva’s university… I suppose now I have time enough to do so. Perhaps you might join me, Adramellach.”
“An excellent idea, darling,” Mianna said cheerily.
Invigorated with the thought of the future’s possibilities, Adramellach and Tebryn spun off into their own conversation, falling slightly behind on the path in their mild distraction. Albtraum could not help but smile slightly as he looked back at them – this was the most carefree he had seen them in the time he’d known them.
Their distance afforded he and Mianna a moment of privacy – prompting Mianna to hazard a softly-spoken question. “I take it your Gift has not returned to you, then.”
“No,” Albtraum murmured in return, clenching his fingers slightly over the horse’s reins in his hands, trying to recall what it had felt like to summon the strange power to his fingertips. He had been unable to conjure it since Z’xolkuloth’s defeat – though he’d not thought much of it, having little use for it now. “I thought perhaps the ability might return to me when I set foot back in Hatheg Kla… but it eludes me still.”
“Well,” Mianna sighed. “I suppose it does not matter now… if anything was to be lost in that battle, far better it be that than you.”
Albtraum hummed his agreement – she was right, of course. It never truly had been a gift, after all.
“I hesitate to question it,” Mianna whispered, turning her gaze up the mountain, “but I do wonder… how it was that you survived, when all were so sure you would not.”
“I’ve wondered the same,” Albtraum said. He pulled his hand away from the reins, looking down at his palm where he had cut his palm with Mianna’s. “My soul was bound to his, I could feel as much as I stood before him… But I believe there was enough of me bound to something else that remained when he was destroyed. Perhaps… perhaps that is what sustained me.”
Mianna noticed where his gaze lingered – and took his hand in hers, pressing their palms together as they had that day. “You were never his, in the end.”
“No,” Albtraum said softly.
With that thought light on his heart, he looked up once more to the clear sky – and for once he did not find himself dreading what the future held.
Albtraum had found himself drawn by a slight commotion to one of the open doors of the servant quarters as he passed by – and as he glanced inside, he realized it was the room Isadora had been staying in.
She and Ismaire were bustling about the room, gathering up belongings into trunks – Isadora was first to notice him, dropping the pile of clothing in her arms and bounding over to the door to greet him.
“Hello, Albtraum! Come to talk to Ismaire?” she asked brightly.
“Ah, no, I was only passing by… The two of you are readying yourselves to leave soon, from the looks of it?”
“Yeah,” Ismaire answered. “We’re going back to the old cities… and also visiting my family. It’ll be a long journey, so we’ve got a lot to pack…”
“Oh, but we’re going to be here for the wedding, of course!” Isadora said with a grin.
“Yeah. Of course,” Ismaire agreed with a half-smile.
As Isadora busied herself with gathering up the things she had dropped, Ismaire pushed aside the open trunk in front of her to cross the room to where Albtraum stood in the doorway. “Well, Bonehead,” she chuckled. “You’re finally marrying Mia… and I never thought I’d say so before, but I can’t possibly imagine a better husband for her.”
“I never thought you’d say so either,” Albtraum teased with a playful smirk.
Ismaire rolled her eyes and scoffed, but she could not keep the genuine amusement from her face. “Yeah, well – I’ve been known to be wrong before.”
As Albtraum looked at the trunks strewn across the room, he realized what a great deal of them there were – and that Isadora seemed to be packing all of her belongings. “Seems the two of you will be gone for quite some time, then,” he commented.
“Yeah – a year, maybe two – don’t know, we’ll see where the wind takes us.” She shrugged. “We’ll be back, though. I know I’m going to miss Sylva.”
Ismaire started to turn back to return to her packing – but she hesitated, looking over her shoulder.
“Hey, Al,” she said, unusually sincere. “I… I don’t think I’ve said it enough these past months, but… I am really glad you’re still here. Gods, through that whole battle I… well, maybe it was the first time the gods actually answered me. I don’t know… doesn’t matter, I guess. It’s good you’re here.”
She embraced him roughly, her arms too tight, clumsy – and he gladly accepted it.
“I’m glad for you too,” he muttered.
Ismaire chuckled again, and pushed him gently away. “Well, I won’t hold you up with any more of my sap. You’ve got a lot to do for tomorrow.”
“Yes,” he agreed. “I will see you later.”
He left, then, continuing on to the kitchens to take his afternoon meal. The halls were warm and comforting as he went, the faces of the people who passed by were cheery and peaceful – not riddled with anxiety and uncertainty. The sun shone through the windows, and the rugs and tapestries that lined the floors and walls seemed brighter than they ever had before.
When he reached the meal hall, there was a small gathering there already – Noman and Edmund sat with bowls of lamb stew and a platter of fresh bread on the table before them. Glen sat at the head of the table, and Aleksander leapt from where he had been sitting on the floor to run and greet Albtraum.
“Uncle!” he called, the rest of his greeting a half-coherent babble. Albtraum leaned down to take his tiny hand as he led him over to the table.
“Hello, Aleksander,” Albtraum said with a slight smile. “Am I imagining things, or have you gotten taller since I saw you last week?”
“He’s certainly gotten heavier,” Glen said with a grunt, lifting Aleksander with his good arm to sit on the bench as Albtraum joined them at the table. “Soon enough I won’t be able to carry you around!”
A servant placed a heartily steaming bowl of stew on the table before Albtraum not a moment after he’d taken his seat – his eyes widened and his mouth watered at the smell of tender lamb, onions and a host of rich spices. He thanked the servant and reached over for a hunk of bread from the table to begin eating.
“How have you been feeling, Edmund?” he asked as he dipped his bread into the broth and took a bite. The flavors, as always, were intoxicating.
“Better than ever, really,” he answered. “The illness lingered for quite a while… but these past weeks I’ve been myself again. It’s been good to get back to work.”
“Room for another?” a voice asked from behind them – Albtraum turned to see Cullyn standing there, holding his own bowl of stew. He looked somewhat awkward, his expression uncomfortable.
“Certainly,” Albtraum answered, moving over to leave him a place to sit.
Cullyn gave a nod and sat beside him, grabbing a piece of bread from the platter as well, tearing it in half. “Listen, er… Perhaps I was a bit harsh on you before. You’re a good man, Albtraum… and I believe you’re worthy of my sister’s hand.”
Albtraum was somewhat taken aback by the suddenness of his statement – but cast him a smile. “Thank you, Cullyn. You are a good brother – I’m glad Mianna has someone like you.”
“He just needs to loosen up a bit,” Noman laughed, standing from the table and giving Cullyn a hearty slap on the shoulder. “I’ll go get us some wine.”
Cullyn grimaced before turning back to Albtraum again. “Just… take care of her, alright? Capable as she is, she’s still my baby sister…”
“You should know she’d never needed anyone to take care of her,” Albtraum chuckled. “But… yes. I will do my best.”
As his gaze drifted back across the table, he looked back to where Glen sat, finding his friend looking wistfully back at him. “I’m so glad all this is over,” he murmured. “It’s been nice, having you around so much – and knowing we’re not waiting for you to leave again.”
“It has been,” Albtraum said as he continued to eat. The stew was warm and satisfying, and he found his hunger was soon sated.
“I am excited for tomorrow,” Glen said with a grin. “We haven’t had a real, proper celebration in so long… and I’m so happy for you and Mianna.”
“Thank you, Glen. You’ve been a wonderful friend… and I look forward to seeing what my future in Sylva holds.”
As he sat at the table and ate with his friends, thinking of his wedding day to come, Albtraum felt not even a whisper of the darkness that had plagued him for so long.
“Well? What do you think? Is everything fitting right? I know they will come to fetch us soon, but I might have time for a final alteration or two…”
Albtraum looked at himself in the mirror of the dressing room, watching as Joaquin fussed over him. They were both clad in ivory coats adorned with vibrant embroidery and flowers that had been painted along the shoulders – asphodels and peonies. Joaquin had braided his hair, and it hung over his shoulder, tied with a deep blue ribbon. It was nearly the hour of the wedding… and Joaquin had been anxiously attending him since early that morning.
“It’s perfect,” Albtraum murmured.
“Ah, one more thing,” Joaquin said, reaching up to place something on Albtraum’s head – a distinguished hat with a fluffed feather that Mianna had retrieved from the aviary.
They stood there in silence for a while – and then Joaquin broke into weeping, burying his face in his hands.
“Joaquin,” Albtraum said, turning to him with concern and placing a hand on his shoulder. “What is the matter?”
“Oh… nothing, my dear,” he said thickly, through sniffles, looking up with a tearful smile. “I am just… so happy. These past years have seemed an endless hell at times… but we are free from it now. I can hardly believe it at.”
Albtraum embraced him gently. “I know. There are times I doubt it myself… but it truly is over.”
Joaquin nodded, taking a breath to say something else – but he was interrupted as the door opened, and Brunhart entered the room. He, too, was dressed in the same coat as all who would stand in the wedding; he seemed mildly uncomfortable in such finery, but his posture relaxed somewhat as he greeted Joaquin and Albtraum with a smile.
“Everyone is almost ready,” he said. “We should make our way down to the feast.”
“Yes, we’re ready as well,” Albtraum said with a nod, pulling away slightly from Joaquin.
Brunhart stepped closer, placing a hand on Albtraum’s shoulder. “I am so proud of you,” he whispered. “You’ve done so well… and I don’t know that I can ever properly say how happy I am to call you my son.”
Albtraum felt tears begin to well in his eyes, his heart feeling full and heavy – but this time, it was with overwhelming joy, not despair. He reached an arm around Brunhart, pulling him in to join his embrace with Joaquin. “I love you both… so much. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I… I would not have been able to accomplish so much without your love and guidance.”
“We love you,” Joaquin said with a sniffle.
“We do,” Brunhart murmured into his shoulder.
“Alright, we must go now – it would not do to keep Mianna waiting,” Joaquin chuckled.
They left the estate together, passing through the great doors into the courtyard, where the festivities had already begun. There were great tables laden with rich roasts, colorful fruits, breads and sweets and more varieties of wine than Albtraum knew existed. Music was everywhere in the air, people in various places played mismatched tunes – but everyone danced to them all the same.
He saw Tebryn admiring an arrangement of fruit upon the feast table, conversing with a guard who partook of it, Adramellach in the crowd dancing with one of the kitchen girls. Glen and Aleksandra stood on the sidelines, watching as Aleksander ran with a few older children, giggling and tossing flowers at each other.
A bark caught Albtraum’s attention – Renegade ran by him carrying a bone from one of the roasts, his tail wagging furiously and only increasing in urgency as Albtraum laughed.
The crowd parted with cheerful shouts of greeting as they saw Albtraum approaching – they formed a path, leading him to the head of the courtyard where he saw Ismaire and Cullyn waiting near the wedding table. Ismaire caught sight of him and waved him forward, grinning excitedly – as his gaze drifted to the glorious arrangements of flowers before the table, he saw who stood beside them.
Mianna was more resplendent than he had ever seen her before – she wore a simple white dress, painted with the same flowers his coat bore, and her hair had been braided around the back of her head like a crown. She beamed as she saw him, moving to take his hand – as her fingers laced through his, he felt as though every broken part of himself had mended.
The crowd fell to a hush as she stepped forward, still clasping his hand and gazing up lovingly at him. She looked out at her people gathered in the courtyard and took a breath to speak as they waited, small murmurs of anticipation rippling through the courtyard.
“Thank you all for joining us to celebrate,” she called out to them. “These past years have not been easy for any of us… but I believe we were able to endure because of the love you all have shown this city, and each other. Albtraum… you saved us… you freed us, and yourself. In return, you will have Sylva’s love forevermore… and mine.”
She smiled brightly, raising his hand in hers, gently slipping something onto his finger – he realized it was his signet ring. She had held it since he’d given it back to her.
“People of Sylva,” Mianna called, her voice wavering slightly with tears of joy. “Albtraum… our prince.”
A roar of cheers sounded, echoing through the courtyard and into the city. As the sound drowned out all else, Mianna tugged Albtraum down gently by the collar, plucking the feather from his hat before pulling him into a deep kiss.
He lost himself in her once again, relishing the feeling of her warmth close to his, the gentle guidance of her hand at the back of his neck as he deepened the kiss and embraced her. After a long moment he pulled away, and they gazed into each other’s eyes before turning back to face the crowd.
Mianna leaned her head softly against his shoulder as they stood, basking in the cheers of Sylva’s people and their love for one another.
“I love you,” she murmured to him.
Albtraum gripped her hand tighter. “I love you too.”
There in Sylva’s courtyard, with his wife at his side, surrounded by his family and his people, with the warmth of the sun shining down upon his face, Albtraum at last understood the truth – that no matter what lies had been whispered to him, no matter how hard the darkness fought to make him believe otherwise –
He would always have a place here. He would be loved, always.
Afterword + Acknowledgements
When I began writing what would eventually become Birthright in 2009, I had no idea the significance this story would come to have in my life. What began as a fun after-school passion project evolved over the years to become a piece of me – a way for me to explore myself, my life, and my experiences.
The Impavidus Cycle, ultimately, became an intense expression of my struggles with severe suicidal depression – but also a reminder to myself that there is always hope, no matter how dark life may seem. That no matter how much the demons in your head may tell you otherwise, you’re meant to be here – your life is infinitely precious and valuable. It’s helped me to persist; if anyone reading this has had similar struggles, I hope it was, at least in some small way, a help to you too.
I’ve come to see this series as my life’s work over the years, and it feels amazing to have completed it. So many people throughout this time have been so amazingly supportive, but there are a few in particular who I want to specifically mention:
My amazing partner, Will, who has been a constant support both creatively and throughout the many bumps in the road of life. He has not only tolerated but enthusiastically participated in my unhinged rambling about this series – and helped me stay focused until my work was finally complete.
James, who has been both an amazing creative peer and a dear friend. Her support, encouragement, late night brainstorming, as well as being a great listener about the many woes and tribulations of the creative process have been invaluable – and I don’t know that I could have completed this without her.
Mimi, whose beautiful art and kind soul have made her a constant source of inspiration and someone I am immensely glad to call a friend. She has seen The Impavidus Cycle from some of its earliest stages, and has always been immensely supportive and kind. She has just recently taken the plunge into storytelling herself, and I am so excited to watch where her journey will take her.
My little brother, Aidan, whose admiration of me often feels like more than I deserve but always inspires me to push a little farther. The Impavidus Cycle was created partly with him in mind – as a way for me to pass on a little of what I’ve learned about the world to him. I feel lucky to have such a loving relationship with my sibling – not everyone can say the same, and it’s not something I take for granted.
