Unkinked, p.10
Unkinked, page 10
His heart raced as he looked up and down the street. Derreck had picked Maddy up at work because he had been worried that Maddy would somehow slip away before he made it to the club. His blue Mustang was parked just down the sunbaked street, the paint glinting in the sun. There was no one around him except for the two black crows that pecked at the remains of a dead frog a few feet away. They looked up, their beady eyes glaring at him before they took off into the still air.
Panting, he jogged to his Mustang, pushing himself faster with each step. There was no way that Maddy could have gotten far so quickly. His sub was strong and fast, but no one would be able to run for long with the sun glaring so fiercely that each breath was a struggle.
His last hope died when he saw the passenger seat of his car empty. Maddy was gone.
Chapter Eight
Maddy
He hit the street before Derreck could notice that he’d slipped away, the familiar heat sinking beneath his shirt and stifling his thoughts. He looked both ways before he let the door fall shut, making sure that Phil had already moved on. Phil had about forty pounds and four inches on him, and he did not want to get caught alone with the guy.
What the fuck just happened? He bit his lip, not holding back until the tang of blood spilled into his mouth. He had promised himself that his search into the kink world would be a secret, just for him. He hadn’t told anyone about it except for a few anonymous friends online. His therapist didn’t even know, for Christ’s sake.
But Phil? He was the last person in the world who Maddy would have willingly told. The guy had developed a beef with him since the day Maddy had started snooping into his files to stack up evidence against him.
Accepting bribes, condoning unsafe work practices and, of course, the extra little tidbit Maddy had stumbled upon when he’d dug deeper. Phil was the type of person who gave auditors the wrong reputation, and he was a goddamn sex offender, too.
But he still hadn’t deserved to be put on his knees or strangled by Derreck, who had turned into some kind of attack dog the moment Phil had started to speak. The look in Derreck’s eyes when he’d wrapped his hand around Phil’s throat told Maddy that he hadn’t wanted to let go. Maddy had seen hatred and rage, but there had been more than that. There had been murder in Derreck’s eyes, too.
It was as if a veil had been lifted from over Maddy’s eyes. How had he never noticed that Derreck was so tall and so strong? He could’ve killed Phil with his pinky finger alone without breaking a sweat. His dark eyes had shone bright, his lips twisting with brutal glee.
Maddy shuddered, despite the heat. He was in too deep, and there was no paddle in sight. He couldn’t believe that he’d had his hands on Derreck’s cock, his own cock harder than it had ever been as he’d come all over himself. What is wrong with me?
None of the journey was supposed to have been about sex. It hadn’t been until the flog had slapped over his balls, leaving them itchy and bruised. Pain had never done anything like that to him, though.
His chest ached, and he ran his knuckles over his sternum. It was all falling apart because of the stupid piece of dangly skin that had pushed its agenda before his mental health.
He booked it down the street, running despite the brutal ache of his ass. Every welt scraped against his clothing with each movement, the pain almost unbearable without Derreck there to soothe it. His cum that had crusted to his shirt pulled at his skin, stiff and awkward as he started to sweat. It didn’t matter if he was close to boiling on the sunny street. He had to run.
Derreck was going to find out what he was desperately trying to hide. He would lose his only outlet, then his job and maybe his freedom last of all—all because he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. He should have known that he might run into someone who would recognize him. All the planning and waiting and he’d been foiled by the simplest mistake.
The same thoughts echoed over in his head as his chest tightened, his breath barely satisfying his need for air. He rounded the corner, speeding to the closest bus stop as his mouth went dry. His vision wavered from the full-bodied ache and the heat. He blinked at the foggy outline of the sign and a few people, his heart pounding as he slowed to a stop.
He’d mapped out every inch of the city roads, planning every escape route before he’d even attempted to track down Derreck. He hadn’t known what kind of shape he would leave the club in or if he would have been safe to drive. As much as he longed for the privacy of his own vehicle, he was probably better off standing.
Plunging his hand into his back pocket, he grabbed for his wallet, the welts on his ass screaming in outrage. They were so fucking raw, as if every bit of his flesh had been brutalized. A few people glanced his way as he grabbed for the sign, wobbling as he struggled to stay upright. Their gazes cut straight through his clothing.
He burned.
Waiting for the bus and riding among its patrons was like swimming through a heavy fog. He was sure that someone had tried to start up a conversation at some point, but their voice had been muffled beneath the blood rushing through his ears. The bus driver gave him a strange look as he departed, calling out to him as Maddy nearly plunged down the steps.
With the last of his strength, he tripped through the door of his house, slamming it shut behind him and taking a deep breath of isolated air. His back touched the door, the coolness seeping into his skin as he slid to the floor. His ass touched the ceramic tiles, the cold leeching the ache from his skin. Shivering, he dropped his head into his hands, tugging his hair in the same way Derreck had.
It didn’t help. If anything, it made him tremble harder. It was a reminder that Derreck wasn’t there and that Maddy probably wouldn’t see him again.
How could he have ever thought that things would work out? Derreck was sure to talk to Phil, and once he did, it would be over. Maddy would probably have to steer clear of work as well. Gossip traveled faster than bullets and could be just as deadly.
“Stop it,” he said into the silent room, tugging harder as his thoughts continued against his will.
His boss hadn’t understood his need for a leave of absence, and he sure as hell wouldn’t understand Maddy’s addiction. It didn’t matter how useful he was to the company. It didn’t matter that they had gone through four employees while he was on leave for one month. Every time they hired someone new to fill his position, the newbie called it quits. Nobody wanted to be everyone’s enemy.
They wouldn’t outright fire him. They couldn’t. No, they would make his life a living hell until he had no choice but to leave. Their looks were hard enough, even on the best of days, and their whispered accusations always struck home.
His chest pulled tighter as he started to pant, his head spinning out of his control. The walls loomed closer, his clothes clinging to his skin so tightly that he couldn’t take it. He played with the hem of his sweat-soaked shirt, unable to pull it from his body.
A knock above his head startled the breath from his lips and he tumbled forward in his rush to get away from the sound. They couldn’t know already, could they? Was that his boss telling him not to show up? His head swam as he started to hyperventilate.
“Maddy, you in there?” Derreck’s muffled voice called through the door as the heavy knock sounded again.
Maddy didn’t have time to think about how Derreck knew where he lived before rage curled in his gut. This was his home, his paradise and his solace. It was his only safe place in the world where no one came but him. He’d never had to defend it before, and his will to fight was all but gone.
But he couldn’t let Derreck see it, any more than he could invite Phil or his boss inside. His heart was laid bare in each of the rooms, his soul exposed and his defenses gone. He couldn’t muster the strength to build his walls up in his house like he did everywhere else.
“Maddy, can you hear me?” Derreck’s voice came again, stronger than the first time. The neighbors would start wondering soon. Mrs. Davidson was probably peeking through her lacy curtains, already planning her tale for the next cribbage night. “You don’t have to open the door. I just need to make sure you’re okay. You are crashing hard, and I need you to know that we are okay and I’m here for you. I would never judge you for anything, Maddy. You’re safe with me, I promise.”
The tightness eased in Maddy’s chest, and he took his first full breath since he’d touched Derreck on the couch. I’m okay. He says I’m okay, so I must be. I have to be. Derreck had never lied to him.
His hands slipped over the tile as he tried to stand, his knees wobbling so hard that he almost hit the floor a second time. Grabbing the knob, he steadied himself, pulling himself all the way to his feet. He looked down at his dress shoes, the yellow laces untied and one missing the plastic end. They were scuffed with dirt from his run, one of the soles worn down so he would probably slip in the slightest bit of rain.
Cracking the door, Maddy peered outside. Derreck was sitting on the top step with his back to him, his shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh. It was just another line in the long list of Maddy’s offenses. Derreck was upset because of him.
He withdrew behind the door, shutting it so quietly that he hoped Derreck hadn’t heard. His eyes burned, his throat closing as a sob tried to push its way free. He was breaking. After so many years of holding it together, all it had taken were a few well-aimed words when his guard had been down, and he’d folded like a card table.
“Derreck.” The sob escaped as he fumbled with the knob. He couldn’t keep himself away from Derreck. As much as it terrified him, he just wanted to slip back into Derreck’s arms and feel those hands on him again. Derreck was the only thing that had ever made him feel whole.
When he cracked the door a second time, Derreck was still sitting on the porch, his head turned toward Maddy as he took a step through the threshold. He looked so tired, and as worn as Maddy felt.
“Are you okay?” asked Derreck, tapping his knuckles against his knee.
Maddy shook his head. He hadn’t been okay for a long time. The shaking and trembling were nothing new, but he’d always been able to hold back his tears.
“You look worse than I feel,” said Maddy, swallowing the lump in his throat. His breath hiccupped as tears poured down his cheeks. Derreck’s lips thinned and he shifted on the concrete porch. Sweat was soaked into the back of his T-shirt and glistened on his shoulders as the sun carved through the sky toward them.
Derreck’s keys jingled as he leaned back against the banister next to the steps. Derreck’s metallic blue Mustang was parked askew in his driveway, the front wheel on the grass and the rear almost in the neighbor’s yard. That would give the neighbors something to talk about. The Mustang was the only thing out of place along the identical row of houses.
“You can go if you want,” said Maddy, gripping the edge of his door. He blinked the tears from his eyes, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.
Derreck shook his head, turning to look back out onto the street. A rickety Honda tumbled down the road, clearly in the wrong part of the city.
“What can I do?” asked Maddy as he stepped out from behind the door, leaving his last bit of protection behind. His own problems, he could deal with, but he didn’t know how to help Derreck.
“Don’t run out on me again…ever.” Derreck’s voice was soft, but there was steel hidden in his words. “You won’t deny me aftercare, even if it means we just sit in the same room without touching. But you don’t run.”
Oh shit. Maddy had been looking at everything all wrong. He’d thought he’d been sparing Derreck from his problems, but he had done something so much worse. He slid down next to Derreck on the front step, leaving an inch of space between them. His welts didn’t even hurt as he settled on the unforgiving concrete.
It was the inch between them that burned, drawing and pushing him at the same time. Would Derreck’s hands feel different now that Maddy had touched his cock? Or would Derreck go for his throat in the same way he had done to Phil? His skin tingled, his cock twitching in his pants as he imagined Derreck’s hand wrapped around his neck.
“Something is wrong with me,” said Maddy, finally closing the distance between them to lean against Derreck’s shoulder. “And you won’t even ask what it is.”
Derreck grunted. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready.” His skin was nearly vibrating under Maddy’s touch. Derreck clenched his hands into fists, his muscles going taut. He was so strong, but maybe he was just as fragile as Maddy was.
“Why won’t you just ask me?” asked Maddy. He wanted to run back into the house before slamming and locking the door behind him, but Derreck looked like he was barely hanging on by a thread. Maddy refused to leave him because he couldn’t conquer his own fear.
“Because I respect you,” said Derreck, his voice dropping into a growl. “You are a grown-ass man, Maddy, and we all have secrets. You barely know me, so why would I expect you to divulge everything about yourself?”
“What?” asked Maddy, an ache sparking in his chest. Was that how Derreck really felt? He had seen Derreck’s soul, and Derreck had seen his. “I know you, Derreck. You aren’t a stranger to me.”
Derreck let out a humorless chuckle. “What do I do for a living? Where do I live? Who are my parents? When’s my fucking birthday? You don’t know anything about me, Maddy, because I haven’t told you anything. You’ve already told me so much, but you don’t even realize it. I know where you work, where you live and what kind of person you are. I know that your favorite food is bacon and your favorite color is yellow. I know that you’re the most sensitive and sweet man I’ve ever met, but you are terrified of yourself and your sexuality. You’re an addict, but not of any standard drug or quick high. I already know, Maddy, but you’re still terrified to tell me.”
“How?” Maddy’s heart pounded. He hadn’t told Derreck any of those things that he could recall, even though they were all true.
“I’ve seen you in three different pairs of dress shoes, but the laces were always yellow. That’s how I know it’s your favorite color. Your phone case is yellow, too, and the business cards in your wallet. The waitress gave you a side of bacon with your food and winked at you in the restaurant, even though no one else was served bacon. You already told me that you were an addict, and the rest was easy to put together.” Derreck shook his head.
Ice trickled over Maddy’s skin, even as the sun blazed down and struck them on the uncovered porch. “Does everyone know?” He wondered more to himself than to Derreck. Was he hiding himself for nothing?
Derreck snorted, shaking his head. “With most of the people I’ve met, you could tell them a dozen times that your favorite color is yellow but they still wouldn’t remember it. They wouldn’t know.”
Relief was so strange after the heap of uncertainty that had piled into his afternoon that it stopped his tears in their tracks. He leaned closer, resting his head on Derreck’s shoulder. The man relaxed under his touch, his tight muscles starting to go lax.
“I want to tell you, but I don’t know how,” said Maddy. He reached for Derreck’s hand before threading their fingers together. Each callus scraped against his palm, the blisters soft in comparison.
“It’s okay.” Derreck encircled him with his free hand, pulling him in close and enveloping Maddy with earth and salt. The lacy curtains across the road shifted and Maddy let out a low laugh.
One plus of living in the part of town where everyone was retired was that the houses always looked nice. Bert was out every morning at eleven o’clock trimming, sweeping and watering his grass. His wife would follow a few minutes later, painting some part of the exterior while she gossiped with her next-door neighbor. The downside was that no one could make a move without everyone knowing about it.
“Come inside before my neighbor has a heart attack. I wouldn’t want to give her too much excitement so late in the week,” said Maddy, standing and trying to tug Derreck to his feet. Derreck followed stiffly, his limbs seemingly resisting Maddy’s urging.
“You don’t have to invite me in if you aren’t comfortable,” said Derreck as he ducked through the entrance.
Maddy tightened his grip. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Stay with me tonight.” He cut off the rest of his sentence. He was going to add ‘not for sex’, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. His single orgasm had polluted his body somehow, making him attuned to Derreck’s every movement.
He’d never considered someone attractive before, but Derreck was filling that role more and more every time Maddy saw him. It had to be something. Looking at a man like Phil made him want to withdraw and hide, but with Derreck it was the opposite. And those hands… He wanted to suck each finger into his mouth to see what they tasted like.
“I have to work, but I’ll stay as long as I can,” said Derreck, shutting the door behind them.
Maddy led Derreck through the house, grabbing a quick glass of water for each of them in the kitchen before he headed upstairs. Derreck followed a few steps behind, his gaze shifting back and forth as he glanced at everything within the walls.
“You have a nice place,” said Derreck as they moved past Maddy’s collection of horse figurines. They would have been better suited for an old lady’s house, but Maddy loved them. He’d never even ridden a horse and had petted two in his entire lifetime, but something about them just captivated him. The little sculptures were all he could bring into his world.
“Come with me,” said Maddy, touching Derreck’s hand again. He wondered if he would ever be able to let Derreck go for longer than a few breaths without the need to reach for him. “I need to show you something.”
Chapter Nine
Derreck
Derreck looked from one room to the next, swallowing his surprise with every bit that was revealed. Somehow, he’d missed the fact that Maddy was loaded. It was nearly impossible to afford a house in the city, especially one that had more rooms than Derreck could keep track of. It wasn’t that the house was a mansion, but it dwarfed his apartment and everything in it.
