Alpha ceo, p.20
Alpha CEO, page 20
We showed them around the estate, and I could tell my parents were enamored with the property. It was as if no time had passed between Julian and my parents. Despite them being hurt by his actions, I always knew they wouldn’t hold a grudge. Now, my brother was a much different story. Christian and Julian had been best friends, and Christian had missed Julian like I did when he’d left. At least I got a goodbye—not a very good one but one, nonetheless.
Julian went out to the farmhouse with my dad and Capri, while my mom and I stayed behind in the kitchen.
Which was made for a queen.
Me.
“Okay, spill, Autumn. I can’t hold it in anymore. You’ve been ignoring my calls and texts.”
“I wasn’t ignoring you.”
“Then how do you explain every miscall and text?”
“I just didn’t know what to say. When I first learned about the article, I was so mad at Julian.”
“First learned? You didn’t know about it either?”
“Absolutely not! I would never want any of you to find out that way, but Julian … he’s Julian Locke, Alpha CEO, and he does what he wants.”
“He’s always done what he’s wanted, Autumn. You were too young to realize that before.”
“I’ve always known. I just ignored it back then.”
“And now?”
“He drives me absolutely insane.”
“What’s going on between you two? Is it true? Are you guys together because of the way that man looks at you, I can’t imagine this is just a publicity stunt.”
“I don’t know what we are, and that’s the honest truth.”
“Alright… And the article? What happened back then?”
I deeply sighed. “We lied to everyone.”
“So he was your first love? You were his?”
“Yeah, well, I mean he was mine, but I didn’t know I was his until the article hit the stands.”
“Oh wow.” She shook her head, dumbfounded. “How did we not see any of this?”
“We were really good at hiding.”
“I guess I don’t understand why you guys were hiding in the first place.”
“We didn’t think you guys would approve, and we knew Christian definitely didn’t.”
“Oh, honey … all we’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. Both of you. And if you found that with one another, who are we to say anything about it? Your brother has always been so overprotective of you, but he would have eventually come around. His little sister, his best friend, he couldn’t ask for a better outcome.”
“You would think, but you should have seen him a few weeks ago when Julian told him to meet us at a restaurant.”
“I saw your brother’s busted lip. I can imagine what happened.”
“Did he tell you?”
“He told us he saw you guys, and Julian and he exchanged words. Christian is hurt, but he’ll come around.”
“I can’t believe you guys are so forgiving. I know how sad you were with the way he left.”
She lovingly smiled. “Honey, it was a long time ago. Julian has always been a very complex man, even as a child. At first, of course, his abrupt departure was painful, but I know he didn’t mean to hurt us. Now, finding out about you guys, I understand why he thought leaving the way he did was the best idea.”
“Really? Because I barely understand it.”
“You were raised in a loving home. Julian may have stayed at our house a lot, but he’s always been thrown away like he was nothing more than yesterday’s garbage. Kids that are abandoned like he was and thrown into the system usually tend to mess everything up before someone they love can do it for them. It’s sad, and I’m not making excuses for him. I know he believed he was doing what was in everyone’s best interest.”
I nodded. “I know. I’m glad you guys are so forgiving. You mean a lot to him. He loves you, both of you.”
“And we love him. He’s always been a special boy, and we knew he’d amount to great things. I had a suspicion it would be something to do with cars. He’s always had a passion for them. How are he and Capri? From the looks of it, they’ve already taken to each other.”
“They’re two peas in a pod. I’m the odd man out these days.”
“Give it time. It will all work itself out.”
“I’m trying.”
She pulled me into a firm embrace, murmuring, “All the pieces will fall together.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you more.”
The front door opened, and Christian called out, “Autumn?”
I pulled away and swallowed hard, making my way toward the front door to greet him. “Hey.”
He smiled, pulling me into a tight hug, and I was relieved. My brother was very important to me, and I didn’t want us to have any issues. Especially when it came to Julian and me.
“Hey, Kinley.” I hugged her next, whispering into her ear, “Thank you for making him come.”
“Believe it or not,” she replied. “He came willingly.”
Which surprised me more than anything.
—Julian—
“Daddy! Do you see? Look! I’m riding Buttercup all by myself!”
“I see, Capri!”
She was riding her pony with one of the ranch employees, while Autumn’s father and I were talking.
“I want to thank you for coming today.”
He put his hand on my shoulder, reminding me of all the times he did. “You look good, Julian. Happy, content, relaxed. Fatherhood suits you, son.”
I nodded, feeling his encouragement in the same way I did as a boy. With just a couple of words, he always had the ability to make me feel like I was wanted, cared for, loved…
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy about anything in all my life.”
“Not even when you grossed your first million?”
“Money has never made me happy. I don’t think I’ve ever taken a moment to realize how far I’ve come. I’m always contemplating what’s next, what happens now. It was so hard for me to be present until Autumn came back into my life. All I was doing was moving from one day to the next, but for the first time in over a decade, I’m actually standing still and enjoying every second of life. I haven’t worked since I made Locke Enterprises announcement, and it’s been some of the best days of my life.”
“Glad to hear it. You deserve it.”
I looked into his eyes. “I’ve always admired the man that you are. Always strived to be like you. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to know you don’t hold any grudges. What I did was truly fucked up.”
He chuckled. “It was very fucked up.”
I chuckled back.
“We spent a lot of years wondering if we did something wrong.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. The weight of his words was unsettling.
“My intention isn’t to make you feel bad, Julian. It’s to make you aware.”
“Either way it’s hard to hear.”
“You’ve always been like another son to us. When we read the article the other day, it all made sense, and we understood why you handled things the way you did.”
“I never meant to betray your trust with Autumn. I spent years pushing her away, but you know your daughter—she’s hard to resist.”
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Her mother is the same. If you would have told us back then what was going on between the two of you, we would have understood. You grew up together, so it was only natural if things took a turn in your relationship.”
“I know that now, but I didn’t back then. I was so grateful for everything you guys did for me, and I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint either of you. I didn’t want to make problems in a home where there weren’t any. Toward the end, Christian was getting suspicious, and I didn’t know what else to do. I knew if I’d stayed in Texas, I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from her. I loved her, I still do. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved, and all I can do is make amends with everyone.”
“We don’t have to forgive you, Julian, we already do. It’s you who has to forgive yourself.”
“You may not have to excuse my behavior and betrayal, but I know I have my work cut out for me with Christian. He’s far more stubborn than your daughter.”
“You bet your ass I am.”
Our stares shifted toward Christian, who was walking up behind us.
I nodded. “Glad to see you could make it.”
“I came to see my niece and sister.”
“Christian—”
I stepped out in front their old man, interrupting him. This wasn’t his argument to fight—it was mine.
“I fucked up.”
He got in my face. “I fucking loved you, man. How could you betray me like that?”
“Don’t you think I know that? I missed nine years of my daughter’s life because I fucked up so bad. I’m the reason she’s spent all her life without a father.” I pointed to myself. “Me. The man who grew up in foster care, going from piece of shit parent to piece of shit parent, and you think I wanted this for her? You don’t think I’ve been punished enough for my poor choices?”
“I knew.” He sternly nodded. “I fucking knew you were messing around with Autumn. That’s what hurts the most! You blatantly looked me straight in the face, making me feel like I was crazy for even implying you two were hooking up behind closed doors.”
“You’re the last person I would ever want to betray, Christian, and you know that. It’s why I left the way I did.”
“You’re nothing but a coward.”
“I know, and I have to live with that. I lost everything that ever mattered to me. You were the only family I ever had. I fucking loved you too. It’s why I had to leave. I couldn’t tell you that I was in love with your sister, but I can now. And it’s the truth. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember. I can’t lose her again—I won’t. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be the man she deserves and the father Capri needs.” I paused to let my words sink in. “I’ll prove to you how much I’ve always loved Autumn, but I need you to forgive me. I’m sorry, Christian. I’ll apologize to you until I’m blue in the face. Anytime I think about how I handled things it makes me sick to my stomach. You’re one of the most important men in her life, and she wants your approval. It would help me tremendously if you gave it to us.”
“I don’t know if I can do that. At least not right now. I just… I’m here for my sister and my niece. It’s all I can offer you, Julian.” With that, he turned around and left.
And my mind was thrown into the past.
Chapter THIRTY-TWO
—Autumn—
Then
I knew he was going to do this shit to me again. I was expecting it. For the last two weeks, Julian had been blowing me off and pushing me away. How he could go from one extreme to the next was not lost on me. I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to think I’d sit back and take his cruelty. I thought we were past the back and forth mess, but then Christian had to unexpectedly show up and ruin everything we were building.
He was beginning to let his guard down, and it was such a beautiful sight to witness, and knowing I was the reason made everything he’d put me through worth it. I wanted to go off on him. I was a ticking time bomb, and he wasn’t going to be able to manipulate his way out of this one.
I wasn’t a little girl anymore. He couldn’t treat me like I was his everything one day, and then the next I was suddenly just his best friend’s little sister he needed to stay away from. Christian was not responsible for the decisions I made in my life. He was just my older brother, and they both needed to understand I could make my own choices.
My happiness was mine, and they were ripping it away from me as if they had a right to.
Grabbing my phone from my back pocket, I texted Julian.
Answer your door. I’m outside.
Seconds later, the door flung open, and there was Julian dressed to the nines. The smell of his cologne immediately assaulted my senses. Tonight, was Christian’s bachelor party, and Julian looked like he was made exclusively for sex. He was wearing a light blue collared button-down shirt with black slacks. His bright blue eyes were mesmerizing, and I found myself enraptured in his gaze before he ruined it.
Angrily spewing, “What the hell are you doing here? Christian was just here, Autumn.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I saw him leave.”
He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“That’s all you have to say for yourself? This is bullshit, Julian! We’ve gotten so close these last few months, and now you’re back to treating me like I’m just some girl you were fucking! I thought I meant more to you than that?”
“Keep your voice down. Our neighbors—”
“I don’t give a fuck about your neighbors!”
He grabbed my arm, dragging me inside his apartment before shutting the door behind me. “You will when they’re telling Christian his little sister was standing outside screaming at me.”
“What the hell do you expect? I haven’t seen you since Christian caught us in your room, and you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts! You’ve completely dropped off the face of the earth, and it’s complete and utter bullshit!”
“Kid, I’m not going to stand here and have you yell at me like I’m a fucking child.”
“Well, you’re acting like one!”
He inhaled a deep breath. “What the fuck do you want me to do?”
“I want you to treat me like I’m more than just a random fuck to you!”
“Autumn,” he calmly stated, placing his hands out in front of him. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“The right thing? Isn’t it a little late for that? You already stuck your dick in my ass, Julian!”
He didn’t hesitate, viciously countering, “It was a mistake! From the very start it’s all we’ve been! One big fucking mistake!”
“Which part?” I stumbled back from the harshness of his response. “Taking my virginity or leading me on?”
“All of it. I had no right to steal any of that from you. I’m a selfish bastard, and for that I’m very sorry, kid. You don’t deserve a man like me.”
“That’s not your choice to make! It’s mine!”
“This never should have started between us.”
It was blow after blow, after blow. It felt like he didn’t care about how much his brutal honesty was affecting me, how much it was destroying me inside. Julian had the ability to shift from hot too cold at the drop of a dime. Showing me this Jekyll and Hyde side to him too many times to keep track of.
Words failed me, and all I could do was fight for us. He was worth the hurt and devastation along with my tears and sorrow, my love, my devotion, the uncertainty of a future that felt destined from day one.
Trying to hold my heart together, I placed my hand over my chest. Arguing, “You don’t mean that.”
“You have no idea how much I do.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “You can’t do this to me again.”
Sweeping the hair away from my face, he tucked it behind my ear. “I don’t have a choice, kid.”
“Yes, you do. Choose me, Julian. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
He didn’t answer, barely demonstrating any emotion. I did the only thing I could. I bared my heart and soul to him, only to have him crush it into a million tiny pieces.
“What do you want from me, Autumn?”
“I want you to fight for me! Who cares about my parents and Christian? This is our lives, and if we want to spend it together, then it’s no one’s business but our own.”
“I don’t see it that way.”
I started to sob, feeling like a little girl when I should have been stronger.
Harder.
However, I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. It was who I was—it was how I was made. I didn’t want to shatter in front of him, breaking like a cheap piece of glass.
At this point, I’d come this far, and I couldn’t hold back. Openly bawling, I asked, “Why don’t you want me? Why don’t you love me like I love you?”
“Oh, kid…” He tugged me into his arms, holding me close to his heart while I broke down. Proving to him I was just a child, begging the man I was hopelessly in love with to love me back.
I cried in a way I never had, sobbing until I felt as though I had no more tears to shed.
Words to say.
Pain to feel.
It was all a clusterfuck of emotions and memories. Good times that were some of the best days of my entire life. Where nothing else mattered but being with him.
In his presence.
His bed.
His heart.
Home.
He was always my home, and for the life of me I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be his.
“Autumn, I’m barely hanging on by a thread here. Please don’t cry over me.”
“Then stop making me.”
“Baby…” He picked me up and carried me to his bed. Laying me down, he hovered above my body, and I desperately wanted to remember the feel of him on top of me.
Using this position to my advantage, I expressed, “Why am I not good enough for you?”
“It’s the other way around.”
“Why won’t you be brave like me?”
“It has nothing to do with being brave, Autumn, and I wish you could understand that. I’m so deeply sorry for fucking with your heart, but I can’t lose your family. They mean everything to me.”
“But you’re willing to lose me? Do I mean that little to you?”
“Kid, I can’t answer that. I’m sorry.”
I lost my shit, heaving, hyperventilating, wailing. I was a blubbering mess, and there would be nothing left of me after this. He was stealing it all. Every last part of me now belonged to him.
