Lost silver falls univer.., p.17
Lost: Silver Falls University, page 17
With slightly shaking hands, I pulled on a pair of worn, almost white, blue jeans from the top drawer… ignoring the piles of unfamiliar clothing sorted to one side. I looked down at my jeans, loving the bright flower patches sewn onto them, my fingers tracing a pattern along the stitches. These weren’t the warmest pair of jeans, but they had me feeling far more myself than I had since arriving here.
I grabbed a pair of bright purple socks and slid them on my feet, shivering slightly, before going through some of my warmer tops. I frowned, feeling unsure about the deep blue oversized turtleneck I came across. Not because it didn’t seem warm, and it was for sure beautiful, but because it had a tag on it and looked far nicer than anything I had ever owned in my entire life. I pulled it from the hanger, hating myself for taking pleasure in wearing something the guys had purchased for me without knowing if there were strings attached.
No. They weren’t like that.
Still, I didn’t remove the tag, because I didn’t feel right doing that. He could at least return it eventually. I mean, the price was far higher than anything I had ever owned before. I would wear it this one time, and then I would convince them to take it back. I slid it over my head and curled the sleeves over my palms. I let out a soothing breath, loving how it felt against my skin, and I found myself wondering if I could maybe wear it twice before they returned it.
Squatting down, I looked under my bed for my sneakers and found them sitting next to a pair of dark blue snow boots. I nibbled my lips, knowing it was a better option but not loving that it would mean wearing so much of the stuff they bought me. Deciding that I would do it anyway, I sat on the floor and gently pulled them on before lacing them up. They fit amazingly. Of course. Standing up, I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and found that I looked nice… which was weird, because that wasn’t usually the feeling I got when looking over myself in the mirror.
It almost made me uncomfortable.
After another moment of examining myself in the mirror, I grabbed the dark coat from the wardrobe and slipped it on, wondering how I would hide the tags.
“You look overwhelmed, Effie.” Julian’s voice was soft and edged in concern, as my head snapped around to find him in the doorway. Looking way too handsome, for the record. He was wearing a pair of dark boots and jeans, with an oversized hoodie and coat. I fought the urge to adjust his hat, which was placed haphazardly over his messy hair.
“I am,” I admitted, looking over everything. “I don’t even know what to bring with me today… and I don’t know what to do with all of these things that aren’t mine. Not that I’m not grateful, it’s just a lot, and I’m worried that there are some strings attached— I wasn’t going to rip those off,” I said, nearly panicking as Julian snapped the tags off the sweater and then the coat, standing in my space as he offered me an understanding look.
“First.” He smoothed his fingers over my neck gently, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck. “There are no strings attached. Trust me.”
I wanted to. I wanted to trust him so badly.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I mumbled, breaking his hold and picking the tags from the bed, feeling shaky. “We shouldn’t have ripped these off.”
“Why?” Julian frowned, zipping up my jacket before grabbing a scarf and tucking it around my neck. Another tag fluttered to the bed, making me literally physically wince.
I couldn’t even look at the price tag. How could a scarf cost that much?
“Where is that backpack?” He frowned, looking around the room when I didn’t answer. I watched as he walked over towards the desk and grabbed the geometric-patterned backpack. He opened it, pulling out an empty ID thing and yanking the tags off both before adding my wallet into the bag.
I didn’t realize I was hyperventilating until Julian was in front of me, cupping my jaw gently as I tried to breathe through it. I didn’t know how to describe how I was feeling, except stuck. That was the feeling associated with my anxiety. It was like the walls were closing in on me as possibilities that I would have never considered began playing across my consciousness, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of my neck. My throat felt tight as tears started well in my eyes.
“Effie, what the hell is going on?” he demanded softly. I couldn’t control my breathing, a tremble working through me at how overwhelming everything was. It made me feel almost lost. Like I was floating at sea and I had absolutely no idea how to anchor myself.
“Fuck—breathe, preciosa,” he demanded sharply, his voice holding a thread of dominance. I inhaled sharply, almost as if he literally was ordering me to be calm and I was following that order. It probably didn’t help that I didn’t have any defensive mechanisms up right now. I could barely control my breathing, yet with one command, I began to do so more steadily. My eyes widened at the realization of his ability as something sparked in his own. I melted into him, wondering how this was even possible. Even Alpha hadn’t had that much control over my wolf or magic.
“None of this is mine,” I explained in a harsh whisper before asking the true question I had on my mind. “And what was that, Julian? How did you do that?”
Alpha had never tested his alpha power on me, not fully or directly, but I knew without a doubt that was what had just occurred with Julian. Why? How the heck had that happened?
“I don’t know.” He frowned, looking towards the door before shaking his head as if clearing a thought. “Come on, let’s get you some breakfast. I need you to trust me, Effie. All of this is yours. Consider it a ‘coming to campus’ gift.”
I couldn’t do that, and he knew it. I felt my eyes begin to water at the concept of someone—four someones—being so sweet. It’s possible there was something more to it… but maybe I was just putting Gerald’s bad influence on them. Who even knew anymore.
Julian adjusted my backpack on my shoulders before kissing my nose gently. In somewhat of a haze, I followed as he led me from my bedroom. I knew there was an array of stuff I needed to do today, but I had never felt so overwhelmed. Where did I even begin with any of this? Yet when Julian’s hand entangled with mine, I suddenly felt ten times better. I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself.
I also tried to not ask him about the other boys. It wasn’t my business. Yet, almost as if reading my mind, as we got into the elevator, he answered my question without me needing to put it into words.
“Caedmon left the dorms early today. The other two don’t have class till later,” he explained. “Don’t worry, they will join us sooner rather than later. Probably much sooner. Tore and Dakota are…. focused individuals.”
The elevator suddenly felt far too warm and small, the doors closing and making me realize we had yet to talk about the kiss yesterday. Once again, Julian offered me no space, backing me up against the wall and dipping his head, pressing a kiss to my forehead and holding me against him. I loved that. Why did I love that so much?
“Focused?” I asked softly and curiously, wanting to understand why he was saying it so oddly. Also because I was trying to distract myself from his kissable lips right in front of me. I knew he had kissed me yesterday, but what if he regretted it or hadn’t meant it like that? Would he be surprised if I tried to kiss him right now?
“Yeah.” He inhaled and then straightened himself up slightly, the numbers showing that we were nearing the ground floor. “Are you okay after last night? Or yesterday in general? I know it was a lot.” He frowned then, not giving me time to respond. “Well, obviously you aren’t okay, after what happened in the bedroom—”
I ran a hand over my hair and brought my fingers up to his jaw, his body tightening with my touch as his gaze flickered down to my lips as well. “I’m fine. It’s just a big change. I’m okay though. Well, I will be okay… probably.”
“You are going to be better than okay. I promise,” he sincerely added, offering me one of those looks that seemed to promise everything would be alright forever. He had no right to offer me one of those looks. I went up slightly on my toes, my lips nearly brushing his, or at least, that was the goal… but then the elevator door opened and the chime had me jumping slightly as I hit his jaw. He groaned slightly, chuckling as I turned bright red, dipping my head as I suddenly worried that he was going to think I was an idiot or be mad at me for hurting him.
I tried to flee the elevator, but Julian tipped my jaw back and pressed our lips together in a searing kiss that had me sighing into him. He groaned as the elevator chimed again, scolding us for blocking the doors from closing, causing him to pull back before our kiss had even fully started. I blinked, realizing that that was, in fact, a kiss. Julian had kissed me, and there was no denying it now. He flashed a smile and led me into the lobby of the building. I couldn’t help the slight pout on my lips, realizing that I had missed the opportunity to deepen the kiss between us. I had a very vested interest in feeling how his tongue piercing would change our kiss or feel against my skin…
“Plus, today will be so busy, you won’t have time to be nervous,” he promised, flashing a smile that went a long way to making me feel better.
“You will be with me all day, right?” I asked nervously. “I mean, I don’t want to interrupt whatever you had planned. You have a lot going on, and I know I’m not your first priority.”
“Hey.” Julian paused us as we stopped in front of the front door of the building, snow swirling on the other side of the glass. “I am one hundred percent here for you. I’m going to make sure that one of us is with you all day. You aren’t doing this on your own.”
Nodding, I watched as he pulled gloves from his pocket and slipped them onto my hands, briefly interrupting the fact that he had intertwined our fingers. I honestly had no idea where the gloves had come from, but I wasn’t going to complain, especially if it allowed me to stare at his handsome face. He seemed so concentrated, making sure each finger fit into the right space, before muttering something under his breath. Something that I could have focused on if staring at him, observing every inch of his expression, wasn’t so distracting.
I blinked up at him when he finished, and a serious look crossed his face before he flashed me a smile. It was slightly more hesitant, as if something was bothering him, before his dimples made an appearance, making my face flush. He really had way too much of an effect on me. My eyes flashed down to his lips. He had kissed me… twice. My first kiss.
Should I tell him? I should tell him, right? Not yet though.
As we walked outside, I realized that despite the bitter chill and snow falling from the gray skies, it was a rather peaceful morning. I winced at how bright the limited amount of sunshine was as it broke through to hit the ice. There wasn’t a ton of wind, but I could still feel the icy bite against my skin.
Campus was actually extremely calm in comparison to yesterday, and I had to wonder how early people got up for class. I had never considered something like that because I had never even considered going to college, yet here I was… holding hands with Julian. While we walked hand in hand, I found myself realizing that it felt far more natural than I imagined. How was that possible?
“I’m going to sign us into the cafeteria this morning,” he explained as we walked down the Eclipse driveway. “Once we get your ID, you will be able to sign in yourself and make any other purchases for food, but I want to make sure you eat before we handle any of that.”
“And make sure you eat as well,” I added quietly.
“Worried about me?” he teased as we reached the intersection of crossing into the Student Union. Instead, we turned right towards a building that had a large patio covering and glass doors. It appeared to be two floors and read ‘Cafeteria.’
“I am,” I admitted honestly. “Is that weird?”
“No.” He flashed me a smile and squeezed my hand. “Makes me feel less crazy.”
“Crazy?” I teased.
“Very,” he hummed. He opened up a large glass door and ushered me in as we were instantly warmed by the heat. I noticed there was a room labeled ‘Mail Office.’ Julian must have caught me looking as we neared a front desk with an older woman sitting and reading.
“We can get your mail key later,” he assured.
“I won’t be getting mail,” I promised, almost smiling at that notion. Until my admission letter, I’d never received a piece of mail in my life.
Julian frowned down at me but didn’t question my tone as I watched him scan his ID against an electric pad, the woman sitting in front of the sign in greeting us as we walked towards a massive archway. I paused in shock, my eyes going wide.
Now, I had always eaten enough at home. Not more, not less, but two meals a day, usually. Enough. But this? This seemed excessive.
The cafeteria had a massive arched ceiling that was absolutely beautiful, much different than the one in my high school. There were windows facing out towards the lake, and more than anything, there was a massive circle, almost maze-like, of granite counters that had serving trays overflowing with food. I couldn’t even pay attention to any of the other students there, because the scene in front of me was like a utopia. Fresh fruit. Breakfast food. Meat. Everything. I felt my pulse pick up as my wolf began to sort through all the different scents.
Then a weird pang of guilt hit me, thinking about all the younger Whitepaw Pack members that would never see a situation like this. That wouldn’t even know it was an option. My heart tightened, wishing that I could somehow bring this to them. Not their parents or the jerks in my class, but all the kids that never asked to be born into such a cruel situation.
“This is a lot,” I mumbled.
“Come on.” Julian pulled my hand gently. I grabbed a plate like he did and put some fresh fruit on it before I had an omelette made by one of the chefs, my small plate tiny in comparison to Julian’s. How the heck did he eat so much? Seriously, the man had a fantastic body… so how?
I followed him towards one of the tables, and as I took a seat across from him, I shed my coat, gloves, and backpack like he did.
“You know, I usually eat breakfast alone,” he pointed out, his ankle hooking with mine as I picked at my fruit, interested in how the heck he was going to eat so much.
“I don’t usually eat much for breakfast,” I admitted. “We would have a big dinner, but that was about it.”
He frowned and shook his head. “No more of that shit.”
I warmed at the concept of him worrying about me as his eyes suddenly lit up and he pulled out an expensive-looking phone, pulling up what appeared to be the campus map. Oh. That would have been smart to bring today. Then again, that paper map they’d given me was pretty torn up after yesterday.
“So the entire campus is about only a mile or so long,” he explained, pointing to where we currently were. “On this side we have the Eclipse dorms, the Student Union, the sports complex, cafeteria, and then three other dorm buildings.”
I nodded as he drew his finger down a path that led along the lake to another grouping of buildings. “Down here are the academic buildings and administrative buildings. The Student Union can handle dorm stuff, but everything else will be down here.”
I continued to eat fruit as I nodded and then leaned forward. “How can I tell which buildings I will have classes in?”
“Once we get your schedule it will be easier,” he explained. “Have you declared a major?”
“I don’t think so…” I tilted my head. “What’s the options?”
“A ton.” He chuckled softly. “You have some supernatural community required classes you will have to take, and then also some liberal arts requirements, but what is your actual interest?”
My mouth opened, and I automatically answered, “Economics.”
Julian blinked at me and then slowly smiled. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Why?” He asked with genuine interest as I tried to shake my concern that he would have a similar reaction to Gerald.
“Um, I find the change in markets over time interesting, for one,” I mumbled. “And the fact that perception of the economy can influence it in its entirety. It’s stupid, probably, but I have always found it interesting. Gerald was pissed at me when I brought up our pack’s socioeconomic status. Like really pissed.”
Julian’s eyes flashed dark. “What did he do?”
I swallowed, my eyes darting away. “Yelled at me.”
“Effie.” His voice was hard as I looked back at the way his eyes seemed to swirl with gold. There was that tone again, the one that had me wanting to give him an answer, almost like a compulsion. Or maybe that was my excuse. Maybe I just wanted someone to tell me that what I’d gone through wasn’t okay.
I picked at my omelet, taking a bite and nearly moaning at the cheese before finally answering on a tired note. “He hit me.”
Julian froze, his entire frame seeming to tense as he examined my expression, before his eyes closed, a shudder rolling over him. I watched with a bit of fascination as he tried to shake it, because I could feel his wolf right under the surface. I got a flash of a massive, dark creature darting past mine before I flushed and realized he was letting out a low growl.
“How often?” he finally asked, his voice soft. “How often did he hit you?”
“Not as much as Theresa,” I pointed out, nibbling my lip. “I sort of figured his actions weren’t normal, but your reaction is making that extremely clear.”
“Lots of people in your pack were violent,” he assumed, his pulse still jumping, and I had a feeling he was close to losing control over his emotions. I felt both intrigued by his reaction and also a bit worried. Also guilty. I wasn’t positive how to fix this.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I pointed out as he continued to stare at me before nodding and looking away. His posture changed slightly as he saw something from across the room, his eyes flashing with amusement for a moment before he returned back to his somewhat relaxed posture. I wasn’t sure how relaxed he actually was, though.
