Howling love, p.17
Howling Love, page 17
“I’m the best friend.” She flashed a bright smile. Siguun nodded immediately. He seemed to love the label, but with the way he was looking at her, I couldn’t help but think it meant more to him than that.
I could understand why. The woman had a way about her that even stood out to me. Her skin was golden, and she had long, shiny waves of hair that hung around her shoulders like silk. Her features were delicate, and her eyes had a soft tilt at the corners, giving her an expression of quiet curiosity. Despite her simple coat and the way she held herself, relaxed and non-confrontational, there was something about her that was regal in nature.
She also had a very different scent, her magic distinctly not wolf, but something smaller and softer. I’d been around wolves for so long that, much like the dragons at the trade conference, she stood out to me. As if knowing, her lips pulled into an understanding smile.
“Deer shifter—prey. That’s why you’re noticing the difference.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it obvious I noticed,” I said immediately, feeling a wave of embarrassment.
“Don’t say sorry,” she assured me. “It just means you’re in tune with your wolf. I enjoy being a deer shifter—I don’t see it as a bad thing.”
But I had the feeling others noticed, with the way she explained herself.
“You can do so many things we can’t,” Siguun immediately agreed. “She can run faster than me, and she can move through the forest much better—”
Zia’s hand moved out to squeeze his, her cheeks flushing with color as she offered him a thankful smile. “Like I said, nothing to apologize for.”
My eyes were wide because…by The Eight, they were so endearing. The man may have been massive, but he was clearly a gentle giant for her.
“Mom is giving you a look, Ravik,” Solenne commented, amused. I turned to see that Ravik was watching me with a soft affection.
“Come on, lux mea. Let’s meet my father.”
Malara and Deegan were sitting slightly off to the side underneath the canopy. Deegan was positioned behind his desk while Malara sat on the edge of it, talking to him. It was very obvious where Ravik and his brothers got their size from, because Alpha Deegan was large himself.
He also very clearly had Alpha power. Normally, that kind of strength made my stomach twist the way it did with Ivan—sharp and suffocating. But this…this wasn’t the same. The weight of dominance was there, demanding respect, but it didn’t claw at me. My wolf stirred instead, cautious yet curious, as if testing the edges of what it might mean to meet someone so powerful.
Although, there was something else I noticed as well, a thread of energy that seemed…wilted. Once again, that pull of premonition that had come in my conversation with Malara was pulled to the front. The man’s laughter was bright, though, as he responded to something his wife said.
“There she is, lady of the hour—Gracie! It’s wonderful to meet you!” Deegan’s warm welcome surprised me, and I offered him a small smile. I’d had no idea how he was going to view me since I’d pulled his son into a direct conflict. I wouldn’t have blamed him for being frustrated, even mad.
“I’m glad I’m here,” I said, meeting the hand he reached out to shake. Malara gave me a warm smile in greeting. “Thank you for allowing me to stay in your territory.”
“While it may not have been planned,” he said, “once the boys explained the situation, I understood. After all, finding your mate—especially being tethered—isn’t something you can ignore.”
“In fact, it can drive people to do crazy things,” Malara agreed, looking pointedly at him.
“I had no choice, my moon!” He barked out a laugh, explaining, “When we met back at the university, she had no idea I was the future Alpha of the territory.”
“I was from Florwyn!” She scowled, crossing her arms. “I didn’t know you were some future leader; I was just trying to study. I didn’t have time for dating or mates.”
“So instead of telling her, I followed her around for days, offering to do all of her homework and anything else to get in her good graces. It took months, but I finally got a date, and then—”
“He told me who he was.” She shook her head, exasperated.
“If I’d told her from the start that I was an Alpha, she wouldn’t have given me a chance.” He shrugged, amused. “Have to follow the heart.”
Ravik’s hand tightened on my waist. Malara looked down at her husband with so much affection, I almost felt like I should look away. “It was pretty hard to ignore you. Plus, I suppose after all this time, I understand why your method worked.”
“I’m so glad—” Deegan stopped, coughing hard into his elbow. Malara’s softness faded away, replaced with worry. Ravik’s frame was tense as he pulled me closer, almost to comfort himself. It was possible I was misreading that, but I didn’t think so.
There was something wrong with Deegan; I could feel it.
“Maybe you two should grab food,” Malara suggested lightly, giving her husband some water.
“Of course.” Ravik led me away as Deegan continued to cough. While we made our way toward the table of food, he explained the situation in a quiet, solemn tone. “My father is sick with Moonrot. He has been for…at least five years. But it’s getting worse.”
“I’ve never heard of that,” I whispered, horrified at his revelation.
“It’s a cancerous disease, rotting the lungs from the inside out and only seen in wolf shifters.” He breathed out. “We’ve tried every treatment imaginable, but nothing.”
I wrapped my arms around Ravik’s torso and buried my head in his chest. He tightened his around me in return, and one of his hands slid into my hair, holding me against him. I’d watched my parents die in front of me—my father’s death brutal and quick, my mother’s slower. But this type of disease? It brought tears to my eyes to think of the quiet grief they’d endured for years.
“I’m so sorry, Ravik,” I whispered, pulling back as he cupped my jaw and examined my watery eyes. Emotion washed over his own face as he nodded, his jaw tight as if he couldn’t put into words how he felt—but I could feel it through our bond.
“The old man is strong. After all the shit he’s survived, I can’t imagine that Astaruun is going to let this be what defeats him.”
I could hear the determination and hope in his voice, and I nodded immediately. I didn’t know if there was a true solution. A fix, a cure.
If there was one, I would help find it.
Was that naive of me? Possibly.
But I was starting to realize I would do a lot to help this family.
Because that’s what they were. Not just a powerful pack or a group of dominant leaders—they were threaded with warmth and connection. A true family.
Chapter 23
Gracie
“It’s beautiful,” I said in awe, my fingers grazing over the journal in my lap. Although to call it a journal felt inadequate. It was a piece of art.
The leather was a warm earth tone, decorated in stitches of sunset colors. Crimson, gold, and daffodil yellow were woven into whorls that reminded me of flowers in bloom, decorating the entire surface of the front, back, and spine.
A leather ribbon with my name on it was wrapped around the center of the journal, keeping the unlined, blank pieces of paper contained and safe.
My first gift in over a decade.
Ravik didn’t realize how much this meant to me. I hadn’t been able to read, and certainly not write, in years.
The blank pages felt like a siren song, begging me to fill them in. To record the past, but also my new future, teeming with possibility.
“I’m glad you like it,” Ravik rumbled. “I know you mentioned you don’t write, but…”
“I would like to start trying,” I said, squeezing his hand which rested on my leg. The garden bench we sat on was shaded by a massive pine, the privacy of the space making me feel completely at peace.
“When I was younger, I used to have a little journal. I don’t even remember what I would write,” I mused, my fingers running over the leather once more. “My mom loved hunting, so my brother would often join her, and when he came back, he would always have the wildest stories. I’m positive half of them were made up…but I wrote them down.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Ravik said, surprised.
“Owen,” I confirmed. “He escaped during the raids. Or if he didn’t, he was killed. I never saw him after that night, and I never risked asking about him. I’ve been thankful to have the ability to even entertain the possibility that he escaped.”
Ravik’s fingers came under my chin. “Do you want to find him?”
My eyes widened. I’d always told myself I would find him, but I hadn’t ever believed it would actually happen. “That would be… Yes,” I breathed out, unable to find a word to describe how it’d feel to have him back. “But I don’t know how.”
“We would start with a sweep and inquiry of the surrounding territories. I would just need as much info as possible on him. With a few calls to the other Alphas, I’m sure we can manage to locate him.” He made it sound so simple, so matter-of-fact, as if he didn’t realize that this was a second gift he’d be giving me.
I’d lost both of my parents, and with Owen’s disappearance, my entire family. The idea of being able to find him?
I nodded adamantly, unable to find the words to express how much his offer meant.
“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Ravik promised before offering me a hand, his warm, rough palm soothing against my own. “Now come on, lux mea, I want to show you around the garden.” I offered him a thankful look as he tucked my journal into his coat.
“I didn’t realize the garden was so large. It looked smaller from up there,” I said once I’d managed to find my voice.
I’d first noticed the perfectly landscaped garden that led to a forested area during lunch. I found myself doing that often—just looking at the natural beauty of their territory—still not quite believing it was real. When I’d mentioned it, Malara and Deegan immediately suggested we go check it out at some point. Ravik had apparently decided—once Basir and Thornar mentioned having to go handle something—that ‘some point’ meant now.
I was excited to see the garden up close, but I was curious about what Basir and Thornar had to ‘handle’.
“It’s grown over time. My parents wanted a space for us to play as kids and an area of the forest that was protected. It made shifting a lot easier when we were younger. Because of my father’s position, we had to be mindful of where and when we shifted.”
“Because he’s the Alpha?”
He nodded, his lips tugging into a smile. “Although that didn’t always stop me. Thornar was worse, though, especially if he got angry.”
It was hard to imagine the sunny man angry, even though I’d seen it once myself.
“I haven’t shifted in over a decade.” My words were meant to come off as light, more commentary than anything, but I knew they didn’t as Ravik’s steps came to a complete stop. The intense, controlled man turned his gaze on me, the gold burning like fire.
“Say that again.”
I was suddenly uncomfortable, feeling like I’d said something I shouldn’t. Something wrong. I bit down on my lip before admitting, “I haven’t shifted since the raid—since I was eleven.”
Ravik’s stood perfectly still for a long moment, my hands tightening at my side. I knew, logically, that I wasn’t in trouble, but I could feel that he was furious. It was at Ivan, I think, but it still made my heart beat rapidly.
“Give me a minute, lux mea,” he rumbled, tugging me forward into his embrace. Despite his palpable anger, I was able to breathe out in relief the moment I was surrounded by his scent.
A long moment passed before he asked, “How is that even possible? A decade is a very long time, Gracie.”
“It wasn’t just me,” I said softly. “Anything that connected us to our wolves was ripped away by Ivan. He didn’t want anyone believing they had power or dominance. At all. Some people even claimed they stopped hearing their wolves after a few years. Mine…mine never went away, but she was silenced. At least until I met the three of you.”
“Ivan Rivers can’t be allowed to continue.” Ravik delivered the words calmly, but they held a deep promise of violence.
“I know,” I whispered, before trying to shift away from his anger. “I would like to try. I just don’t even remember how.”
Ravik pulled back, determination glinting in his gaze. “Come on, Gracie. We’re going to try shifting.”
I should have expected that. My throat tightened with nervousness and anxiety as he led me toward the edge of the forest that lined the mountain range. I could feel my wolf pacing eagerly, fascinated by the turn of events, but as I looked up at Ravik, it was clear he could see my trepidation.
“Just try. No pressure. We have all the time in the world.”
Reassured and feeling safe in his presence, I looked at the lush forest in front of me. Shaking my hands out, I closed my eyes and tried to feel out my own body.
When you went so long just trying to survive, you lost grounding. When you went a decade being viewed as property, you lost the ability to feel ownership of your own body. I craved freedom, but I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to take it.
I’d seen Ivan’s men shift many times over the years, and something about it had always struck me as wrong. Grotesque. Their skin would burst and bones crack. Before them, I had never seen anyone shift in such a violent and painful way. It was like their wolves were fighting against them, not wanting to succumb to their will.
Visions of my parents and brother shifting played through my head as I tried to remember the sensation of shifting myself. A warm glow in the center of my chest and the feeling of grass under my paws. That was the strongest memory. I used to watch in awe as my mom would shift in a glow of light that wrapped around her before she appeared as a crimson wolf—beautiful but fierce. Then moments later she would shift back, her sunflower sundress absent of even a wrinkle.
That was a nifty tool of nature. Apparently, because body and clothing existed in the same ‘phase’ of being, when our wolves came out, it took both and would return both upon shifting back. I was glad for it because if not, there would be a lot of naked shifters everywhere.
My cheeks heated thinking about Ravik naked…
“Focus, lux mea.” His deep rumble had me wondering if he may have felt where my thoughts had gone…which was more than a bit embarrassing.
I tried to recenter myself and focus. Of course it wasn’t that easy, but the more I tried to encourage and coax my wolf out, the more I received small snippets of memories of what it was like to shift. It still wouldn’t convince her to come out, though, even when I was brought to the point of pleading with her.
We can shift. No one will hurt us.
I knew that, and she knew that, but it didn’t stop the panic from forming. My throat felt tight, my body acting in accordance with years of learned fear. Ivan wasn’t here though. I was with Ravik, and we were safe. I just had to get my wolf on the same page.
Considering how cautious she was being, looking around for other wolves, I worried this would be a lost cause.
Opening my eyes, I looked up at Ravik, an idea forming. “Can you…can you shift? I don’t think she’s going to come out unless you also shift.”
I knew it was a lot to ask, yet Ravik moved back without question, a heated look in his gaze I didn’t fully understand. Then in a flash—a literal bolt of lightning—he shifted into…
"You’re huge!" I squeaked, my hand coming to my mouth.
When I thought back to the drug-clouded memories from the ritual, it was clear that Thornar and Basir had been gigantic as well, but since I’d been in Ravik’s arms…I just hadn’t realized.
Ravik moved closer, and I instinctively reached out to touch his chocolate fur as his nose brushed over my cheek. He was that big. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to sink into the comfort of knowing he was right there.
My wolf was thrilled.
In fact, I’d never seen her so happy. She was sprinting through my subconscious at top speed, almost slamming into the walls of my mind. A smile tugged at my lips and I fell back, like falling into a pool of water. That was all it took for her to rush forward to greet Ravik.
Heat broke through my chest and the world exploded into an array of heightened senses. I could hear the pulse of small creatures in the forest. I could smell decay on a fallen tree to the west of me. I could taste winter in the air, carried by Sylvaern herself. I could feel mud underneath my paws, the earth wet from a recent rain. But more than anything?
When I opened my eyes, I could see Ravik. Truly see him, the intense power that radiated off of him and the way our bond danced with light and energy. A warm rustic brown that seemed to shimmer with gold. The other two were there as well—Basir’s an onyx shade with clouds of silver smoke hanging around it, and Thornar’s a pure snow white that had bursts of copper like lightning bolts. It was mesmerizing, and a soft almost purr left my throat as I moved closer to Ravik.
My gaze caught my paw as I came to a stop. Black fur. That was…odd. I’d always shifted into a crimson wolf like my mom. Why had that changed?
My wolf refused to consider it, though. All she wanted was to get as close to our mate as possible. I wasn’t exactly in enough control to fight her, and the closer we got to Ravik, the less we wanted to ask questions and just be.
My nose trailed under his throat as he dipped his head, keeping me there protectively. A hum of magic rolled over both of us, and for just a moment—a fragment of time—everything felt perfect. This was my most natural state. This type of freedom was how I should always exist.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, I was violently pulled into darkness.
But instead of pain, I was met with nothing as I hit a hard surface. I gasped in pain, clutching a hand to my chest. My heart pounded so hard it felt like it might burst from my ribs, and a whimper slipped from my lips.
