Lights of agramont trilo.., p.36
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 36
Minutes pass as the celebrations in Alamay continue and the wind picks up again. Nothing else moves around Serilom as he lies down next to his friend and clutches his lifeless hand in his. Serilom leans over and kisses his cold lips. “I love you. If you can hear me, I want you to know that. I should have told you earlier. You are my everything. You are my friend and my brother and I owe you my life for all you have done for me. Oh Kriv, I can’t do this. I want you to find the largest ocean there ever was and set out from here. Open your sails and let eternity’s winds take you to places you have only dreamed of finding. On some foreign shore where the breezes are calm and the water is as smooth as glass, look for me in the tide. Out in the deep waves forever rolling, remember the magic we shared and hold that memory in your mind. Head out into that sunset on the horizon and never look back.” Serilom wipes his eyes on his sleeve. “Sail on, Kriv Tide-Storm.”
Minutes pass as Serilom begins to shake and the emotional stress overwhelms him. The reality of everything that is happening sweeps over him. Lying beside Kriv’s body, he grasps on to his arm and screams. He continues to scream until his voice goes hoarse. The smell of blood causes him to vomit and he feels dizzy as the world moves around him until he blacks out.
51
“Serilom? Hey, just relax. Take a few deep breaths. Ravier, get some blankets. He’s shaking.”
Serilom is only aware of his throbbing headache and the overpowering metallic smell of blood as the voices circle around him and sound far away. He drifts in and out of consciousness.
Soft hands smooth Serilom’s hair then shake him gently to wake him up.
He opens his eyes and the sunlight burns his vision. He looks around the room as he squints and tries to remember where he is. “Kriv?”
“No. It’s me, Nivalaya.”
“Where’s Kriv?”
“Oh Serilom … come on, let me help you get dressed.”
“Where’s Kriv?” Serilom asks again.
“Shh, stop talking. Everything’s going to be all right. I promise. Lift your arms.” Niv pulls the robe onto Serilom’s shoulders.
Serilom can barely think as he watches the tiny specks of dust dancing in the light from the open window. The cold air is refreshing and tingles on his skin. His mind is foggy as he tries to remember what has happened. Niv’s demeanor has changed and he has the vague recollection of a battle … but nothing more. He holds his head as he realizes the last thing he fully remembers is being in bed with Kriv, but Kriv isn’t here now. “Is Kriv meeting us somewhere?”
Niv bites her lip as she brushes Serilom’s hair. She takes a deep breath before speaking carefully. “Sure, he’ll be there.”
“Good. I had a terrible nightmare. Where are we going?”
Niv ties Serilom’s hair back behind his shoulders and hugs him. “I’m so sorry, Serilom.”
“Why? Where are we going?”
“A funeral.”
Serilom stands and braces himself on the wall as his memory of the previous day returns to him. Kriv. So it hadn’t been a nightmare, just like with Alistiria. This time, he vows he won’t let Argrin take over. He has to be strong. He has to keep focused and try to accept this.
“Serilom, are you okay?”
“Yes.” He grabs his cloak and pulls it around him. “I can do this for him.”
There’s a knock at the door and he opens it.
Captain Myar bows to him. “Honored Serilom?”
“Yes?”
“It is with my sincerest condolences that I give you Admiral Tide-Storm’s belongings from his person and his official quarters. He wanted you to have everything.” Myar says as he hands him a wooden chest and Kriv’s staff.
Serilom takes them and sets them on the bed.
“Admiral Tide-Storm also wrote this letter to be given to you if anything happened to him. Do you know if he has any family?”
“He only had me.”
“I see. Take care, Honored One.”
Serilom runs his fingers over the engravings on the maple chest. He lifts the lid and begins removing the objects, each one bringing back painful memories. Kriv’s revolver. A tin whistle. A half-empty bottle of strawberry rum. A compass. A turquoise bead necklace. A tiny vial of jasmine perfume. Three orange ribbons.
He told himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. If Kriv Tide-Storm pretended not to cry, then Serilom Orrentius would pretend not to cry as well. With trembling fingers, he opens the letter and reads it.
To My Dearest Serilom,
I pray that you never have to read this letter. If you do read this, then I am with The Creator. I choose to write this because I realize the danger that I face every day and with the possibility of large-scale warfare, the need for this is even greater. There are some things that you need to know, some of which I have been too much of a coward to say.
First and most importantly, you need to know my feelings for you. You are without a doubt the single person I will ever truly love. As I sit here writing this, I am watching you sleep and it is all I can do to keep myself from waking you just for you to tell me everything is okay. If you wake up, you will ask what is wrong because I am crying. You are a kind soul, Serilom. That is one of the countless reasons I love you. If I didn’t have you then I would be completely alone. You are the one thing that gives my life meaning. You are the sun that lights my world and the stars in my night sky. The only reason I still care enough to keep breathing is you. Even with my years of writing plays and studying literature, I am unable to express my need and love for you. My normally keen words and silver tongue fail me for mortal words can never describe an immortal and eternal love. You are my blood brother and we will always be bound by blood and magic. I will never leave your side. Even if I am not physically beside you, know that my soul will return to you. If you need me, go down to the shallow water and feel the waves around you as my arms once have been. My soul lies in the sea and the ever changing flow of the water. I am in the water you conjure in your hands. Look for me there.
Secondly, if I don’t get the chance to tell you, I need to apologize. Forgive me for keeping the following information from you. I know more about Argrin and the Damned Ones than I let everyone know. I have met your brother. He was the one who first attacked me after I left Agareth. I was so afraid that if I told you, you would leave me. I managed to fight him off, but his voice has been trapped in my mind telling me to kill you, but I have refused. Maybe when you read this, I will be gone and no longer pose a threat to you and the Honored. Also, I would rather not write this next part, but it will do her no justice if I take this secret to the grave. When I was seven, I killed my sister. Damn, this is hard. Her name was Valen Tide-Storm. She was the best thing in my life until one night there was a voice in my head that told me to throw her into the ocean so she could get magic like me. Wanting her to know the joy I got from my magic, I obeyed and that night, my entire life fell apart. I try to not have regrets about my life, but if there is one thing I would go back and do differently, it is that. You were right, Serilom. The reason I am so attached to Lynn is because of my past. Lynn reminds me so much of who I always thought Valen could be. After losing Valen, I lost Raesa. It was too much for me to deal with and I tried to kill myself because I thought that if I was gone, then no other innocent lives would be lost because of me. That’s when I first met Ievas. He saved my life. From that moment, I have made it my purpose to save those innocent lives. I have been struggling against the dark pull of the Damned Ones and even knowing the terrible fates that face the Tide-Storm bloodline, I have sworn to myself that I will not face a fate like that. You need me and The Creator needs me. Maybe I am the one out of three Tide-Storm men who has the potential to be a good man. I will leave that up to you to decide.
Thirdly, if something happens to me, I leave all of my possessions to you. I may not have much, but you alone deserve to have what I will no longer have use for. I only ask that you remember me and please take care of Lynn. I have not been an accepted man and my life has been nearly void of friends and relationships, but you have more than made up for that. As you look through my belongings, keep me in your mind and remember the oath we swore to each other. As you live, I live. Continue to live, Serilom. Do not let Argrin take control of you. Keep your emotions in check and try to be rational. If I find out that you harmed yourself after I die, I will kick your ass when you join me in eternity. You can bet my boat on that.
In conclusion, you must carry on without me. If you never do anything I ask of you, do this. You have so much potential and good to give to the world. Carry me with you always. Hold me in your memories so I can stay with you and comfort you when your world comes crashing down around you. Say a prayer for me. The Honored know I need all the help I can get.
You have made my life worth living and I wouldn’t change a single thing. You are the wind in my sails.
I swear to you that we will be together again and nothing will keep me from you because Kriv Tide-Storm never fails.
With eternal love and admiration,
Admiral Kriv Arvolen Tide-Storm,
Bard and Mage of Tilidus and Ievas.
*
The warm sunlight on his skin isn’t enough to keep Serilom from trembling. He pulls his cloak tightly around his body and watches the freezing water in harbor. Normally he would breathe in the fresh air and feel at peace under the deep blue sky. Today, however, he wants to be as far from it all as he can be. The sun is drifting lower in the sky and the icy bite of the wind cuts into him like daggers. Niv takes his arm and places her head on his shoulder in a failing attempt at comforting him. Everyone has been touching him, hugging him, and apologizing. He hasn’t spoken a single word. He is here for Kriv and no one else.
Ievas steps forward to address the crowds of people. Hundreds have come here to bid farewell to Kriv. “We are gathered here to honor the life and memory of Admiral Kriv Arvolen Tide-Storm who fell in battle while protecting Cierson from Vernition invasion. He gave his life for every citizen in this country and we are all indebted to this great man. A mage of the late Tilidus and of myself, Tide-Storm was truly blessed by the Honored and The Creator. Though he has no family to live on after him, his dear friend Honored Serilom will carry his memory with him. Tide-Storm served our great country with dedication and loyalty despite not having any previous allegiance to our shores. This goes to show how much he truly wanted to help people. He was a kind soul who only ever wanted to be useful, to be happy, and to be loved. It is with sad hearts that we send this great man back to the sea, the one place he could truly call home. His connection with the water and the ocean was the one thing that gave his life meaning. On these waves and in the salty air, Kriv Tide-Storm found his freedom and his passion. He will forever live on as the Hero of Alamay.”
Serilom swore to himself that he wouldn’t cry. He needs to be strong. He can’t do this. As the flames dance on the boat, Serilom looks away. This is not the way he wants to remember him. Maybe he’s in denial. Maybe he isn’t ready to fully say farewell to the one person he loved unconditionally and fully. Either way, the crackling of the fire makes him physically ill.
The cannons fire in the harbor as a final salute to the Hero of Alamay.
Ievas puts his hand Serilom’s shoulder. “Serilom, do you have anything you would like to say?”
There is so much he could tell them, so much he could say that would define the life and love that he shared with such a great man. It would take him weeks to scratch the surface. The memories pour into his mind and each memory has its hands around Serilom’s neck in order to suffocate him. Was this part of The Creator’s plan? Was Kriv always destined to fall this way and leave Serilom alone and empty? Despite his attempts at breathing, his lungs reject any oxygen he tries to fill them with. He realizes that his hands are trembling and his legs begin to buckle under him as he stands there.
It is all he can do to keep his mind from collapsing on itself as he stares out at the sea of faces. The salty air makes him dizzy and his breathing quickens. The scar across his palm aches and throbs as he searches for something to say. He tries with every remaining bit of strength left in him to not listen to the crackling of the fire and the music being played. Every second that passes sends him deeper into himself where the inner darkness and isolation greet him with open arms.
“Give him a minute. As you know, he is dealing with a lot right now.”
Serilom remains silent. The realization of where he is and why he is here finally hits him and he bites his lip to keep from screaming as he struggles against the desolation threatening to drown him. He can’t do this. He tried to be strong, to honor Kriv’s memory by being the man he wanted to be for him, to be more than just an emotional wreck, but the tightening in his throat tells him he is failing. He swallows to make it go away, but it only grows and the stinging in his eyes only makes it worse.
Without saying a word, he pulls away from Ievas and pushes through the crowd. He has to get away from them. He will die if he stays here with the truth bearing down on him like the weight of the ocean. So he runs. He runs to get as far away from the waves and the beach and the water as he can. The water is where Kriv is and where Serilom can’t be now. Every drop he feels and every crash of the waves drives him closer to insanity. People call out for him, but their voices are swept away in the wind as Serilom runs without looking back. If he runs and never stops, the truth might not catch him.
*
Serilom’s footsteps echo in the empty main hall as he paces back and forth. He is waiting. The minutes crawl by in frozen desolation as he watches the melting snow drip from the icicles hanging from the roof through the windows. He is waiting for the one person he knows will come looking for him, the one person who must pay for Kriv’s death. Ievas.
Much to Serilom’s vengeful delight, Ievas crosses the hall and calls to him. “Serilom, you are needed in-”
Serilom spins around and holds up the Lullaby Blade. Rage and anger fill his dark green eyes as he steps closer to Ievas. “You. You could have saved him. He was your mage and you abandoned him. You killed him.”
“Put the sword down. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You let Kriv die. Now you die.” Serilom swings at Ievas who barely steps out of the way in time. The sword tears through the sleeve of Ievas’s white robe.
“You can’t fight another Honored.”
Serilom misses again. “I will do what I want.”
“Don’t make me kill you, Orrentius.” Ievas says as his magic circles around him.
“I’d like to see you try, old man.”
He stops and his magic dissipates. “Did you call me old man?”
“Is that a problem, old man?”
Ievas sighs and holds out a hand to Serilom. “I see what’s going on here.”
“Me about to kill you is what’s going on here.”
“Serilom, put the sword down. Give me that.” Ievas grabs Serilom’s hand and the Lullaby Blade slides across the floor.
In one swift motion, Serilom reaches into his robe and pulls out Kriv’s revolver. With shaking hands, he aims it at Ievas. “This ends now. You will pay for taking my blood brother from me. He was the greatest man that ever lived and you watched as he bled and took his last breaths in my arms. I called for help, but you ignored me. Did you laugh as he died?”
“Serilom, please think about what you’re doing.”
“Get back or I’ll fire. One shot and you’re dead.”
“First tell me whose revolver that is.” Ievas says. “Tell me who taught you to use it. What is that man’s name?”
“Shut up, shut up! You can’t change my mind.” Serilom pulls the trigger and the gun goes off. He drops to the floor and screams as the tears stream down his face. He fires again and again until the chamber is empty. He slams his fists into the floor as he trembles.
Ievas kneels down in front of him. “It’s all right.” He takes the gun and puts it inside his robes. “I’ll keep this safe. Don’t worry. I have to figure out something to tell the Grand Mage. Bullet holes don’t usually just appear in walls.”
Serilom continues to scream as his body collapses on the stone floor.
Ravier and Garonwon run into the room.
Ravier helps Ievas to his feet. “What in The Creator’s name is going on in here? Was that gunfire? Is Serilom injured?”
“He’s fine. He’s trying to cope with things and-”
Garonwon runs his fingers over the wall. “Are those bullet holes? Did he shoot at you?”
“Yes. Thank The Creator he can’t aim. Help me get him to a bed.”
*
Nivalaya knocks on the door. “Serilom, are you awake?”
“I don’t know.” He mumbles
“May I come in?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m coming in.” She opens the door and her smile vanishes. “Oh Serilom, you look terrible.”
“I feel terrible.” He groans from under the blanket.
“Don’t worry about him.”
Niv bows slightly before sitting next to Serilom on the bed. “Forgive me, Ievas. I wasn’t aware you were here.”
“I will be here until Serilom ceases to pose a threat to himself. No Honored will hurt himself if I am able to stop it. I need your help to make sure he doesn’t find where I put you-know-who’s revolver. No doubt you’ve heard about our little incident earlier.”
“No, I haven’t.” Nivalaya says.
“Oh. Well let me just say there are six bullet holes in the northern wall of the main hall and none in me, for which I am grateful.”
She gasps. “No.”
“I wouldn’t make this up, Niv. Everyone grieves in their own way, but Serilom is volatile and unpredictable. Keep an eye on him. We can’t lose him and Tilidus.”
