Lights of agramont trilo.., p.37
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 37
“How is Tilidus?” Nivalaya asks.
“Alive but completely unresponsive. No doubt Garonwon is keeping him alive.”
Niv rubs Serilom’s shoulder. “What happens when an Honored One dies?”
“In this case, Serilom has already taken his place so we have a small private funeral. It’s short and only the Honored attend.”
“It’s happened before?”
“Goodness, yes. There have been eight other sets of Honored in recorded history. We just try to make the transitions between them seamless and quick. That way no one gets confused. You haven’t heard about the past ones because their names are stricken from history after they pass down their knowledge to the ones who take their places.”
“But Tilidus never passed his knowledge to Serilom.”
“You’re right.” Ievas says. “Maybe it’s for the best, especially the way things are now. Either way, Tilidus chose Serilom to be a bringer of peace and usher in a new era for the Honored. In his case, it might be best that history be forgotten so it can be reborn anew with Serilom. I only worry about the possibility that Serilom could be separated from us after he defeats Argrin. But I suppose that is a worst case scenario.”
“Wouldn’t the worst case scenario be Serilom dying?”
Ievas sighs and sips his cup of tea. “I was trying to not let that even be a possibility, but yes.”
Niv turns her attention to the unmoving lump under the blankets. “Serilom, please talk to me. We can help you if you will only let us.” She tries to pull back the blankets, but Serilom holds them tightly around him. “You can’t stay bottled up like this. You’re going to waste away and I would hate for something to happen to you too.”
Serilom’s mumbled words bring tears to Niv’s eyes. “Alonel is dead so Pariel must follow him to eternity.”
“Serilom, you aren’t Pariel. That is just a stupid legend. Ievas, why is he focused on that children’s tale?”
“You have to admit the similarities are striking.” Ievas says.
“Who cares? It’s not real and he’s just going to end up hurting himself.”
Ievas smiles. “Just give him some time. If I know a mage of Tilidus’s influence, he is too stubborn to die. He will come around.”
52
Serilom doesn’t take notice of the world around him except for the rising of the sun and the setting that follows it. He hasn’t slept since the funeral. The thoughts and the memories cling to his mind and force him to watch the horrors of the battle over and over. He hears the cannons and the screams. Worst of all, when he closes his eyes … he sees Kriv. So he tries to keep his eyes open until they burn. His lips are bleeding from cracking and he has the worst headache he has had in his life. Every few minutes, he breaks down and his entire body shakes uncontrollably. He can’t think and he can barely breathe. He has given up. Ievas, Garonwon, or Niv have been in the room the entire time, but he has remained wrapped in his coffin of blankets, hoping they will leave him to his demise. He wishes for death so he won’t be haunted by the visions plaguing him.
He hears footsteps as Garonwon and Niv stand over him.
“Serilom, let me see your face.” Garonwon grabs the blanket. “I’m not playing around anymore. We are afraid for your health.” He pulls the blanket away and Serilom is too weak to fight back. “Creator help us. Serilom, sit up. You’re a mess.”
Niv sits beside him and caresses his face. “You don’t look like you are feeling well. Have you eaten anything lately?”
“No.”
“You can’t just lie there forever.”
Serilom closes his eyes. “You’re right. Eventually I’ll die.”
“What about water? How long has it been since you drank any water?” Nivalaya asks.
“Two days.”
Garonwon grabs Serilom’s shoulders and forces him to sit up. “Look at you. You’re killing yourself. Drink some water. You can even summon your own water, for The Creator’s sake.”
“I can’t.” Serilom says.
“Why not?”
“I don’t want anything to do with it.” His head spins even thinking about it.
“Water?”
“I just can’t, okay? If I could get rid of my magic again, I would.”
Ievas steps into the doorway. “There’s someone here to see you.”
Lynn pushes past him and runs to Serilom’s side. “Little Princess, where’s Krivy?”
Serilom hides his face. “I’m not doing this. Niv, tell her what happened.”
“She wants you.” Niv says.
“I don’t care. Take her back to her room.”
“Serilom, Kriv wanted you to take care of her.”
It’s true and as much as Serilom wants to deny it, he has to face this so he wipes the blood from his lips on the blanket and holds out his hand to Lynn. “Fine. Sit down, Lynn.”
She does and taps her foot as she looks at Serilom with concern in her light blue eyes. “Are you sick, Little Princess?”
Serilom sighs. “Something like that. Lynn, Kriv isn’t coming back.”
“Where did he go?”
Serilom looks at Niv. “Please, Niv. I can’t.”
“Tell her, Serilom.”
He squeezes Lynn’s hand. “How do I say this? Kriv is … dead.”
“What’s that?”
“Kriv is … he went home to The Creator.”
“Where is he?”
Serilom searches for an answer that will help her to understand. “Kriv is in the ocean. That’s where he is free.”
“Oh. When will I see him?” Lynn asks.
“You’ll see him when you’re by the ocean. You might not see him … but he’s there. I’m certain that he is watching you now and smiling because you are being such a good girl.”
“I miss Krivy.”
“I know. I do too.”
Her lips quiver as tears swell in her eyes. “I want my daddy.”
“Oh Lynn, please don’t cry.”
“Daddy.” She cries.
Serilom takes her in his arms. “Shh, I promise you things are going to work out. It might be difficult to understand now, but some day you will understand. Do you want to make your daddy happy?”
She nods her head through her sobbing.
“Then you have to be strong, okay? No more crying. When you cry, you make Krivy cry and I know you don’t want him to cry. He wants you to be happy.”
She sniffs. “Krivy said … he said that you can cry when you’re happy too.”
“Are you happy, Lynn?”
She grabs onto Serilom and breaks down. “No.”
Serilom holds her to his chest and pats her back. He looks to Niv for any advice, but she isn’t in much of a better state than Lynn. What is he supposed to say? He’s never been around children and he is clueless. He knows one thing and that is that he hates seeing Lynn cry. The tears on her little pink cheeks break his heart. “Lynn? Stop crying for a second, okay? Do you want to come with me to see Krivy?”
She looks up and wipes her eyes. “Yes.”
“Fine. Niv, can you get my boots? I need you to come with us. I can’t do this alone.”
*
The salty air blows through Serilom’s tangled hair as Lynn’s tiny hand trembles in his. She is humming to herself and Serilom is surprised when he recognizes the song as the one that Kriv sang to him when he was recovering from the second time he tried to kill himself. “Did Krivy sing that song to you?”
She nods her head and kicks a shell that rolls down into the water. “He told me it’s about you and him.”
“Yah, I guess it is.”
“Sing it.”
Serilom looks down at her. “You want me to sing it? I don’t know all the words.”
She stops and reaches down into her boot. She pulls out a scrap of paper and holds it up to him. “Here.”
He takes the tattered piece of paper and unfolds it. Kriv’s handwriting.
“Krivy wrote it there for me so I would know it.”
“I see that. I can’t sing as well as Kriv.”
“Sing it.”
“Okay. I’ll try, but it won’t be pretty.” Serilom says.
“Please?”
“There once was a man
With waves in his hands
Who travelled the open seas.
A dream in his mind,
Leaving his past behind,
As he floated on the breeze.
With storms in his eyes,
A slave to the skies,
And a heart in need of a home,
He drank to forget
The pain and torment
So he set his mind to roam.
Then one day he found,
While searching around
A mage with deep emerald eyes.
He had a kind heart
And he numbed a part
Of the sailor’s suffering cries.”
Serilom stops and calms himself. He hadn’t been aware of the truth behind the words back when he first heard the song. Now, he sees what the song has always been about.
“That’s not the end.” Lynn pulls on Serilom’s hand.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Sing it.” Lynn says.
“The sailor and mage
Both turned a new page.
In each other they found love.
And side by side,
Hell could never divide
The two blessed from above.”
*
After taking Lynn back to the inn, Serilom makes his way back up to the Mage Council building with Niv. The trip is silent as they each become lost in their own thoughts. Once they are back, Serilom steps into the room where Ievas is waiting for him with a glass of water.
“Serilom, drink this.”
“I can’t. Just leave me alone.” He kicks off his boots and lies back down.
“You will die. It has been three days since you drank anything besides whiskey. You are severely dehydrated. Want to get rid of that headache of yours? Then drink some water. Are you doing this to torture yourself? Do you blame yourself for what happened and think that this is some twisted attempt at atonement?”
Serilom hides under the blankets. “I will not touch water of any kind. I realize that I need it to survive, but I can’t bring myself to be around it.”
Ievas pulls the blankets back. “This is because of Kriv’s connection with water, isn’t it? You don’t want to be reminded of the magic that bound you two together. You feel bound by your blood pact to avoid the thing that gave Kriv his passion in life.”
“I may die in a few days from no water, but if I touch water, I will die immediately one way or another.”
“You can’t neglect yourself and your magic like this. You are an Honored and you need to start acting like it. Your mages need you.”
“You mean Tilidus’s mages.” Serilom says.
“No. I mean your mages. They aren’t mages of Tilidus anymore. They are mages of Serilom and they need you. You haven’t helped any of them or even watched them. There are scrying bowls for a reason. They trust you to guide them and help them when they can’t help themselves. Don’t let them suffer because you want to torture yourself and drown in your own pitiful existence. Everyone loses someone close to them at some point in their life. Want to know the difference between you and strong man? A strong man carries on. A strong man carries the memory of the person he loved with him and never lets it fade. Tide-Storm was my mage and I will not allow his life to have been given in vain. Get your sorry ass up and get to work.”
“Give me the water.”
*
Serilom stares up at the ceiling and watches the reflection of the sunlight on the water as it dances on the wood slats. He still hasn’t slept for a week straight. His nights are filled with trying to avoid the dreams he knows are waiting for him. His days aren’t much better and are spent watching the same reflections. He has managed to drink some water, a little here and there … but water nonetheless. He even nibbled on some bread. It honestly helped him, even if he refuses to admit it. Anything that he can do to keep his mind off of things helps move him one tiny step to recovering.
Niv enters his room and sits on the bed beside him. Her fragrance envelops him as she moves closer and her warmth spreads over his body. “Hey you.”
“What do you want?” Serilom asks.
“You know what I want. I want you.”
Serilom pushes her away. “I can’t. Please stop.”
“What is it?”
Serilom covers his face with his pillow and tries to calm his racing mind. “This isn’t right. Forgive me, but I need you to leave. I don’t care if this will help. I’m finished with magic and I’m finished with sex. It’s pointless when the one person I want to make love to is gone. There’s nothing special in it anymore. So please, just leave me alone and let me figure things out on my own.”
“I wasn’t trying to use my magic on you again, Serilom. I only thought that maybe we could have something together and I could comfort you. There is no part of me that ever wants to take away what you and Kriv had. Believe me. What you two had was beyond anything I can ever hope to be a part of. I realize that you can never truly love again and I’m okay with that. I’ll go now. Just know that if you want someone to simply talk to or be around, I am right down the hall. Get some rest.”
The window slides open and Ravier crawls into the room. “So, my bride-to-be is alone with another man. Why am I not surprised?”
“Darling, we weren’t doing anything.”
“Why are you trying to lie to me, Niv? I heard the entire conversation. I saw you all over him.”
“But I was-”
“And don’t tell me you were trying to use your magic on him. What part of I heard the entire conversation don’t you understand? You are marrying me and that’s final. As for you, Serilom, we need to have a serious conversation. Niv, leave us.”
She clings to his crimson robes. “Ravier, don’t.”
“I said leave.” He pushes her away.
“Please don’t hurt him. We were just talking. I swear he didn’t touch me.”
“Nivalaya, I will not ask you again. You will leave us alone or I will make you leave.”
“You can’t talk to me this way.”
“Like hell I can’t.” The back of Ravier’s hand strikes Niv’s face and she catches herself on the wall. “Now leave or you’ll get more.”
Niv’s face is streaked with tears as she runs out the door.
Ravier sits on the bed next to Serilom. “I don’t know why she is so scared that I’m going to hurt you. I know what her abilities are and I know that she used her magic on you. I’m not thrilled about it, but I accept it. I apologize for spying. I have to instill fear in her or she will do whatever she wants. I swear it’s like trying to train a horse.”
“She’s not a horse. You realize this, don’t you?” Serilom asks.
“It doesn’t really matter one way or another. Women have to be trained just like any other animal.”
Serilom scans Ravier’s face for any sign of sarcasm or attempts at humor. Nothing. “You can’t be serious.”
Ravier flashes a dark smile. “Nivalaya knows what she’s getting into. She has no right to do the things she does. The wife of an Honored One must be respectable and obey orders or it reflects badly on everyone. Not to mention, it puts many people in danger if something goes wrong. It’s not that I like being rough with her, it’s that she needs it. It’s the way she was raised and the only thing she responds to. Believe me, I would never actually hurt her. She means so much to me, but it’s for her own good. She tests me. Every day it’s a struggle to keep her from hurting herself or someone else. She sees how far she can push me before I snap and I’ve about had enough of it. One of these days she is going to try something and I won’t be able to stop myself. Creator forbid I actually harm her. That’s not my intent.”
“You slapped her.”
“She’s fine. It was gentle enough.” Ravier says.
“She was crying.”
Ravier laughs and waves his hand. “Women always cry. It’s what they do. They cry when they’re sad, happy, lonely, and whatever other emotions women feel. That’s why I refuse to have a female mage, even if she is the best qualified with the most potential. Never. Women drive me insane.”
Serilom sips from his glass of water. “Then why are you getting married? Do you think it’s going to fix itself?”
“Really? You’re a man. You know why I’m getting married. Why else does a man get married? I promise you it’s not so we can have some children’s tale happy ending. I’ll be blunt with you. I want her body to myself. Is that such a terrible thing? Once she’s married to me, she won’t be using her magic anymore. Then she can have my children to give me more mages.”
Serilom accepts the fact that nothing he can say will have any impact on the situation or how Ravier feels. So he lets it go and tries to change the subject. While not attracted to her like he had been back in Vernition, Serilom still cares for her dearly. She is his friend who will always have a special place in his heart. Seeing her suffer and hearing of her life of servitude under a person as demanding as Ravier makes him sick. The worst part is that her father approves of the unity. Garonwon seems nice enough, but when it comes to his relationship with his daughter, any respect Serilom could have for him falls apart. “What do you need to talk to me about, Ravier?”
“Oh yes. I acknowledge that we have never been on the best of terms and most of that is my fault. You have proven yourself to be more than the annoying boy I thought that you were. Let me apologize for our rocky start. If Tilidus had the confidence in you to be able to take his place, then who am I to question that? That aside, you are acting like a little whiny bitch.”
Serilom glares at him. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. They need you and as much as it grates on my nerves to admit, I need you. You are the one who can balance everything. The fate of every soul on this planet depends on you and your strength to carry on. Niv has told me so much about you and Tide-Storm. I know how much he meant to you. He was your life and your everything, I understand that. However, he died protecting you. I don’t have to tell you that. He gave you the most that any person can give another. Don’t throw that gift away. Moping around and brooding isn’t going to fix anything. That is letting Argrin win and none of us want that.”
