Lights of agramont trilo.., p.55
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 55
“A priest?” Serilom asks. “You were that devoted?”
“I was. I know all of the teachings by heart, but I try to forget them. I used to work with the children who came to the temple. I would help them with their magic and they loved me. That’s when I knew I wanted to be a father. I prayed to The Creator that he would place a loving woman in my life so I could marry her and have my own children who could help in the temple as well. So what did The Creator put in my life? Briggan to take any hope of having children away from me. I swear that I will get my revenge. If The Creator actually exists, I will kill him. I will destroy him and make sure he knows what he has taken from me. It would have been better if he never created my soul and killed me off when I was in my mother’s womb. I wouldn’t be suffering for nothing and the world would be a better place. My sister would be alive, my mother would still be alive, hundreds of innocent people would be alive. Are their lives worth giving up so I can stay here and slowly die every day? How is The Creator merciful if he can do this?”
Serilom sighs and smoothes Kriv’s hair. “I don’t know. You have suffered enough and if there is anything I can do for you that will make this easier, tell me and I’ll do it. Don’t talk about dying. You are a wonderful person who has so much to give to the world. You can be a father for Lynn. She needs you and she loves you. Be there for her.”
Kriv sighs and traces the pattern on the blanket with his fingers. “I don’t know what to do about Lynn.”
“I’ll tell you what to do. Give her your last name and make her your daughter officially. She has no one else. Be her hero. She’s already accepted you as her father. You were always meant to be a father.” Serilom says.
“Was I? What kind of father fails at everything in life and has no idea how to provide a secure future for his child?” Kriv asks.
“A human father, one who has enough of a heart to care. Lynn doesn’t need you to be perfect. She needs a father, a friend, and a protector. You can do this even without your magic. Be the father you never had.”
Kriv holds onto Serilom. “I don’t want to end up like my father. I can’t even think of hurting Lynn. What if I can’t be good enough for her? I can command a fleet of ships in battle without worry, but I doubt myself when it comes to her.”
“That’s natural. As long as you do your best, Lynn will grow up to be a wonderful woman.”
Kriv looks into Serilom’s eyes. “Since when do you know so much about this?”
“Since Ragne has been telling me how to be a father all of my life. He struggled with trying to be perfect for me and we talked about it often. He was a good man. But he’s also the reason I will never be a father. I can’t see myself ever being responsible for the lives and futures of children.”
Kriv eyes him curiously. Apparently Niv hasn’t said anything yet. This is going to be an interesting next couple of months. “You might want to rethink that.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I’m just saying random things and trying to get my mind off of stuff.” Kriv says, hoping that Serilom will forget about it.
“No, I heard what you said. Is there something I need to know?” Serilom asks.
“Go get Nivalaya and bring her in here.”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.” Serilom leaves and returns minutes later with Niv following behind him.
Her eyes meet Kriv’s and he shakes his head disappointedly. Niv knows what this is about.
“What do I need to know?” Serilom asks.
Niv sighs and takes Serilom’s hands in hers. “Serilom, do you remember when I used my magic on you back in Vernition to get your magic back?”
“Yes … why?”
“I, um … I’m pregnant.”
Serilom starts to sweat. “Oh. I see. What about Ravier?”
“He’s the other possibility. I never expected this to happen.” She stares at the floor.
“I can go look at the soul and see who the father is.” Serilom says.
*
Kriv and Niv jump up when Serilom steps out of the room at the temple. Sweat has beaded on his forehead and he takes a deep breath while leaning in the doorway.
Niv runs to him and grabs his arm. “Well? Please tell me Ravier’s the father.”
He gently pushes her back. “Let me talk to Kriv first.”
Kriv knows the truth. He can read it in Serilom’s eyes.
Serilom pushes Kriv into the corner of the room. “Kriv … I’m the father. It was one time and I had to get my magic back. I didn’t think this was possible … I don’t know. I’m so confused right now. What am I going to do? I can’t be a father. Don’t hate me.”
“This was always a possibility.” Kriv holds Serilom to his chest. “I don’t hate you. Go get Niv and let her know.”
“First, there’s one more thing … it’s not one baby.” Serilom says.
Um … what? “What?”
“It’s twins.”
Kriv shakes his head. “You’re joking.”
“I’m not. Apparently Garonwon wasn’t playing around about the fertility thing.” Serilom laughs and wipes the sweat from his face. “I’m completely overwhelmed. I’ll go get Niv.” Serilom leads her over to them and takes her hands. “Nivalaya, I’m the father.”
She hugs him and sighs. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s all right. I’m kind of excited, actually. I have other news. It’s twins.”
“Twins? You’re joking.” Surprise shows on her face.
“No, I’m not.”
“Can you tell what gender they are?” Nivalaya asks.
“No. It’s impossible to tell from a person’s soul what their body is like. The soul transcends physical boundaries. A soul isn’t male or female. It is a spirit and the entire essence of a person’s mind, emotions, and eternal existence.”
“Serilom, is that true?” Kriv asks.
“Yes. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” The truth dawns on Kriv. For the first time, Kriv understands why he feels the way he does about Serilom. Everything makes sense now. Of course. The soul is greater than the limitations of their earthly bodies. In the end, it is not two men loving each other. It is two souls being bound to each other. Do the teachings not teach that souls are greater and holier than their mortal bodies? His soul loves and is bound to Serilom’s soul. “I think I understand something now that has been bothering me for a long time.”
“What is it?” Serilom asks.
“Divine words in the minds and pens of mortals lends the truth to interpretation, abuse, and corruption.”
20
Kriv stretches out his arms and breathes in the salty air of the sea. He feels alive again, almost as if he has been reborn and he is experiencing the vibrancy of the world for the first time. He can’t place it, but something has awakened inside of him that has been asleep for too long. His mind is clear and he can think without the constant pull of darkness overwhelming him. In place of those haunting memories, he instead finds a calm peace. Is this the happiness he has been searching for? It’s too early to tell, but he does know he likes it. Can he finally be where he needs to be in his life? Has he been working towards this single moment when he can be free from the guilt and self-loathing that has plagued him since he was a little boy? He’ll take it one day at a time in case it tries to overwhelm him as well.
Kriv pulls the piece of paper from his pocket and unfolds it.
Meet me at the docks at noon. I’ll be waiting for you.
-Admiral Kiren Faren of Agareth
This Admiral Faren isn’t a man of many words, it seems. Kriv folds it back and looks up at the sun. It’s about noon so he heads down to the docks. Even though it’s warm, Kriv wears his cloak just so he can hide his face from the people who have been chanting his name at all hours of the day and night. Even this morning there was a group outside the inn and Kriv had watched them from the window. They are crazy. Well, this is Agareth, after all. He shouldn’t be surprised. Speaking of crazy people, he watches Serilom talking to a group of priests. Kriv pulls down his hood over his face.
It’s interesting that they still accept Serilom as an Honored despite him being with Kriv, but if Kriv was to try to be a priest, they wouldn’t allow it. It’s not like it really matters anyway. Kriv would never be a priest, not now. He harbors too much hatred and contempt in his heart for some things and people. Priests are supposed to be forgiving and benevolent and accepting. Some things are difficult to forgive. Not to mention he doesn’t have his magic so it would be pointless. But in all reality, Serilom is crazy. Maybe that’s why he loves him. Two crazy people are better than one. At least then their crazy can merge into something better.
As soon as Kriv reaches the docks, someone calls for him from aboard one of the galleons. How did he know it was him? It seems that even hiding isn’t going to work.
“Tide-Storm! Over here. I need to talk to you.”
Great. This should be interesting. Kriv pulls back his hood and boards the ship. It’s a nice ship. If Kriv was a pirate, he would try to commandeer it for himself. Wait, it’s not like he could sail it by himself anymore. When he had his magic he could have with hardly any effort. Controlling the wind was his greatest asset to sailing. Now he’d need a crew of pirates. Oh well. He’ll leave the pirating to Zixis.
The man in a long dark blue coat takes his hand. “Welcome back, Divine Commander Tide-Storm. I am pleased to be working with you. I am Admiral Faren. I have heard so much about you and your honorable deeds. What you did … taking responsibility for all that has happened … should never have fallen on your shoulders. If the Honored would have opened their eyes, they would have seen the truth. That wasn’t you. It was the Damned Ones. You are the Hero of Alamay and no one, not even The Creator, will lay a finger on you again. Agareth welcomes you home.”
Home. This is how it was always meant to be. Kriv has never had a home. Divine Commander? Kriv grins. “So that’s what my new title is? Sounds important.”
“Oh … Divine Commander? Yes. That is what we have decided on. Since The Honored can no longer be trusted, you are who the people trust and believe in to lead us to victory. When you broke free from Argrin, many saw that as your rebirth. Not to mention you actually died and came back to life. So, many view you as a god. I don’t know about all of that, but that is what you’re called. Get used to it. Here, we had this made specifically for you.” He opens a chest and holds up an orange long coat and matching tricorn hat. “We thought the revolution might need to know who their leader is.”
Bright orange and perfect. “Faren, you know me too well and we just met.”
Admiral Faren rolls up his sleeve to show an orange rope tied around his wrist. “I think we’re going to get along just fine. All of Agareth is behind you, Tide-Storm. Our lives and our futures are in your hands. Lead us to victory. I have another surprise for you, sir. Come on out.”
Kriv turns and a smile spreads across his face as the man walks to him. Things are going to be fine.
“Captain Myar is joining our ranks.” Admiral Faren says.
“Myar, it has been too long. I thought I had killed you when I sank your boat.” Kriv says.
Myar bows and takes Kriv’s hand. “Well, then we’ll both be ghosts. Just don’t cut off my fingers. That wasn’t nice. I’m not going to question how you are alive again but as long as you’re here, my unwavering loyalty is to you. You are the single most capable man to lead this band of outcasts and rebels. And of course, I have to join in this little fashion statement myself.” He lifts his hat to reveal an orange bandana. “Shh. Don’t tell anyone in Cierson. There’s already a price on my head. Apparently abandoning my post to flee the country and join a revolution isn’t approved of. I say to hell with them and their laws. I’ve been needing something to be angry at so this fits the bill.” Myar looks over Kriv’s shoulder and waves.
A man’s voice calls to him from the dock. “Tide-Storm! Teach me how to die then come back to life. Ghosts usually don’t seem so real. You are more talented than I gave you credit for.”
Commander Cailen. Kriv runs to him and takes his hand. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing alive?” Cailen asks.
“Interesting story. It has to do with Serilom or Argrin or something else entirely. Someone connected with my soul and brought me back from a different reality when they merged. I honestly don’t know exactly. I don’t question it. But you’re not in Cierson?” Kriv asks.
Cailen grins and pulls up his sleeve. Orange ribbon. “I couldn’t let the Hero of Alamay take all the glory again so I’m here with Captain Myar to help. Two hundred Cierson soldiers came with me. Once Adolphis and the Honored find out about their forces leaving, they are going to shut everything down so I got out before things went crazy. I hope you don’t mind adding some Cierson ships to your collection. We might have commandeered the remaining ones.”
“You rebel.”
He bows. “The Judges seem to be pleased with you and your group of dissenters. You know as well as I do that their dispositions can change with the weather.”
“But it’s always sunny in Agareth.” Kriv says.
“Except when it’s not. You know what I mean, Tide-Storm. Anyway, run with it while they have your back. We need all the help and support we can get. They still control the coffers, after all. If they ever say anything against you, you have the authority to dispatch them. You look confused. Lens Aren is the head of the Black Veil, the spy network in Agareth. I’m sure you know that by now. They are saboteurs, assassins, and of course spies. You have them at your fingertips. Agareth belongs to you whether the Judges want to see it or not. Everything’s been set up for you so you only need to take your position and give us your orders, Divine Commander. We still have some time so get used to being in Agareth again. Admiral Faren will show you to your ship.”
Ship? He gets a ship? This truly is the best day ever. “My ship? I get a ship? Maybe I did die and this is heaven.”
“Stop being so dramatic.” Commander Cailen says.
“If I stopped being dramatic, I wouldn’t be Kriv Tide-Storm.”
“Good to know.”
Admiral Faren joins them and holds out his arms. “This is your ship, Tide-Storm. It’s a nice galleon. Thirty broadside cannons on each side, twelve on deck. It’s fast, it’s durable, and it just looks really intimidating. What do you think?”
Kriv falls to his knees and holds up his hands to the ship. “I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life.” Is he crying? Yes, he’s crying.
Commander Cailen stares at him. “Are you crying?”
“Kriv Tide-Storm doesn’t cry.” Kriv says. He kisses the hull and hugs it.
“If you say so. Did you just kiss the boat?” Commander Cailen asks.
“Maybe.”
“So? Is it acceptable?” Admiral Faren asks.
Kriv stands and jumps up and down. “Yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes.”
“Good. Be sure to name her.”
Kriv flashes a bright smile. “I already have a name. The Thunder Wave.”
*
As Kriv makes his way down the street, citizens run from their homes and cry out to him. They bow and reach out for him. Some weep at his sight. It’s interesting to find out you’re a god and not even know it. He turns to Commander Cailen. “They do realize that I’m just a man, right?”
“Not to them. You are their savior and they worship you. You can do no wrong in their eyes and we need to keep it that way. The more undying love you can garner from the masses, the smoother this entire plan is going to go. Whether you see it yet or not, you need them as much as they need you.”
Kriv looks off towards the ocean and knows what he has to do. “You go ahead and head back to the inn. I need some time to myself.”
“What’s wrong?” Cailen asks.
“You can’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Sure, what is it?”
“Garonwon and Ievas took my magic from me.” Kriv whispers.
“Oh. I see. Can you get it back?”
He shakes his head. “No. It’s gone for all time. Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want them thinking that I’m hurting.”
“But you are hurting, Tide-Storm.” Commander Cailen says.
“It doesn’t matter if I am or not. It’s what they see that matters. If I am to be their leader, I have to be strong enough for all of them. Things are going to get rough and a crumbling foundation can’t support a house. One weak thread can cause the entire tapestry to come unwoven. I can’t be the leader they need me to be if they doubt me.” Kriv says as he pulls his hood down.
“I understand. No one will know.”
“Thank you, Cailen. I’ll be in later. If Serilom asks, tell him I’m still with Admiral Faren.” Kriv turns and walks down to the beach. He has to do this or he will never get past this obsession that is eating away at his mind every minute of the day. He removes his cloak and wades out into the waves.
Kriv takes the water in the palms of his hands. It’s foreign now, cold, and unwelcoming. It’s just water. It has never been just water. The breeze blows around him and he stretches out his arms, wanting to feel it coursing through him again but it passes by, sweeping away to other shores and leaving him behind. Instead of becoming a part of him and filling him, it is distant and closed off from him.
Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of his life? Will he forever be exiled from the intimacy he shared with the elements? Is there magic in eternity, be it heaven or hell, wherever he ends up? He imagines that there would be magic in heaven if heaven is filled with good things. Or will he still be a lost-mage even after death? Either way, here he is facing a world and a life without his magic and one of the most intimate parts of his soul. As he feels the waves move around him and the wind in his hair, Kriv silently bids farewell to the elements. He doesn’t cry. He smiles and looks to the future where the hope of peace still lingers barely out of his grasp.
