Lights of agramont trilo.., p.89
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 89
Serilom holds his side as the pain begins to return. “Kriv’s insane. He doesn’t need reasons for what he does. I’m through with this. I’m leaving tonight.”
“Don’t go. We desperately need you. It might not mean much now, but Kriv needs you. He will die without you.”
“Let him. That’s the fate traitors deserve.”
*
Serilom opens the door to his mother’s room. “Goodbye, Mother.”
Nathisa goes to him and takes him in her arms. “Serilom? What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you for a bit.”
“Of course. You are always welcome here.” She says as Serilom steps inside and she closes the door.
Serilom tosses his cloak on the back of a chair. “I am leaving Agareth.”
“What about Kriv?”
He slips off his boots. “Kriv isn’t coming.”
Nathisa grabs Serilom’s hand. “Did something happen to him?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Just know that he’s no longer a part of my life. I never want to think about him again.” Serilom sits at the table and holds his face in his hands.
“You love him.”
“I used to love him.”
Nathisa sits next to him. “I know that he loves you too.”
Serilom stares at the floor as the air feels cold around him and he traces the scar across his palm. “People who love someone don’t get married to someone else.”
“What? Kriv got married?”
“Yes. Nivalaya is his wife now. I guess they didn’t even tell you. Surprise.”
Nathisa takes his hands. “Oh Serilom, I am so sorry. This doesn’t sound like something Kriv would do. I don’t know what to say.”
“How do you think I feel?” Serilom slumps down in a chair at the table. “He proposed and two hours later they were married. I can’t stand being around them so I came to say goodbye.”
“Where will you go?” Nathisa asks.
“Does it really matter?” Serilom asks as he covers his face with his arms on the table. “The one place I considered home was by Kriv’s side and now I can never return there. Maybe I’ll find an island somewhere and kill myself.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“What’s the purpose of being alive when I’ve lost everything that made my life worth living?”
“Please talk to me.” Nathisa says as she rubs Serilom’s shoulders. “I can tell that something else is on your mind. You’re holding your side. Did something happen?”
“I got stabbed.” Serilom mumbles.
“Stabbed? By who?”
“No one.”
“Did Kriv do something physically to hurt you?” Nathisa asks.
“It’s nothing. It hurts me more than it should. I would let him stab me a hundred times over to undo what happened before that.” Serilom says.
“Did he abuse you?”
He looks up at her. “Mother, stop. I didn’t come here for this. I don’t need you interrogating me.”
“I’m not interrogating you. You are my son and your wellbeing is important to me. If something happened to you, then I need to know so I can help you and protect you from being hurt again.”
Serilom slams his fist on the table. “I’m a man. I don’t need anyone to protect me. I’m not weak like I was.”
“Then how did Kriv hurt you if you are so strong like you think you are?” Nathisa asks.
“Damn it. We aren’t having this conversation. You are pretending to know things that you don’t.”
She sits across from him and stares into his eyes. “Then just tell me what is going on.”
“Fine. He hurt me with my sword and I told him to stop, but he didn’t. That’s it. There’s nothing else to discuss.”
Nathisa crosses her arms. “You have the same look of denial that your father had so many years ago when he found out about your existence.”
“I’m not in denial.”
“Okay. Well if you ever want to discuss what happened to you when you were a boy, I’m here.”
Serilom glares at her. “When I was a boy? Nothing happened when I was a boy. Where are you getting these crazy ideas?”
“I’m your mother. I may have not been in your life for over twenty years, but I still know my son. I can see that you are struggling with it. Keeping it a secret is only going to cause more pain for both you and Kriv.”
Serilom stands and pulls on his boots and cloak. “Kriv and I are done. It’s over. He has Niv now and I have no one. I’m never going back. There is nothing between us anymore. I feel nothing for that crazy son of a bitch.”
“Then why are you so defensive when you talk about him?” Nathisa asks.
“Because I’m still struggling to move on. Do you know what we had? We had everything. We were perfect together and now it’s all gone. I can’t just magically get better in a couple of hours. Goodbye, Mother.”
*
Serilom stares out into the icy waves and listens as the crashing of the waves attempts to drown out the painful questions flowing in his mind. If he could be certain he could drown, he would walk out into the water and not stop until he sinks below the surface. Maybe then he could be cleansed of the memories that are burning and forever engraved in his mind.
“Serilom?”
He turns around as Nivalaya approaches him and holds her cloak close to her body. She is the last person he wants to see right now.
She sits next to him. “I wanted to talk.”
“Shouldn’t you be with your husband on your wedding night?”
“Serilom …”
“Why are you out here?” Serilom asks. “If you’re here to talk, don’t even try. What’s done is done and nothing you say can change it. Go back to your husband.”
“Forgive me.”
Serilom looks at her and a deep flowing hatred fills him. “Never. I will never forgive you for this. I love Kriv and you took him away from me. There were other ways to handle the situation than this.”
“What happened earlier today between you and Kriv?” Nivalaya asks.
“Nothing. We were having a constructive conversation.”
“Constructive conversation? Killing each other isn’t very constructive.”
“Go away.” Serilom says. “I have nothing to say to you or him. I’m done with all of this.”
“Please don’t be like this. Kriv needed a wife.”
He needed a wife? What is wrong with her? “Why? Why did he need to marry someone he doesn’t love and who doesn’t love him? You have both moved on. I thought it was over between you two. Apparently I was wrong. Now I have no one.”
“You can still be with him.”
Serilom shakes his head. “No. I refuse to be with someone who is married. Marriage is sacred and no part of me will ever cause someone to forsake those holy bonds. I may not be the most religious man, but that’s a line I will never cross.”
“I only wanted to help.” Nivalaya stands and brushes the sand from her dress. “What can I do to make this right?”
“Go to your husband, consummate your marriage however you can and then stay out of my life. Tell your husband that I never want to see him again. Here, give this to him.” Serilom unties Kriv’s ribbon from his wrist and hands it to her. “Now leave me alone and let me die.”
He listens as she walks away, leaving him alone with his first love … the water. Hopefully Kriv can be happy and Lynn will have a mother. Maybe Kriv and Serilom were never meant to last. Either way, anything they had is gone now and will never return. Serilom accepts it. He can’t stay here around these people who know what he and Kriv once had. He can’t stay here and watch Kriv and Niv together. As much as he loves Valen and Tyrran, Serilom has to leave. They will be better off without him anyway. Kriv is a better father for them.
Then there’s what happened this morning. Why would Kriv do that? Well, it doesn’t matter now. Serilom stands and walks down to the docks. He has to find a way out of here. This entire country is a death trap and he wants nothing to do with its crazy occupants. They can all kill themselves for all he cares.
23
Serilom sits out in the fields of dying wheat with the cool wind blowing around him. The night is dark and the stars above are shining bright, but not bright enough to illuminate the darkness that is plaguing him. He reaches in his shirt to his chest and takes Kriv’s soul in his hand. He pulls the necklace off and holds the glowing orb in his fingers. Its warmth spreads down his hand and to his arm. Why, Kriv? Why now?
A small smile graces his lips. Even the stars in the sky aren’t bright enough to outshine Kriv’s soul. But now he belongs to Nivalaya. She should have his soul, not him. Yet here it is, with him, and he can’t stop holding onto it. It’s the most precious thing he has. He has been trying to put his emotions where they need to be, but they continue to rise to the surface. It seems even an Honored One can be lost and helpless. He needs Kriv. If he was here, Kriv would hold him and tell him that he’s never going to leave his side, but it would be a lie. It has always been a lie. Serilom has tried to ignore what they saw in Agramont, but it was destined to happen. What did he do wrong? When did Kriv stop loving him? Bound by blood and magic, they should be together, not a thousand miles apart and separated by fate, distance, and love. Love … the one thing that has held them together for all this time, through all the difficult and trying times, now is the force that drives them apart.
How long has it been since he left Agareth? He tries to count the days that have passed. From his best guess it has been about a month. It is so difficult to distinguish separate days when the sun is dark. It produces just enough heat to keep everything alive, but the only light is what reflects on the surface of the moon. Each day gets colder. Each day he thinks about Kriv. This is the second hardest thing he has ever had to go through. He won’t allow himself to think about the first, even though those memories have been awakened. If he does lose himself in those dark thoughts, he may never be able to pull himself out of them. He would have eventually confided in Kriv … but not now. Serilom has to keep the past tied down or it will get free and devour him.
Will he continue to wander around the world to different places and wherever the ships will take him? How long can he continue to run from all of this? He knows that eventually he will have to find something to do with his life. He can’t fight Argrin, the Damned Ones, Ievas, and Garonwon all by himself. The way he feels right now, he really doesn’t care who wins this pointless war. Some may call it a rebellion, but it’s a war … a horrible, frightening, and hopeless war. Even after the fighting stops and the white flags are raised, there won’t be any winners. That’s not counting the very real possibility that they could end up killing everyone off and be left with no one. Then there’s The Creator who could end it all at any moment.
Even with the pain from Kriv’s betrayal still stinging like a fresh wound, Serilom knows he can’t stay away. He has to see him, even if it is from far away. If Tilidus was still able to visit Serilom after he had lost his magic, then maybe Serilom can watch Kriv and see what he’s doing. Kriv was his mage, after all.
Serilom makes his way back into the tiny town in southern Liora.
*
Serilom knew there was a reason he took that scrying bowl from the fake temple in the fort. It turns out that the one here had been stolen months before. Apparently someone is going around taking the golden scrying bowls from the temples. No doubt Argrin is behind this somehow.
Serilom pulls his necklace off and drops Kriv’s soul into the scrying bowl. He takes a deep breath and prepares himself for the worst. He grasps the sides of the bowl and tries as hard as he can to cast his magic. Maybe it will work this time. Sure enough, the water spills from him and fills the bowl. When the glistening water reaches the brim, he thinks of jasmine flowers and of Kriv. An image appears on the surface of the water and Serilom watches it.
Kriv is sitting outside by the ocean singing to himself. Serilom recognizes the song.
“There once was a man
With waves in his hands
Who travelled the open seas.
A dream in his mind,
Leaving his past behind,
As he floated on the breeze.
With storms in his eyes,
A slave to the skies,
And a heart in need of a home,
He drank to forget
The pain and torment
So he set his mind to roam.
Then one day he found,
While searching around
A mage with deep emerald eyes.
He had a kind heart
And he numbed a part
Of the sailor’s suffering cries.
The sailor and mage
Both turned a new page.
In each other they found love.
And side by side,
Hell could never divide
The two blessed from above.”
Serilom wipes away a tear from his eyes and continues watching the man he still loves. He can’t deny it any longer. Even through everything, he loves him. He almost stops watching when Nivalaya joins Kriv’s side. Instead, he decides to listen to what they say to each other.
“Don’t you want to come inside?” Niv asks.
Kriv shakes his head. “I want to be out here.”
Nivalaya takes his hand. “You can’t be out here all the time. Lynn needs you. You have been ignoring her for weeks. He’s not coming back. We have to move on without him before Argrin attacks again. The sooner you accept that Serilom is gone, the sooner we can try to repair everything. I miss him too, but there’s no way to find him. Not even Lens Aren’s spies have been able to find any trace of him. He might not even still be alive.”
“This was your idea in the first place. You were supposed to tell him the truth, but you didn’t. Now I’ve lost the one person I’ve ever loved completely.”
“I only wanted to ensure that he wouldn’t say the wrong thing and mess it all up.” Niv says. “I didn’t think that he’d just leave without telling anyone. You know it was the best plan of action to make sure that Lynn would understand and not ask questions.”
Kriv tosses a shell into the waves. “I can’t move on without him. I can never be with anyone else and now I’ll be alone forever. At least I know that he will be there fighting against Argrin when it matters. That’s what his future vision was at Agramont. You saw it. That is, if he’s still alive. I like to pretend that our blood pact makes it to where I can sense if he’s alive. But all I can really do is hope. Even my prayers seem useless.”
“I can never move on from Ravier. I will never get married because my heart still belongs to him even in death.”
Wait. Did she just say that she can never get married? Isn’t she married?
Kriv’s voice grabs his attention again. “I never would have followed your stupid plan if I thought he would leave. How could he think that I’d actually marry you? Maybe he believed what he saw in Agramont. I know where I messed up. That morning. He wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t done what I did to him.”
“You weren’t mentally stable.” Nivalaya says.
“That doesn’t matter. Niv, I can’t even imagine doing that. I love Serilom. Why would I hurt him? It’s like I wasn’t even there.”
“If he loves you, he will come back. Until then, we have to move forward.”
“There’s not much we can do until the sun comes back.” Kriv says. “Every nation has come to a complete stop. The war has been halted until we have some light. If we try to fight in this, we will end up with friendly fire incidents and we don’t need that.”
“What if the sun never comes back?” Nivalaya asks.
“Then it’s just as well. Maybe the darkness will allow me to hide away and disappear from this world. It’s where I belong, anyway. A soul of corruption and hatred doesn’t belong in a world of purity and light.”
“Please stop punishing yourself like this. Where are you going?”
Kriv stands and heads back towards the inn. “To write my final farewell.” He stops and looks up at the sky. “Serilom, please hear me. I am so sorry.”
Serilom stops channeling his magic and the vision fades as the room goes dark. He feels like a fool. The wedding was a fake? Wait … final farewell? He wouldn’t. Serilom looks around frantically. How did Ievas say to teleport to a mage? He tries to remember, but he can’t. Maybe he’ll just try and see what happens. Will it even work now that Kriv isn’t a mage anymore? He has to try. He desperately needs to be by Kriv’s side again. He concentrates on the water again and thinks of the anchor with the orange rope and the seas of flowers that The Creator had shown him. Serilom now knows what that all meant. Kriv is his anchor. The jasmine flowers are the love he shares with Kriv. The Ilsip flowers are the love he shared with Alistiria. Ultimately, love is Serilom’s guiding force that keeps him balanced and moving steadily through life. He has to rely on his heart and his emotions to guide him. Right now, his heart and emotions are telling him that he needs to get back to Kriv as soon as possible. Both of their lives might depend on it.
24
Serilom sneaks down the hallway, trying not to be seen. He wants to talk to Kriv alone without anyone interfering. He stops at an open door and sees Niv playing a game with Lynn while rocking the babies to sleep. Good, Lynn is preoccupied. Maybe he’s not too late.
Serilom reaches their room, slips inside, and closes the door without a sound. Kriv is sitting at the table with his back to the door. He’s writing by candlelight and humming to himself. This is just like the time Serilom found him writing in the middle of the night.
As silently as he can, Serilom moves across the room until he is directly behind Kriv. He almost doesn’t want to interrupt him. He almost turns and leaves. His hand is trembling as he reaches out and touches Kriv’s shoulder.
Kriv stops writing and sits motionless in the silent room.
Serilom whispers to him. “You called for me?”
Kriv blows out the candle. “I am a worthless piece of shit.”
“No.”
“You came back. Why did you come back after what I did to you?”
