Lights of agramont trilo.., p.91
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 91
Kriv shakes his head. “Why on Earth would that make me happy? That should never happen to anyone. That explains so much about you.”
“I used to think I could forget about it. I was in denial for so long. I had nightmares. All of my nightmares were of that. I was forced to relive it in my mind every night. What kind of man has been raped? I’m not a woman. I’m not weak.”
“You said it yourself. You were a child. It doesn’t make you any less of a man.”
“You don’t know what it’s like.” Serilom says.
Kriv’s grip tightens around Serilom’s hand. “I do. You don’t know my father.”
“Hell. You’re lying.”
“I wish I was.”
Serilom’s anger flares up again. “Damn it all, this world is messed up. No wonder The Creator wants to destroy it. I would too. Why does this happen? We were children.”
“The world isn’t a pretty place, especially for children who are unable to defend themselves.”
“How did you move past it?” Serilom asks.
“The same way I moved past everything else. I didn’t. What do think happened to make me do what I did to you? I had a nightmare and I couldn’t stop myself. I feel awful, but I couldn’t stop. If I had been in my right mind, I never would have done that. I am so sorry. I wasn’t myself.”
“But you did that and you hurt me and I begged you to stop.”
Kriv sighs. “I know. I know. Nothing I can do or say will ever make that okay. I hate myself for doing that to you.”
“Now I’m wondering about other things.”
“About what other things?” Kriv asks.
Serilom looks at Kriv’s hands. “Being with you in general. Is it difficult for you to be with me? Does it bring back memories of what your father did?”
“Sometimes. What about you?”
“Yes. Then I feel terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Kriv says. “It’s different. You have to see that it’s different.”
“I know it is, but now I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to do it again. I can’t think of you like that. This is terrible.”
Kriv takes a deep breath and rubs Serilom’s back. “We are a lot alike. It’s scary sometimes how similar we are. I knew something must have happened to you for you to be the way you are. You have that same emptiness in your eyes that I see in the mirror every day. Now I know. Thank you.”
“So where do we go from here?” Serilom asks.
“Wherever you need to go. I will do whatever I can to help you. If you want to talk more, we can talk. If you want to drink that entire bottle of whiskey, then do that. If you want to burn down every building in Agareth, well … you can’t do that, but I often wish I could do that.”
Serilom smiles. Only Kriv can make him smile like this. “Can you hold me?”
“Of course.”
*
As the fire in the hearth dies down, Kriv begins to undress then stops when he sees Serilom watching him. “Is something wrong?”
“What are you doing?” Serilom asks.
“Is this a problem?”
Should it be a problem? “No … I guess not. But what about earlier?”
Kriv removes his shirt then lies down next to Serilom. “What about it? You can’t let that dominate your life.”
“I can’t do this. Not knowing what I know. If I had known that had happened to you, I would never have done it in the first place.” His eyes wander over Kriv’s body. He wants to forget the pain. He truly does.
“Serilom, it’s different.” Kriv says as his hands move over Serilom’s legs.
“I don’t care. I don’t want any part of it.”
“Your body says otherwise.”
Serilom blushes and removes Kriv’s hand. “My body is stupid.”
“Sometimes not thinking is the best thing to do.”
Serilom blows out the candle and lies down. “Easy for an insane person to say.”
Kriv rolls over and covers his head with the blanket. “Good night.”
Serilom sighs and watches Kriv’s breathing under the blanket. Why does he have to be so dramatic about everything? “So now you’re going to sulk?”
“No. I’m going to sleep. I understand. All you had to do was say no. I respect that. I will never make you do something you don’t want to do if it is going to hurt you.”
Serilom wraps his arms around Kriv and presses himself up against him. “Just give me some time. I love you. That hasn’t changed.”
“I know. I love you too. Hold me tighter.” Kriv says. “It’s too cold for you to be so far away. Why does it choose now to start snowing in Agareth?”
“Because of Ravier.”
Kriv shakes his head. “What a waste of a life. We could have gotten him out somehow. I would have found a way.”
“There wasn’t a way. You can’t blame yourself.”
“Then you can’t blame yourself for what happened to you.” Kriv whispers. “It was fifteen years ago. I realize it still hurts, but as someone who has been struggling with things like this for just as long, I can tell you that the best thing for you to do is move on and try to live a normal life.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing? You think your life is normal?” Serilom asks.
“I said to try. I never said I succeeded.”
Serilom breathes deeply. Even through the blanket, he can smell Kriv’s scent and it is driving him mad. “You still smell like jasmine.”
“I always smell like jasmine.”
“Never stop that.”
“I don’t intend to. Is it comforting to you?” Kriv asks.
“I don’t know if comforting is the right word.”
Kriv’s hips move against Serilom. “I can feel that it’s something else.”
Serilom rolls his eyes. “Go to sleep.”
“Then you might want to turn away from me or something. Your body is doing it again and it is very distracting.”
Serilom smiles. “Sorry. I can’t help it.”
“Don’t apologize. Never apologize for the way you feel.”
Serilom doesn’t want to move. He wants to be close to Kriv. He moves closer.
“Serilom, if you want to go to sleep, please stop doing that. Move over. You are ridiculous. Either let me do something about it or leave me alone.”
Serilom joins Kriv under the blanket. He kisses the back of Kriv’s neck and whispers to him. “What can you do about it?”
“Let me show you.”
26
Serilom is awakened by a cold blast of air and strong hands that drag him out of bed. He kicks away the attacker and grabs the Lullaby Blade. He holds it up. Where is Kriv?
Argrin grins at him. “Good morning.”
“Where is Kriv?”
“He will be returning shortly. He went to get some breakfast early this morning. I know all about your little plan to defend Agareth. I thought gentlemen don’t break their promises.” Argrin says as another cold blast knocks Serilom off of his feet.
Serilom drops to his knees as a rag is placed in his mouth and tied around his head. His hands are bound and some unseen force holds him there. He glances over and sees an exact copy of himself kneeling in the same manner with hands bound and everything. The two of them stare at each other and Serilom feels a deep sense of dread fill him. This isn’t going to be good. When Kriv enters the room, Serilom knows this is about to be very bloody for someone.
Kriv tosses his bag on the table and draws his revolvers. “Leave this instant, Argrin. You aren’t welcome here. I will kill you.”
A black mist swirls around Serilom and Argrin laughs. “Since when does the slave get to order the Master?”
“I’m not your slave, Argrin. Let Serilom go.”
“I wouldn’t do anything too rash, bard. If you kill me, Serilom dies.” Argrin says.
“Which one is the real Serilom?” Kriv asks.
“That is the goal of this little game. You get to figure that out. Pick the correct one, Tide-Storm. Can you truly know which one is your blood brother? I’ll give you a hint: one is an Honored One and the other is a Damned One. If you choose wrong, you eliminate the last remaining pure Honored One and the Damned Ones cannot be controlled. Don’t even think about trying to run. I have a barrier up now and no one can hear what happens in this room. There is no way for you to break out, either. So … choose wisely.”
“Why are you playing games, Argrin?” Kriv asks.
“It’s Master to you, bard. And if you must know, this was Ievas’s idea. He wanted some entertainment.” Argrin snaps his fingers and Ievas appears in a cloud of black fog.
“Greetings, Serilom.” Ievas says then turns to Kriv. “There’s my little bard. How is your back?”
“Shut up. Do you really have nothing better to do than play games?”
Ievas crosses his arms and leans against the wall. “Isn’t this all one big game, Tide-Storm? Oh, I almost forgot. You only had five minutes to make your choice before both of them die. You’re at four minutes now. You’re running out of time.”
Kriv steps forward and examines them both. His eyes move across them.
“Three minutes.” Argrin says.
Look in my eyes. Look in my eyes, Kriv. Serilom begs him in his mind and tries to think of anything to make him choose correctly. Surely Kriv can tell the difference. The longer Kriv stands there glancing back and forth, the faster Serilom’s confidence fades. Kriv doesn’t know.
“Two minutes.”
The indecision and desperation reflect in Kriv’s eyes. Sweat starts to bead up on his forehead and his hands shake as he clutches his revolvers. Serilom begins to panic. When Kriv places his revolver against Serilom’s forehead, Serilom’s last remaining hope vanishes. Kriv’s other gun is on the Damned One. He’s not going to shoot them both, is he? He wouldn’t. He won’t.
“One minute.”
Kriv closes his eyes and presses the barrel of gun against Serilom’s head. “If I choose wrong, forgive me, Brother.”
Serilom’s heart is racing and he starts to tremble. This isn’t happening. Why can Kriv not tell who is the real one? Can’t he read Serilom’s eyes? He says a silent prayer to The Creator.
“Thirty seconds.”
Kriv doesn’t move. He only takes a couple of long slow breaths.
“Ten seconds before they both die.”
Two shots ring out. Serilom opens his eyes and sees the floor splattered with blood and Kriv holding the other Serilom down.
Kriv drops his guns then draws his dagger and places the blade against the bleeding man’s neck. “Have you enjoyed your pathetic little life? Is this what you want from me? You can have your death. You pretend to be my friend, my lover, and my blood brother to what end? To make me angry? Well now you die and I get my revenge. You sicken me. Now die, bastard.” With one quick swipe, the blade slices through the Damned One’s neck.
Ievas, Argrin, and the corpse vanish as the black magic fades. Serilom closes his eyes and says another prayer.
Kriv stays on his hands and knees and stares at the bloody floor. “Thank you, Almighty Creator. Thank you.” He stands and goes to Serilom. He throws his arms around Serilom and holds him tight against him. “Serilom … you’re okay. You’re okay.” Kriv cuts through the ropes and removes the gag from Serilom’s mouth. “I was so afraid that I was going to choose wrong.”
“What made you choose correctly?” Serilom asks.
“Look behind you.”
Serilom turns around to see a bullet hole in the wall directly behind him. That would have barely missed him. Kriv never misses … unless he doesn’t want to kill the person he is aiming at.
“I missed. I missed and I knew.” Kriv says through his tears of relief.
It wasn’t him. Kriv was never actually going to kill him. What they saw in Agramont was this. He takes Kriv’s hand and stands to his feet. “Kriv … you’re not going to kill me.”
“I guess not.”
“Yes! I knew it couldn’t be true.” Serilom throws his hands in the air and shouts at the top of his lungs. As the realization sweeps over him, Serilom can’t help but laugh. He is smiling and nothing is going to stop that. For the first time in so long, he is happy.
Kriv eyes him curiously as he replaces his guns in the holsters. “What are you laughing about?”
He takes Kriv’s hands and he smiles. “Don’t you see? It’s not over. We can be happy.”
“If we survive.”
Serilom jumps up and down as he giggles. “That’s the point! Kriv, we can do this. It doesn’t have to end like the legend. We can defeat Argrin and then we can be happy. Don’t you want that? Finally, there’s hope for us. We will be happy. We can have a happy ending to all of this. The Creator knows we need it. We deserve it after what we’ve been through.”
Kriv grins and looks into Serilom’s eyes. “You know, you might be right.”
“Of course I’m right. Come on, bard!” Serilom grabs Kriv and spins him around. “This is the best thing ever. Kiss me!”
“Who are you and what have you done with Serilom Orrentius?”
“Doesn’t matter. Dance with me.”
“Dance with you? I thought you’d never ask.” He takes Serilom’s hand and they skip around and spin in circles as they giggle and lose themselves in each other and the knowledge that they may both make it to see the end of this.
Everyone runs into the hall and Cailen kicks the door open.
“Are they dancing?” Faren asks.
Captain Myar smiles. “Yep. Want to know what’s more concerning?”
“What’s that?”
“Serilom is smiling, genuinely smiling.”
Serilom nearly screams at them with excitement. “Kriv isn’t going to kill me.”
Lens Aren shakes his head. “He might if you keep acting like that.”
“I don’t even care anymore.” Serilom holds out his arms and spins in a circle. This is the best he has felt in so long. He can’t stop laughing. Something catches his eye and he stops then runs to the window. Throwing open the curtains, he takes it all in. The bright sunlight is returning to the world. Finally, the sun is rising after three months of darkness. “Kriv! Look.”
Kriv wraps his arms around Serilom’s waist. “Wow. I never thought I would love to see the sun this much. Could this be a sign from The Creator that we truly do have a chance? Can we do this?”
“As long as we believe and have hope, we can do anything with The Creator on our side. There is hope. I don’t know where we will be tomorrow but in this moment, we can be content to be together and know that there is still hope in the world.”
*
After their celebration has ended, the two of them share a drink and talk. Kriv’s mood suddenly turns darker and he takes Serilom’s hand. “Listen to me for a minute. Serilom Ivel Orrentius, I apologize for the way I have been treating you for the past few months. I am so sorry. I know that you are hurting because of the way I act around you. I love you and if you can find it in your soul to forgive me, I will do everything I can to make it up to you. You are worth so much to me and I haven’t been showing you that. I’m not going to make excuses because even with all I’ve been going through, it’s inexcusable. If you can’t forgive me right now, I understand. Actions speak louder than words and I will do whatever needs to be done to gain your complete trust again and bring back the love that we had for each other.”
“Do you know what I really want right now? Lie down beside me, take my hand, and let us feel the world move around us while we feel our souls breathing.”
Kriv smiles and joins his side. “Something on your mind, Brother?”
“Everything.”
“I understand.” He laces his fingers with Serilom’s. “Here, I want you to have this back.” Kriv ties the orange ribbon around Serilom’s wrist. “Never take this off again, okay?”
“I won’t.”
They stare at the ceiling while the fire in the hearth burns down and the shadows in the room grow larger. The soft crackling of the flames is the only sound in their mutual silence. Even the wind outside isn’t enough to break into their cocoon of emptiness and sterility. This sterility is the one thing that Serilom can count on to be pure and never changing. Here in this sanctuary, both of them can be free from the worries that plague their minds and control their lives. Together with nothing but the air around them, the bed below them, and the ceiling above them, they can clear their minds and take comfort in knowing that the other is right here feeling the same way they are. Desolation is a welcome gift when the world around them is too much to bear on their own. In that isolation and bleakness, a necessary and basic truth comes to light. That truth is that the person they hold onto through the void is the one person who will never leave them, never forget them, and always be there even when their world collapses around them.
Serilom moves closer to Kriv and lays face on his chest. Kriv holds him close and breathes into his hair. It is this small comfort that Serilom has been missing and needing desperately. The tenderness has returned to Kriv’s touch after so long of being callous and rough. Now, those fingers and lips are smooth, warm, and inviting. More than that, they are welcoming and understanding during a time when Serilom’s thoughts are anything but calming. Things are going to be better from here. They’ve been at the bottom for so long that the only place they can go is up. The surface of the water isn’t as far away as Serilom had thought. He can see the light glistening on the shifting waves and hear them crashing on the wet sand. The ocean floor calls back to him, but he continues to swim. All he has to do now is hold his breath until he breaks free from the cold grasp of the currents pulling him down. Now he has the renewed hope that when he can’t swim anymore, Kriv’s hand will be there help him out of the water.
