Lights of agramont trilo.., p.98
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 98
“At least I am still man.”
“I heard that. So, are you going to start working on casting your magic again?” Kriv asks.
“No.”
Lens Aren sits across from Serilom. “Why not? We need your magic. If we are going to continue fighting this war, we need you. Kriv told me what happened when you were a boy. I understand why this is difficult for you, but we need you to move past it.”
Serilom closes his eyes and tries to block them out. He doesn’t feel like listening to their constant complaining or nagging questions. Can’t they leave him alone? Why does everyone expect so much from him? He is doing all he can. Even after what he just went through with Argrin, these people are demanding him to do things that he can’t do. Now he wonders if he can even physically cast his magic after what Argrin did to him. It hurts even thinking about channeling. No. He’s never doing it again. If they can’t accept him for who he is without his magic, then he can leave.
“Serilom, please. Give it a chance. We can help you work through this.” Lens Aren says.
“I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m just fine the way I am. You two constantly pestering me about this isn’t making me want to try any more. Listen to me right now. I am never using my magic again. I don’t care if there is a sword swinging at my face, I will not call up a wall of water to save my life. It’s not worth it. You don’t understand. If you want a mage who controls water, then talk to Faren. He’s more than capable of doing what I can do.”
Kriv and Lens Aren look at each other. Lens Aren leads Kriv into the hall where they start to argue, but Serilom can’t make out what they are saying. Why is this such a big deal to them? When they enter the room again, Kriv takes Serilom’s hand.
Lens Aren removes his hat and sits next to Serilom. “Serilom, when we rescued you, Admiral Faren and Captain Myar were taken prisoner by Argrin. There are reports from my agents that they have been taken to the labor camps in Alamay.”
There is a tapping on the window and Lens Aren rushes over and slides it open. A black bird is perched there with a small slip of paper attached to his leg. Lens Aren pulls it off and closes the window as the bird flies off. He unfolds it and reads it.
The paper falls to the floor.
Lens Aren takes off his hat and throws it across the room. His hands are trembling as he grabs his hair and slides down to the floor.
“Lens?” Kriv asks.
Lens Aren hides his face and holds his knees to his chest. “It’s over. Fly the white flags. We need to just surrender right now.”
“What happened?” Kriv asks.
“You and Zixis are the only remaining sailors we have.”
“No. Tell me you’re lying.”
Lens Aren shakes his head as the tears stream down his face. “Captain Myar and Admiral Faren were burned alive this morning.”
Kriv begins pacing. “I should be dead right now. I was going to go with Faren, but Myar offered to take my place. He was my friend. Why couldn’t it have been me instead? Faren and Myar were two of the most admirable men on this planet. They were good men.” Kriv goes to his chess board. He stares at it for a minute then removes a rook and the white knight. “Our side is looking very barren. I’ll let you do the next one, Serilom. Remove this pawn. It was for your mages.”
Serilom reaches down and takes it. The piece feels cold in his hand. What a massacre. What a waste of souls. Then the realization sweeps over him. Lynn, Valen, and Tyrran are his only remaining mages. The world is falling apart and he is being forced to watch everyone around him die and suffer. And for what? A last desperate attempt at saving the scraps of humanity left clinging to hope? As he weighs the options, this suddenly doesn’t seem worth it any more.
“I don’t know if this even doable now.” Kriv says. “We’ve lost so much … so many people. I can’t risk losing anyone else. Our navy is nearly unusable. I’m the only naval strategist left. Zixis doesn’t count. Even I can’t do this by myself.”
“Yes you can. I saw you at your best in Alamay. I know you can do this.” Serilom says.
“That was different.”
“Why? You were fighting for the same thing then as you are now. Freedom. You had to protect those innocent people. What do you think is going to happen if you give up and surrender now? Argrin will slaughter everyone. Be strong and be the Divine Commander the world needs you to be.”
“It’s too late, Serilom.” Kriv removes another pawn and drops it at his feet. “We are getting nowhere. Any future battles will only be bloodbaths.”
Lens Aren stands and goes back to the window where another bird has landed. He composes himself then takes the slip of paper and shuts the window. He reads it and a dark grin spreads across his lips. “I have to go get Nivalaya.” He says as he leaves the room.
Kriv and Serilom look at each other. What is this about?
Nivalaya enters the room carrying her claymore. “What’s going on?” She tosses her sword on the table.
Kriv shrugs. “No idea. Lens got a message and then left. Aside from that, you should know that Myar and Faren were killed this morning.”
“That’s terrible.” Niv says.
“Divine Commander, we brought you a present. My agents found it sneaking around the rubble in Agareth.” Lens Aren says.
Zixis and Cailen drag the man in and push him down to his knees.
Nivalaya gasps and covers her mouth with her hand.
Serilom can’t believe what he sees. How far can someone fall?
Kriv rolls up his sleeves. “Well … I wasn’t expecting to win the war today. Does Argrin know? Does Ievas know? Why the hell are you in my domain? This is truly an interesting turn of events. I wonder … what happens when you die? Earthquakes? Plants dying? Volcanoes? I really don’t care. Whatever the cost, it’s one I’m willing to pay. Who do you want to kill you? Me or Serilom?” Kriv asks as he pulls out his revolvers.
Garonwon glares at him. “Serilom doesn’t have the balls to kill another Honored.”
Nivalaya pushes past Serilom and picks up her claymore from the table. “He’s not going to kill you. Neither is Tide-Storm. I am. This is my time to make things right. You have destroyed me. You took my childhood and my innocent from me. You manipulated me, raped me, and degraded me to the point where I believed that was all I was good for. You never were a father to me and death is too good for a monster like you. I tried for years to pretend that everything was going to be okay, that you did what you did in order to help me grow into a better mage. None of that was true. You only wanted to abuse me and make me do what you wanted me to do. Even after I tried to do what you wanted, you manipulated my body to die if I disobeyed you and didn’t have sex with all the men you brought to me. How can you do that to your own daughter? Never again will I bow to your wishes. I am my own person now. Then you go and help Ievas destroy the one person who valued my soul above everything else. Ravier loved me with such a deep and eternal passion that will never be rivaled except for what I’ve seen between Kriv and Serilom. You couldn’t tear them apart so you had to rip Ravier away from me. You can’t stand to see people love each other, can you? You have never had love so you feel that you need to destroy it. My mother’s death wasn’t an accident, was it? You killed her. You suffocated her with your magic because she didn’t want me to fall victim to you. She found out how evil you truly are. I bet she threatened to leave you and you killed her so she wouldn’t tell the world of how you truly are. You couldn’t have anyone tell you that you were wrong.”
“It’s true.” Garonwon says. “All of it is true. I admit that and I am truly sorry. But you can’t kill your father, Nivalaya.”
“Why the hell not?” She asks.
“If you kill me, you die too.” Garonwon says.
“You’re lying.”
“Try it and see.”
Nivalaya raises her sword. “Gladly. Farewell, Father.” She swings and slices straight through Garonwon’s neck.
Serilom closes his eyes. He can’t see this.
“Get this cleaned up.” Kriv says.
“Lying bastard.” Nivalaya says.
Serilom looks at her. “We should keep an eye on you anyway, just in case something does happen or if you start deteriorating. Tell me if you feel sick or weak at any time.”
“I will.”
“Aside from that, are you all right?” Serilom asks.
“Yes … I think.” She wipes the blood from her claymore on her skirt. She is free, finally free from Garonwon’s control over her life. She smiles and takes a deep breath. This is the day she has been looking forward to for so long. If only Ravier was here to see her now. He is. She knows he is. He is always watching over her and protecting her. She hears his voice quietly whispering to her among the crackling of the fires in the hearth. She dreams about him at night and smells his scent surround her on the hot winds, feels him kiss her when the bright sun warms her skin. His body might now be alive anymore, but his spirit surely is. Nivalaya clutches her eternally burning pendant in her hand and feels the flames as they flicker between her fingers. Her heart belongs to those flames and she will never let them burn out.
35
Serilom’s boots are wet with the morning dew that glistens across the rolling hills like a million tiny stars. Even in this frozen weather, the tiny purple flowers have emerged out of the dead grass. Now like everything else, they are dying. The wind picks them up and scatters them over the graves being dug. Birds have been falling out of the sky in massive numbers from starvation. The crops in the fields won’t grow. Animals refuse to mate. Entire forests are decaying and taking their untold secrets with them. There have been reports from the Black Veil agents that women are losing the children they carry. Because of Garonwon’s death, life is shutting down. On top of that, earthquakes have been violently shaking the already tormented land.
This is the place for all of the allied fallen to be laid to rest. The calm is a welcome change. He wonders what will happen when he is killed. Droughts? Floods? Who knows? The world better prepare for anything because Serilom knows his life is close to ending. He knows that he won’t make it through this war alive. He has had too many close calls. Eventually the odds will catch up with him and fate will collect on his debt.
As the priests perform the funeral rites, Serilom watches them, but feels eerily removed from it all, almost as if he is already dead and looking down from above them. Only the bite of the frigid air reminds him that he is still very much alive … even if he wouldn’t mind the alternative.
The priests are more than capable of doing this without him. They didn’t even ask Serilom to be here. He chose to be. Kriv is busy preparing for some future battle or uprising or whatever else they will be doing. Serilom needs to clear his mind and get away from all of the living they have been doing. What’s better to help forget about living than seeing death all around him?
The bodies come from all around the world. Some are wrapped with orange fabric or ribbons. Everyone wears orange sashes around their waists now to show their allegiance. Even Serilom, despite his initial protests. The color has come to mean so much more than it had originally. He watches the bodies wrapped in orange. All of them died for the same cause. Freedom. They believed in Kriv and in The Creator. Serilom has to see them and remember how many have given their lives. It will keep him going and moving forward. He can’t give up now, not with so many lives already given for this cause. One way or another, he has to make it up to them. Their deaths can’t be in vain. That’s why he’s here instead of inside his warm room with Kriv.
Serilom pulls back his sleeves and looks at the fresh cuts. He did it again. He wants to stop. He truly does. But he gets so desperate that he has to feel some release of all the emotions he is trying to hide. He knows that he won’t be able to contain them for much longer and he will either learn to cope with them and face them or be devoured by them. Part of the problem is that Kriv is so busy all the time and by the time Serilom has time with him, he wants to do nothing other than go to sleep. Serilom misses the intimacy they once had. He can only hope that before he dies, Kriv will make some time for him.
Nivalaya is still doing just fine after killing her father. For that, Serilom is grateful. At least she can be happy with Zixis. Though … Serilom knows he would be with Nivalaya if he could be. He still harbors strong emotions and attachment to her even now. However, the ultimate truth of it all is the he would choose Kriv over anyone else in the world.
Sometimes he likes to think about what it would be like if he could have both Kriv and Niv. Sure, it’s entertaining and arousing, but then all of the connection is lost. For him, intimacy has always been about the one on one connection with the person more than anything else. That trust and manifestation of emotions in physical form is what he craves now from Kriv.
How can he let Kriv know that he misses him? Is it selfish of him to want Kriv to himself for a while? Of course Kriv is busy with everything. That’s not the problem. The problem is that Kriv hasn’t expressed any interest in him in weeks. Part of that is because Serilom has been recovering from his ordeal with Argrin but still. They can be intimate without sex. And right now, he needs to just know that Kriv cares.
Where do they go from here? They go where they have to go. Somehow, they are going to fight Argrin and attempt to make everything right. Serilom thinks about what he asked from The Creator when he took Tilidus’s place. It seems like so long ago. He can only pray that the promise will be fulfilled in time. Though … the way things are going, it might not be worth it anyway.
Serilom can’t think about this anymore. Instead, he goes to the priests and focuses on helping them. He will do whatever he can to clear his mind of the inevitable demise that is plaguing him and relentlessly prying apart his thoughts all hours of the day and night. His whiskey doesn’t help anymore. What more can he do? He could try to steal some of Lens Aren’s pain medicine. No. He knows that’s not the answer.
There is not a simple or easy fix for this. Serilom decides to suppress his emotional suffering for a while longer until he can find some outlet, some escape from it all. He can pretend to not notice it for a few more days, but he knows that his time is limited. There are only so many more sleepless nights he can take before he breaks. If this is what it feels like to go insane, he can begin to understand Kriv’s frustration. Well, if Serilom is truly losing his mind, at least he knows he won’t be alone in his insanity.
36
“Sometime in the next week, we will be leaving for Gorantha.” Kriv says as he looks at everyone in the meeting room. “It is time for this to end, one way or another. We can’t take another attack from Argrin or Ievas. Our supplies are dwindling even now and with the animals and plants dying off, we have no way of getting more. We must strike while we still can. We have enough to make the trip and I believe that if we can make it there, The Creator will guide us to victory. We are his holy soldiers and he will provide for us.”
Commander Cailen stands and approaches Kriv. “I’ve had enough of this. We can’t keep making plans that will only fall apart in the end. We need to stop the fighting and killing while we are still alive. Ievas will come around, I’m sure. We can surrender and find a way to band together with him. I trust that Ievas won’t let humanity be destroyed.”
“He destroyed all of Agareth. He slaughtered countless innocent people. How can you say something like that? If we surrender, it is a death sentence.”
Cailen picks up Kriv’s ancient book and steps over to the fireplace. “Either you surrender now or I throw this in the hearth.”
“Cailen, don’t.” Kriv begins to sound desperate. “Listen to me. I only want what’s best for everyone. We still have the Lullaby Blade and if we can get Serilom to Gorantha, I know that he will be able to kill Argrin.”
“Surrender.” Cailen orders.
“Never.”
“Then say farewell to your book.”
Kriv falls to his knees. “Don’t, please. You can’t destroy that book. The universe needs it. Humanity needs to know the truth about what is written in there. Those words can save so many souls. Kill me instead.”
Cailen laughs. “You would give up your own life to protect this book? Why on earth would you do that? You do realize that it isn’t real.”
“It is more real than anything I have ever known.”
“Will you surrender to Ievas?” Cailen asks as he inches closer to the fire.
“I … I can’t. Everyone will die.”
“I gave you a chance, Tide-Storm.”
Serilom draws the Lullaby Blade and points it at Cailen. “Put the book down, Cailen. I don’t want to fight you, but I will if I have to.”
“I’m not afraid of you.” Cailen tosses the book into the flames.
Kriv runs to the hearth and grabs for the book, but the fire is too hot and quickly burns the pages as well as Kriv’s hands. He pulls his hands from the fire and holds the smoldering ashes.
Serilom helps Kriv to his feet then turns back to Cailen. “Bastard. Why? What can you possibly gain by destroying that book?”
Commander Cailen steps up to Kriv then leans close and kisses his cheek. He turns and slams the door behind him.
What the hell was that? Serilom stares at Kriv and everyone in the room is silent.
Kriv’s hands are tightened into fists and his face is red with anger. His eyes are dark with rage. With shaking hands, he picks up the bottle of rum and drinks the entire thing. He throws the bottle at the door where it shatters. “Close the windows and pull the curtains closed. The end is near for all of us. We can’t take any risks from here on. No one leaves this building until we sail for Gorantha. I don’t care if this building is on fire. You stay here. Keep all windows closed and don’t even look outside. No one who isn’t one of the six remaining who have been here all along are allowed anywhere near this building. If you see anyone, you are to tell me immediately and discretely. Is that understood? Do not call anyone who is not one of the six. Do not even think about going against these orders. There will be swift and fitting punishment for anyone who transgresses against my orders. This is your one warning.”
