Downpour a grumpy sunshi.., p.16
Downpour: A Grumpy Sunshine Romance, page 16
But he couldn’t hide what he had been watching.
“Do you miss it?” I asked, staring at the paused thumbnail of a rider on the back of a massive bull.
His silence spoke volumes. The answer was evident in the clenched flex of his jaw. “My old manager wanted me to watch this kid ride and send back some critique.”
I snorted. “Sounds like he’s slacking off.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, but that was all.
“I miss it,” he admitted. “I hate watching it from this fucking couch. I know I’m supposed to believe that there was a purpose for my accident. You know—all that positivity bullshit that Christian can spew at the drop of a hat.” He sighed and closed his computer. “But I don’t see the good in it. And I don’t think I ever will. I still can’t write my own damn name, and it’s only three letters.”
I curled into his side and rested my head on his shoulder. “I don’t think you have to find the good in it. Sometimes there is no good to be found.”
Ray looked at me curiously. “Did you fall and hit your head on that ride, Sunnyside?”
I laughed. “No. I just…” I sighed. “My parents died. My grandma died. I don’t have a family. I have shitty roommates who kind of scare me, and I wake up every day just hoping to get through the next twenty-four hours so I’m one day closer to accessing my trust and having a life. There’s no good in that. There’s no good in you getting thrown off a bull and having your career end. You don’t have to pretend there’s some greater meaning in it all. Sometimes life just sucks.”
“Is this where you tell me to enjoy the little things and be grateful for what I have left?”
I shrugged. “What you do with what you have is your business. I’m not saying you have to pretend your accident or your diagnosis was good. But I am saying that good things still exist.”
Ray found my hand and squeezed.
I studied the contrast of black ink that danced across his light skin. “Darkness and light exist together in the same moments. We find it in sunrises and sunsets. It’s the clash that people trek across mountains to experience.”
The house was quiet. Too quiet. Ray was jittery. Frankly, so was I.
“Let’s get out of here.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Why? Where?”
“Who cares where we go? What else do we have to do? You don’t have PT until tomorrow afternoon.”
He blinked for a moment, and I could tell he was mulling it over in his mind. “Pack a bag. We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
“Take the next right and get on the highway.”
The truck engine growled as we sped through town without giving anyone on the ranch a heads-up that we were leaving.
“You gonna tell me where I’m driving us?” I asked as I fiddled with the radio.
Ray swatted my hands away. “Ten and two, Evel Knievel.” He found the station I was looking for and turned up the volume. “And no. You get directions, not a destination. You’d just get lost anyway.”
I rolled my eyes. “Ye of little faith.”
“I’m making educated guesses based on previous patterns of behavior.” He slid his hand down my arm and peeled my hand off the steering wheel when I settled into the right lane on the highway. Ray wrapped his hand around mine. “We’re going east.”
“Alright, Lewis and Clark. What are we going to do out east?”
The heat in his eyes was positively carnivorous. “Getting out of town for the night.”
I squeezed my thighs together. “How much rope did you bring?”
Ray let out a loud, long laugh. It was a sharp contrast to the haunted man from earlier who had been contemplating the trajectory of his life. “I didn’t bring any. Sorry to disappoint.”
“I’m not disappointed,” I blurted out.
Oh my god. It was so obvious that I was actually disappointed.
Ray snickered.
“Okay, fine. Maybe I’m a little disappointed.” I briefly took my eyes off the road. “Is a repeat of yesterday on the table?”
He licked his lips. “Eyes on the road, Sunnyside.”
I huffed and focused on driving.
“Is that… something you want? With me, I mean.”
“Sex? Um. Yes, please? I thought that was pretty obvious.”
“It’s not.”
“Obvious?”
Ray clenched his jaw, and his stormy expression returned. “I’ll give you what you want. I just need to know what it is.”
Him. I wanted him.
The thought startled me with its immediacy. “What do you want?” I countered.
Ray shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. Take the next exit.”
Did he seriously just give me directions? He was being so nonchalant about a conversation that should have been highly intimate.
If he wasn’t going to be brave, I would be. “I like you,” I confessed. “A lot. And maybe that’s weird since I work for you and we don’t have much in common. But I like hanging out with you. And I’m pretty sure you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever met in person.”
Ray raised an eyebrow. “In person?”
I shrugged. “I mean, Ryan Reynolds exists.”
He cracked a smile. “That’s fair.”
I held his hand a little tighter as I exited the highway and made the left turn he pointed out. “I don’t want to get my hopes up because I know you probably don’t want what I want. So if you just want sex, that’s fine.”
“What do you want, Brooke?”
“I want to be with you. To see where things go. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But at least we tried.”
“You want to date me?”
I hated his tone, as if it was strange to want to date. He could probably have any woman he wanted.
“You don’t have to sound so appalled.”
“I’m not appalled.” Ray sighed. “The end game of dating is marriage, and I’m not the marrying kind.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
“Why? Because you don’t want it?” I laughed. “I’m not walking down the aisle any time soon. I didn’t pack a white dress and I’m not driving us to the courthouse.”
He let go of my hand and raked his fingers through his hair. “Don’t play this fucking game with me. I thought you were better than that.”
“What game?”
“The thing people do where they pretend like I’m not paraplegic. I am. That’s not changing. The game where people pretend like it doesn’t affect everything. I can’t drive you on dates. I can’t walk beside you and hold your hand. I can’t dance with you at a wedding. I can’t be the one to take you to the hospital when you’re in labor with our babies. I’m not putting someone I love through that. I’m not going to make you take on a dependent when you should have a partner. I’m not going to be selfish, no matter how much I want to be.”
Oh. He… He said a lot of things.
I veered into a fast food parking lot and slammed on the brakes. “Did you just say you love me?”
Ray pressed his head against the headrest. “Really? That’s what you got from all of that?”
“Yes or no.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Isn’t that something people promise to each other? For better or worse? In sickness and in health?”
He stared out the window. “They promise those things before they happen. It’s a frivolous insurance policy that doesn’t apply to pre-existing conditions.”
I pushed the gear shift into park and turned in the seat. “Ray…”
“You know, I was excited to retire in a few years,” he admitted with a heartbreaking crack in his voice. “I wanted to settle down and have kids. Taking care of my nieces when they were little and needed someone put that fire in me. I wanted to have the kind of family I had growing up.”
“You can still have all those things. You’re the man who figures it out and makes it work. I’m not saying it would be with me. Hell, we might hate each other by the time we get home tomorrow. You’re forgetting that you don’t need me. Remember?”
His eyes were soft and glassy. “I think I was wrong.”
21
RAY
We pulled out of the parking lot in silence, but Brooke never let go of my hand. Even when she drove over the curb.
I had never admitted any of that to anyone, not even before the accident. My public persona was built on being the carefree, unattached wild child. My sponsors didn’t want the doting uncle. The brother. The kid from the ranch in Temple, Texas, who wore his heart on his sleeve.
They needed the guy who rode hard, stripped down for photoshoots, and partied.
So, I put the kid I used to be away.
Without the cameras, the lights, and the glory, all that was left was torn skin and broken bones. My body gave up on me before I was ready to quit.
I used to think about what I would do after I was finished with the rodeo circuit, but I never made a plan. I considered going back home to Colorado, packing up my life, and traveling for a while. Maybe going further West to California or North to Wyoming.
Once, I even threw darts at a map, hoping to decide where I would end up. But sinking those little silver tips into Laramie, Wyoming, Marion, Iowa, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, and Wilmington, North Carolina didn’t bring any clarity.
I never expected to be back on the ranch for good. I liked visiting and I missed it, of course. I missed my brothers, parents, and nieces. But coming back when I had finally gotten out wasn’t part of the plan.
And now, I was leaving again.
Except for a few supervised trips to see specialists in Dallas, I never left the ranch or my town anymore.
Leaving this afternoon with Brooke was different. We were getting away just for the hell of it, and it felt so fucking good.
I wasn’t accustomed to this feeling. But recently, I had been feeling really good. It was all because of her.
The sex was incredible. But it was also the comfort and ease I felt with her that truly mattered. I didn’t have to pretend or put on a show.
Brooke didn’t look at me the way my family did—with pity. She didn’t treat me like the buckle bunnies who latched onto riders every season to be their meal ticket. She looked at me like I was the one she wanted to spend every moment with.
As Brooke pulled into the lot of the Maren Motel and parked in front of the office, memories flooded back. I had stayed here before. It was a simple place, but clean and well-maintained. But those memories felt like they belonged to another man in another life.
While she went inside to book a room, I sat in the cab and worried about everything that had spilled out of my mouth.
Talking about going on dates. Holding her hand. Our wedding and future children.
I ran my hands over my face in frustration. Why had I said all that shit out loud?
She was going to think I was trying to pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for.
The last thing I wanted was for Brooke to feel obligated to stay.
I watched through the window as she skipped out of the office with a room key in her hand.
She was wearing another pair of iconically short denim shorts. Her tanned legs were a fucking dream. A sliver of her stomach peeked out of the bottom of her tied-off tank top. Her thick hair was in a bun on top of her head. She had the most graceful neck and delicate jawline.
Brooke tapped on the window, and I rolled it down. “3A is ours. They only had one accessible room left, so it looks like we got here just in time.”
Room 3A was neatly furnished with a standing shower, a mini-fridge, a microwave, a TV, and a single king-sized bed.
“Do you mind sharing? I can sleep on the floor if you want the whole thing. It won’t bother me at all,” she said.
I chuckled. “It’s fine. We can share.”
It was more than fine.
“So,” Brooke said as she tossed a duffle bag onto the chair by the window. “You seem like you know this town. Is there stuff to do around here?”
“There’s a bar not too far from here,” I said as I parked my wheelchair beside the bed and locked the brake. “They’ve got good live music.”
“That sounds fun. Do I have time to change?”
I eased up onto the bed, sat against the headboard, and laced my hands behind my neck. “Yeah.”
Brooke was bent over, digging through her bag. She looked up and raised an eyebrow. A sly smirk slid across her face. “And you’re just going to watch?”
I licked my lips. “You gonna give me a show?”
Her cheeks flushed a sunset pink. Brooke bit her lip as she unbuttoned her shorts, unzipped them, and wiggled them off her hips.
I adjusted my cock as I looked at the pair of light blue panties that barely covered her ass. “Goddamn, you’re a sexy little firecracker. Keep going.”
Brooke lifted her loose tank top over her head and tossed it into her bag. The bra she wore had been teasing me through the low-cut arms of her tank top during the drive out here.
“You look good in lace, baby girl. Hands behind your back. Let me see you.”
She looked bashful, tipping her head to the side and rocking her shoulders back and forth as I enjoyed her breasts.
I patted my thigh. “Come here, pretty girl.”
Brooke hurried to the edge of the bed, then slowed. The mattress sank as she crawled up, prowling toward me. Her tits hung heavy in front of me, cradled by the lace.
I could still smell her shampoo—floral and light. It made my dick stand at attention.
She straddled me, smoothing her hands down my chest. I reached up and found the elastic she used to tie her hair up. My blood pressure started to simmer when I couldn’t get a grip on it after three tries, but Brooke paid my frustration no mind.
Her mouth was warm and soft against my throat as she kissed up to my jaw. Her soft pants against my skin made my cock rock hard. Finally, I got my finger around the elastic and pulled it out.
I dug my hands into her hair and brought her mouth to mine. Brooke let out a soft sigh and melted against my chest. I kept one hand in her hair and palmed her ass with the other. She slid her tongue into my mouth, letting desperate, depraved sounds float between us.
A whimper escaped her lips when I pulled her bra straps off her shoulders and flipped the cups down. I pulled a pebbled nipple into my mouth and sucked.
Brooke threw her head back and moaned. “Oh god, yes—Ray—“ She gasped as I teased her pussy through her panties. “Make me come.”
I chuckled and released her tit. “It’s funny that you think you call the shots around here.” I cupped her cheek and wiped the sheen of saliva off of her lips with my thumb. “Now get dressed.”
The lips that had been praying my name turned to a frown. “But—” She sunk down and rolled her hips, teasing my cock with her pussy.
“We’ll finish this tonight. Maybe I want to watch you listening to the band, drinking a beer, and know you’re already wet for me.”
Brooke bit my lower lip and sucked on it, teasing me as she worked herself against my dick. “You’re mean.”
She had the words, but didn’t have the music.
I cupped her pussy to stop her from edging any closer to an orgasm. “And if you come right now, I won’t let you come for a week.”
Brooke grumbled under her breath as she followed my directions to The Silver Spur. Watching her get ready had been a bigger tease than making out. It was as if she was trying to get in my head by deciding she wanted a different bra and pair of panties.
Watching her strip down was a tease; seeing her get dressed was agony.
I let my gaze wander over the shredded denim shorts and busty tank top she was wearing. The front was low, the sides were missing, and the back started and ended at her waist.
It was going to be a long few hours of keeping my hands mostly to myself, but the idea of hanging out at a bar for a few hours and watching a set wasn’t half bad.
It felt... normal.
Brooke pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. “Do you know the layout inside?”
I wracked my brain. “It’s been a few years since I’ve been here, but it’s pretty tight. Lots of tables. I think they have a ramp in the back.”
Her pretty features twisted into a look of disgust. “That’s ridiculous.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“Want me to go scope it out and grab a table?” she offered as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
I opened my door. “Nah. Let’s just bite the bullet together.”
I waited until she pulled my wheelchair out of the truck bed before I spoke up again. “Besides, you in those shorts? No way in hell I’m letting you walk in there alone.”
Brooke blushed. “Sounds like you’re staking your claim.”
I settled into my chair and slid my hand up the back of her thigh, squeezing her ass. “Yes, ma’am.”
I clenched my teeth as she helped me navigate the wheelchair over the lip of the sidewalk, but tried my best not to snap at her.
While Brooke got carded at the door, I peered inside and planned my path. It was crowded, but not too packed. We made it inside just as the dinner rush began, seconds before it became wall-to-wall with people.
“This place is such a vibe,” Brooke said as she walked behind me, taking in the neon signs, stage, and mechanical bull. “I’m obsessed. Do you know the band?”
“No,” I said as I spotted an empty high-top table. “I need a hand.”
Brooke’s palm felt soft as she slid it into mine and helped me up. I grabbed the edge of the table and stretched to my full height before settling backwards onto the tall chair. She folded up my wheelchair and stowed it between my seat and the table, keeping it out of the way until I needed it.
I’d probably stay in this seat all night, but it felt good. Normal. Something I hadn’t felt in a while.
“I’m gonna grab some drinks,” Brooke said before heading to the bar.
From the high-top, I had a clear view over the heads of the bar patrons. I could watch people play pool and darts. I watched the musicians fiddling with the amps and instruments on stage. A woman was at the padded ring where the mechanical bull was set up, sweeping and making sure it was clean.
