The clydesiders, p.19
The Clydesiders, page 19
Nicholas had begun meeting her in town. She had been adamant that he mustn’t do this. It was too risky. In Glasgow she was well known as James Mathieson’s wife. Nobody knew her in Kirkintilloch where Nicholas normally picked her up. But one day she had been standing in the bus station at her usual time when suddenly Nicholas’s tall figure appeared in front of her.
‘Come on,’ he said, ‘the car’s round the corner.’
She went with him to avoid creating any fuss and even more attention than his handsome, expensively-dressed figure had already caused. But she hissed at him,
‘Why have you done this?’
‘Because I can’t put up with this one moment longer. I’m not going to allow you to wait about in the cold and travel in buses when I’m sitting comfortably in a car. I’m going to drive you back as well.’
‘Oh, Nicholas, I don’t mind.’
‘But I do. I mind very much.’
‘What if someone sees me and recognises me?’
‘We’ll just have to cope with that the best we can if it happens.’
Her heart was racing with fear as she sat in the car and they set off down the road, and not because of Nicholas’s slightly reckless, over-confident driving. All she feared was that she would be found out. But she soon began to feel exhilarated as they left the city and began to race along country roads.
‘We could always book into a hotel in town,’ Nicholas said.
‘No!’ she shouted at him in panic. ‘Definitely not, Nicholas.’
He laughed. ‘We only live once. Why not live dangerously?’
‘Because I hate living dangerously.’
‘What do you think you’ve been doing all this time?’
She leaned back and closed her eyes in despair. ‘I suppose you’re right.’
They had become well known to the innkeeper by now, but he was a discreet man and never questioned their regular bookings. Not even when they spent only an afternoon in their room. During the winter, the only trade that kept his business going was the small bar—and even that was only full at weekends—so he was glad of their regular custom. He became quite an ally, often slipping them the key of their usual room with a conspiratorial lowering of his voice and a promise of afternoon tea brought up to them before they left. Virginia suspected that what helped to oil the wheels was Nicholas’s generous tipping.
The afternoon tea always added to Virginia’s enjoyment. On a silver cake-stand, there were sandwiches and home-baked scones, and an apple tart or a Victoria sponge. A maid, dressed much the same as the maids at Hilltop House, brought in the trolley. Virginia loved acting the lady. She’d once said this to Nicholas and he’d impatiently replied,
‘You are a lady.’
She loved him for that. And for the way he had gone on to unfasten her fair hair and stroke it and kiss it and say, ‘And a very beautiful lady. I’m a very lucky man.’ She felt lucky too as she lay naked in his arms, flesh against familiar flesh, feeling so much a part of him it was as if they were one person. Often they’d suddenly say the same thing at the same time. Then they’d laugh at the wonder and the surprise of it.
Then one day, Nicholas said, ‘My father’s pleading with me now to at least go up and look at this estate he’s buying. He says he wants my advice. He wants to know what I think of it and what I feel needs to be done with it. It’s all a ploy. My mother and father will stop at nothing to get me to settle on the estate.’
‘There wouldn’t be any harm in going and having a look.’
He shrugged. ‘I suppose not. I could use the visit to look around and see what property there is on the land. If I saw a really nice cottage that I thought you’d like . . .’
‘It’s what you’d like and what you’d want to do that matters, Nicholas.’
‘No, it is not. All that matters to me is your well-being and happiness. But I’ll go and have a look at the place. At least it’ll placate my parents for a while. It’ll mean I’ll be away for a few days. A week perhaps.’
She gazed at him wistfully. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘And I’ll miss you, darling. I won’t go if you don’t want me to.’
‘No, it’s all right. Honestly, you go. I’ll look forward to hearing all about it when you get back.’
They made tender love. He licked every inch of her skin, even between her toes, until suddenly she felt unbearably passionate. She wanted to clutch him tightly inside her and never let go.
Afterwards Nicholas sighed, ‘Oh Virginia, if only you’d stay in my arms the whole night through. Remember that night you did stay—how wonderful it was?’
She remembered. ‘No, I’ll have to go. James will be home tonight.’
‘If you must, you must, but I’m driving you back to Glasgow.’
‘I wish you wouldn’t. I’d be perfectly all right on the bus.’
‘I’m not going to argue. I’m driving you back to Glasgow.’
To add to her anxiety, he did not stop at the bus station but carried on towards the Calton. ‘Nicholas, for God’s sake, you’re surely not going to go right to Bankier Street?’
‘I’ll drop you a few streets away.’
‘No nearer then. Any cars draw attention round here.’
‘Are you sure you’ll be all right. It looks a very rough area.’
‘Nicholas, I’ve been brought up in a much rougher area than this. Just let me out of the car. Please,’ she added, struggling not to spoil their time together by being impatient with him.
He stopped the car and she hastily got out. He raised a hand in goodbye, before speeding away. She felt sick with apprehension. There were people jostling out of nearby pubs. Some were arguing noisily. Others were swaying about and singing.
Swanee,
How ah love ya, how ah love ya,
My dear auld Swanee. . . .
Two men, arms around each others’ shoulders, were giving a rousing rendition of
Ye’ll tak the high road
An’ Ah’ll tak the low road,
An’ Ah’ll be in Scotland afore ye. . . .
Knots of women were gossiping in closes but Virginia didn’t recognise any of them. As she hurried past, a man shouted after her, ‘Hello therr, hen!’
She realised he was just trying to pick her up. He didn’t know who she was. Still, she felt agitated and on edge, even when she was safely in the house and had lit the gas mantle and poked the fire into a good blaze. Undressing quickly, she put on her white cotton nightie and the blue cardigan her mother had knitted for her. It had to seem as if she’d been relaxing at the fireside for hours. Looking around the room, she thought, ‘This is the full extent of my home in which James and I sleep and eat and try to keep ourselves clean. One poky room only half the size of the hotel bedroom I’ve just left. The kitchen alone at Hilltop House is three or four times the size of this place.’
She hated it.
Suddenly she was startled by a knock at the door. James had his key so it wasn’t him. For a dreadful moment, a crazy idea came into her head that it was Nicholas. She could hardly gather enough strength to get to the door. Clutching her cardigan around her with one hand, she opened the door a crack.
‘Ur ye aw right, hen?’ It was Mrs McGann.
‘Yes, fine. Come in.’ It wasn’t the done thing to keep a neighbour standing on the doorstep.
Mrs McGann stumped from one bandy leg to the other into the kitchen.
‘Oh my, ye’re rerr an’ cosy in here. Ye’ve goat it like a wee palace, so ye have.’
‘Sit down, Mrs McGann. A cup of tea? I’ve just made a pot.’
‘Is yer man at wan o’ his classes, hen?’
‘Yes, but he’ll be in any minute.’
Mrs McGann pulled herself to her feet. ‘Oh, Ah’d better make masel’ scarce then. Ah jist came to check ye wisnae ill in bed or lyin’ deed on the flair. Ah hidnae seen hint nor hair o’ ye fur a while an’ Ah’ve been chappin’ at yer door mair than wance.’
‘Oh, no, I’m fine. It’s just I’ve to go out a lot too. I help my husband when I can. He’s trying to raise money for the defence just now as well as attending to his other work.’
‘Aw, the soul! He’s a good lad, isn’t he? He’s in the same mould as oor Johnnie.’
‘Johnnie? Oh, you mean John Maclean?’
‘Aye. Know whit he did the ither day? A poor widow buddy in his street whose wean wis ill hudnae a penny tae pay the doctor. He went tae her hoose, and gave her aw he had tae pay the doctor and get the wean an’ hersel’ some nourishment. An’ she’d never even asked. There’s many a buddy begs for charity though an’ if John has it, he gies it.’
Mrs McGann was making for the door as she spoke. ‘That’s the kind o’ man oor Johnny is. He looks as if he needs aw the nourishment he can get hissel’ at the minute. The poor man disnae look right.’
‘I know,’ Virginia agreed. ‘James was just saying that the other day.’
‘Well, cheerio the noo, hen.’
‘Cheerio, Mrs McGann.’
Mrs McGann was only away a few minutes when James arrived. He went straight over to the fire, bent forward and rubbed his hands near to the warmth. He did this every time he came in and it had begun to irritate Virginia, although she knew it was unfair of her to feel as she did. Why shouldn’t her husband seek warmth as soon as he entered his own house? He’d probably been standing talking at street corners for hours. Even the rooms in which he taught his evening classes were pretty cold and comfortless.
‘The tea’s made,’ she told him. ‘And there’s a nice sandwich.’
‘Thanks, Virginia.’ He took off his coat and hat and hung them on one of the hooks in the lobby. He came back in, rubbing his hands together again. ‘You’ll be glad to hear we’ve managed to raise quite a sum. If it goes on like this, it looks as if there’s going to be plenty to cover everybody’s defence.’
‘That’s good news.’
She poured out the tea.
‘I bumped into Mrs McGann there.’
‘She was in here having a chat for a wee while.’
‘She told me she’d been worried about you.’
‘I don’t know why.’
‘She thought you’d been ill, apparently.’
‘I don’t know why,’ Virginia repeated.
‘She’d knocked on your door a few times and got no answer.’
Virginia rolled her eyes. ‘It’s worse than the Gorbals here. You can’t move without somebody checking up on you.’
He gave her an odd look. ‘Don’t you think that’s a good thing? It’s a sign of caring. Of good neighbours.’
‘Yes, I suppose it is. It’s just . . . I’ve been trying to have a peaceful read and there’s always someone coming to the door. And sometimes I go for a walk in Glasgow Green. Just to think in peace.’
There was some truth in this. Nicholas had given her several books and she’d been trying to read them in secret. She had also gone for the occasional walk in Glasgow Green to try to think things out.
In between bites of his sandwich, James laughed. ‘Like James Watt.’
‘What?’
‘James Watt was walking in Glasgow Green having a quiet think when he invented the steam engine.’
‘Oh yes.’ She managed to laugh as well. ‘I’d forgotten about that. Mrs McGann was telling me about John giving his last penny to that widow woman.’
James was immediately filled with interest and enthusiasm, and the conversation was safely deflected into more normal channels. It occurred to Virginia, however, that she was skating on ice that was becoming dangerously thin.
28
It was fortunate that Nicholas was away and she didn’t need to disappear from the street for at least a week. That gave Mrs McGann and anyone else time to forget her disappearances.
The week also taught her that she couldn’t live without Nicholas. She had made up her mind. She needed to be with him and their child. If James was found not guilty and avoided a prison sentence, then she’d tell him the truth. She might speak to her mother and father first and then to James. But one way or the other, she’d tell him. It would be better to face him on her own, rather than have Nicholas suddenly appear. The more she thought about being with Nicholas and Richard, the more enchanted she became with the idea. She had never stopped longing to be with her baby. Yet there was always an underlying sadness at having to hurt James. But it had to be done.
If he was found guilty and sent to prison, that would complicate things. She wasn’t sure what she would do then. Wait until he came out? But that might take years. She would just have to wait and see what happened at the trial. Meantime she could only hope and pray that he would be acquitted. Occasionally the thought struck her that it would be better if he were jailed. Then she could tell him without worrying about the consequences. That way Nicholas would be safe too. But she chided herself for even contemplating such a cowardly course of action. If James was flung in prison again, that would be more than enough for him to suffer.
Sometimes she even persuaded herself that perhaps James wouldn’t be all that upset at losing her. After all, he spent so little time in her company. Even at mealtimes or in bed before an energetic but brief coupling, he’d seldom talked of anything to do with their personal lives. At the moment his main interest, apart from raising funds, was the fate of the Scottish Labour College. This was something that Maclean was particularly keen on and, as usual, James followed suit.
Virginia realised that it wouldn’t be losing her that would enrage James. It would be her relationship with Nicholas. In his eyes, her greatest sin would not be the betrayal of her husband, but of her class.
As soon as Nicholas returned, Virginia was able to tell him about the latest conferences James would be attending and how that would mean they would have plenty of opportunity to see each other before the trial. After the trial, if all went well, they could be together for good. Now that her decision had been made, a general mood of recklessness took possession of Virginia. No longer did she object to Nicholas meeting her in the Calton and bringing her back there afterwards. No longer did she worry about staying out overnight. If James was away overnight, then she stayed with Nicholas at the hotel. Let the neighbours think what they liked.
Then one day, one beautiful, never-to-be-forgotten day, Nicholas said he had a surprise for her. They weren’t going to the hotel because he had something even better planned. He drove her to a large mansion house surrounded by a garden and trees. He stopped and got out of the car but told her to wait where she was, he would only be a few minutes. He returned holding the hand of a small boy in a school uniform. He was a slim, finely featured child with dark hair and brown eyes. There was a look of Nicholas about him but she also saw a resemblance to herself as well. She could have fainted with joy, she felt so ecstatic.
‘Virginia,’ Nicholas said. ‘I’d like you to meet Richard.’
The little boy politely put out a hand. ‘How do you do?’
Virginia held the small hand in hers. Eventually she managed, ‘I’m very pleased to meet you, Richard.’
‘I thought we’d take Richard for a spin today. How about the seaside, Richard?’
Richard instantly abandoned his concentrated politeness. He jumped up and down, and with a huge grin on his face he clambered into the car.
‘That’s right. You sit in the back seat. And you, Virginia, sit in beside Richard. All right?’
Virginia was too happy to speak. She wanted to hug the wee boy. She wanted to keep touching him and hugging him but she knew that young children, boys especially, didn’t like being overwhelmed and babied. She sat beside him. They smiled at each other. As the car started off, she said, ‘I wonder if daddy will buy us ice cream at the seaside. Do you like ice cream?’
‘Oh yes.’ He bounced up and down on the seat. ‘Very much indeed!’
Soon they were all laughing together. And by the time they’d reached Helensburgh, Virginia and Richard were firm friends. It was lunch time and they were hungry so they made straight for a restaurant.
‘You’ve made quite an impression,’ Nicholas said while Richard was skipping ahead. ‘I thought it best to introduce you as Virginia, not mummy at the moment. That can come later. Was that all right?’
‘Yes, yes. Everything’s just perfect, Nicholas. Thank you for bringing him. I know I wouldn’t allow you to bring him before, but now that I know that we’re going to be together it seems like the time is right.’
‘That’s what I thought. And I thought it would be a good idea for him to get to know you by stages.’
She was completely enchanted by Richard and enjoyed making him laugh at the beach after the meal. They bought a beach ball and the three of them played a riotous game of football. Richard laughed so much at her efforts to kick the ball that at one stage he collapsed on to the sand and rolled about in helpless hilarity.
Later she showed him how to build a sand castle, while Nicholas went to buy ice cream. When he returned with the cones, Virginia said, ‘Do you know what we called these when I was your age? What they are still called where I live?’
Richard shook his head. His mouth and cheeks were white with ice cream. There was even a blob on the end of his nose. Virginia thought she’d never seen such a lovable looking child.
‘What?’ he asked with interest.
‘Pokey hats.’
‘Pokey hats?’ he echoed, nearly choking with laughter. Nicholas laughed too.
‘Honestly,’ Virginia said. ‘Pokey hats.’
Eventually they’d made their way back to Glasgow, this time with Richard asleep in her arms. While he slept, the tears ran down her cheeks. Nicholas caught sight of her.
