Nadzia carefully reached out and patted her head. Jaya seemed to like it and Nadzia relaxed, then started scratching her neck. The animal purred and stretched out her neck so Nadzia could reach the spot better and she chuckled at how cute such a massive, deadly animal could look.

  “She likes you,” Kagen whispered.

  “I like her, too.”

  While Nadzia was petting Jaya, she took a closer look at the animal’s fangs.

  “Her fangs and claws are poisonous, right?”

  Kagen joined her in petting Jaya and she looked ecstatic.

  “Yes they are, but Jaya can choose when to release the poison,” he explained. “She often bites when playing, for example and understands when she’s faced with a real threat. If she feels she can’t fight using her strength only, she’ll release the poison. She’s very clever.”

  “She sounds amazing,” Nadzia confirmed.

  She was starting to understand why Kagen looked at Jaya so fondly. The cat leaned forward and licked her affectionately. They both burst out laughing in surprise and Nadzia thought that Jaya might be the key to making the journey less overwhelming.

  14

  Loud noises made their way into Nadzia’s head.

  A drill and a hammer.

  The neighbors in the apartments above hers apparently weren’t done with the renovations yet.

  Cars honking.

  Nadzia had always wondered why drivers always seemed most reckless and impatient in the mornings. It’s like they did it on purpose to bother any poor soul who wanted to sleep in.

  There was the sound of light music, too.

  After the sounds registered in her head, one by one, Nadzia finally started waking up. Her eyes were heavy and wouldn’t open at first. She rubbed them and gave them another few seconds to relax and open fully.

  Nadzia sat up on her bed and stretched, yawning loudly whilst glancing at the clock on her nightstand, but it was turned off. She picked up her phone which was next to her on the bed, earphones plugged in and still working, but when she clicked on the button the screen didn’t light up. She gave in after a few more attempts, making a mental note to have someone check her phone as it often just switched off, or worked in specific ways. It was frustrating that this time it had decided to block itself on the music app, but it wasn’t surprising. Nadzia had been through the strangest things with her old cell phone.

  She finally got up and walked into the kitchen to make herself some tea.

  While she watched the water, waiting for it to boil, something started to bother her. Her brain felt numb, still clouded by sleep, and she couldn’t remember what seemed to be bothering her. Her brain was sending her silent alarms but she couldn’t understand what didn’t feel right. Had she forgotten an important date? Had she taken a sleeping pill the night before and was still under the effect? She couldn’t remember.

  The sound of the kettle pulled her away from her thoughts.

  The tea helped her wake up a little and her brain cleared, but the questions about the alarms remained unanswered.

  Nadzia quickly washed and dressed. She picked up her bag and house keys and walked out of her apartment. She hadn’t checked the time but she knew she was late for work, she felt it, so she hurried down the hallway.

  She turned a corner too quickly without looking, and bumped into someone. A man put his arm around her waist to stop her falling backwards.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said as she pulled herself together.

  She looked up to meet warm, brown eyes. She was about to apologize again, when the kind face of the young man changed. His smile stretched into a terrifying grin.

  “You trust too easily,” he said, voice as smooth as honey.

  Before she could react, she felt a shooting pain in her stomach that took her breath away. When she looked down she saw his hand holding a knife, both of them were covered in blood.

  “Poor naive Nadzia,” the man mocked, smoothing the hair on her face with his other hand, “maybe you should have stayed in your own world. Everything would have been so much easier if you’d just minded your own damn business.”

  Xayvion’s grin was the last thing she saw before he pushed her away and she fell like a dead weight onto the floor of the hallway, blood pouring out of the wound.

  Nadzia’s eyes snapped open, her body spasmed then froze in panic. Her eyes were staring straight at the stars above her and the sound of her heart beating was all she could hear. Her breathing was short and labored.

  It took her a while to realize she’d just had a nightmare. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

  It wasn’t real. You’re alive. You’re still alive.

  Little by little the feeling in her body returned and she could move again. She sat up on the grass that had been her bed for the night, clutching at her shirt, just above her heart. A tear made its way down her cheek and she forced her nails into her palm, hoping this would distract her brain from the emotional pain.

  Finally her heart slowed down and she could breathe more easily. She focused on the people sleeping around her snoring softly, the cicadas singing and the light breeze blowing through the grass and trees.

  When her body finally relaxed enough for her to stand up, she walked away from the group towards the trees. She needed some space for herself.

  She heard a sound behind her and turned quickly. Flinching, she slammed her hand onto her mouth to stop a scream when she saw Xayvion a few feet from her. Her heart started beating quickly and loudly again.

  “Are you alright?” He asked, looking concerned. His eyebrows furrowed, she knew he was confused by her reaction and the mess of emotions he was probably feeling from her.

  Xayvion tried taking a step towards her but she took one back as a reflex, putting a hand up to silently tell him to stop. He obeyed.

  “What’s wrong?” He, too, was starting to panic. “You’re scared. Why are you scared? Did something happen?”

  She tried to open her mouth to speak, to say anything, but all that came out was a whimper.

  His voice softened even more than usual. “I won’t get closer if you don’t want me to. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” He put his hands up to show her he was disarmed. “I couldn’t sleep and then your emotions started screaming all of a sudden. I’m only here to make sure you’re okay.”

  Despite her attempts to hold herself together, Nadzia burst into tears. She covered her mouth with her hand to contain the sobs.

  “You’re worrying me,” he said gently.

  Between broken sobs and hiccups, she managed to say, “Nightmare”.

  His already sad eyes showed hurt and guilt.

  “You were the nightmare,” she explained.

  His heart broke at those words. She could see it in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologized quietly. “I’m so sorry, Nad.”

  She sat on the ground, letting herself break down completely. Xayvion watched from a distance, aching to touch her, to pull her to him.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” he repeated, trying to make her understand, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  He saw her nod, but neither of them was sure if she’d done so as a reflex or because she really believed him.

  “Can I come closer?”

  Nadzia glanced up at Xayvion and, despite the tears clouding her vision, she could still see him clearly, in all his beauty under the light of the moon. Not even the black hair partially covering his face could hide his worried eyes from her. She nodded weakly. He walked towards her slowly and she watched every step, waiting for her fear to take over. Nadzia’s heart tricked her instead, making her long for him the closer he got.

  “Can I sit next to you?” Xayvion asked, once he was standing in front of her.

  Again, she nodded. He sat down making sure to leave her enough space to breathe.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She gave herself just enough time to calm down so her sobs wouldn’t stop her from talking.

  “I was back home,” she said quietly, her voice broken and strained. Anyone who heard her say that could tell just how much she longed to go back. “You showed up, and told me that I should never have come here, that I should have minded my own business.” A hiccup stopped her speech momentarily. She bit the inside of her cheek and wiped fresh tears from her face, making space for the new ones that would replace them a second later. He waited patiently for her to continue. “You had a knife and you stabbed me and then you left me there to die.”

  He flinched. She could tell he hadn't expected that last part. Xayvion looked devastated, which only made her cry harder.

  Finally, he pulled her towards him and she melted against his chest. He put his arms around her shoulders and gently stroked her hair as she cried against him, fists clutching his shirt as if she were afraid he would disappear and leave her to suffer alone.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  Part of Nadzia felt cruelly satisfied that he was feeling guilty, but another part felt bad for blaming him.

  “I won’t hurt you,” he promised. “I won’t let you die, either.”

  “I’m scared,” she whispered against his chest.

  “I know,” he replied tenderly. “But I’ll always be by your side. You can count on me.” He gently pulled her back and cupped her cheeks so she would look at him. “I’ll make up for my mistakes and keep you safe, always.”

  “Can I trust you?” She asked, brokenly.

  His eyes looked deeply into hers, so deeply she felt he could see her soul.

  “Yes, yes you can.”

  She nodded and he pulled her to him again, into another comforting hug.

  She hated how weak she was. It had always been hard for her to feel completely comfortable around other people, but she also had the bad habit of trying to give herself to anyone and everyone in the hope they would accept her as she was. She was a walking contradiction and hated how little control she had on her behavior around Xayvion.

  “I miss home,” she confessed.

  “I know,” he replied. “I’ll help you find a way home. We’re going to go back to Phexion, win the war and then take you home. I promise."

  He kept whispering apologies and promises, holding her close. His strong arms made her feel safe, and despite everything, his words convinced her. Maybe she really was just emotionally weak. Or maybe she just really cared about him, way more than she should.

  She must have dozed off between the tears, but was still half awake when she felt him pick her up in his arms and lay her back down on the grass. The last thing she felt were his fingers on her face, carefully wiping her tears away.

  Kagen

  NAME: Kagen

  HEIGHT: 182 cm / 6’0’’

  AGE: 27

  HAIR COLOR: dark purple

  EYE COLOR: reddish brown

  ENTITY: elf

  15

  Surprisingly, the wet tongue licking her face wasn’t what woke Nadzia up but rather Kagen, quietly trying to get Jaya away from her.

  “I told you to stop, she won’t like that,” he said in a hushed tone.

  Nadzia opened her eyes to meet the cat’s excited ones. Jaya finally stopped licking her, satisfied that she was awake.

  “Good morning to you too, beautiful,” Nadzia said, oddly in a good mood. She scratched Jaya’s neck and the animal purred happily in response.

  “I’m sorry, I tried to tell her not to but she just really wants to be around you today, I don’t know why,” Kagen apologized, glaring at his long time friend.

  “It’s alright.”

  Nadzia managed to stand up but she could barely move without the giant cat following her around, jumping in excitement when Nadzia looked at her and rubbing herself against her when she got distracted. Kagen had to physically restrain Jaya to prevent her from following Nadzia while she relieved herself in the wild.

  Since it seemed the cat couldn’t bear to stay away from Nadzia, Kagen proposed something.

  “Do you want to ride her for the rest of the journey? I can ride your horse.”

  “Are you sure that’s okay?” Nadzia asked, concerned. “Wouldn’t your army see it as some kind of a betrayal?”

  “It’ll be fine, don’t worry. Plus, I doubt Jaya will take no for an answer.”

  They put the bridle on and Kagen helped Nadzia mount Jaya since she didn’t have a saddle or stirrups. When Jaya stood up, Nadzia almost fell off, but thankfully Kagen was there to catch her.

  He walked around and faced Jaya, taking her big face in his hands.

  “She has never ridden an animal like you, so don’t make sudden movements,” he instructed, slowly. “She’s not me, okay? Keep that in mind.”

  Jaya was perfectly still as she listened to him. Only once he’d finished talking did she reach forward and brush her face against his. From Kagen’s satisfied expression, Nadzia realised that that was Jaya’s way of saying she’d understood him.

  Kagen mounted Nadzia’s horse and they waited for the rest of the group to get ready in order to set off again.

  Riding Jaya felt different to riding a horse. For starters, her body was larger. The way she moved and the rhythm were different. There was no saddle so Nadzia felt her muscles move directly under her. It took her a while to get used to it, but she soon realised that somehow it felt more comfortable than riding a horse.

  She heard Kagen chuckle next to her and glanced at him.

  “What?”

  He shook his head. “You look like a child who’s just discovered magic,” he replied.

  “Well, I feel like one.”

  Nadzia stretched and straightened her back, then closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. The sun warmed her face and the breeze brought with it the smell of grass. For once, she felt good, relaxed and at ease.

  When Nadzia opened her eyes she examined the rows of soldiers and animals in front of her, moving forward in sync. Her eyes then landed on Xayvion. He wasn’t riding at the front that day, but rather closer to them, somewhere in the middle of the army. Every so often, he would glance back to look at her, and this time their eyes met.

  Jaya had distracted Nadzia before she’d had the chance to wake up fully, and she realised that because of that she still hadn’t thought once about what had happened the night before.

  Nadzia had let herself be vulnerable in front of Xayvion. In the middle of the night, after a nightmare when she needed comfort, it hadn’t seemed like such a terrible idea. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

  She felt uncomfortable and awkward thinking about what would happen the next time they talked, and wasn’t sure if she’d manage to be so open with him in the light of day. Would he expect more now that she’d let him near once, or would he understand her confusion?

  She looked away, only to see Kagen looking at both of them. His expression was both curious and worried.

  “Did something happen last night?” He asked. “I feel like something is different but can’t tell what it is.”

  “Nothing happened,” Nadzia quickly denied.

  “Now there’s no need to lie. If you don’t want to tell me what it is, you can just say so.”

  “I’d rather not talk about it,” she admitted eventually.

  “Then I won’t ask again,” was his reply. Nadzia was thankful for that.

  She leaned forward and petted Jaya’s head and neck. The cat made an approving noise that was enough to make her smile, just a little. Nadzia leaned her head on Jaya’s neck, playing with her fur.

  She hadn’t even realised she’d fallen asleep until she felt Kagen shake her awake.

  “We’re just outside Phexion,” he said. “You should get onto your horse now and head over to where Xayvion is. The townspeople won’t be happy to see an elf army walking through their streets and will need someone to show them everything’s fine.”

  Nadzia forced her tiredness away and silently said goodbye to Jaya. When Xayvion noticed her riding towards him, he slowed to wait for her.

  “The journey seemed shorter this way around,” she said awkwardly to break the ice, and stop him from going straight to the point she wanted to avoid.

  “The journey always seems shorter when you’re going home,” he replied.

  She couldn’t hide the pang the word home caused her. From his slight flinch, she understood Xayvion had felt it, too. He glanced at her apologetically.

  She really wasn’t in the mood to talk about her feelings, or about what had happened the night before, so she started moving again, leaving Xayvion behind. He soon caught up with her and they quickly headed to the front line.

  “Part of the army already arrived with Dacey and Faleece, right?” She asked as they passed the people eyeing them curiously from their windows.

  “A very small number,” he replied. “They left earlier, while we delayed the real departure, as proof for Lucjan so he’d know the deal had gone well, and the rest would be arriving soon.”

  “Did they know why you stayed behind?” She asked, then specified, “Dacey and Faleece.”

  “I only told them I wanted to discuss some things with Kagen to make sure everything was alright,” Xayvion explained, “but I think they both suspected it had something to do with you.”

  She nodded, lost in her thoughts.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He frowned, not understanding what she meant.

  “Why didn’t you tell me what Lucjan had ordered?” She held her hand up to stop him interrupting her. “If he ordered you to offer me as a form of exchange, it must have been because he understood I would be useful as such— other than just because he wanted to get rid of me. I would have helped you with whatever plan you had, though, if only you’d discussed it with me.”

  “To be honest, I was going to ignore Lucjan's order,” Xayvion confessed. Her eyes widened in surprise. Never in his life had he ignored an order from Lucjan. The fact that he’d even considered it was a huge thing. “It didn’t feel right, and I didn’t think we’d even need to. But then I started doubting you and when we were standing in front of Kagen I was taken by surprise and it felt like the only way out.”

 

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