Breaking josephine, p.12
Breaking Josephine, page 12
I reached up and kissed him, holding his face in my hands. “I forgive you Dex. And I’m sorry too, I never should have said those things to you, and I want you in my life too.”
I pulled away and looked at the two men lying on the street, still unconscious. Although the last thing I wanted to do was touch either one of them, I bent down and felt for a pulse on one, as Dex did on the other. When we were sure they were both alive and breathing, and would hopefully be fine once they woke up, we left. As much as I wanted to call the police and an ambulance, I didn’t want Dex arrested. We hurried back into Blur, and found Macy at the bar, trying to convince the bartender to give her one last drink before the lights turned on and the club closed.
We practically dragged Macy out of the club and shoved her into the back seat of Dex’s Range Rover. Although she was confused and grumbled about the empty town car, she calmed down when Dex paid her driver, and she promptly settled down to sleep in the back seat.
As the alcohol and the events of the evening started to take their toll, I closed my eyes and leaned back on the headrest. Before I knew it we were pulling up to Dex’s place as the sun started to lighten the sky.
“Did I fall asleep?” I asked, rubbing my face.
“Yes, as soon as we hit the highway,” Dex said, looking over at me.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, still tired and groggy. “Where’s Macy?”
“I already dropped her off at home. I had to fish her keys out of her purse and literally carry her into her house. Hopefully no one’s getting up early around there, since I left her sleeping on the couch in the living room,” Dex said, laughing softly. “Now it’s your turn. Let’s get you to a proper bed so you can sleep for real.” He shut the engine off, climbed out and before I knew it he lifted me out of the SUV and carried me into his house.
“You don’t have to—” I started, but he cut me off, putting his finger gently on my lips.
“Shhh. I know I don’t have to, I want to,” he said as I smiled and let Dex carry me the rest of the way up the stairs and into bed.
CHAPTER 12
I woke up to the sound of soft rain on the roof of Hartley Manor. I sat up, still in my dress from the previous night and looked around. I appeared to be in a guest room on the second floor of the mansion. Lovely sand-colored walls and matching bedding set off the views of the ocean and a plush rug warmed and covered the dark wood floor. I pushed the covers back and swung my legs out of bed. Sitting on the slipper chair next to the bed was the overnight bag I’d left at Macy’s and a change of clothes in a neatly folded pile. I picked everything up and walked into the en suite bathroom. It was sand-colored as well, with travertine floors, marble counter, and matching walls. I took a shower, cleaning the memories of last night off me and got dressed, leaving my hair down to dry.
I headed downstairs, smelling something delicious as I walked into the kitchen. Dex was standing in front of the stove, spooning a cream sauce over sautéed chicken breasts. I pulled out a bar stool and sat down, tucking one of my legs beneath me. I watched Dex in his element, at home in his kitchen, and felt safe and secure.
“How did you know I’d be hungry?” I said, smiling as Dex turned around.
“Because it’s five o’clock in the afternoon and you’re just waking up,” he said, smiling back at me. As his smile faded, his brows knitted together and he looked at me with concern in his eyes. “How are you? Are you feeling okay?”
I gave him another reassuring smile and nodded. Although last night had been one of the more terrifying moments of my life, I was, in fact, okay. “I’m okay,” I said, nodding again. “Last night was horrible, and I have every reason to be upset, but I’m not.” I paused and looked out at the ocean. Finally I continued, admitting what I’d been thinking since I’d woken up, “When you appeared, and well, saved me, I realized how important you are to me, and how there is nowhere else I’d rather be than right here, right now, with you.”
Dex smiled and looked down at the plates in his hand, steaming with hot sautéed chicken and fettuccine. “Then can you promise me you won’t make any plans to go clubbing in Portland without me anytime soon?” he asked, handing me a plate.
“I promise,” I answered, as I set the plate down and shoved a heaping forkful of pasta into my mouth.
After dinner, we walked outside to the deck, wrapped ourselves in a large cable-knit throw and relaxed on a lounge chair together, ready to watch the sun set over the ocean. I leaned into Dex, feeling his strong chest against my cheek.
“Dex I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I yelled at you Friday night. You didn’t deserve that and I was wrong,” I told him.
“Shhh,” he said, hugging me to him. “If anyone needs to apologize it’s me. I had no right to be angry at you for hanging out with Colin and I should have trusted you.”
I looked up at him and asked a question that had been bothering me since our fight. “I don’t want to start another fight, but can you please tell me how you knew about me hanging out with Colin?”
Dex looked at me and then looked down. “Colin told me,” he said simply.
“What?” I said, completely confused. “I didn’t know you knew Colin.”
“I don’t. At least not really. We went to the same boarding school. But he’s four or five years behind me, so we didn’t share any classes,” Dex said.
“Colin told me he grew up in L.A.,” I said, more confused than ever.
“He did. But when he got expelled for cheating on exams, his parents sent him to boarding school. And his reputation in boarding school didn’t improve. He’s always only looked out for himself, and he’s never had a problem lying or cheating to get what he wants,” Dex said.
“So what happened? How did Monday night come up?” I asked, still wanting to know the details.
“I got a phone call from Colin on Tuesday, but I didn’t have time to talk so I sent it to voicemail. I finally listened to the message Friday on my way to pick you up,” Dex said, pausing and looking out at the ocean. “I realize now it was Colin causing trouble, but at the time I took it seriously.”
“Seriously? Dex, what did he say? How could anything about Monday have gotten you all worked up? He drove me home and practically shoved himself through my door and before I knew it, here he was opening a bottle of wine and telling me how horrible you are for me and how I shouldn’t date you,” I said, growing more and more curious about Colin and his motivations.
Dex frowned. “That’s so like Colin, to play us off each other. He basically said I should think twice about dating you. That I go out of town and as soon as I’m gone, here you are inviting strange men into your apartment. That you came on to him but he blew you off. And he thought I should know what kind of woman I was dating.”
“What!” I said, sloshing my wine in my glass as I abruptly turned to face him. “Dex, that’s ridiculous. I—”
Dex held up his hand to stop me. “I know. Look, Jo, Colin only looks out for Colin, and he doesn’t do or say anything without a reason. I don’t know what his motivations are for all of this. Maybe he’s interested in you and wants us to break up so he has a chance. I wouldn’t be surprised, just look at you, who wouldn’t want you,” Dex said. I looked down, feeling slightly insecure since I really didn’t think that was true, but I couldn’t come up with another explanation. Maybe Macy and Dex were right, and this was just Colin’s strange attempt at getting me for himself.
“He’s not a person to be trusted, not at all,” Dex said. “Jo,” he continued as I looked up at him, “it’s no excuse, but I’ve never done this before, never had feelings like I have for you, never been this invested in anyone. I freaked out when I thought I might be losing you and I jumped to conclusions. I’m so sorry.”
I looked up at his face. “You’re not losing me,” I said. I sat up then, pulling the blanket around my shoulders. “But, … just so I know, was anything Colin said to me true?” I hated to ask him, but I needed to know the truth.
Dex paused, looking out at the ocean again and then back at me. He squeezed my hand, saying, “Everything I’ve ever said to you has been true Jo. I had a one-night stand, using protection, with a bartender in Portland. Turns out it was Amber. I didn’t know her, and she wasn’t my girlfriend. Next thing I know, there’s a tabloid publishing this supposed exposé about her and me and our love affair gone wrong, claiming I pressured her to have an abortion. Nothing could be further from the truth. I didn’t even know her name, Jo. I’m not proud of what I did, but I didn’t have a relationship with her and I certainly didn’t offer her any money for anything. I never even spoke to her after that one night and she never told me she was pregnant. If she was, the baby wasn’t mine.”
“Okay,” I said, thinking it over. Everything Dex said confirmed what I’d thought about him before Colin put doubt in my head and before I blew up at him Friday night. “I believe you, I do. Thank you for telling me the truth. I still don’t understand why Colin said what he said though.”
“I don’t think anyone understands Colin, Jo. I wouldn’t worry about it, just—” Dex paused, weighing his words, “—if he or anyone else ever gives you a reason to doubt me, come to me before you jump to conclusions. Please?” Dex asked, running his hand through my hair and waiting for my answer.
“For you, yes,” I said, kissing him gently on the lips, “I promise I’ll come to you first.” I kissed him again and we looked out at the ocean, watching the sun slip behind the waves.
After all that had happened that weekend, when I woke up Monday morning, I wasn’t ready to leave Dex and go back to my ordinary life and a morning shift at Sam’s, so I called in sick to work and we spent the day together, lounging around Dex’s house. We made breakfast together, me making pancakes and Dex cooking eggs and bacon.
“I’ll have you know I make the best pancakes in Cannon Beach,” I said with a huge grin on my face.
“Better than Sam’s? You might be in trouble if word got out. He might make you stay back in the kitchen and cook all morning,” he said, laughing and turning the bacon over in the pan. “So where did you learn to make your best-in-Cannon-Beach pancakes?”
“From my mom,” I replied, smiling. “It was the first thing she taught me how to make when I was a kid. She always joked with me that if I could make pancakes, I would never have to worry about having a boyfriend, they’d stick around just so they could eat breakfast. Although we usually ate pancakes for dinner, not breakfast in our house.”
“Seriously? You had pancakes for dinner?” Dex asked me, surprised.
“Yep. All the time. I always thought it was just my mom being fun, that she’d let me have breakfast for dinner—brenner we called it. But pancakes are cheap, and I’m sure she probably did it to save money. She always managed to make me feel satisfied and safe, like we wanted for nothing, when I know now how hard it must have been for her.” I broke the eggs into the batter and whisked them slowly until everything just blended. “Okay, this is ready. Is the griddle hot?” I looked up at Dex, but he didn’t answer, his eyes far away and not seeing me. “Hello, Dex? The griddle, is it hot?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, it is,” he said, moving out of the way. “It’s all yours.”
“Thanks,” I said, looking at him with one eyebrow raised in a question.
He smiled a sad, small smile. “Sorry,” he said, “I was thinking about my mom and how different our childhoods were. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to struggle like that financially. We had our own difficulties, but not having enough money to buy groceries wasn’t one of them.”
I poured the pancake batter on the griddle in neat, small circles and responded, “That’s the thing, I didn’t feel like we struggled. My mom made it seem like we had everything we needed and I didn’t feel like we went without, or were poor. I felt sheltered, cared for, loved. And that was enough for me then. Who knows what I would have been like as a teenager, I’m sure I would have put my mom through hell, I know I gave the staff at Overton a run for their money. But as a kid, I thought my mom hung the moon and I didn’t see what we didn’t have.”
Dex looked at me as he pulled the bacon out of the pan and wrapped it in a paper towel, the grease seeping into the paper towel’s textured pattern.
“Did you ever know your father?” Dex asked, in a quiet voice.
I paused, my pancake-filled spatula hanging over the griddle, answering, “No. He died before I was born.” I flipped the pancake over and continued, “My mom told me he taught fifth grade in Portland. She said they were going to be married after I was born, but he was in a motorcycle accident one day driving home from the school where he taught, suffering major internal bleeding and numerous broken bones. By the time the ambulance arrived he was unconscious and he never woke up. He died in the hospital several days later. That’s pretty much all I know.” I stacked the pancakes on a waiting platter, turned the griddle off, and walked over to the kitchen table to sit down.
“Do you have any photos of your father, anything to remember him by?” Dex asked.
“No. I wish I did,” I said, sitting down. “My mother said she only ever had one photograph of him since they didn’t have enough money for a camera back then. But her purse was stolen when I was little and the photo was inside. I don’t have any idea what he looked like, apart from the stories my mom told me.”
Dex put the hot bacon and eggs on the table and sat down, looking out past the deck to the ocean waves. “I’m sorry Jo. It must have been hard for you growing up and never knowing your father.”
“It was and it wasn’t,” I answered honestly. “In a way I didn’t know what I was missing. I had a much harder time losing my mom then I ever did never having a father.” I looked at Dex, who appeared lost in thought, still looking out the windows to the ocean outside. “What was your father like?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me for a while.
“Honestly? He was difficult. Nothing about our relationship, or his relationship with anyone really, was easy,” Dex said, rubbing his temple. “He never kept his opinions to himself and expected his family to agree with him on everything. I know he loved me, but at times it felt like he put his goals for me ahead of any concern for my well being.”
I swallowed a piece of pancake, having to force myself to eat while Dex told me about his father. Part of me didn’t want to pry, but another part of me desperately wanted to know more about Dex and his family. I thought if I knew more about his past, I could understand why he did the things he did, why he acted the way he did now as an adult. “Did you ever disagree with him?”
“Yes,” Dex said simply, not offering any more. I couldn’t help but push him further, to try and learn more about his past.
“What happened?” I asked, concentrating on my pancake to mask my curiosity.
“We fought, he won,” he replied. Dex unwrapped the bacon and pulled out a piece, crunching into it, breaking the salty strip into tiny pieces with his teeth. “I remember when he first told me about boarding school and that I’d be leaving Portland in the fall. I had just turned thirteen, full of teenage energy and awkward anticipation. I thought I’d be going to the local Portland private school with my friends. He told me the academics at the boarding school were the best in the country, that going there ensured a spot in an Ivy League university and that I didn’t have a choice in the matter—he’d paid tuition and I was going. I told him I didn’t want to go, that I wanted to stay home with my friends and with mom. He wouldn’t listen, didn’t want to hear the opinion of a thirteen year old who didn’t have his life experience and foresight,” Dex said, exhaling a long-held breath and taking another bite of the bacon still in his fingers.
“In the end he was right, which was probably the most infuriating thing about the man, he actually was right most of the time. I did have a much better education in boarding school and it helped me get into Columbia. I wish I had been able to go later, and had been here for my mom, wish I’d seen the signs of her getting sick and been able to save her. I still can’t forgive him for that. But had I not been able to escape and go somewhere I knew and felt safe after she died, I probably wouldn’t be here today. So despite all the anger I felt toward him as a teenager, I understand him now, and understand he had my best interests at heart. I just wish he expressed himself differently back then, didn’t make everything a battle he had to win.”
“It sounds like he controlled everything you did, that you didn’t have a choice in any major decisions,” I said.
“I didn’t,” he answered simply. “I had no control over anything until he died, when all of a sudden I had complete control over everything and didn’t know the first thing about our family’s finances, Hartley Industries, nothing. I learned quick.” He turned back to me finally and gave me a warm smile, taking my hand in his. “That’s why I understand what it’s like to need to be in control, Jo. I know what it feels like to grow up with no power to make any decisions for yourself, to be unable to make choices that actually have an impact on your life. I don’t ever want to be like my father—I never want to make anyone else’s choices for them.”
Dex’s face grew serious as he continued, “That’s why I’m so sorry I blew up at you Friday, and ordered you not to see Colin. I sounded exactly like my father in that moment, and I hated myself for it as soon as the words came out. You had every right to react how you did. You should always be in control of everything you do Jo, I won’t ever try to force you into anything again. I promise.”
“Thank you,” I said, getting up and walking over to Dex. I straddled his legs and sat down on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I know how sorry you are and how sorry I am. We both let our past and our insecurities affect us that night and make us say things we both regret. But I’m here now and I trust you.” I leaned toward him, kissing him lightly on the lips as he pulled me closer, his hands wrapping around my back.
