Were all lying, p.21
We're All Lying, page 21
A cloud of hopelessness engulfed me, fogging my vision. What was the point in even trying? My fate was out of my control. Ethan would never choose me. Even if he said it, he’d never mean it. He’d already shown me I wasn’t enough. Had I ever been? There were probably ten, twenty, one hundred Emmas before me. This was just the time I’d caught him.
Alice’s voice sliced through my thoughts, bringing me back to the present. We were out to lunch. My secrets were still secrets.
“I think you should get revenge. On both of them,” Alice said between bites of her quinoa chicken bowl. She said it so matter-of-factly, I almost convinced myself my evil thoughts were normal, innocent, justified even. I’d sit at the next charity dinner event laughing over my champagne glass with the rest of society. ‘Yes, Martha, I did kill my husband. Stabbing is such a messy affair, all that blood. A gun, too. Too much brain matter, it would never clean off the marble. But strangling. Now that is a murder that doesn’t leave a mess. And how did you say you killed your Andrew?’ I giggled, and Alice seemed to think I was laughing at her comment, so she joined in.
“Emma has ruined your professional and personal life; it’s not right. People shouldn’t be allowed to get away with these things.”
“How would I even get revenge?” I asked. “I thought him finally seeing her for who she was would be enough. Apparently not. She’s harassed me, humiliated me at a client event, destroyed my office, vandalized my home, stolen a significant amount of money from us, lied about it, and he still goes crawling back to her.”
“He’s a fool. He has no idea what he’s tossing away. You’re beautiful, smart, and so fun to be around. And he goes and ruins it. Twice!” Alice shook her head and looked at me bug-eyed. “Emma is nasty and so boring,” she spat her name out like it tasted sour.
“I just feel so terrible that you lost your job over this, too. I can’t believe Julie wasn’t able to find you something else.”
A darkness passed over her face like a cloud floating in front of the sun. I blinked, and it was gone.
“No, don’t worry about me. With the Blaxten account being canceled and the theft, the agency is struggling to pay bills. It wasn’t a surprise at all.”
“I could talk to Julie. Ask her to reconsider.”
“I appreciate that, but I didn’t plan on staying. Not with you gone. I have some money saved, and that second property, I could always sell it if something doesn’t come up soon.”
“A second house?”
Her eyes narrowed. I felt terrible, Alice made it a point to memorize every detail of my life and I couldn’t be bothered to know even the big stuff about hers. She smiled. “A woman I used to care for had no family when she passed. Left the place to me. It’s old and in dire need of repairs, but I’m sure I could get enough to live off for a few years if needed. I don’t require much.”
I glanced down at my phone and noticed a missed call from Officer Daley. “Oh! Give me one second, this is the police officer investigating her. Let me just call him back and see what Emma had to say about the vandalism.”
“Sure, no problem.” She barely hid the excitement in her voice, but it was written all over her face. Another front row ticket to the next episode of my very own trashy reality TV show. I put it on speaker to reward her for her loyalty.
“Officer Daley,” I said toward the phone.
“Cass, hello,” his voice came through mixed with what sounded like road noise. He must have been in the car. “I’m just leaving Emma’s house for the third time today. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to catch her at home, or by phone—for many days. It seems her cell phone is turned off, as it just goes straight to voicemail.”
“Are you sure she’s not in her apartment hiding from you? Just kick down the door and search her apartment. I’m sure she’s in there.”
He chuckled. “This isn’t a TV show.” He missed the memo, apparently. This was a television show, I was the star, there just weren’t any cameras. “I can’t forcibly enter her home without a warrant.”
“Then get one,” I demanded.
“It’s not that simple. I will continue to drop by and keep you posted when I’m able to speak to her. She could have gotten a job and is at work. I’ll call you when I have more information.” I ended the call.
“What are you smiling about?” I asked Alice.
“Just picturing Emma on the run. A fugitive. I wonder if she’s scared?” She started cackling.
“Surely, they will track her down. How far could she have gone? Should be interesting to hear what she has to say for herself.”
“Interesting indeed.” Alice smirked.
After lunch, I returned home with a strange feeling flipping my stomach. With Emma gone Ethan wouldn’t be sneaking off to her house. It also lessened my chances of getting caught faking the texts. Perhaps Ethan knew exactly where she was, and he was in on it, helping her avoid the police. I scoured the credit card statements daily, looking for hotel bills or any out-of-state charges.
“How was everyone’s day?” Ethan asked us when he arrived home that evening, eagerly looking around the dinner table at the kids and me. He seemed desperate to regain a sense of normalcy, to pretend all was well. A real-life Norman Rockwell painting. I should have changed into a poodle skirt, donned an apron, and served my family a steaming roasted chicken to really set the mood.
I stared at him, wondering why I’d fought so hard to get him back. If I’m being honest with myself, which I rarely am, I didn’t understand why I hadn’t just walked away.
“Fine,” both kids replied. Aubrey still held a grudge. Ben didn’t seem to know how to act. Yet, Ethan was barreling through conversations unperturbed. He appeared to be the only one completely fine.
“I’m not hungry. Can I be excused?” Aubrey asked me.
“Sure, Aubs, why don’t you get some homework done?” I said, smiling. I wanted to hug them both, gather them in my arms and rock them. Tell them how sorry I was. Turn back the clocks and erase their memories of the whole, horrid ordeal.
“Well,” Ethan said cheerfully. “Ben, how about you bud, do you have any homework tonight?”
“Yeah, a bit,” Ben grumbled and pushed the food around his plate.
“Happy to help if you need any,” Ethan replied.
I took a bite of my dinner, despite having no appetite at all. Sitting across from me was a man still in love with a runaway girl. I sighed and stood to clear my plate and busy my hands with the dishes at the sink.
“Ben, you done?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, setting his plate on the counter and running in the direction his sister had a few moments before.
My phone vibrated and Ethan’s eyes lit up with hope. He tried to hide it, but it was impossible not to notice. I had been reading his face for too many years. I had every movement, even the slightest ones, memorized. I knew what he was hoping for. She could have been texting me and telling me she was on her way to murder me and cut my body up and he still would have been happy to learn she was safe.
“You seem more interested in who that is than I do, so go ahead and look at it.” I said flatly.
“What?” Confusion spread across his face. “You criticize everything I do. I can’t breathe without you yelling at me.”
I stopped rinsing the dishes and turned around. I could ignore him, finish the dishes, make myself a drink, and spend the evening silently watching television, like we’d done the last three nights. Or I could tell him exactly what I thought of his stupid looks every time my phone made a noise. I wiped my hands and grabbed my phone.
“It’s a call from Daley,” I said.
He perked up. “Are you going to call him back?”
“Yes, maybe they found her body.” I laughed and walked out with my phone before he had a chance to react.
They didn’t find her body. There were no new or interesting developments at all. Her friends and family hadn’t heard from her, and people were starting to worry. The most popular theory remained that she was upset about Ethan leaving her, went a bit mad, and took off after taking that insanity out on me. Daley still seemed to think she’d come slinking back to town, and we’d all just carry on. Everyone else may be able to move on with their lives, but not me. There were zero leads on the missing three million dollars. It was transferred to some offshore account, untraceable they said. Still under investigation, Daley said.
My guess was, Emma was still around, and close. She was hiding, biding her time, and she wasn’t going to stop at destroying my career, office, and front door. It was obvious Ethan and Officer Daley thought I was being dramatic whenever I shared my theory. It was ridiculous, really. What would it take for these men to realize what an evil, awful human she was?
“Your girlfriend is still missing,” I said to Ethan and enjoyed his grimace. If I couldn’t make him love me the way he used to, as if I was the only woman in the world, then I’d make him hate me. Maybe when I finally decided to lock away my costumes for good, we’d all find how fucked up the real me is.
“Do they have any idea what’s happened? Is she listed as a missing person now?”
“Do you care?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Of course I care, Cass. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I get you’re angry at her, and I am too. But surely you don’t wish her dead?”
I considered my answer. “I don’t care what happens to her, if I’m being honest. As long as she stays out of my life.”
He inhaled sharply. “I hate what I did. But what I hate more is what my actions have turned you into. Even more bitter and cold. All I ever wanted was for you to be warm, loving, and caring. To show me you love me. And I’ve screwed up so badly; you’re nastier than you’ve ever been. I thought I was the broken one, but I’ve broken you, possibly beyond repair. And I hate that. I’m going to bed. I love you.”
“You and Emma broke me. Both of you,” I yelled at his back. He paused briefly, shook his head, and left me alone. He was always leaving me. Physically and emotionally.
I stopped breathing completely. A scream was lodged in my throat. A tremor started in my hands then seeped through my entire body. Rage was lighting up every nerve, setting my entire body on fire.
Thirty-Nine
Cass
A siren blared in my dream, a hand tugged at me, trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t understand what. I sat up in bed and smelled smoke. It wasn’t a dream.
“Get up!” I ran, shrieking down the hallway, pounding on doors. Ethan flew into the hallway in his boxers, his face frozen in terror. Aubrey and Ben walked out of their rooms, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, confused, then began screaming. The sounds of my family’s terror blended with the blare of the smoke detectors. I covered my ears with my hands, trying to think of what to do. Black plumes of smoke billowed up the stairs, filling the hallway and swirling around us.
“Drop,” Ethan demanded. “Everybody on the ground now. Try not to breathe in the smoke.”
We followed without a word, all of us slamming onto the floor on our bellies. He motioned for us to follow him to the stairs.
“I’ll go downstairs to find a way out,” he yelled over the alarms.
I pulled my shirt over my mouth and nose, indicating for the kids to do the same. We were all coughing, and my eyes burned. I put an arm over each of their backs and held on tight. Ethan came crawling back up the stairs a few seconds later, coughing.
“There’s a path ... to the door ... move fast. The entire … living room is on fire. Turn around .... crawl down the stairs … backward and head ... for the door.” His coughs broke through his words as he struggled to deliver the instructions.
I let the kids go before me. We mostly slid down the stairs. Ethan motioned for them to stay down and crawled to the front door. He crouched down between them and pulled them toward the door. He dragged them much faster than they would have been able to crawl on their own. My heart lurched watching him save his children. And in a split second all the hate was gone, I loved him fully and freely. A love that burned as brilliant as the flames consuming my house. I looked back over my shoulder at the angry blaze engulfing my living room one more time before running outside. All four of us fell on the front lawn coughing, spitting, and crying. I drank in the faces of my children, covered in ash except for the streaks from their eyes where their tears had cleared a path, and I broke down into sobs. I was so close to losing them, and the pain was worse than any pain I’d felt from losing Ethan.
The alarms woke the neighborhood. I was huddled on the grass with my arms draped around Aubrey and Ben; I couldn’t move, I couldn’t let go. Someone placed a blanket over our shoulders. It was a hot, muggy evening, but we were shaking like we were sitting in the snow. Ethan was talking to someone, a neighbor I recognized from his daily runs, but who I’d never spoken to other than a wave and hello. I heard a siren in the distance. Someone must have called 9-1-1. We watched the flames light up the front windows. They were hypnotizing, almost beautiful. I used to love the smell of campfire. It was one of my favorite smells. I can’t stand it now.
The fire truck arrived in what felt like seconds. The firefighters pulled a long hose into the house to save what was left of our home. I sat and watched in shock. The kids’ sobs had calmed to whimpers. Finally, ambulances pulled onto the street behind the fire truck and the paramedics moved us, working fast and with precision to check our vitals. Ensuring we were safe.
My throat was raw from the smoke and it sent me into a fit of coughs. The paramedic had a tough look, her brown hair pulled back in a tight bun and her face was all angles, sharp and serious. But she had kind eyes.
“You’re all very lucky.” She smiled. I imagined what horror those eyes had seen. How could they still be so kind?
“Emma,” I whispered.
“What was that? Is there someone else in there?” She turned to yell and alert someone. I gripped her wrist, digging my nails into her flesh.
“No,” I said. “This was Emma. She did this. She tried to kill us.”
“I don’t understand,” she stammered. “You know who set the fire?” She looked at me, those kind eyes now terror-stricken. I released my grip and started screaming.
“Emma. Emmmmmmaaaaaaa.” The small crowd that had gathered on our lawn and the surrounding street turned and silently gaped at me. I screamed her name until it became inaudible. Until the noise leaving my lips was reduced to animal-like shrieks. I started kicking my legs and ripping out my hair.
Hands pushed my chest. I was lying on my back, staring at the roof of the ambulance. A needle slid into my arm, then I was falling down, down, down. Into darkness.
I woke to beeping, the sharp smells of antiseptic and bleach, and faint hints of smoke. My eyes were heavy. I blinked lazily, trying to open them and bring the bright room into focus. Ethan must have sensed my movement because he jumped from the chair next to my bed and his face filled my vision.
“Cass? Cass, can you hear me? Are you awake?”
I groaned and let my gaze wander around the room, taking in my surroundings. A hospital room. How did I get here? Gravity took over and when my eyelids shut, I saw flames. Fire! I fought to sit up, but my body was too heavy.
“The kids?” I asked. My hoarse voice sounded husky and strained. I was barely able to speak above a whisper.
“The kids are fine, everyone is fine. Julie and Victoria came and got them. They were able to put the fire out, and most of the damage was contained to the first floor. We are lucky.” Someone else had said we were lucky. Who was that? I remembered the kind eyes. The paramedic. Then I remembered how I got there.
“It was her,” I murmured.
“What was that?” Ethan asked, moving his face closer to hear me.
“It was Emma,” I growled. “She tried to kill us.”
He sat back in the chair and clutched my hand between both of his and brought it to his lips. His watery eyes searched my face.
“Was it an accident?” he said with his voice trailing off.
I could have shaken him, but my limbs seemed to be filled with lead, and I was tethered to the machines surrounding me.
“This was no accident. She wanted us all dead. How can you defend her when your children almost died?”
His shoulders slumped. He brought our hands to his forehead, his head bowed like he was praying. When he looked back up, he was crying. “I’m so sorry.”
Present
Cass
My energy is drained. Recalling everything we’ve been through in one sitting, while simultaneously picking and choosing which parts to share with Daley and which to leave out has left me craving my bed. I want my bed, in my home. However, Emma took care of that when she burned the entire first story of our house. We are currently piled into the first rental we found. It works, for now.
“There was no evidence Emma had anything to do with the fire. In fact, she had been missing for days prior to the fire being set. Why are you so convinced she’s responsible, Cass?” Officer Daley asks.
“Are you serious? What more evidence is needed? You said so yourself, the investigation found the fire wasn’t an accident. They found evidence that lighter fluid had been poured all over the room before the fire was set. It had to be her,” I say. He wasn’t questioning her guilt when he came and saw me in the hospital. He visited me the night I was admitted. He had told me they’d increase resources and he’d find her. We had agreed all our lives were in grave danger. I knew something had changed the second he sat down. My instincts were right. What’s changed? I asked myself again. Why is he questioning her involvement now?
“But it couldn’t have been her,” he says.
“That’s ridiculous. How can you be so sure it wasn’t her?” My voice is shrill. How dare he? My mouth is about to get me in trouble again. But I don’t care. I don’t like where this is going, and I’m about to stand and kick him out. Tell him exactly what I think of his shoddy detective work. He leans forward with a strange smile on his face. All the blood in my body turns to ice.
