Selfish girl, p.9
Selfish Girl, page 9
16
THE PROTECTION OF CONNERY
I don’t wake until the wind whooshes overhead. Connery turns, his fur feathering across my face. “Pffth!” I spit out the fluff, opening my eyes to the sight of Connery, who is laying at my other side, hemming me in with his maw protecting my face.
He’s having another nightmare, whining and jerking in his sleep. “No! Stop yourself!”
I gently shake Connery awake, holding him while he shudders through his haze. I can imagine it would be impossible to merely shrug off the caged life he was trapped in for so long. I kiss my dog, running my fingers over his head and then stroking the velvet of his ear until he all but purrs. The low sound rumbles in his throat.
I love that sound. It speaks of deep contentment and peace—two gifts I often forget to give myself.
But with Connery beside me, I remember to take my fill. I snuggle in closer to his side, loving the softness of his gray and brown fur. It’s silky yet thick and warm. Bodhi’s arm has been draped around my waist all night long, his hand on my navel even as I snuggle my dog closer. “I love you,” I murmur, uttering the words easily because who wouldn’t love a dog this wonderful? “You’re a good boy. My sweet baby.”
Bodhi snorts into my hair, letting me know he is awake. “I love that Connery is only an animal to you. If he ever retrieves access to his man form, I want you to reenact this exact scene.”
I cast Bodhi a glimpse of my middle finger. “Good morning, Bodhi sweetheart.” My nighttime words echo in the morning, making light of our bond that seems to only grow stronger.
Bodhi kisses my middle finger before sitting up, his eyes lidded and hair mussed. “Good morning, Zara darling.”
Connery licks my face over and over until I giggle, sitting up to scrub my cheeks of their slickness.
It doesn’t take long for us to pack our things and set back on our long journey over the hills. Connery found me a fistful of berries in the night, so I make a point of eating them and pretending that is enough to fill my stomach.
He’s such a good boy.
The first hill reminds me why I never go hiking, but the second is slightly more problematic due to its steep nature. “We can’t keep holding hands while we climb,” I point out.
Bodhi’s worry doesn’t bother concealing itself. “We’ll just have to hope the morsaves don’t fly out this far. If anyone catches sight of one, stop climbing and reach for me. Understood?”
I frown at the steep mountain that has less greenery and brown, and more gray, jagged rocks. It is going to shift our hiking to partially climbing in spots. “How is a dog supposed to get up this thing? Is there no way around?”
Bodhi frowns at Connery, but there’s nothing we can do about the situation but hope for the best.
Connery hears the words of caution and takes them as a warning. He leads the way up the steep surface, over which we have to use our hands to hoist ourselves up to the next level more than once.
We stick with the task through midday and beyond, slowing only when Bodhi says to me, “Garlan’s house is at the top. We need to reach it by nightfall, or we’re going to have a rough go of it.”
I gawp at the ridiculous placement for a home. “What? Why?”
Bodhi shrugs but Connery answers bluntly, no doubt because he’s sore about how many times he’s fallen. “Because he can. The more powerful mages are all about the show. The few with superior magic like to make ostentatious displays. Tha way, the masses revere their almighty ways.”
Bodhi whistles as he reaches for a narrow precipice to pull himself up. “Looks like someone’s company manners are long gone. It’s no wonder you’re cross, what with me being the showoff mage that I am. I look fabulous while I climb, since my kind is all about show over substance.”
Connery grumbles a halfhearted apology. I’ve never heard them fight before, but this sniping seems to be as bad as it gets.
I kind of like this grumpy side of Connery. He’s always so careful with his words and temperament around me. Makes me feel like a guest in his life instead of family.
My thoughts keep pinging back to Seven. I’ve never been apart from my daughter for this long.
Has Jonathan given up on me coming home? Is he regretting taking her in? Will he keep her if I don’t make it back? Will he make sure she has a good life?
A constant stream of worry barrages my brain while we climb.
Though we still have what seems like miles upward to go, when we reach a craggy alcove where we can rest for a few, Bodhi pulls me into his arms. His musky cologne is mingled with sweat. It’s not an entirely unpleasant smell. It’s a true testament to the strength of the vonding charm that I melt into his body instead of resisting the overt affection.
Or maybe I’m too exhausted from the climb to care.
Bodhi kisses my temple. “I didn’t realize being a parent was so stressful.”
I shrink in his embrace while I catch my breath on the floor of the alcove. It dips back a few feet from the edge, giving us a small space to stretch out our legs. “You shouldn’t listen in on my thoughts,” I scold him.
Bodhi kisses my shoulder. It’s a shower of affection that I am surprised to find is not entirely unpleasant. I’ve never had someone be this touchy-feely with me before. My last girlfriend called my personality “prickly” and the guy I dated before that told me he thought he smelled bad because I always shrugged away from hugs. It’s different with Bodhi.
Or maybe I’m different now.
He smooths back the strands of my hair that have come loose from their tie. “I can’t help it. You’re practically shouting your feelings; they’re so painful.”
Connery whips his head at mention of me being in pain. “What is it?”
My mouth slams shut, so Bodhi rats me out. “Our Zara is worried she won’t return to Seven and Jonathan. She’s afraid they’ve given up waiting for her, since it’s taking her longer to get back to them.”
Connery licks the sweat off my cheek. “I swear on Dub’s left testicle, I will make sure ye are returned to your daughter.”
My chin trembles, but I keep myself in check. My arms are limp from hoisting my body up over and over again, but they manage to loop around Connery’s thick neck. “Thanks for calling her my daughter. I usually get a careful ‘your child’ at best.”
Connery rests his head on my shoulder. “Tha’s a shortcoming of your world, not ours. We will break the bond between ye and Bodhi and return ye to your family. I will watch over the three of ye, and ye will never know fear or hunger again. Wherever ye are, there will I be.”
I close my eyes and bury my face in his fur. “Tell me more beautiful things that break my heart.”
Bodhi kisses my shoulder again before releasing me, giving the two of us some space, even though there isn’t much of the stuff to come by in the small alcove.
Connery’s voice is low in my ear, though I know it’s a psychic communication he doles out instead of actually speaking. “I will guard your home. Guard ye. I’ll hunt ye three meals a day and make sure Seven is provided for. No winter will be too severe for us.”
I gnaw on my lower lip. “Will you go with us when I walk her to the bus stop?”
I can tell Connery is working out the terminology. “Of course. Whatever she needs.”
“Maybe if we have you with us, people won’t stare so often.”
“People stare at beautiful women, m’dolla. Tha’s not something I can stop altogether.”
Bodhi gives Connery a quiet applause and I smirk at his compliment. “Not that, but thank you. I just think that if you were there, they might not care that Seven is different.”
“Then I’ll stick by her side. Tha was going to be my plan anyway.”
I am tired and my body is exhausted from the climb. I forget the careful wall I usually construct around my pain to keep it contained. Now that I’m being honest about my insecurities, more begin to spill out. “The other parents are awful to us. It makes Seven shy when that’s not really who she is. Maybe if she had a cool dog with her, they wouldn’t treat us like…” I was going to say “lepers” but being that he is actually dealing with leprosy in his world, that doesn’t seem fitting.
Though, the stigma isn’t that far off.
Connery’s growl rumbles low in his throat, vibrating across my shoulder. “Of course I’ll walk her to the bus stop. I’ll chew the arm offa anyone who raises a hand to the wee babe.”
Bodhi snorts. “So close. You almost nailed the gallant protector thing, Connery. I think she’d prefer playful playing and quiet watchfulness to aggressive disfiguring.”
“However ye like it, I will make it so.”
I nod with my eyes closed, sighing into his fur. “Thank you. Even if you’re just saying that, thank you. It gives me a beautiful daydream to hold onto.”
Connery pulls back, narrowing an eye at my doubt. “You’re my m’dolla. What ye need, I will provide.”
I purse my lips, guessing that this is not the time to ask what exactly an m’dolla is.
Bodhi helps me to my feet. “Time to get back to it, kids. The sooner we get to Garlan, the sooner we can get you home, Zara darling.”
17
JOURNEY AND DESTINATION
I groan when I put weight on my tired feet, but that’s all the carrying on I permit.
While it’s not a straight up climb we have to do to get to the top, there are several times we have had to pull each other up to the next point of rest.
I shiver as the wind whistles around us, breezing over my sweat to convince me it is frigid out when I’m sure it’s a mild temperature day. I am drained, dehydrated yet again, and shivering against the sloped mountain that seems to stretch ever skyward. “Is the goal of having his house up here to ensure people are too tired to fight him by the time we reach the top? Because I was all about to discuss getting Garlan’s help peacefully before we started this climb, but now I’m feeling hostile at this Garlan fellow for making us work this hard for a simple conversation. I like my privacy as much as the next person, but this guy’s a bit overkill.”
Bodhi keeps his body close to mine so we can catch each other if one of us slips. “That’s about the size of it. Best security in the world is making sure no one can get to you.”
“How does Garlan do business? He’s the Highest Mage, right? Doesn’t that mean he has to like, oversee things? Help the other mages? How can he do that way out here?”
Bodhi shakes his head while we move onward, leaving the safety of the alcove to continue our climb. “Garlan only bothers with the grander stretches of magic, so he’s rarely needed for anything, since the magic is growing less potent over time.” When Connery yips, Bodhi adds, “There’s also the fact that no one can make the most powerful mage do anything. He knows the people are suffering, but he’s not interested in making himself useful. He doesn’t have to. There aren’t checks and balances for someone like him. So we either get a benevolent Highest Mage, or…”
“Or you get a selfish asshole?”
“That’s about the size of it.”
I keep my eyes on the journey ahead while my mind spins. “Why is the magic less?”
Bodhi’s foot slips on a rock, but I grab his arm, so he doesn’t fall. “Thanks, Zara. That was close.” I can feel his pulse racing, so I hold him steady until he’s ready to keep going. “As with all things, time makes some things better and others worse. It’s made the sun brighter but the land and the magic worse. Since magic isn’t a huge part of everyone’s makeup, it’s not a high priority to rectify the degradation. There are only a handful of mages left.”
“I love that you can work out fancy words like ‘degradation’ while scaling a mountain. You truly are one of a kind, Bodhi sweetheart.”
“Thank you, Zara darling. I settle for nothing less than absolute fireworks.”
My mouth pulls to the side. “Was the magic stronger when you were a kid?”
“I’m not sure. My magic’s never been much to brag about. It’s stronger since our bond, that’s for sure, but other than that, not really. There are things that our history books catalog that we can’t do anymore. So, that kind of timespan.”
“Like what? What could mages do in the past that current mages can’t?” I’m curious, sure, but I also need to distract myself from my aching muscles.
Bodhi shakes out his wrist. “Teleportation. We used to be in one place, then blink and be in another. But that was decades ago.”
“I wonder why it’s fading.”
Connery grumbles his reply. “Some of it is fading. Some of it’s been snatched away. I’m the last shifter, Zara. Nature didn’t make it tha way; King Artifice did. Murdered my kin and only kept the strongest warriors. Of all the captives, only Felix, Fritz, and I survived, and of the three of us, I’m the only shifter. Made me the prize the king wanted collared and paraded around, so he had Highbron take my will and my ability to shift into a man.” He huffs at a rock we pass. “Tha’s not happening to the mages, though. It seems either you’re blessed with an abundance of magic, which is still less than it used to be, or ye have the bare minimum and carry tha as a stigma. Bodhi is a survivor, doing all he can to ride the waves tha have crushed lesser spirits. He don’t need magic; he’s special enough on his own.”
Bodhi stops and hugs Connery around the neck. “Thanks, Connery. I think the world of you, too.” Then Bodhi grins at me while we press on. “I’ve heard tales of Garlan’s generosity when he’s truly impressed with someone. He gives out new robes, puts out the fanciest feast, does all he can to honor the guest who impressed him with their magic.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Awesome.”
Connery whimpers when his paw snags on something sharp.
Immediately I go into mom-mode. “Oh, baby! Let me look at it.”
We stop so I can turn over his paw. I frown at him as he sits like a good boy before me, letting me examine the point of pain on his already injured leg.
Bodhi stretches out his back, keeping watch for us while we pause.
“You’ve got a thorn just here. Oh, honey. It might sting when I pull it out, but it’s got to be done.”
Connery tilts his head at me, as if I’ve said something amusing. “I can yank it out if ye don’t want to,” he offers, like being cared for is a pampering beneath someone as tough as him.
Not on my watch.
I am careful as I work out the thorn, gasping at the blood that leaks out, dotting his fur. I scramble around for leaves or something that might stem the miniscule flow, but there’s nothing but rocks and dry bramble surrounding us. We left the last of the sparse greenery behind this morning.
I take the hem of my shirt and wrap it around his paw, then shake my head at the poor offering. “Hold on a second. Let me…” It takes some doing, but I manage to rip a portion of my shirt from my waist, so I can wrap his paw in the cotton strip. “There. Does it hurt real bad?”
Connery studies me and then clears the gap between us, licking my cheek before he rests the side of his face to mine. “Ye have a tender heart.”
I bunch my fingers in his fur. “I’m sure no one has ever said that about me before.” I stand, hoping my next step will get us to the top of the mountain.
But of course, I experience no such luck. For the next hour, we trek onward and upward, hiking and then climbing until we finally reach the top.
When Bodhi pulls me over the lip to get me onto solid ground, I don’t care who this Garlan guy is; I only care if he has water to spare.
But when I take in the sight of the grand wizard’s home, all other thoughts of pain and thirst are driven from my mind.
I gape at the wide abode that looks like something out of a fairytale. “I’ve never seen a house made entirely from a single tree before.” It’s an oak, I’m guessing, though it’s thicker across than my condo. It’s a single trunk that stretches about three stories high and then splits off into thick branches that have been weighted with peach-colored apples.
My mouth waters, and before I can stop myself, I am making my clumsy way to the offering of low-hanging fruit.
The last thing I expect is for Connery to bite at my pant leg. The jerky tug makes my clumsy legs collapse beneath me. “Connery, I need to eat something!”
Bodhi helps me up once Connery releases my jeans. “You don’t touch anything at a mage’s house unless it’s offered to you. We’re always growing variations on herbs for different potions. Not everything is edible. Some of it is lethal.”
I whine, on the verge of despair; my stomach is so empty, and the temptation of food is dangling before me. “I hate this guy already.”
Bodhi dusts himself off and tucks in his shirt, then does the same to me as if my appearance is of great concern. “Best behavior, now. This is akin to meeting your greatest hero, who just so happens to be the man you resent a little for not helping those less fortunate. He is the best mage there is. Not only do we need his help, but this is a day I never thought I would have. Garlan has no cause to meet with someone like me, who has little magic to speak of. Pretend you don’t hate everyone, Zara. Please. For me.”
“I don’t hate everyone,” I argue, though he’s not far off. It’s not hate, specifically. It’s distrust.
But also hate.
But I take Bodhi’s words to heart, knowing that this is a big day for him. I comb back his hair from his face and remove a twig that lodged there who knows how many hours ago. “I don’t hate everybody,” I repeat, then dig for the truth, even if it scares me. “I love you and Connery. I love Seven and Jonathan.” I grimace. “Admittedly, it’s a short list.”
Bodhi pauses his fretting and primping, grinning at me because I know he feels the same. This bond gave us a fast forward, pushing us to a friendship far tighter than any that could have grown organically.
Bodhi leans in and pecks my lips. “I love you too, Zara darling.”
