Right beside you, p.10
Right Beside You, page 10
“You didn’t stand Fel up. Things happen.” Pam paused and gave me a guarded look. “By the way, did you know she’s thinking about looking for a job in Atlanta?”
My breath caught in my throat. I narrowed my eyes and gawked at Pam. Then the words shot out of my mouth like bullets. “What are you talking about? I didn’t even know she was thinking about leaving the company, let alone going to work in Atlanta. She told you that?”
“Uh-huh. Poor thing.” Pam sighed and shook her head. “She’s getting so bored with the way things are.”
“I didn’t know Felicia felt that way.”
“Who wouldn’t? No children, no husband, no pets to keep her company. Her parents might be moving to Atlanta when they get back, so there’d be nothing to keep her here. She’s so good at her job and so personable, other companies would hire her on the spot. And the way she was talking, it won’t be long before she makes her move.”
“Well, whatever she decides to do, I wish her well.”
“Me too.” Pam leaned forward and glared at me. “Have you given any thought to what I told you?”
I knew what she was talking about, but I asked anyway. “What do you mean?”
“She loves you, Richard. And I know it’s none of my business, but don’t you have feelings for her? And I’m not talking about as just a friend.”
“Pam, that’s something I don’t want to discuss at this time.”
She threw up her hands. “Okay. I can tell when I’m overstepping my bounds. I can see it makes you uncomfortable, so I—”
“That’s not it, Pam. It’s just that, well, I need a little more time to digest what you told me. I’ll see you on the bus this evening.”
I was glad Pam left when she did. The only person I wanted to discuss what she’d told me was Felicia herself. If what Pam told me was true, and I had no reason not to believe her, either Felicia or I had to make a move eventually. I had a feeling I’d be the one to do it.
I stared at my monitor for a few moments. Then I picked up the phone, but I didn’t dial Felicia’s number. I decided to go to her office. When I got there, she was busy talking to her clerks in the cubicle they shared. When she looked up and saw me, she held up her hand and pointed toward her office. I slunk in and sat down. She joined me about a minute later.
“What’s up, Richard?” She sat down at her desk and gave me an expressionless look.
“I apologize for missing lunch.”
“I got your message. You said something came up. . . .” She sounded so detached it was eerie.
“How about having lunch tomorrow?”
“I won’t be available. I’m going to take off the rest of the week. We can do it one day next week, but it’s not really necessary. I can wrap up the Christmas party plans by myself.”
“I see. Well, can we get together for lunch anyway? I’d really like to make it up to you.”
“Richard, you don’t need to make up anything to me.”
“But can I still take you to lunch next week?”
She took her time responding. “Let’s wait until next week gets here. If you still want to take me, ask me then.”
“Okay. I’ll see you on the bus this evening. If I get on before you, I’ll make sure and save the seat right beside me like I always do.”
“I’m leaving early today, so I won’t be on the bus.”
“I see. Well, I hope you enjoy your weekend. I’ll check with you next week.”
“Sure. Thanks for coming by, Richard.” She turned around to face her computer and started pecking away. That was my cue to leave.
CHAPTER 19
FELICIA
When I realized Richard was not going to show up after I’d waited twenty minutes for him in the lobby, I’d picked up a shrimp salad from the cafeteria and returned to my office. Before I started eating, I noticed that my landline message-waiting light was blinking. There was only one message and it was from Richard. I was not surprised to hear that he’d skipped lunch with me today because something had come up. I’d lost count of all the times I’d canceled and rescheduled lunch with somebody for the same reason. Now that I knew he had called, I didn’t see any reason to call him back right away.
Ten minutes after I’d finished my lunch, Pam walked past my office. The door was open, so she peeped in and did a double take when she saw me sitting at my desk. She rushed in with her mouth hanging open. “Felicia, I thought Richard was taking you to lunch today.”
“I thought so too. I waited twenty minutes for him downstairs before I realized he wasn’t going to show up. So, I came back up here. He left a voice mail message to let me know that something had come up, though. Probably a last-minute meeting.”
Pam sat down and gave me a dry look. “Hmmm. I wonder why he’d be having a ‘last-minute meeting’ with Regina. . . .” She sniffed and folded her arms.
“Excuse me?”
“I stopped working long enough to run out and grab a sandwich from that deli down the street. I saw Richard escorting Regina into Wing Lu’s place next door to the deli.”
I shrugged. “So?”
“He broke a lunch date with you to go with her.”
“Richard can spend time with whoever he wants.” The words tasted like rotting food in my mouth. “Now, can we change the subject?” I didn’t give Pam time to answer. “I was dead serious when I told you that I might go work for another firm. I’m going to try and line up some interviews as soon as possible.”
“Christmas is right around the corner. This is a bad time to be looking for a new job. Why don’t you just wait until after the New Year?”
“I don’t think I can wait that long.”
Pam stood up with a sad expression on her face. “Well, I hope you’re only thinking about leaving. You’ll never find another boss like Sam. But no matter what you decide to do, I’m with you all the way,” she said in a weary tone. “I’d better get back to my office. I’ll see you on the bus this evening.”
I had not planned to leave early or take off the rest of the week until this afternoon. I had no right to feel slighted because Richard chose to have lunch with Regina instead of me. But I did. I was spinning out of control and I didn’t like it. The most logical thing for me to do was to get over him. That meant seeing less of him. And I would start today by not riding the bus home with him.
I sent an e-mail to Sam to let him know that “for personal reasons” I’d be leaving in a few minutes and I wouldn’t return until Monday. On my way out, I stopped by my clerks’ workstation to tell them the same thing. I hadn’t taken off personal time in ten months, so I didn’t feel the least bit guilty.
“Are you feeling okay, Fel?” Ramona asked. “You look fine.”
“I’m fine. I just need a little break,” I said with a dry laugh. “You all have my cell phone number. Give me a call if you need me. Make sure you collect all the materials after the class ends.” I glanced around the hall area. “If you guys want to put up the decorations before I get back, feel free to do so.”
“Christmas is still over three weeks away,” Marybeth chimed in.
“I know. But a lot of people like to get started early. I’ve already received a few cards. The folks in personnel and in the payroll department have already put up a few wreaths and streamers. If you guys want to wait until later in the month, that’s fine. But we really need to get started on it by the end of next week. I’d hate for people to think that our holiday spirit was low this year.” Despite the fact that I was slightly disappointed about Richard not showing up, I was still as excited about Christmas as always. Just thinking about how festive my apartment was going to look when I put up my tree and everything else lifted my spirits. But I still wanted to go home.
When I got to my apartment, I immediately checked my messages. Daddy had called to say that he and Mama were having a ball in Tokyo, Japan. “Baby, these folks over here are treating us like royalty,” he whooped. “If I knew the language, I’d talk your mama into us moving over here for good.” Just hearing my daddy’s voice made me smile.
Right after I put on a pot of collard greens, I called up Grandma Lucy. “You want to spend a few days over here?” I asked. “I’m going to be off work the rest of the week, so we can get some serious Christmas shopping done.”
Grandma Lucy sucked on her teeth before she replied. “Aw, shuck it! I can’t. Daisy Hawthorne invited me to go to Atlantic City with her on account of her sister June had to cancel and they can’t get a refund on her plane ticket. I done already started packing so her son can drive us to the airport.”
“Oh, that’s nice. When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow? How come you didn’t tell me before now?”
“I didn’t know before now. Daisy just asked me to go about a hour ago. I was going to tell you this evening when you got home from work. We’ll be gone five or six days. Or did Daisy say seven or eight?”
“Don’t forget to pack your pills. And make sure you give me the name of your hotel so I can check up on you every day.”
Grandma Lucy laughed. “Why do you need to ‘check up’ on me every day? I’m a grown woman.”
“Give me the name of the hotel anyway,” I insisted.
“I will! Humph! You worry more than my mama did when I was growing up.” Grandma Lucy let out a loud breath and then softened her tone. “Baby, get a life. Get yourself a husband so you won’t have so much time on your hands to be fretting over me.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I’ll let you go so you can finish your packing.”
“Fel, I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“I don’t think you can stay that way too much longer by yourself.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I ain’t ‘trying’ to say nothing. I’m saying it: Get married before all your eggs dry up or you won’t never know what a blessing being a mama is. Let me go to my grave with a smile on my face.”
I couldn’t think of anything to say other than “Good night. If I don’t see you or talk to you again before you leave, have fun.”
Pam called me up from her house a few minutes after six p.m. “What’s going on?” Her panicked tone made me panic. I rubbed my tightening chest as she went on. “When I stopped by your office this evening so we could walk to the bus stop together, Sandy told me you’d left early and would be off until Monday! Did you have an emergency?” She paused and lowered her voice. “Or is this because I told you I saw Richard having lunch with Regina today?”
“No, I was just feeling kind of blah. So I decided to take a break and refresh myself,” I explained.
“Why?”
“Because I have a few things to sort out in the next few weeks.”
“Are you still thinking about leaving the company?”
“Yes, I am.”
A moment of silence passed before Pam went on. “I’m worried about you, girl. I’m going to have Clyde come get you and take you to a movie or something tonight. I’m trying to get his mind off that heifer in Cleveland.”
“Don’t you dare send him over here! If he wants to have a relationship with that ‘heifer’ in Cleveland, I don’t want to interfere.”
“Then I’ll send him over to bring you a plate so you won’t have to cook this evening. He’s just waking up from his nap. Let me ask him.”
Before I could stop her, I heard mumbling on her end and a few seconds later, Clyde was on the phone. “Hey, Fel. I ain’t doing nothing until later tonight. Do you want me to come over and bring you a bucket of chicken or something?”
“No, you don’t have to do that. I’m cooking some collard greens.”
“Is that right? Well, if you ain’t expecting company, do you mind if I come over and eat dinner with you?”
“Clyde, I have a lot of things to do this evening and I don’t really feel like having company.”
“I can’t even come get them greens?”
“Not tonight. I’m cooking a small bunch anyway. I’ll be cooking some again soon and you can come over then.”
“All right, then. Whenever that is, I just hope I’ll be available. . . .”
* * *
Right after I got out of bed Saturday morning, I realized it was the first day of December, which always put me in a more festive mood. When I was a little girl, this was the day I’d start crossing off the days toward the countdown to Christmas.
I spent most of the day shopping and at the movie theater a mile from my apartment. It had been a while since I’d seen a good movie, so I watched Crazy Rich Asians twice.
When I got up Sunday morning, I called the same elderly church members I had left messages for. None of them needed my assistance anytime soon, but each one was pleased when I promised to give them another call in a week or so.
I had planned to go to church because Pastor Barkley always made a special Christmas speech every year on the first Sunday in December. But the next thing I knew, the wind was howling so hard, my windows rattled. And the sky was so dark, it looked like a gray tarp. Those dreary things made me change my mind about going out at all. After enjoying a plate of grits, bacon, eggs, and toast, I made out checks for my rent and a few other monthly bills, accepted an invitation to participate in a cancer walk-a-thon in February, and left a few posts on Facebook and Twitter. I spent the next few hours reading and watching three episodes of Shaka Zulu on Netflix.
Grandma Lucy had called me up Thursday evening to let me know they’d made it to Atlantic City. And we had spoken for a few minutes on Friday. We had not communicated on Saturday, so I decided to give her a call before I got ready for bed Sunday night. I was stunned when the hotel operator told me she’d checked out Saturday morning. I immediately dialed her home phone number. She answered on the second ring. “What are you doing home?” I asked, almost out of breath.
“I live here, that’s why,” she said in a casual tone.
“You just left here on Thursday. I thought you were going to be gone five or six—or seven or eight days?”
“I thought I was too. When Daisy lost all her money Saturday morning fiddling around with that roulette wheel, she didn’t want to stay no longer. So we checked out and hopped on the next plane to Cleveland. She forgot to get in touch with her son to let him know we was coming home early, so he wasn’t at the airport to pick us up.”
“How did you get home?”
“I took a cab.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
Grandma Lucy ignored my question and abruptly changed the subject. “I had a ball flouncing around in them fancy casinos. Me and Daisy ate like hogs and we slept in a suite fit for a movie star. On top of all that, I won a bunch of money. What did you do while I was gone?”
“Um . . . nothing worth mentioning.”
“That’s what I figured.”
CHAPTER 20
FELICIA
After my conversation with Grandma Lucy, I took my trash to the dumpster. I had on my coat and boots, but it was so cold and windy, by the time I got back to the lobby, my hands were so stiff I could barely bend my fingers. Our elevator was so slow, it could take a couple of minutes for it to travel from one floor to another. I waited three minutes before I decided to take the stairs. I planned to take care of a lot of chores today. Before I could get back inside my apartment, Lorena opened her door.
“I bought some eggnog this morning!” she yelled. “You want to come over for some? The Wilsons from down the hall might stop by later.”
“I don’t think so. I drank a couple of glasses of cider a little while ago.”
“Then come over for a few minutes so we can chat. I knocked on your door yesterday and the day before and you didn’t answer. Where were you?”
“I didn’t hear you. I must have been in the shower, or straightening up my back bedroom.”
“Next time I’ll call first. Anyway, I was getting worried about you. You in there by yourself and all.” Lorena gave me a concerned look and lowered her voice. “It’s not healthy for you to spend too much time alone, especially this time of year. It could lead to depression.”
“I’m not depressed,” I protested.
“And I don’t want you to be. It can make you do things you’ll regret.” Lorena motioned for me to enter her apartment. I reluctantly followed her to the kitchen and flopped down in a chair at her cluttered table. She poured me a huge glass of eggnog anyway.
“Like I was saying, depression can make people do things they’ll regret.”
I took a long pull from my glass. “Like go on a shopping spree to cheer themselves up?”
“Worse. Whenever I get in a lackluster mood, I can call up one of my exes and invite them over.”
I snickered. “If he’s an ex, something went wrong and he may not want to see you.”
“Uh-uh. I only call up the ones that I ended the relationship with.”
I chuckled and waved my hand. “My exes are so far in the past, I doubt if any of them still remember me.”
Lorena gave me a pitiful look. “Felicia, you need to be with that man—whoever he is—that you saw with another woman at Ralph’s Market Black Friday evening. The one you’re in love with. Otherwise, this thing is going to eat away at you until you lose your perspective.”
“Like I already told you, I can only admire him from afar. I doubt if that’s ever going to change.” I finished my eggnog and left.
I was glad when Monday morning rolled around so I could go back to work. I wasn’t ready to get back on the bus and face Richard yet, though. Or Pam, for that matter, because I knew she was going to drill me like a bad tooth the next time I saw her. I tried not to spend too much time thinking about Richard. But it seemed like the harder I tried, the more I thought about him. I couldn’t believe the position I was in. Being in love with him was like being in love with a movie star; both were unreachable. I’d miss him if he accepted that position in the home office, and/or if I left the company and relocated. Whatever happened, I was going to learn to live with it.
I reluctantly decided to drive to work. It didn’t take long for me to regret making that decision. Traffic was so heavy, I scolded myself for not calling Uber or taking a later bus. If I had, I could have at least kicked back and taken a nap or gotten some reading done.
