Charitys passion, p.10
Charity's Passion, page 10
Fuck feeling guilty! If I want to be excited about what's coming next, I'm going to embrace it. "I'm ready whenever it's time," I tell him.
"I know you are," Justin says without any doubt in his tone. "You've been ready all along. I'm the one that's terrified. I'm still trying to understand how my life got here—how I was lucky enough to find you. I have a prize that I don't deserve, and I'm doing everything in my damn power to keep it before God realizes the mistake he made giving his angel to me."
Melt. Swoon. Ask me to marry you already!
I toss my arm further around his muscles and squeeze him tight. It's never tight enough to satisfy me. He kisses the top of my head and takes another deep breath.
This is going to be the last hurdle. Once it's over, that's when he will ask me to be his wife, at least that's what I'm telling myself.
I let my brain run, imagining all the places we will see, how beautiful and luxurious some might be—how seedy and dark others will. All of it turns me on.
Above us the fan is still doing its job. The coolness pushes down to our bodies with ease. Justin's breathing begins to grow deeper and I know he's almost out.
"I love you," he whispers lightly, as if he's finishing off a conversation we are having in his dreamy mind.
I know he's not he's hearing me but I tell him I love him too. Maybe it will make his dreams better tonight, give him a little bit of peace before we play this game with Marker.
CHAPTER VI
We're meeting Garrett and Trisha in thirty minutes and my shoes still aren't right. For the Grill I wouldn't care, but Justin is being very secretive—surprise—about where we're going from there.
Really I don't need the gesture; a girl needs to know what fucking shoes to have on.
Justin glances over at me again with a face full of pity and agitation.
"What?" I bark. "This is your God damn fault!"
He laughs at me deeply, not insulted at all. "Those—with the red bottoms. Put those on and leave it," he demands.
"You don't even know whose shoes these are," I hiss.
"Of course I do," he snaps. "They’re yours and they look hot as hell on you. There's nothing else I need to know."
Yeah, he has a point.
"If I knew what we are doing later, this wouldn't be a problem," I sneer while slipping on the pair he's suggested.
He laughs again. "You'll get over it," he replies, dismissing me without a care. Of course he's fixing the collar of his Versace sport shirt, so it pisses me off even more that he knows exactly how to dress for his plans while he's leaving me in the dark. There's no clue for me when I look at him; he's dressed straight down the middle of professional and casual.
With my Louboutin's on, I stand in front of our long mirror and judge myself—probably much too harshly. I look good, but maybe not good enough. Maybe I'm over-dressed.
How the fuck would I know?
Suddenly my bag is in my hands; Justin had stuffed it in like a football. "You're perfect; let's go."
"You're sure it's not too much, or too little?" I ask.
"Doesn't the fact that you feel right in the middle tell you all you need to know?" He answers in his soft and confident way. "You look right for anything."
Justin ushers me out of the room before I change my mind and give him ten reasons why he's wrong. Not screwing around at all, he drags me straight out to the elevators and downstairs where Tony is waiting for us with the car.
We use up the last of the time we had in the traffic getting to the Grill. A bottle of Fragolino was open and waiting for us in the car, a sweet reminder of the first time we confessed our love to each other.
Justin lets Garrett know we're just a few minutes late and I'm wondering what Trisha and Garrett are doing while they wait for us. I keep hoping they've broken down to their urges and attacked each other, but they're more stubborn than I want them to be. I think it needs to happen now, before Justin and I take off, because once we do I don't think it will happen until after the Marker thing is completely over. This is going to freak everyone out; if the two of them aren't comfortable now, they certainly won't be while Justin and I are on the move.
Maybe by the time we get to them tonight they will be all over each other. A girl can hope.
Justin grabs my hand in his, surrounding it in his reassuring strength. When I glance at him, I find something different, something I don't usually see on him at all. He always looks so solid and self-assure that anything less, even the smallest hint, stands out tremendously.
For some reason Justin is nervous tonight; his eyes can't conceal it.
It's this Marker thing, I know it. We're getting so that we're afraid to go out at all, and if we much longer we won't feel safe staying in either. No place will offer us any peace.
Tony pulls up right in front for a moment to let us out. There's no place to park, so he will find a place as close as he can to wait and come pick us up as soon as we call him after dinner. For now, he holds our door and waits for us to scurry across the seats and climb out.
Inside, the Grill looks busy. I'm glad Trisha and Garrett went in ahead of us or we'd never get a table. Justin motions me to walk ahead of him, but the second my hand touches the door I see things are not right. There's a sign taped to the glass and the door is locked.
Tonight if all nights—when we're in a hurry?
"The sign says they're closed for a private event," I tell Justin over my shoulder, aggravated and wondering how Trisha and Garrett got in and why they did not bother to tell us.
"Yes," Justin says with a slight tremor in his voice as he sounds further away from me than I expected.
I turn around, fully embracing my complete annoyance until I realize Tony has not left and Justin is crouched down to one knee on a small red throw that Tony must have tossed out for him while my back was turned.
My stomach falls to my feet and my heart jumps up to my head. I think I know what's happening.
I think!
There are tears waiting just inside my eyelids, prepared and ready to leap down my cheeks for their elated suicide.
In his fingers I see a glittery star, maybe it's the sun the way it's catching the street lights.
"We began here," Justin says, finding his normal confidence. "I saw you, and despite all of my issues and terrible beliefs I held at the time, I fell instantly in love with you. Since then you've made my life better with each day. This is the place it all began, and I know better than to mess up a good thing."
My tears launch themselves and my hands try to cover my quivering lips.
"I didn't save you here, Charity, you saved me, and all of our friends and family here to witness this know its true," Justin says.
I turn only the tiniest bit and finally notice all of those people I had seen through the windows and it's everyone that matters, everyone we love. My parents are standing beside Justin's mother. Melissa is with them, along with Tommy and the other members of the Four Guys. Next to her, Lena, Terrence, Trisha, and Garrett, all either smiling, crying, or a bizarre mix of the two.
"The first part of our lives together began here; let’s start the next part off here as well. I love you. I adore you. I need you more than I can express in words. You are my air," he confesses. "Let me breathe. Save me again, Charity, save me by becoming my wife. Mary me—please marry me my love?"
I'm jumping up and down in place and waving my hands like a humming bird on speed. I'm even aware of the stuck pig-like sounds escaping my mouth, but I cannot consciously form the word I need to, the one Justin and everyone else is waiting to hear. I'm too thrilled to speak.
I motion for him to stand up, and he does just in time as my feet give out. I throw my arms around him and he catches me. "Yes!" I finally answer directly into his ear. "Yes, I will marry you. I love you so much!"
Through the glass, I hear everyone inside cheering while my feet find the earth once more. I'm practically blind as Justin slips a beautiful diamond on my finger. Then he hold me again. The smell of his hair fills my nose and makes me feel drunk, but I can't get close enough. If I could crawl inside him right now I would. My arms squeeze into the thick muscles of his shoulders and back.
Behind me I hear the door opening and the sounds of the cheers grow loud as some of them spill out onto the sidewalk with us. Hands pat us and holds us tightly until my heart slows to something almost regular. Justin and I gently let each other go, both of us smiling and thrilled.
The first people I want to see are at my side. My crying parents throw their arms around Justin and I. Behind them I see Justin's mother waiting. Fuck that! I quickly reach out and pull her in, forcing her into the foreground as part of our family—as it should be. Justin happily manages an arm over her.
I know there's one missing, but he's here, in his way he's here watching over and hugging us with the woman he loved so deeply. Justin is thinking about his father too, I know it.
Tony eventually grabs the red throw and rolls it up so that he can unblock the street, and we are moved into the excitement inside the Grill where I am virtually attacked by Melissa and Trisha.
"Oh my God!" We all scream in unison, forming a shrill wail that could make ears bleed.
"Did that really happen?" I ask.
"It totally happened," Melissa shouts.
Trisha agrees frantically, "It did, Girl, it absolutely did. You're engaged!"
"Let me see that rock," Lena says, joining our tiny group. First I have to throw my arms around her, and fuck it if it's too public for her. I feel her laughing as she hugs me back. Then I display the ring for all of us including myself, since I haven't really looked at it yet.
Oh my God, it's stunning!
It's the square stone that I've described to Melissa since we were children, though much larger than I'd ever dreamed. Guessing, I'd say it's over two carats that glitter from every angle that I turn my hand.
"Jesus Christ! It's beautiful," Trisha breathes.
Melissa grabs my finger and twists it to each side. "Absolutely gorgeous," she agrees. "I'm so happy and so jealous at the same time."
There are tears in Lena's eyes that don't go away when Justin comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. "I can't tell you two how happy I am for you both. I'm thrilled, really," she says.
Terrence is standing patiently behind her. He finally seizes an opportunity to congratulate us with a sparkle in his eyes. I believe we've paved a way for him, and suddenly I'm certain the two of them won't be far behind us in their own engagement.
Once we step away, Justin places his mouth near my ear and quickly says, "When it comes up—follow my lead."
There is no time to ask what he meant since my parents are moving in on us again. I'm sure I'll catch on when I need to.
Mom coils around me one more time. "I've been busting at the seams," she confesses. She lets me go a moment later and clasps onto Justin, kissing his face. "Thank you so much for bringing us up here and letting us be a part of this, Justin."
"It would not have happened any other way," he replies. "I wanted our family and friends with us. I love you guys, and I know Charity appreciates it most of all."
"I do," I admit, still feeling so overwhelmed. "This is amazing—it's perfect."
In the back of the room I see waitresses mingling through the crowd holding trays of champagne for everyone. All of the ladies from the office are here; Lynda and Jennifer are already making moves on the last three of the Four Guys indiscriminately.
"This, tonight, is her time and your time," Justin continues to my parents. "I'll have her all to myself for a while after this anyway."
My father studies him, happily waiting for details to understand what he meant by that.
Justin's hand settles lightly onto the center of my back as he continues, tapping his finger so that no one can see it, "I'm going to take her on a long trip, a pre-honeymoon, so she has time to make sure she really wants to go through with this."
This is it, the lead he wants me to follow, and it's perfect. I see it coming like a pair of headlights on a dark highway.
"Oh my God! I love it!"" I gasp, generating the excitement we need as I throw myself back into his arms for the hundredth time.
Justin's mother is within earshot. "That's so great. Where are you going?" She asks, everyone around us holding their breath for the answer.
"Not just one place," Justin tells them. "We're going to be traveling, but I can't say where—that's part of the surprise. I want to show her the world. I want her to go to bed in a different country than she woke up in, taste food she can't pronounce, see things you can't even find in pictures." His eyes are on fire. Everything he's telling them for the moment is true.
"That sounds absolutely amazing. When do you leave?" My dad asks.
"Yes," I jump in practically on fire with excitement that I don't have to fake. "When do we go?"
"This week," he answers. "And we'll be gone for a while."
They've all bought into it wholeheartedly already; they wear it like suit and dresses that I can see without straining. All eyes are twinkling, my own included.
"He's already cleared the schedule at work," Lena says, adding to the believability of it all. "I can't tell you how hard that was to keep hidden from you, Charity. We had to add a fake calendar and for the past week I've felt like a secret agent sneaking around you for everything."
Okay—that's funny. I have to work to keep from laughing out loud and I can tell from the little wink she gives me that she did it on purpose, betting that I can control myself in front of the others.
Everyone laughs until my mother tears up again. "I'm going to miss you baby, but I'm so happy for you at the same time. I can't believe my little girl is engaged, and your little boy," she says to Justin's mother, hugging her aggressively.
My father hails a waitress with a full tray of glasses. "We need to toast." He passes a flute to each of us and raises his. "To my daughter, who I've never seen so happy, and to my new son that made her this way. May all of your tears be from joy and all of your pain be champagne." We ping glasses and drink.
Truly, I am impressed with the cover story he's come up with for us. Now neither of our families will freak out after we vanish; they will expect it and be happy for us—not knowing we're fighting for our lives. He's left it open-ended, so we can be gone for a while without our parents and friends getting too concerned. I don't believe it will be long enough, but we'll have to jump off that cliff when we get to it.
After our toast, everyone's order is taken for dinner. Justin had a special menu selected for tonight, turning the gathering into an instant engagement party. We eat and drink and I show my new ring so many times that my arm is too sore to lift. At this point I don't recall who I've spoken to or not; it's all a blur of smiles and excitement, and I need a break.
It's not easy, but I manage to sneak off to the bathroom without drawing much attention. The door still creeks on its hinges and the dark hallway still brings back the memory of that night when Justin had to rescue me. Even the smell, a mix of wine and food from the kitchen, it's completely unchanged from the night I met my fiancé.
So fucking weird to say—my fiancé. I'm really engaged.
I look at myself in the mirror with my hands resting on the counter to hold me up. All I see is a tired mess and all my usual self-doubt floods in. Honestly, I don't know what Justin sees in me. This is a mistake for him; he can do better—much better.
Sometimes I like my curves, but not right now. I want them gone; I want to be perfect. He can have any woman; how can I stand up to that, to those skinny, beautiful things that flock by in the dozens right outside on the street?
I wanted this—badly—but maybe I've just asked for a world of hurt and a broken heart.
Maybe Justin was right when we first met; maybe people aren't meant to fall in love and expect it to last.
It's just these fucking hips!
And my face is too round too.
Or one day he'll realize I'm simply not good enough.
I've been engaged for only a couple of hours and I'm already freaking out.
Voices drift in from just outside the bathroom door and it reminds me that I need to pull myself together. Their bubbly, playful voices that slip by quickly.
I shouldn't be in here having a moment; I should be out in Justin's arms having a better moment. I love this man, and he loves me—God knows why.
Fuck it! Who knows if he deserves me, but I certainly deserve him.
I smile at myself, it doesn't matter how real it is, and straighten my body upright.
This time I'm very careful with the door to avoid the shrill squeal. The darkness of the hall envelopes me again, helping to hide me as I sneak back out the way I came in. Michael Bublé drifts through the air. "Another aeroplane. Another sunny place. I'm lucky, I know. But I wanna go home."
Those voices catch me again, the ones I heard a minute ago from the other side of the bathroom door. Someone has slipped off deeper down the hall into the manager's office. This time their voices sound much more serious.
My curiosity takes over. Yes—I know exactly how wrong that is.
I take a few small steps closer. The door is mostly shut and a thin beam of light spills out across me.
Someone inside moves just inches away on the opposite side so close that they block out most of the light. They are pressed up flat against the wall where I can hear them breathing in rapid, lustful pants.
"I want this," I hear her say, almost sure that it sounds like Trisha.
Something—someone—crushes up against her and I can feel a blast of desire and heat escape through the thin space.
"So do I," Garrett replies. "I've wanted this from the first moment I saw you and my breath was taken away."
"You know I wasn't ready, and you know why," Trisha tells him. "But I'm past that, Garrett. I'm past that and I need you."
Difficult as it is to see, I can tell that he's grabbed her tightly and lifted her up the wall. Their faces collide passionately, finally taking that first deep plunge into each other.
