Bayside escape, p.20
Bayside Escape, page 20
Desiree sighed. Her skin was bronze, and her eyes twinkled with happiness. “My husband. Does that sound as nice as it feels?”
“It does.”
“He’s probably with Drake and Dean at the resort. It feels like we’ve been gone forever, but, Vi, we had the most amazing trip!”
“I want to hear all about it.”
Desiree grabbed her phone and spent the next two hours catching Violet up on every moment of her honeymoon, sharing pictures and relaying stories about every place they went. Violet had never seen her sister so happy.
“Now I understand why you love traveling so much. Rick says I’ve caught the traveling bug because I want to plan another trip for next fall.”
Bug made her think of Andre. Didn’t he deserve to be that happy, too? Didn’t she?
“Listen to me going on like I’m the only one who matters,” Desiree said. “I saw all the plants in the living room. Dean said Andre bought them and had him and Drake set up a tent, candles, lights on the ceiling, all in an effort to bring Ghana to you. That sounds so romantic. Does that mean you guys are serious?”
You could say that was on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped herself. She’d been hiding behind quippy comments for long enough. “We are.”
Desiree squealed again. “That’s great! I want to hear about everything!” In the next second the excitement drained from her face, and she put her hands in her lap and said, “I mean, whatever you’re willing to share with me.”
Jesus, I’m such a bitch. You just went from being elated to worried in the space of a breath because of how I’ve always treated you. That cut like a knife.
“I want to tell you everything,” Violet said. “But first I need to explain a few things.”
“Okay,” Desiree said tentatively. “Did something bad happen?”
“Not bad, maybe just unfair?” She stood and paced. “You know how I take off sometimes and say I have to get shit done?”
“Yes.”
“Well, sometimes I go to the hospital, where I volunteer.”
Confusion rose in Desiree’s eyes.
“Using art as a form of therapy, I help children deal with anxiety. We work with Play-Doh and clay mostly. It helped me when I was young, and—”
“Wait, Vi. That’s great, but how long have you been volunteering?”
“Since my third week on the Cape.”
Desiree’s entire body seemed to deflate. “You’ve been volunteering this whole time?”
“Yes, and there’s more. I help my friend Rowan’s daughter, too.”
“Rowan…? I don’t know a Rowan.”
Violet crossed her arms and said, “He’s a friend of mine. His wife died and he’s raising his little girl on his own. I’ve been helping her with anxiety, and she’s just been diagnosed with dyslexia.”
“You work with kids,” Desiree said flatly.
“Yes.”
“Why haven’t you told me? I was a preschool teacher, for Pete’s sake. I’ve been teaching art to children here at the Cape practically since we came here.” Her voice escalated and she got up, worrying with her hands as she crossed in front of Violet. “How often do you go there? Is it just a once-a-month type of thing?”
Violet shook her head. “In the spring and fall I usually go four or five times a week for a few hours each day.”
“Four or five times a week?” Desiree said angrily.
“Yes, and in the summers I cut back to two or three times a week, depending on our schedules here.”
“Geez, Vi. I don’t even know who you are, do I? And here I thought we’d grown close and we trusted each other.”
“We have, and I do trust you, Des. Explicitly.”
Desiree’s eyes filled with tears. “No, you don’t. People who trust each other don’t keep secrets or lie about where they’re going.”
“There are reasons,” Violet started to explain, although she was so upset, words were evading her, making her appear hesitant.
“I don’t care about your reasons. Do you know how much it hurts to know you’ve been hiding that from me for this long? I tell you everything! Everything about me, and Rick, and…oh my goodness. What else don’t I know about you?”
Violet tried to speak past the emotions clogging her throat, but her voice came out strangled. “I sculpt at Justin’s studio. I’m making a sculpture for the family of a little girl who passed away last year. Her name was Erin.”
“Did you work with her, too?” she asked in a shaky, reluctantly empathetic tone.
The pain in Desiree’s voice, the hurt in her eyes, made it almost impossible for Violet to think. She nodded, tears burning again.
“You lost a child you obviously loved, and I never knew?” Desiree sank down to the edge of the bed. “How does that even happen? How can my own sister, who I see every single day, have that much of a secret life? Do you have any idea how much that hurts?”
“I never meant to hurt you. It’s my shit, Des, not a reflection on you.” Violet stepped toward her.
“Don’t,” Desiree snapped, holding her hand up to warn Violet off. “Please.”
Oh God, what have I done? “I’m sorry…”
“You’re sorry? We grew up with a mother who built her life on lies and whims, and she didn’t give two cents about us. She had a whole life I never knew anything about. You know how much that hurt me. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I thought…” Sobs stole her voice and she covered her face. “Just go, please. I can’t do this right now.”
“Just let me explain.”
Desiree lifted her tear-streaked face and glared at her. “I said I don’t want to hear it. Not now. It hurts too much. Please just go.”
“But—”
“Go!” Desiree yelled. “Now!”
ANDRE HAD BEEN on a high all day. After their magnificent night, and their conversation about the future, he was ninety-nine percent sure Violet was going to come with him to Cambodia. He was still buzzing as he turned onto the road that led to the inn on his way home from the clinic and could hardly believe it had been almost a month since he’d arrived. It seemed like forever ago that he’d first seen Violet standing in the hallway of the inn, looking gorgeous in that sexy black dress with the enticing zipper.
The roar of a motorcycle pulled him from his thoughts as Violet sped down the driveway and across the road, flying past him in the opposite direction. Her reckless entrance and the hunch of her shoulders and dip of her head sent his protective urges surging. He turned his bike around and raced after her, wondering what the hell had happened.
He spotted her turning off the road and kicked up his speed even more. Trees and houses blurred as they flew down a number of streets. She turned off the pavement and onto a narrow and bumpy dirt road, slowing just enough for him to catch up. He followed her for at least a mile down the woodsy road to a dead end. He cut the engine, ripped off his helmet, and ran to her, slayed by her puffy red eyes and tear-soaked face.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
He reached for her, and she twisted violently out of his hands, stalking toward a sandy path, her arms flailing. “I fuck up everything!” she shouted.
“No, you don’t, babe. What happened?”
“I told Desiree everything! About the hospital, sculpting, Erin!” She stomped across the sand in her boots, tears falling like rivers down her cheeks. “Now she hates me. And you know what? I don’t fucking blame her. You were right.” She spun around, glaring at him with so much hurt in her eyes he had to reach for her again. “I’m all the bad parts of Lizza wrapped up in one fucking bitch of a person.” She fell into his arms, sobbing.
“No, babe, that’s not true. You don’t have a bad bone in your body. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk to her.”
“This isn’t your fault! I should have been honest with her from the start. This is on me. I don’t even deserve to be around her. She’d never hurt anyone the way I hurt her.” She gasped a breath between sobs and said, “She’s good and sweet.”
“So are you, baby.” He kissed her head, wishing he’d never urged her to tell Desiree the truth. He lifted her face, brushing her tears away with his thumbs, his chest constricting so tight it was hard to breathe. “You are a loving, kindhearted person. I’m not going to let you villainize yourself. You were hurting when you came to the Cape. You needed space to deal with it all, and you acted in the only way you knew how. The only way you’d ever been able to survive. Did you tell her that?”
She clung to him, shaking her head. “She wouldn’t even let me explain.”
“Then I’ll talk to her. We’ll make this right, babe. Desiree loves you, and she knows how much you love her.”
Violet looked up at him with the most defeated expression and said, “I can’t stand this. It hurts so bad…”
She collapsed, burying her face in his shirt, and they sank down to the sand right there in the middle of the path. Andre held her as the sun disappeared behind the dunes.
“We’ll make this right, babe,” he vowed.
He held her until she had no more tears to cry. And then he continued holding her, whispering his love for her as cold air swept over the dunes and night fell around them.
Chapter Seventeen
VIOLET SAT ON the edge of the bed Saturday morning, trying to shake the fearful images from her nightmares. She pulled up the hood of her sweatshirt and pushed her hands deep into her pockets as Andre came out of the bathroom with wet hair, a towel riding low on his hips. She’d gotten up before the sun and showered while he slept. It was only the second time since they’d reconnected that they’d showered separately, and she hated it.
He knelt before her, worry hovering in his eyes. “I missed you in there.”
“Sorry.” Her entire body ached with sadness, despite the loving way Andre had cared for her last night. He’d held her on the path to the beach until she’d begun trembling with cold. Once they’d gotten home, he’d drawn a warm bath and climbed in behind her, lovingly bathing her and holding her, making her feel safe and adored, but still she’d ached for the pain she’d caused Desiree. He’d wrapped her in his arms and held her all night in bed, whispering the sweetest memories about their time in Ghana, reassuring her that things would be okay with Desiree, and doing everything possible to make her feel better.
She’d finally fallen into a fitful sleep safely nestled in his arms. But when the nightmares hit, she’d woken up in a cold sweat, panicked, and she knew what she had to do.
“I have to talk to her,” she said.
“Of course you do. I’ll go with you.”
“No. I have to do this alone.” She put her hands on his face, struggling to stave off the tears that had plagued her on and off all night. “I love you so much.” The words she needed to say dug deeper, refusing to come out, so she said, “I had nightmares about trying to talk to Desiree, but she hated me too much to give me a chance. She said she never wanted to see me again. And then it was like she just disappeared. I was searching for her at the inn, opening door after door, and she was gone.” She pulled back, looking away as she said, “It brought back all the guilt about leaving you. I hope you know how sorry I am, and how much I regret—”
He pulled her against him and said, “Stop it, babe. We already forgave each other. Now it’s time to forgive yourself.” He lifted his head, smoothing her hair back from her face, and said, “None of those things are going to happen today. Desiree loves you just as much as you love her. She was just in shock.”
She hoped that was true, but she didn’t know if it was even possible for Desiree to forgive her. The only time she’d seen Desiree look so upset was when they found out Lizza had tricked them into coming to the Cape—and then had abandoned them again. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had to be honest with Andre.
She looked into his trusting eyes and forced the words to come. “I can’t go with you if I don’t fix this.”
He exhaled a long breath, and then he lifted her hood from around her face and kissed her softly. “I know, and I understand.”
His acknowledgment sent a spear of loneliness through her.
“You’re everything to me, Vi, but you were Desiree’s sister before you became my soul mate. I know how important she is to you. We’ll be okay, even across thousands of miles.” He held her hand over his heart and said, “You’re always with me here, and I know you feel the same. We’re unbreakable, babe.”
“I love you so much. But I have to go see her.” She pressed her lips to his, and then she forced herself to stand up and walk out of the room before she could give in to the screaming voice in her head telling her to take it back.
When she left the cottage, everything felt wrong. The air was too cold, her hoodie was too bulky, and the walk to the inn seemed a million miles long. She pulled her hood up over her head, hunkering down with her hands in her pockets again. When she stepped inside the inn and closed the door behind her, it felt like all the air had been sucked from her lungs. She could run back to the cottage, ask Andre if they could pack up and leave today. Like a hit-and-run.
Like Lizza.
Rick came down the stairs, and she froze, afraid to meet his eyes. He walked right up to her, silence burgeoning between them.
“Hey, Vi. You okay?”
She shook her head, still unable to look at him. Tears welled in her eyes.
“We all deal with hurt in different ways. I hid from it until Des helped me see that I could face it.” Rick’s father had been lost at sea during a sudden storm. Rick and Drake had been on the deck of their family’s boat when he’d gone overboard, and Rick had been so consumed with guilt, as soon as he was old enough, he’d left the Cape.
She forced herself to meet his pained, serious gaze and said, “I never meant to hurt her.”
“If anyone understands that, it’s me,” he said kindly. “You’re both hurting right now. Go up and talk to her.”
It took her legs a minute to find their strength, but she managed to walk past him and up the wide staircase. She inhaled a deep breath and knocked on their bedroom door. She thought she heard Desiree say to come in, but it was so soft she couldn’t be sure. She pushed open the door and found Desiree lying on her back across the width of the bed in a pair of pink pajamas. She glanced at Violet, then stared blankly up at the ceiling.
Violet walked tentatively into the room. Her heart was beating so fast it was hard to breathe. She stood by the bed, not knowing what to do. Her legs weakened, and she sank down to the edge of the mattress, staring at the open door, feeling like a caged bird who needed to fly. But she couldn’t fly. She could barely even walk.
She lowered herself to the bed, lying beside Desiree and fisting her hand in the blanket. Silence pressed in on them, swelling in the tight space between them like a living, breathing being.
“I’m sorry—” they said in unison, and then they both turned their heads. Desiree’s eyes were puffy and red. Dark crescents underscored her sadness, drawing instant tears from Violet.
“I’m so sorry,” Violet said. “I should have told you what I was doing and where I was going.”
Tears slid down Desiree’s cheeks. “All I ever wanted was to be part of your life. I spent my whole childhood waiting for summertime so I could see you again, and you’d go off and do your own thing. I thought we got over that when we came here. I thought I’d finally gotten the chance to know you. But it wasn’t real. Why didn’t you trust me?”
“It was real. It is real,” Violet pleaded. “And I do trust you.”
“Then why did you hide everything from me?”
“Because I was a mess. I desperately wanted a relationship with you, too, and suddenly there you were, my sweet, smart, organized, capable, and stable sister, willing to stick around with me and try. But I didn’t even know how to have a real relationship, and if you don’t believe me, look at my history. I had just walked away from the only man I have ever loved and I didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye to him.” She inhaled one shaky breath after another and looked up at the ceiling. It was too hard seeing the pain she’d caused. “My childhood was spent as the new kid in foreign places where half the time I didn’t even speak the language. Just when I’d find a friend, Lizza would drag me to someplace new, and I’d have to start all over. It was easier to try not to connect with people. I still have no idea how Andre got through to me, but he was like the fire in a kiln, refusing to stop until he’d infiltrated every iota of my being. And even then I hid parts of myself, parts of my life, from him by running away.”
“I thought I got through to you,” Desiree said. “That’s why it hurts so bad.”
“You did get through. I have never had to answer to anyone. When I was growing up Lizza would disappear for hours. By the time I was nine, sometimes she’d be gone from morning until night.” She turned toward Desiree again and said, “I love you. But that’s terrifying, too, and as much as I love being here with you, it has always been a double-edged sword. Coming here gave me an excuse to leave Andre and his proposal behind.”
“I still can’t believe you did that.”
“Neither can I. I was so stupid. And as much as being here with you, and building a family with you and our friends, is the greatest feeling in the world, it has always reminded me of who and what I left behind. I needed an escape, someplace where no one knew about Lizza, or our crazy past, or Andre. So I found places to go where I didn’t have those constant reminders.”
“But what about Justin? When we first came here, and his father and Zeke and Zander came to renovate the house, you acted like you didn’t even know them.”
“No, I didn’t. Don’t you remember Zander winking at me?”
“Yes, but you scowled at him. You didn’t say you knew him or his father.”
“I scowled at him because he was trying to get in my pants, and he knows Justin would beat the living daylights out of him if he saw him do it. What did you want me to do? I hadn’t seen him in years, and I barely knew any of Justin’s brothers. I met Justin when I was twelve, and I saw him over the summers on the beach here and there, but I never knew his parents. And his brothers were just kids on the beach. They’d come looking for Justin and tell him he had to go home, or whatever. It’s not like I hung out with them. I never really knew his family until we moved here.”
