Thicker than blood, p.28
Thicker Than Blood, page 28
Very quiet.
And then it hit me. Had I just said out loud to mom and dad that I loved Isaac? Loved as in love-loved?
Oh.
My.
God.
As if my life was suddenly played in slow motion, I lifted my head and came eye to eye with mom.
Except for my misfortunate fate in who I had fallen in love with, I had always considered myself a lucky person. My family was financially secured. I lived in a beautiful house. I had a great friend. But most importantly, I had always felt blessed to have such wonderful, amazing parents. Parents who loved me and had supported me in everything I’d ever done. And never in my life had I received such a look from mom, as I did this very moment.
I opened my mouth, and closed it. I opened it again, but nothing came out. What could I possibly say. Except that it hurt. The look mom was giving me truly hurt. There was no disgust in her features. Nor was there any anger. At least I didn’t have to witness that. But it still hurt. It looked like she was staring at a stranger. A person she no longer recognized. If my heart wasn’t already so painfully shattered, it would have been torn into further pieces.
But no matter how mortified I was over the situation, I did manage to keep eye-contact. The silence, however, the silence I couldn’t stand. “Please say something,” I pleaded in a whisper.
Her mouth was ajar, yet nothing came out. I didn’t think mom had ever stayed quiet for that long. What was she thinking? I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been! Since mom seemed to have frozen in place, I glanced over at dad, looking for any signs of a reaction. He also hadn’t said anything since my outburst. But his knuckles, holding onto the steering wheel, had turned white.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I could absolutely not believe what had just happened. What I had just accidentally done. Had this been under any other circumstances, I would have been scared, petrified even, remorseful, worried beyond beliefs, and so many more things. However, all I could think about right now, all that truly mattered, was Isaac.
As if on cue, dad finally spoke his first words since I had woken up in the car. “We’re here,” he said, driving into the hospital parking lot.
He dropped mom and me off at the main entrance, informing us he would park the car and join us as soon as he could. I followed mom’s hurried steps in silence, making sure I held some distance between us. Even though all I cared about was Isaac, I was still human, and the future now scared me more than ever. I had to stop thinking, I simply had to stop thinking.
“This way, honey,” mom spoke when I was about to continue forward as she had turned right.
“Oh,” I mumbled and turned right and resumed to walk a few steps behind her.
A few twists and turns later, we finally reached our destination. As soon as mom walked through the doors, she was surrounded by nurses giving her updates in heated whispers. I stayed behind, but tried to listen in on what they were saying. I only caught a few words “condition critical”, “in surgery”, “internal bleedings” and a couple of very severe “I’m so sorry.”
“Audrina!” A voice shouted in the distance. Slowly, I turned my head to the right and was met with a pale-looking Luke, striding towards me in hurried steps. Once he’d reached me, he pulled me into a tight embrace. “You’re stone cold!” he exclaimed. He quickly took off his jacket. “Here, take this.” He wrapped the jacked around my shoulders. “God, you’re shaking,” he mumbled and started to rub my arms.
I was cold? Was I shaking? I looked at my fingers, studied them like they were a strange object. Indeed, they were trembling. Is this what it feels like? I wondered numbly. To be in shock. Am I in shock?
Mom was suddenly by my side. “Audrina, honey, I need to go with my colleagues. I believe it’s best if you stay here and wait for dad.”
“Don’t worry Mrs. Sullivan, I’ll take care of her,” Luke stated somberly.
Mom squeezed his arm. “Thank you, Luke.”
She didn’t immediately walk away, instead she shuffled on the spot. I looked up at her. She was looking at me, like she was contemplating something. Reaching a decision, she gently grabbed my arms and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I love you, sweetie,” her voice cracked at the end and then she was gone.
I felt Luke lead me a short way further down the corridor. “Here, let’s sit down.” He gently pushed me down onto a vacant seat. “Can I get you something? Water? A drink? I’m sure there must be alcohol here somewhere... God knows I could use a stiff one,” he muttered.
I looked over at him. I opened my mouth and formulated my first words since we got here. “How come you’re here?”
“You don’t know? My dad’s the one who recognized Isaac when he got here. He called me shortly after he’d talked to your mom,” he explained. “I still can’t believe it.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “What the fuck was he doing walking around that area anyways.” It wasn’t so much a question rather than a general wonder, but my heart constricted in pain, guilt washing over me.
Me. It was because of me. Isaac had been walking around there because of me. Because of our fight.
New tears sprung to my eyes and a sob escaped my lips. “It’s my fault, it’s all my fault!”
The excruciating pain was more than I could handle. It felt like my heart was torn from my body by claws and ripped into shreds, piece by piece, only to be mashed together and put back in. Only so the process could happen again. And again.
And again.
Luke’s arms were quickly around me again. “There, there,” he whispered soothingly, “why would you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth,” I sniveled. “We had a fight, and he left the house. And now he might, now he might –” new sobs wrecked through my body. I couldn’t utter the words, let alone think them. Please dear God, don’t let Isaac die! I’ll do anything, absolutely anything! Just don’t take him away from me, please!
“And now he might survive,” Luke cut in, emphasizing the last word.
“But if we hadn’t fought, if I hadn’t –” I started, but Luke cut me off.
“It’s not your fault. Audrina, look at me.” Luke put me at arm’s length, staring at me intently. “It’s not your fault. Isaac loves you, a fight would never, could never, change that. He loves you.”
My breath hitched as I took in his sincere expression. The way he said it... he couldn’t possibly know... could he?
He must have seen something in my eyes, because he smiled gently, nudging me almost playfully. “Come on, everyone can see how freaking whipped he is!” The horror in my eyes wiped the smile right off his face. “I don’t mean everyone of course! I’m sure no one else knows...” he added, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
An awkward silence emerged between us. He knew? Luke knew about Isaac’s feelings for me? But, but, but how? I swore to God, if anything more happened, I would shut down. My battery would literary die. I couldn’t take anything more. This was all too much. Simply too much. But I had to know…
I drew in a deep breath, embracing myself. “You, you know?”
Luke chuckled lightly. “I mean, there’s protective brother, and then there’s plain possessive. He definitely fits into the latter category.”
I couldn’t hold eye-contact. I was too ashamed of myself. Instead, I stared blankly ahead, at the white walls opposite from where we were sitting. “I, I can’t believe this,” I whispered.
“Yeah, well, I might not be the brightest bulb in the bunch, but I would like some more credit than that. I mean, I have known you guys since preschool.” I could hear the smile in Luke’s voice.
Why was he smiling? Wasn’t he disgusted!? I... I just... this was all too much. Just… too much.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “Why are you not disgusted by this?” My voice was no more than a whisper. I barely had the guts to ask. But no matter how much all of this shocked and terrified me, I couldn’t help but be grateful for the distraction. My worry for Isaac’s survival was killing me. Physically killing me.
Luke turned serious, looking me dead in the eyes. “You know what, the way I see it, this world is filled with so much sorrow and hatred, and has too little love in it... and therefore, love should always be celebrated, not frowned upon, no matter what form it may come in. Like I said, I’ve never been the brightest one, but I do know one or two things about life.” I felt my eyes water all over again, my chin trembling. Luke looked at me and gave a shrug. “Besides have you seen you? I mean, I would have totally fallen for you, even if you’d been my baby sister,” he chuckled, dragging a hand through his hair. I gave a short chuckle, wiping at my eyes. Luke leaned back, supporting his back on the stiff bench. “What I’m trying to say is, there’s only one thing thicker than blood, and that’s love.” He stated the words with such confidence, such certainty, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at him.
However, today’s events finally caught up with me. “We’re not though...” I mumbled. “I mean Isaac and me. We’re not related by blood,” I explained to the question mark now sitting before me.
“Wha – wha – how?” Was Luke’s well-formulated question.
I smiled shortly, leaning against his shoulder. “It’s a long story.”
Luke wrapped his big arms around me, providing the comfort I so desperately sought. My hand unconsciously went to the heart chained to my necklace, squeezing it tightly. The necklace Isaac had given me on my birthday, so many years ago.
“Oh man,” Luke sighed, the severity of the situation catching up to him. “He’ll get through this, you know.”
There it went again. My heart being shredded into pieces.
“We don’t know that,” I whispered brokenly, blinking several times.
“He will.” Luke shook my body gently, as if vocal convincement wasn’t enough. “He has to. He’s not done here, not yet. Not when he finally got you.” Whether his words were said in order to convince me or himself, I couldn’t tell. But as I closed my eyes, I took comfort in them.
He will get through this. Isaac will get through this. He has to.
“I’m glad you’re here with me.” I found myself whisper. I was tired. So, so tired.
“Me too,” Luke mumbled, “me too.”
As I closed my eyes, the last thing I remembered was Luke pulling me a little closer to his warm chest.
***
“Audrina, sweetie, wake up...” A faint voice whispered in the distance. I groaned in protest. “Audrina, honey, it’s time to wake up.” Who was that? Didn’t this just happen? Was I having a déjà vu moment?
I slowly forced my eyes open, blinking against the bright light. Where am I? As soon as my eyes had adjusted to the intensity of the fluorescent lamp, I was met by dad’s familiar face hovering above me. “Hi honey,” He said gently.
As my brain slowly came to life, so did the rest of the eventful day. My dad’s not my real dad. Isaac and I are not related by blood. I told my parents about Isaac and me. Luke knows about us.
Was it possible for one person to experience so many life-altering changes and still come out of it okay? I didn’t know the answer to that yet, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But I promised myself I would try to make it, at least if Isaac came back to us alive –
“Isaac!” I exclaimed and sat up straight.
Dad put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down. I stared into his eyes. I had never been more terrified of an answer from dad. But I needed to know. I just, I had to know. Please, let him be okay. Please!
“He survived the surgery, but his condition is still critical. The doctors have done everything in their power. It’s all up to Isaac now,” dad explained gravely.
My hands flew to my mouth. “Oh God.” I didn’t know what to do with myself, what to say, or even what to think.
Someone put their arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a side-way embrace. That’s when I realized Luke was still here. “I’m so sorry Audrina,” he whispered, quickly wiping his eyes.
That finally broke me from my spell. “C-can I see him?”
“Mom’s already in there. I just came to get you,” dad explained.
I hadn’t noticed it before, but the shadows under his eyes were the very definition of exhaustion. It suddenly dawned on me that this wasn’t affecting only me. I wasn’t the only person suffering here. My eyes watered, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t speak. Luckily, I didn’t have to. Dad turned to Luke. “Thank you so much for taking care of Audrina, Luke. You can see Isaac too, soon, we just need to be alone with him for a while.”
“Of course, I understand,” Luke replied, and stood up.
I followed suit. I turned to Luke and hugged him. “Thank you,” I said with as much sincerity as I could muster, “for everything.”
“I’m always here if you need me,” was his heartfelt reply.
I had to blink a couple of times before I could leave the embrace.
Warmth washed away some of the sadness as dad took ahold of my hand and led me down the corridor. No matter what their reactions towards the revelation of Isaac’s and my love for one another would be in the next couple of days, I was grateful they didn’t withdraw from me this very moment. I knew I wouldn’t have made it if they did. Besides, right now was all about Isaac.
“We’re here,” dad spoke gently as he stopped in front of a door.
My steps faltered. I stared at the white door before me. Was I ready for this?
I watched as dad opened the door and stepped inside the room, patiently holding the door for me. I hesitated.
Come on stupid! This is not about you nor your feelings! It’s about Isaac and the fact that he needs you right now. “Isaac needs you, now more than ever,” Mariah’s words from my dream echoed in my mind. Isaac needed me. I drew in a deep breath and took a shaky step forward. And the another.
No matter how much I had imagined it, no matter how much I had tried to prepare myself for this, and no matter how much I had tried to tell myself this was not about me, nothing could have prepared me for what I was met with.
The sight before me had me stumbling backwards until my back hit the wall. My trembling hands flew up to my mouth in pure shock.
Isaac!
Right in front of me, behind the bruises and cuts, behind the pumps and hoses, laid a person with a slight resemblance to Isaac.
“Isaac,” I whispered, my voice cracking, just like my heart all over again. No, this cannot be happening! Please, tell me I’m dreaming. “Isaac needs me,” I whispered, completely unaware of my surroundings except for the person resting on the hospital bed.
Gathering what was left of my strength, what was left of me, really, I took a few strides forward until I was close to his face. His usually perfect reflection was now disrupted by bruises and a deep cut on his forehead.
The beeping sound of the heart monitor both disturbed and comforted me. It disturbed me because I knew it was there for a reason. It comforted me because as long as it kept on beeping, it meant Isaac was still alive.
With a trembling hand, I reached forward and gently stroked his cheek. He felt cold. So cold. And his beautiful dimple, where was it now? “Oh Isaac,” I whispered painfully. Without questioning my actions, I bent down, into a praying position, and carefully took ahold of his hand. “I’m so, so sorry, love.” I couldn’t hold it in. The tears now ran freely down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” I cried and squeezed his hand. The faint sobbing in the background reminded me we weren’t alone. But I couldn’t have cared less. “I love you, so, so much. Please come back to me, please come back,” I begged. Whether I was talking to him, or God himself, I couldn’t say. Maybe it was to both. I closed my eyes, and for the first time in my life, I prayed.
I prayed for Isaac’s survival. I prayed our love was strong enough to save him. I prayed that the last days spent with him weren’t going to be the last ever. I simply prayed.
Epilogue
2 years later...
Audrina
The soft breezes cooled my heated skin, kissed my naked arms. It whispered promises of an autumn kinder than the overly hot summer we’d had. Somewhere nearby, the beautiful melody of a chirping bird reached me as it swirled by in the sky. If it was looking for food or on its way home, I couldn’t say. Maybe it’d just decided to fly for a bit. Free as only birds can be.
The afternoon sun reached the short cut grass spread out before me. Glistening droplets of dew that was stuck on the end of the grass reflected the colors of the rainbow. It was beautiful.
Perfect.
Yet the pain in my heart subdued everything around me. Everything except what was standing before me.
Grey.
It looked so very, very grey.
My eyes watered as I let my fingers travel across the top of the gravestone. How could it possibly still hurt this much after so much time had passed? How could it feel like a piece of my heart was forever missing? Maybe that’s what happens when you lose someone you love. They take a piece of you with them. Never to be returned.
“I miss you, so much,” I whispered, my words getting caught in an invisible dance with the swirling wind. “There is so much that’s happened since I was last here, so much I want to tell you that I don’t know where to begin.” I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to steady my trembling voice. “But maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to just say that I miss you and that my life is not the same without you.” I didn’t know why I was talking out loud. I suppose it made the words feel more real, even though no one was listening. I bent forward, closing my eyes and feeling a lone tear travel down my cheek as I placed a gentle kiss on the grave stone. “I love you.”
“Hey, you okay?” The voice behind me and the sudden hand squeezing my shoulder, surprised me. But the warmth radiating off of the hand quickly calmed me. I glanced over my shoulder and was rewarded with the most beautiful face I knew.
Isaac.
I gave him a reassuring smile, squeezing his hand on my shoulder as confirmation. He didn’t seem convinced, and so, he put his arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. Warmth flooded my body as I leaned my head against his warm, comforting chest, my eyes returning to the gravestone before me.
And then it hit me. Had I just said out loud to mom and dad that I loved Isaac? Loved as in love-loved?
Oh.
My.
God.
As if my life was suddenly played in slow motion, I lifted my head and came eye to eye with mom.
Except for my misfortunate fate in who I had fallen in love with, I had always considered myself a lucky person. My family was financially secured. I lived in a beautiful house. I had a great friend. But most importantly, I had always felt blessed to have such wonderful, amazing parents. Parents who loved me and had supported me in everything I’d ever done. And never in my life had I received such a look from mom, as I did this very moment.
I opened my mouth, and closed it. I opened it again, but nothing came out. What could I possibly say. Except that it hurt. The look mom was giving me truly hurt. There was no disgust in her features. Nor was there any anger. At least I didn’t have to witness that. But it still hurt. It looked like she was staring at a stranger. A person she no longer recognized. If my heart wasn’t already so painfully shattered, it would have been torn into further pieces.
But no matter how mortified I was over the situation, I did manage to keep eye-contact. The silence, however, the silence I couldn’t stand. “Please say something,” I pleaded in a whisper.
Her mouth was ajar, yet nothing came out. I didn’t think mom had ever stayed quiet for that long. What was she thinking? I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been! Since mom seemed to have frozen in place, I glanced over at dad, looking for any signs of a reaction. He also hadn’t said anything since my outburst. But his knuckles, holding onto the steering wheel, had turned white.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I could absolutely not believe what had just happened. What I had just accidentally done. Had this been under any other circumstances, I would have been scared, petrified even, remorseful, worried beyond beliefs, and so many more things. However, all I could think about right now, all that truly mattered, was Isaac.
As if on cue, dad finally spoke his first words since I had woken up in the car. “We’re here,” he said, driving into the hospital parking lot.
He dropped mom and me off at the main entrance, informing us he would park the car and join us as soon as he could. I followed mom’s hurried steps in silence, making sure I held some distance between us. Even though all I cared about was Isaac, I was still human, and the future now scared me more than ever. I had to stop thinking, I simply had to stop thinking.
“This way, honey,” mom spoke when I was about to continue forward as she had turned right.
“Oh,” I mumbled and turned right and resumed to walk a few steps behind her.
A few twists and turns later, we finally reached our destination. As soon as mom walked through the doors, she was surrounded by nurses giving her updates in heated whispers. I stayed behind, but tried to listen in on what they were saying. I only caught a few words “condition critical”, “in surgery”, “internal bleedings” and a couple of very severe “I’m so sorry.”
“Audrina!” A voice shouted in the distance. Slowly, I turned my head to the right and was met with a pale-looking Luke, striding towards me in hurried steps. Once he’d reached me, he pulled me into a tight embrace. “You’re stone cold!” he exclaimed. He quickly took off his jacket. “Here, take this.” He wrapped the jacked around my shoulders. “God, you’re shaking,” he mumbled and started to rub my arms.
I was cold? Was I shaking? I looked at my fingers, studied them like they were a strange object. Indeed, they were trembling. Is this what it feels like? I wondered numbly. To be in shock. Am I in shock?
Mom was suddenly by my side. “Audrina, honey, I need to go with my colleagues. I believe it’s best if you stay here and wait for dad.”
“Don’t worry Mrs. Sullivan, I’ll take care of her,” Luke stated somberly.
Mom squeezed his arm. “Thank you, Luke.”
She didn’t immediately walk away, instead she shuffled on the spot. I looked up at her. She was looking at me, like she was contemplating something. Reaching a decision, she gently grabbed my arms and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I love you, sweetie,” her voice cracked at the end and then she was gone.
I felt Luke lead me a short way further down the corridor. “Here, let’s sit down.” He gently pushed me down onto a vacant seat. “Can I get you something? Water? A drink? I’m sure there must be alcohol here somewhere... God knows I could use a stiff one,” he muttered.
I looked over at him. I opened my mouth and formulated my first words since we got here. “How come you’re here?”
“You don’t know? My dad’s the one who recognized Isaac when he got here. He called me shortly after he’d talked to your mom,” he explained. “I still can’t believe it.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “What the fuck was he doing walking around that area anyways.” It wasn’t so much a question rather than a general wonder, but my heart constricted in pain, guilt washing over me.
Me. It was because of me. Isaac had been walking around there because of me. Because of our fight.
New tears sprung to my eyes and a sob escaped my lips. “It’s my fault, it’s all my fault!”
The excruciating pain was more than I could handle. It felt like my heart was torn from my body by claws and ripped into shreds, piece by piece, only to be mashed together and put back in. Only so the process could happen again. And again.
And again.
Luke’s arms were quickly around me again. “There, there,” he whispered soothingly, “why would you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth,” I sniveled. “We had a fight, and he left the house. And now he might, now he might –” new sobs wrecked through my body. I couldn’t utter the words, let alone think them. Please dear God, don’t let Isaac die! I’ll do anything, absolutely anything! Just don’t take him away from me, please!
“And now he might survive,” Luke cut in, emphasizing the last word.
“But if we hadn’t fought, if I hadn’t –” I started, but Luke cut me off.
“It’s not your fault. Audrina, look at me.” Luke put me at arm’s length, staring at me intently. “It’s not your fault. Isaac loves you, a fight would never, could never, change that. He loves you.”
My breath hitched as I took in his sincere expression. The way he said it... he couldn’t possibly know... could he?
He must have seen something in my eyes, because he smiled gently, nudging me almost playfully. “Come on, everyone can see how freaking whipped he is!” The horror in my eyes wiped the smile right off his face. “I don’t mean everyone of course! I’m sure no one else knows...” he added, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
An awkward silence emerged between us. He knew? Luke knew about Isaac’s feelings for me? But, but, but how? I swore to God, if anything more happened, I would shut down. My battery would literary die. I couldn’t take anything more. This was all too much. Simply too much. But I had to know…
I drew in a deep breath, embracing myself. “You, you know?”
Luke chuckled lightly. “I mean, there’s protective brother, and then there’s plain possessive. He definitely fits into the latter category.”
I couldn’t hold eye-contact. I was too ashamed of myself. Instead, I stared blankly ahead, at the white walls opposite from where we were sitting. “I, I can’t believe this,” I whispered.
“Yeah, well, I might not be the brightest bulb in the bunch, but I would like some more credit than that. I mean, I have known you guys since preschool.” I could hear the smile in Luke’s voice.
Why was he smiling? Wasn’t he disgusted!? I... I just... this was all too much. Just… too much.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “Why are you not disgusted by this?” My voice was no more than a whisper. I barely had the guts to ask. But no matter how much all of this shocked and terrified me, I couldn’t help but be grateful for the distraction. My worry for Isaac’s survival was killing me. Physically killing me.
Luke turned serious, looking me dead in the eyes. “You know what, the way I see it, this world is filled with so much sorrow and hatred, and has too little love in it... and therefore, love should always be celebrated, not frowned upon, no matter what form it may come in. Like I said, I’ve never been the brightest one, but I do know one or two things about life.” I felt my eyes water all over again, my chin trembling. Luke looked at me and gave a shrug. “Besides have you seen you? I mean, I would have totally fallen for you, even if you’d been my baby sister,” he chuckled, dragging a hand through his hair. I gave a short chuckle, wiping at my eyes. Luke leaned back, supporting his back on the stiff bench. “What I’m trying to say is, there’s only one thing thicker than blood, and that’s love.” He stated the words with such confidence, such certainty, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at him.
However, today’s events finally caught up with me. “We’re not though...” I mumbled. “I mean Isaac and me. We’re not related by blood,” I explained to the question mark now sitting before me.
“Wha – wha – how?” Was Luke’s well-formulated question.
I smiled shortly, leaning against his shoulder. “It’s a long story.”
Luke wrapped his big arms around me, providing the comfort I so desperately sought. My hand unconsciously went to the heart chained to my necklace, squeezing it tightly. The necklace Isaac had given me on my birthday, so many years ago.
“Oh man,” Luke sighed, the severity of the situation catching up to him. “He’ll get through this, you know.”
There it went again. My heart being shredded into pieces.
“We don’t know that,” I whispered brokenly, blinking several times.
“He will.” Luke shook my body gently, as if vocal convincement wasn’t enough. “He has to. He’s not done here, not yet. Not when he finally got you.” Whether his words were said in order to convince me or himself, I couldn’t tell. But as I closed my eyes, I took comfort in them.
He will get through this. Isaac will get through this. He has to.
“I’m glad you’re here with me.” I found myself whisper. I was tired. So, so tired.
“Me too,” Luke mumbled, “me too.”
As I closed my eyes, the last thing I remembered was Luke pulling me a little closer to his warm chest.
***
“Audrina, sweetie, wake up...” A faint voice whispered in the distance. I groaned in protest. “Audrina, honey, it’s time to wake up.” Who was that? Didn’t this just happen? Was I having a déjà vu moment?
I slowly forced my eyes open, blinking against the bright light. Where am I? As soon as my eyes had adjusted to the intensity of the fluorescent lamp, I was met by dad’s familiar face hovering above me. “Hi honey,” He said gently.
As my brain slowly came to life, so did the rest of the eventful day. My dad’s not my real dad. Isaac and I are not related by blood. I told my parents about Isaac and me. Luke knows about us.
Was it possible for one person to experience so many life-altering changes and still come out of it okay? I didn’t know the answer to that yet, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But I promised myself I would try to make it, at least if Isaac came back to us alive –
“Isaac!” I exclaimed and sat up straight.
Dad put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down. I stared into his eyes. I had never been more terrified of an answer from dad. But I needed to know. I just, I had to know. Please, let him be okay. Please!
“He survived the surgery, but his condition is still critical. The doctors have done everything in their power. It’s all up to Isaac now,” dad explained gravely.
My hands flew to my mouth. “Oh God.” I didn’t know what to do with myself, what to say, or even what to think.
Someone put their arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a side-way embrace. That’s when I realized Luke was still here. “I’m so sorry Audrina,” he whispered, quickly wiping his eyes.
That finally broke me from my spell. “C-can I see him?”
“Mom’s already in there. I just came to get you,” dad explained.
I hadn’t noticed it before, but the shadows under his eyes were the very definition of exhaustion. It suddenly dawned on me that this wasn’t affecting only me. I wasn’t the only person suffering here. My eyes watered, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t speak. Luckily, I didn’t have to. Dad turned to Luke. “Thank you so much for taking care of Audrina, Luke. You can see Isaac too, soon, we just need to be alone with him for a while.”
“Of course, I understand,” Luke replied, and stood up.
I followed suit. I turned to Luke and hugged him. “Thank you,” I said with as much sincerity as I could muster, “for everything.”
“I’m always here if you need me,” was his heartfelt reply.
I had to blink a couple of times before I could leave the embrace.
Warmth washed away some of the sadness as dad took ahold of my hand and led me down the corridor. No matter what their reactions towards the revelation of Isaac’s and my love for one another would be in the next couple of days, I was grateful they didn’t withdraw from me this very moment. I knew I wouldn’t have made it if they did. Besides, right now was all about Isaac.
“We’re here,” dad spoke gently as he stopped in front of a door.
My steps faltered. I stared at the white door before me. Was I ready for this?
I watched as dad opened the door and stepped inside the room, patiently holding the door for me. I hesitated.
Come on stupid! This is not about you nor your feelings! It’s about Isaac and the fact that he needs you right now. “Isaac needs you, now more than ever,” Mariah’s words from my dream echoed in my mind. Isaac needed me. I drew in a deep breath and took a shaky step forward. And the another.
No matter how much I had imagined it, no matter how much I had tried to prepare myself for this, and no matter how much I had tried to tell myself this was not about me, nothing could have prepared me for what I was met with.
The sight before me had me stumbling backwards until my back hit the wall. My trembling hands flew up to my mouth in pure shock.
Isaac!
Right in front of me, behind the bruises and cuts, behind the pumps and hoses, laid a person with a slight resemblance to Isaac.
“Isaac,” I whispered, my voice cracking, just like my heart all over again. No, this cannot be happening! Please, tell me I’m dreaming. “Isaac needs me,” I whispered, completely unaware of my surroundings except for the person resting on the hospital bed.
Gathering what was left of my strength, what was left of me, really, I took a few strides forward until I was close to his face. His usually perfect reflection was now disrupted by bruises and a deep cut on his forehead.
The beeping sound of the heart monitor both disturbed and comforted me. It disturbed me because I knew it was there for a reason. It comforted me because as long as it kept on beeping, it meant Isaac was still alive.
With a trembling hand, I reached forward and gently stroked his cheek. He felt cold. So cold. And his beautiful dimple, where was it now? “Oh Isaac,” I whispered painfully. Without questioning my actions, I bent down, into a praying position, and carefully took ahold of his hand. “I’m so, so sorry, love.” I couldn’t hold it in. The tears now ran freely down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” I cried and squeezed his hand. The faint sobbing in the background reminded me we weren’t alone. But I couldn’t have cared less. “I love you, so, so much. Please come back to me, please come back,” I begged. Whether I was talking to him, or God himself, I couldn’t say. Maybe it was to both. I closed my eyes, and for the first time in my life, I prayed.
I prayed for Isaac’s survival. I prayed our love was strong enough to save him. I prayed that the last days spent with him weren’t going to be the last ever. I simply prayed.
Epilogue
2 years later...
Audrina
The soft breezes cooled my heated skin, kissed my naked arms. It whispered promises of an autumn kinder than the overly hot summer we’d had. Somewhere nearby, the beautiful melody of a chirping bird reached me as it swirled by in the sky. If it was looking for food or on its way home, I couldn’t say. Maybe it’d just decided to fly for a bit. Free as only birds can be.
The afternoon sun reached the short cut grass spread out before me. Glistening droplets of dew that was stuck on the end of the grass reflected the colors of the rainbow. It was beautiful.
Perfect.
Yet the pain in my heart subdued everything around me. Everything except what was standing before me.
Grey.
It looked so very, very grey.
My eyes watered as I let my fingers travel across the top of the gravestone. How could it possibly still hurt this much after so much time had passed? How could it feel like a piece of my heart was forever missing? Maybe that’s what happens when you lose someone you love. They take a piece of you with them. Never to be returned.
“I miss you, so much,” I whispered, my words getting caught in an invisible dance with the swirling wind. “There is so much that’s happened since I was last here, so much I want to tell you that I don’t know where to begin.” I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to steady my trembling voice. “But maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to just say that I miss you and that my life is not the same without you.” I didn’t know why I was talking out loud. I suppose it made the words feel more real, even though no one was listening. I bent forward, closing my eyes and feeling a lone tear travel down my cheek as I placed a gentle kiss on the grave stone. “I love you.”
“Hey, you okay?” The voice behind me and the sudden hand squeezing my shoulder, surprised me. But the warmth radiating off of the hand quickly calmed me. I glanced over my shoulder and was rewarded with the most beautiful face I knew.
Isaac.
I gave him a reassuring smile, squeezing his hand on my shoulder as confirmation. He didn’t seem convinced, and so, he put his arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. Warmth flooded my body as I leaned my head against his warm, comforting chest, my eyes returning to the gravestone before me.
