What?

  “We can wait,” I insisted.

  “No,” said the photographer. “We won’t be finished until the last minute. Go back now.”

  I tried to stick with the energetic bridesmaids and groomsmen, but as soon as they took off sprinting I was stuck with Erik. I watched them get further away and shook my head. “There’s just no way I’m running in these shoes.”

  “And you shouldn’t,” he said. “I mean what if they broke? We only just fixed them.” He smiled at me. Why was he smiling at me? You pig. We slowly set off on the gravelly path, and I prayed he wouldn’t say a single word on the journey back.

  “So you dropped your earring?” he said.

  Prayers never work.

  “Huh?” I said, wondering what he meant about an earring. Slowly the lie came back to me. “Oh yeah, it totally fell off my ear!” I quickly nodded.

  He walked ahead of me then stopped two inches from my face. “So you lost one of your tiny earrings, and were able to find it in grass that’s six inches tall?”

  I started blushing. “Well...the thing is...I have really amazing eyesight.”

  “No you don’t,” he said. “You needed glasses when I took you to the museum in New York.”

  And there, like a verbal time machine, I was back in that bubble where there only existed he and I.

  Once the bubble burst and I was back in reality, all I could do was sneer. How dare he remind me of our memories when he threw it all away! This rage I felt was much less nerve-wracking than my earring lie. So I walked right past him and down the gravelly path, confident I’d find my way back.

  Pretty soon there were three gravelly paths to choose from. I could see our castle residence far ahead of us, but had no idea which path was the right one to take.

  Erik came up from behind and grabbed my hand. “I think it’s this way,” he said. “Come on.”

  The feeling I got when he held my hand wasn’t a feeling of love, but more like a cold reminder that I wanted to kill him. I’d always wanted to kill him for sending me that voicemail and throwing it all away. Or at least punch him. I ripped my hand out of his and balled it into a fist, waiting for the moment to strike.

  “Sorry,” he said. “About the hand-holding. It was an instinct. Or a memory.”

  I said nothing and we kept on walking down the path that was to our right. Pretty soon we were shaded by trees with leafy branches that swayed in the early-evening breeze.

  “Hmm...” he said. “This might not be the right path.”

  I turned to face him, my punching hand still clenched in a fist. “Did you get lost on purpose? Because you don’t want to be alone with me right now.” I shot him a death stare and waited with my fist at the ready. “Consider yourself warned.”

  “Can we please just keep on walking for thirty seconds? I promise I’m not wasting your time.”

  Still bubbling over with suspicion, I grudgingly followed. The path soon gave way to a clearing with a long-forgotten fountain; it was somewhat rusted and partially-obscured by wild flowers. The cherub sculptures on the fountain were cracked and broken off in places, but the water ran through just fine. The sound was peaceful and it lessened my rage, so I closed my eyes to enjoy it fully.

  “Romi...”

  “Why are you ruining this moment?”

  “Because I have to tell you that I’m sorry.”

  My eyes shot open.

  “Sorry for what? For getting us lost?”

  He took both my hands in his. “No. I wanted to say that I’m so sorry for everything I did to you.” My breath got caught in my throat. An apology? “We had a beautiful weekend in New York and I destroyed it with that horrible voicemail, just so I could keep what I already had. It was an asshole thing to do and I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me some day.”

  I couldn’t wipe my tears because he was still holding my hands, but I also didn’t want him to let go. I nodded and smiled, my urge to punch him in the face quickly fading away. After that he gave me the biggest hug, and I couldn’t remember if anything had ever felt better.

  It all disappeared when I realized where we were, or more importantly “when” we were.

  I pushed him away and wiped my eyes. “Thank you, but we should get back.”

  “Not before making a wish,” he said.

  “Uhh, okay...”

  He pulled out two pennies or Danish coins or whatever the hell they were and I grabbed one.

  “This is how you do it,” he said.

  I watched him close his eyes and throw the penny backwards into the fountain. It dropped right into the middle with a perfect “plop.”

  “Now you go.”

  I closed my eyes, made a wish that I dare not speak aloud, and aggressively tossed the coin. I immediately jerked my head back around so I could see where it landed.

  “Romi why did you look? Now your wish won’t come true!”

  “Excuse me? No, no, no, I don’t think so.” I put out my hand. “Please sir, another.” He gave me another penny and this time I made sure to do it right, but I didn’t hear a splash or anything at all. I turned around. “Did I miss the whole fountain? Did it land in the grass somewhere?”

  “It actually landed in the water so perfectly that it didn’t make a sound.” He smiled.

  I scowled and approached him slowly. “Are you lying to me so my wish won’t come true?”

  He came a little closer and now we were inches apart. “Romi, I want all your wishes to come true.”

  That line would’ve worked if he was single, but instead it just put a dark cloud over my head.

  “We’re going to be late to the wedding,” I said. “And your...well your lady will be wondering where you are.” Mentioning his “lady” brought some bile up my throat but I managed to keep it down.

  “What about him?” he said. “Won’t he be wondering about you?”

  At first I was confused but a moment later I remembered James. It was really hard to keep up with a fake boyfriend.

  “Yes,” I said. “He’s probably searching for me right now.”

  “Well it was really nice going for a walk and talking with you again,” he said. “We hadn’t really talked since---”

  “The hotel room? That was only two hours ago.”

  He smiled. “That wasn’t a real conversation.”

  I didn’t smile back. “Neither was this. And now it’s just a memory.”

  “Romi, don’t say that.”

  “But I have to say that. And it’s actually not so bad.” I forced a smile, “ You apologized today, and it helped me remember you in a nice way instead of a ‘hate’ way.” He was smiling at me again. “So now when we go back to the wedding, then go back to being total strangers starting tomorrow,” his smile faded, “I can always remember you in a nice way.”

  “Right,” he said.

  “Right.” We both nodded quickly, like two nervous people with a tick. “Now let’s go watch our friends get married.”

  He smiled. “Good idea.”

  We took the proper path and headed back to the spacious castle, side-by-side, but definitely worlds apart…

  Chapter Thirteen

  I stood to the left of the altar, staring hard into Laura’s bouquet. She and Dave were reciting their vows, and their simple words of commitment brought me to tears. Maybe I was overly affected since every other part of the ceremony had been in Italian, and thus went right over my head. Or maybe it was just the fact that their vows were truly romantic.

  I lifted my eyes ever so slightly from the bursting bouquet, letting them rest on Erik’s shoes which were fifteen feet across from me. I started to wonder what Erik’s eyes were doing. Were they looking at Laura and her big puffy hair-do? I wouldn’t have been surprised, as it was hard to look away from that monstrosity. Or maybe he was looking at Sylvia, and mouthing the words “Don’t worry that’ll be us soon!” I still hadn’t gotten close enough to see her ring finger, maybe because every time I saw a flash of her dress I looked away.

  I rose my eyes a little further, my gaze now fixated on Erik’s knees. My eyes went higher still, and now I was staring directly at Erik’s crotch. It took me a few seconds to realize I was staring at a guy’s crotch during the pivotal moment of my best friend’s wedding, but once the self-awareness hit, my eyes shot up immediately. Now I was looking into Erik’s face, a face whose eyes were staring right back at me.

  His eyes held an expression that was way too complex to look away from. A mixture of sadness, hope, longing, passion, and maybe a little regret. It was some seriously heavy shit, and now that I was staring back at him, I wondered if my eyes reflected back the same things. I couldn’t possibly know unless I checked in the mirror, because even if a person’s brain wanted to project a certain image and nothing more, eyes never followed the brain’s instructions; words and actions could always play along, but never the eyes; eyes didn’t lie.

  It suddenly occurred to me how small this wedding was; fifty people total, with eight of them up at the altar. So intimate this occasion was, that everyone could see what Erik and I were staring at. I thought of James who was likely smirking as he watched me get lost in Erik’s eyes. Then I thought of Sylvia, who was probably pulling a machine gun out of her purse at this very moment.

  My only chance at digging my way out of this was to share an equally longing look with someone else. The closest available person was one of the tween-aged groomsmen standing beside Erik. I shifted my gaze and locked on hard to those puberty-in-progress eyes. It was only a few seconds before the man-in-training started fidgeting, but he couldn’t look away now could he? I had this effect on thirteen-year-olds. Eventually his jaw went slack, and I thought he was going to pass out due to being overwhelmed by my allure. Lucky for him, the small crowd broke into applause, as Dave and Laura shared the first married kiss of their second official wedding. Or something.

  It was official for them and it was also official for me; I’d survived facing my past without weeping.

  Well done, me.

  ***

  To the live soundtrack of a singer performing “I’ll Be Seeing You” with a slight Italian accent, Laura and Dave danced under the stars, at the wedding reception in the hotel’s sprawling courtyard. Candlelit tables with plates of incredible food were scattered under trees wrapped in twinkling lights. It may not have been a large wedding, but the bride and groom weren’t dancing alone. Instead they were accompanied by aunts, uncles and both sets of parents, all of whom had been invited to dance for the second song.

  An additional invite had gone to the maid of honour and the best man, courtesy of the blushing bride.

  I’ll kill her later.

  So here I was, dancing with Erik, when I’d genuinely believed my interactions with him would be over. I couldn’t enjoy one second of his arms being around me for this totally romantic song. Instead I only stared at him with widened eyes, wondering if Sylvia would shoot me.

  “Romi it’s okay,” he said. “We’re supposed to dance if we’re in the wedding party.”

  I snuck a look at her sitting at a nearby table. Either they were still just girlfriend and boyfriend, or they were hippies who didn’t need a marriage certificate to call themselves partners for life. All I knew for sure was that she wasn’t wearing an engagement ring, something I’d finally discovered when I’d watched her reach for a knife. I also knew she was beautiful, a curvy devil in a green dress. Only she wasn’t a devil at all. Instead she seemed like the sweetest woman in the world, as she smiled and high-fived a little girl. Why wasn’t she trying to kill me like I’d thought she would? Maybe she knew I wasn’t a threat anymore, because he’d never have the balls to leave her and fight for me instead. That must be really comforting for her. How nice.

  I turned to James who was smirking in my direction, in his totally self-assured way. There could never be a more confident fake-boyfriend. Which was kind of annoying. Couldn’t he at least pretend to be a little jealous?

  “You’re not even listening to the song, Romi.”

  With the sound of his voice I found myself back in the moment; dancing in the arms of someone who wasn’t mine. “Is it even a good idea to listen to the lyrics of a love song when I’m dancing with you? Besides, it’s not like we’re really here.”

  “What do you mean? I’m right here.” He pulled me closer. “And so are you.”

  I tried to ignore the sudden rush through my body. “Maybe you see me and maybe I see you, but seriously we’re not really here.” I pointed to the sky. “Look. See those stars?” He nodded. “We can see them but they’re not even really there. They died million and millions of years ago, but they’re so far away that their light only traveled here now. It’s just a light from something that’s dead. And so is this.”

  Despite my morbid proclamation, he smiled. “You are the biggest nerd I know.”

  “I’m simply quoting the facts of science. You can deal with it or you can call me a nerd.” I rolled my eyes.

  “But love isn’t a science.”

  Before I could work through that brain puzzle of a statement, the song came to an end and the band was met with warm applause.

  The next thing I knew James was right beside me on the dance floor. “Can I steal her away?” He gave Erik a winning smile, which Erik only half-returned.

  “Go for it,” said Erik.

  We started dancing to the next more upbeat song, and in a matter of seconds Erik was spoken for too, now in the arms of his blond angel. She kissed him. And I could’ve died.

  Erik and I, the two deadest stars around…

  ***

  With our legs hanging over the side of the castle’s highest balcony, Laura and I drank champagne straight out of the bottle. I took a long swig and passed it back to her.

  “That’s good shit,” I said, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

  Laura chugged whatever was left and dropped the bottle on the terrace behind us. The sound of it rolling away on the stony surface created an echo.

  “Finally I’m having a good time!” she said.

  “What do you mean? It’s your wedding!”

  “You know what I mean. The crazy Italian relatives, the demands for pictures that never end, everyone eating all the food except for me because I’m constantly stuck in Italian conversations I barely understand…the Canadian wedding was way less complicated.” I nodded slowly. “Do me a favour,” she added. “Don’t have two weddings.”

  I snorted. “So many prospects, so little time.”

  “By the way...” she said. “James looks hot in that suit.” Although James was indeed a stunning edifice of a man, I knew Laura better than anyone, and in that moment I knew she was trying to distract me from Erik.

  “You don’t have to worry,” I said. “It’s totally over with Erik. Like as in dead. As in when I talked to him, I could actually smell the rotting flesh.”

  “Maybe that’s his new cologne.”

  We both laughed.

  “I saw you guys dancing,” she said.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “So?”

  “Oh nothing. By the way, do you want me to send you the pictures from the photo shoot?”

  I shuddered. “Ugh, why would I want that?”

  “Okay...oh yeah: did he say anything funny or nice today?”

  Like an uncontrollable reflex, I smiled.

  “A-ha!” she said. “I knew it. Still hung up.”

  “You were testing me?!” I frowned. “Well I guess you’re allowed to screw with me on your wedding day. That can be my gift to you.”

  “You mean you didn’t get me an envelope full of money?”

  I laughed. “Italians and Indians...not that different. Are you excited for the honeymoon?”

  “You’re such a loser,” she said.

  My eyes widened. “Why the hell would you say that right now?”

  “Because you think you can distract me with this silly little thing of a second wedding so we don’t end up focusing on Erik.”

  “Did you ever think that maybe I don’t feel like focusing on a ghost?”

  She burped. “A ghost?”

  “Yes; a dead part of my past with unfinished business. His body’s all wavy like a ghost and he’s practically see-through; it’s freaking me out.”

  “Did you say goodbye?”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Well...what if they check out of the hotel before you? Then get on that plane back to Denmark...”

  I crossed my arms. “Good then.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Well you should! The night’s almost over and what else is there? Because it’s not like I’m going to Denmark and it’s not like he’s going to Paris.”

  She burped again. “And it’s not like he’s even single.”

  “And it’s not like I’d even give him a second chance after he screwed me!”

  “That’s a lot of ‘nots,’” she said.

  “Exactly, so you have absolutely no reason not to believe me.”

  “Fine!” she said.

  “Double fine!”

  We were glaring at each other for some strange reason. Maybe it was all the champagne. The glares quickly changed to teary-eyed gazes.

  “Don’t go back to Canada,” I said. “I need you in Paris; none of these new friends come even close to filling the role.”

  She wiped away a tear. “They better not come close! I don’t want you to replace me.”

  “I could never replace you!” I cried.

  We launched into a girly hug and stroked each others’ hair. It was a good thing there weren’t any guys around, because they’d probably be licking their lips right about now, in the hopes that our hug was the gateway to some lesbian action.

  Sorry boys, just a best-friend moment in the countryside…

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24