Madness, p.19
Madness, page 19
“That’s because I’m neighbours with Bander,” she chuckles at her joke, and I smile in response.
“Have the others come down?” I ask hopefully, though I know it’s no use.
She shakes her head sadly, “Red took not well. Threw up all over the floor in the cafeteria, would you believe it?”
I try to sit up, forgetting the restraints and fall back onto the mattress, “Sick, how? Is she ok?”
“Oh, she’s fine…” she looks around the room, “but, if you believe in rumours…”
“I don’t.”
“Well, if you do… there’s a rumour going around Wonderland that she’s pregnant.”
I shake my head, trying to sit up again, “She can’t be. Not in here.”
“Will you stop that? The restraints aren’t going to move, no matter how much you struggle.”
“But she’s pregnant!” I exclaim.
“No, she might be, but you know what the flowers are like. It’s either an eating disorder, pregnant or she’s got some flesh-eating disease that’s eating her from the inside out,” Yasmine laughs again, “it’s ridiculous.”
“If the baby is yours, it’s going to be mad just like you.”
“Mad baby, mad baby, mad baby.”
If Red is pregnant, then she needs to get out of here, and all I can do is hope that the others will help her and go with her.
“Can you get me out of here?” I ask Yasmine, who’s watching me with wide eyes.
“I can’t. I’m already risking too much coming in here, but I can never say no to Hare,” she explains, “he’s far too cute.”
“Well, thank you.”
“Anytime,” she whispers again, slipping back out the door and leaving me with the silence once again.
“If she’s pregnant, you cannot go with her. Look at what you did to Alice.”
“Off, off, off!”
I don’t reply, but the voices have a point.
I’m far too much of a danger to her to leave with them, and I’m terrified that I would do to her what I did to Alice.
No… it’s safer if I stay here in solitary, where I belong.
I can’t hurt anyone here, and Wonderland may be the only chance I have at being normal.
Chapter Thirty-One
The moment the rumours started to circle Wonderland, I knew it would only be a moment before the news got back to White.
The need to protect Red thrums through my veins as I drag her back to my office, the others dragging along, and Hare rushes to get Bander from solitary.
I can’t chance bringing Al up, even if every part of me is screaming to do so.
This could be his baby, after all… it could be any of ours.
Red’s feet drag across the tiled floors, her face a pale white, and her hand clutched tightly in mine feels clammy.
“Red, my love, you need to try to stay calm until you take the test,” I say as we reach my office, “We’ll figure it out, I promise.”
Her eyes, wide with fear and confusion, lock onto mine. “I don’t know how this possibly could have happened. I get the shot. I can’t be pregnant, Jameson, I can’t. Wonderland is no place for a baby.”
“We’ll figure it oot, Mo ghràdh. We won’t let our baby grow up here in Wonderland,” Harry closes the door to my office once the twins are inside, and they all sit down, weighing our options.
I tighten my grip on Red’s hand, leading her around my desk and pull open the bottom drawer. The pregnancy test there glares back at me, and I fold it into her hands, nodding my head to the bathroom for her to take it, “I’ll be right behind you,” I say softly, kissing her forehead tenderly.
Bander arrives with Hare a moment later, his eyes darting around the room with worry.
“She’s in the bathroom,” I reassure him.
“She’s ok?”
I don’t answer him, instead making my way to the bathroom to check on Red.
I have no idea how we got here or how this happened, but I won’t let our baby be born in Wonderland for White to take from us the moment it’s born.
She’s done everything she can to ruin Red’s life, and I can’t watch her do this to her – it would kill her, and I would lose her forever regardless.
I knock on the door, not waiting for an answer and enter my ensuite, where a terrified-looking Red sits on the toilet seat with the test clutched in her hand, “It’s positive,” she whispers in awe and terror, “It’s positive Jameson. I’m going to have a baby and I can’t be in here when I do…” her breathing picks up, coming in choppy pants, “I can’t… she’s going to take it from me… from us.”
I clasp her face in my hands, “Red, listen to me. I won’t let that happen, I promise you. I have a plan, but I need you to trust me.”
She stands and looks me in my eyes, “Always.”
“So?” the twins speak in unison, sitting side by side.
“Positive,” Red murmurs, just loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.
“Shit.”
“Shite.”
“We need to get you out.”
“What about Al?”
All the voices blend into one, and I can feel a migraine probing at the edges of my brain, “One thing at a time, please.” I guide Red over to the couch, settling her between Bander and Harry, and return to my desk, “I have a plan.”
“Well, whit is it?” Harry makes a rolling motion with his hand.
“First, we need to make sure no one suspects anything,” I continue, my voice steady despite the chaos brewing inside of me, “We’ll need to keep everything as normal as possible for the next few days while I plan everything.”
Bander nods, “I can get some of my odium poppy to knock the guards out if need be.”
I open the left side desk drawer, something I swore never to do, and punch in the code for Red’s birthday into the safe.
The obnoxious beep sounds throughout the room, gaining everyone’s attention, and I pull the safe door open, the book entrusted to the warden before me staring back at me.
“What is it?” Red asks, tilting her head questioningly.
“It’s thee Alice’s escape plan,” I say, dropping the book onto the wooden surface in front of me.
“You had it all this time?” Red shouts, “I’ve been desperate, thinking she was going to get me at any moment, and you had the key to my escape this entire time?”
“There was a plan, but I no longer care about that. All that matters now is you and the baby in your stomach,” I say sternly, refusing to argue about the past when all that matters is the future that is sitting in front of me.
Red stands, her eyes locked onto the book, “Can I see it?” I nod, handing it to her, and she opens the cover, inhaling sharply, “Have you read it?”
I shake my head, “no.”
“What’s Al’s surname?”
“Lowe, why?”
She slams the book down in front of me, her finger tapping the name scribbled onto the first blank page.
Alice Lowe
Escape from Wonderland
“Well fuck,” I sigh, rubbing a hand down my face.
My body feels as though a heavy shroud entangles it, the weight of countless burdens press down on me, and it seems as though it’s suddenly too much to bear.
Hare sits happily on the floor, his pencils scratching against the paper, and guilt overwhelms me.
I’ve failed everyone – most painfully, I’ve failed him.
“Is thee Alice his mum?” Desmond inquires, his gaze fixated on the signature before me as if it might summon her ghost from the shadows.
“Seems to be, but why did he not tell us?” Dusty asks, hurt lacing his voice.
“He did not know,” I reply, determined to shield him from their misdirected anger. “He was aware she was a patient in Wonderland, but he believed she was that only. He has no clue that she became a legend. I had no clue that his Alice was our Alice.”
I flip open the pages, hating how much of a mess the writing is but knowing the plan is almost foolproof in making sure Red escapes here.
Bander watches us all with a careful eye, his prosthetic one doing little to minimise the damage to his face as it collapses on itself gradually, “The plan goes ahead then? We get Red out.”
“It does. I’ll need a week to get everything set up. Can you give me that?”
“Wait!” Red exclaims, “What about everyone else?”
“They’re coming too,” I rush to reassure her, hating how her eyes well up with tears.
“And me?” Hare chirps from the floor.
“I won’t leave without him. I will not leave him here for White to torment again,” she hisses the last part, and I wince, knowing she’s seen his file and all it entails.
“Hare comes too,” I promise her, “As do the others, but you need to stick to the plan and do everything I tell you to.”
They all murmur their agreement, and I sigh in relief, knowing that I can finally get her out of this place – that I can give her a chance to heal before our baby is here.
“We need to tell Al,” Dusty interjects, “he needs to know he’s getting out of here too.”
“Bander, can you take Red and Dusty down tonight to tell him?” I barely begin to ask him before he nods his head.
“Anything. As long as we can finally leave this place.”
“That’s sorted then. Give me a day to sort a plan, and we’ll meet here tomorrow night,” I say, prying the book from Red’s hands and placing it back in the safe.
“What if we’re caught?” Red whispers, fear dancing in her eyes.
“We won’t be. I promise.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Are you ready?” Bander knocks on my door, pulling me from my thoughts about the life growing inside of me.
“Yeah. I need to see him,” I say, standing from my bed.
There’s no bump yet, but I find myself cradling my stomach as if I can protect it from any harm that this place might cause it.
Dusty emerges from his room, his eyes darting to where my arm is wrapped around myself, and he gives me a gentle smile. “Everything will be alright, you know,” he says, his voice soft as we make our way through the empty hallways down to solitary.
Bander walks ahead of us, watching for any lurking guards, and I look at Dus, “Do you really believe that?” I ask.
“Down in the rabbit hole…” he coughs, “Sometimes all I would have was hope that things would get better, and on the days I was really lost, I would have to try twice as hard to believe it.”
“I’m glad you aren’t lost down there anymore,” I mutter.
“Me too,” his hand interlinks with mine as we walk, and the familiar butterflies that appear so often when I’m around my men make an appearance, and I smile, remembering our night together.
Though we haven’t had much chance to be alone quite yet, hopefully, once we escape Wonderland, there will be plenty of time for that.
Solitary looms over us as we walk down the hallway on silent feet, careful not to alert anyone to our presence, “I’ll stand guard,” Bander offers, squeezing my hand and kissing my cheek as I go past, “Take as long as you need Atropa.”
“Thank you.”
Al’s door creaks open, and his head jerks to the side in an attempt to see who is entering, “Red? What the hell are you doing here?”
“We have a plan,” I whisper.
Dusty stands next to me, and I don’t miss the way his head jerks at the sight of Al restrained to the bed, just like he was down in the rabbit hole.
“What plan?” Al asks, seeming more coherent now than the last time we saw him.
“We’re going to escape. Jameson has a book – a book your mum wrote about how to escape Wonderland, and we’re going to use it to get us all out without anyone noticing,” I explain, stepping closer to him.
A bittersweet smile graces Al’s lips, “That’s great. I’m glad.”
“You’re coming with us. We aren’t leaving you behind.” Dusty says, his voice holding no room for argument.
“I’m sorry,” Al cries, “I can’t. I can’t go with you as much as I want to. I need to stay here, and Wonderland is my only chance to get better.”
“You have to come with us!” I cry.
“I’m sorry, Red, but I won’t risk you like that. I’m not safe enough to be around, and if the rumours are true and you are pregnant, I refuse to be a risk to your child.”
A tear leaks from his eye, and I want to argue with him, to beg him to come with us, but Dusty nods in understanding.
I lean forward, kissing his lips softly – a plea for him not to abandon me, but Dusty grasps my hand firmly, pulling me away from him and out of the room, “We understand, Al,” he whispers sadly, closing the door behind us.
“Why aren’t you trying to convince him?” I whisper, shout, “Why are we just leaving him?”
“Because we cannot make him!” he exclaims, grasping my arms, “Al is lost. He is far too lost to comprehend that he may not actually be mad. We will figure it out, but I refuse to allow you both to upset the other in a useless argument when we still have a few days to plan.”
“Ok,” I whisper sadly, a tear leaking from my eye.
I clutch my arm around my stomach tighter, fear gripping me as I wonder if my sister knows about the life inside of me and what she’s planning to do to try to rip it from me like she attempts to do with everything in my life that brings me happiness.
“We have you, Red, but we cannot act rashly right now,” Bander appears behind me, his arm wrapping protectively around my middle, “A plan is being made. Let us look after you, and you focus on you and the baby. Worry isn’t good for either of you.”
I nod my agreement, but I eye the door beside us, wondering if Al’s heart is hurting as much as mine is at the idea of leaving him behind.
I know that White has been messing with him, but a part of me wants to know why, and I refuse to leave him behind to be the victim of her games when he’s already been through so much.
“We will win, Atropa. I promise.”
Epilogue
Icing coats my fingers as I decorate the two small cakes for my dear little sister; the two bottles carefully labelled Mifepristone and Potassium glare back at me, but I ignore the small voice in my head telling me what I’m doing is wrong.
No, what is wrong is leaving your child behind when the new one is born.
Leaving my mum to fend for herself while you play happy families is what’s wrong.
Daddy only ever became proud of me once I started studying to become a nurse at university. Then he was interested – not interested enough to let me be in his life full-time, though.
No, he wanted bragging rights… to be able to say that his daughter was going into the medical field just like him… following in Daddy’s footsteps because he was my hero.
“Bullshit!” I shout out loud.
He was never my hero and only ever the man who refused to marry my mum, who left us to live in a council house while Red got to grow up in the lovely big house in the countryside.
He told me that he tried to see me every weekend and that he offered for mum to live on the next street where he would pay for everything, but she refused, wanting only the money instead, but mum wouldn’t do that.
She wanted me to have a dad – my dad and Red should never have come into the picture.
It’s fine – my plan to finally ruin her has worked, and I put the finishing touches on the cakes.
Eat Me
After all, when you are delivering a killing blow, you need it to be presentable.
The hallways are eerily silent as I walk towards Red’s room, the idiots not seeming to think I wouldn’t strike right away.
I knew all along this would happen – after all, when I injected her with the vitamin C shot instead of the birth control three months ago, I knew it was only a matter of time once she was knocked up.
I need her out of the picture to get my inheritance… to get my dad back, and she’s far too stubborn to do it on her own, no matter how hard I try.
The door to her room creaks as I turn the handle, and I wince but push inside, ready to finish this once and for all.
Red shoots up from her bed, her arm cradled around her stomach.
“Tut, tut, little sister,” I sneer, “did you really think I didn’t plan all of this?” I laugh, “I mean, I had to get rid of you somehow, and we both know how much you are desperate for love since your parents listened to me and locked you up in here.”
“You didn’t,” Red gasps, her eyes filling with tears, “How could you be so evil!”
“Because I hate you. I fucking loathe you,” I shout, “But you wouldn’t die no matter how hard I pushed you. I gave you that offer out of the niceness of my heart, and now look what you’ve made me do.”
She sniffles, backing away from me until her back hits the wall, “What do you get out of this?”
“Everything.” I say, “Everything I ever deserved. Everything you have – I’m going to take it all because you took everything from me the moment you were born.”
“I never asked for this!”
“No, you didn’t, did you, but you did continue to be stubborn. Poor little Red with those itty bitty dark thoughts that made her so sad,” I mock, “God, it was so easy to convince them you needed to be locked up. All I had to do was play the role of the concerned big sister and tell them that you were thinking about ending it all.”
She swallows roughly, her hand splaying across her stomach, and I have to suppress the rage I feel bubbling inside.
“I want to play a game,” I say calmly, sitting in the chair at her table, “Sit.”
“What game?” she asks warily.
“Well, it’s more like a decision, really, but it’s a game for me. To see what one you choose.”
I place the cakes on the surface, both perfectly decorated with white icing and blue font, and push them towards her. “I made you something special, just for you.”
“What is it?”
I push the two decorated cakes towards her, “One kills you, and the other kills your baby,” I smile, “Choose one.”
