Swallows, p.23
Swallows, page 23
“I bet. I mean, you’re the odd one out here.” Ririko could be honest to the point of cruelty sometimes. Just as Yuko was thinking of a comeback, she got a text from Riki.
“Hello. Just letting you know that I went to the clinic today, since I’m six weeks now, and the ultrasound showed that I’m apparently pregnant with twins? I’m sort of panicking.”
Ever since Riki had gotten pregnant, she and Yuko had been texting each other more often. Yuko responded right away.
“Wow, that’s incredible! Congratulations!” She typed, including a celebratory emoji. She assumed that Riki had already let Motoi know; he was probably overjoyed.
“Who is it?” Ririko asked, turning around as she was about to sink her teeth into a slice of French bread loaded with cheese.
“It’s Ōishi-san. She said she went to the clinic and they told her she might be pregnant with twins.”
“Wow, that’s great! That way you can give one to Ōishi-san and keep the other, and it’ll all be settled.”
“Please, stop. These aren’t puppies,” Yuko said, glowering. Ririko looked taken aback.
“But having twins is a lot of work! If you get divorced, who’s going to take care of them? Isn’t Mokkun’s mom almost seventy?”
“I don’t know.”
This was going to be a challenge. Yuko honestly wasn’t sure what was going to happen. If they stuck to the original plan, then she’d probably make up with Motoi and help raise the children. But hearing the news about the twins didn’t change how she felt. It all seemed unreal still, like it had nothing to do with her.
Her phone rang. It was Riki.
“Hi, Ōishi-san—congratulations again!” Yuko said as soon as she picked up. But Riki sounded glum.
“Hi, Yuko-san. Thanks for your message the other day.”
“Oh, it’s no problem at all. I was surprised to hear the news. I’m sure it’ll be a lot for you, but I hope everything goes well,” Yuko said, working hard to maintain a kind tone. Ririko was listening to the conversation, craning her neck to hear better, which made Yuko uneasy.
“Thank you. Uh, about the twins—you haven’t told Motoi yet, have you?”
“No, I assumed you had.”
“No, I haven’t. I was wondering if you could hold off on telling him for a little while?”
Yuko was puzzled by Riki’s desperate tone. “Of course.”
“There’s actually something I wanted to ask you about,” Riki said, lowering her voice.
“Sure. Are you okay to talk about it over the phone?”
“I’d rather discuss it in person if that’s okay…” she said, trailing off. Yuko was getting a strange feeling. What if Riki said she wanted to get an abortion? At six weeks, that was still a possibility. Maybe she’d gotten cold feet once she heard she was having twins. If Yuko were in her place, she’d probably feel scared, too, especially if it was her first time being pregnant.
“Would you like Motoi to come to the meeting, too?”
“No, I’d rather talk with just you, if that’s okay.” Riki’s tone was firm.
“Got it. Where should I meet you?” Yuko glanced at her watch. Ririko looked at her, her eyes widening.
* * *
•
Ririko begged Yuko to let her come to the meeting, saying she wanted to meet Riki, but Yuko refused and headed to Shibuya alone. Riki had proposed they meet at a café in Shibuya Mark City.
It had been a while since Yuko and Riki had seen each other in person, though they’d been texting frequently. Yuko recalled that the first time they had met had also been at a hotel in Shibuya.
“Thanks for coming all the way out here,” Riki said. She was camped out in the back of the café, waiting for Yuko. She looked thinner than before, and prettier. Yuko was surprised.
“Ōishi-san, you look so pretty,” she said. Before, Riki had given the impression that she was holding a lot of anger and tension, but now she looked calm and collected, even refreshed—she seemed translucent somehow. Yuko realized it was the change in her economic status that had led to this drastic change in her appearance.
“Really?” Riki said, looking surprised.
“Yes. You seem calm,” Yuko said, then turned to the subject of the pregnancy. “I wanted to thank you again for everything you’ve done for us. It’s already so difficult to carry one child—and here you are, carrying two.” Yuko realized that she was running her mouth out of nervousness, and everything suddenly felt comical to her. But then she saw the glint of gold on Riki’s left ring finger and winced, assuming that Motoi had bought it as a gift.
Riki quickly attempted to conceal her left hand.
“It’s not what you think. Before I went home to Hokkaido, I bought it to show off to my friends and family.”
“Show off?”
“Yes. To show I’d gotten married to an artist in Tokyo and finally ‘made it.’ People gossip in the countryside. The ring really has no meaning apart from helping me keep up appearances.”
Yuko couldn’t help but laugh at Riki’s frankness. “And did it help?”
“Yeah, everyone was really surprised. But…” Riki knitted her brows, her expression clouding over. Yuko wondered what in the world this girl was trying to say.
“That’s actually related to why I wanted to talk to you today,” she said, shrinking into herself and casting her gaze downward.
“To me? Not Motoi?”
“Yes. I can’t talk about it to Motoi or Aonuma-san. But I had a feeling maybe you’d understand.” Riki glanced around her; clearly, telling her this required a great deal of effort.
Yuko looked Riki straight in the eye. “You can tell me anything, as long as you’re comfortable with it. I promise I won’t tell Motoi or Aonuma-san.”
Riki bit her lip and grew quiet for a moment before opening her mouth to speak. “I actually broke a rule in the contract.”
“I’m sure that’s inevitable, no?” Yuko imagined Riki going home and talking about the “project” to others—perhaps that was having a ripple effect. But what came out of Riki’s mouth next took her completely by surprise.
“Okay, well…when I was home, I went out for drinks with this guy I used to date, and then we went to a hotel.”
“Well, you’re young, that happens,” Yuko said. It’s probably no big deal, she was about to add, but Riki interrupted her.
“It actually happened six days before my ovulation date, which is why I let down my guard a little. But then I found out that sperm can stay alive for up to six days.”
Yuko was starting to put the pieces together. “And you did the fertility treatment after that?”
“Yes,” Riki said dejectedly.
“So, basically, you don’t know whose child it is,” Yuko said. “But the man you slept with, he was wearing a condom, right?”
“Yes, but we did it multiple times, so I can’t be sure what happened.”
Multiple times. Yuko struggled to formulate her words. “Even if sperm can stay alive for up to six days, like you said, that would only be a worst-case scenario. It’s probably fine,” she said, trying to convince herself.
“But he wasn’t the only one,” Riki said in a small voice.
“What? There’s more?” Yuko exclaimed, but her thoughts immediately drifted to how overjoyed Ririko would be if she were here.
“I’m really sorry. When I came back to Tokyo the next day, my friend told me he was moving back home, and I just felt so lonely, so I also ended up…with him.”
Yuko never imagined this is what they would be talking about when Riki said she wanted her advice. She tried to put her thoughts in order.
“Just so I have this straight—on the sixth and fifth day before your ovulation cycle, you had sex with two different people. And now you’re pregnant, but you don’t know whether it’s actually Motoi’s.”
“That’s right. Again, I’m really sorry.” Riki sounded crestfallen.
“Ōishi-san, what are you going to do?” Yuko had no idea, either, which was why she turned the question around on Riki.
“That’s what I wanted to ask you. Yuko-san, do you think I should have an abortion? If they do a DNA test later and find out the kids aren’t actually Motoi’s, I’ll have to pay a lot more than just a penalty for breach of contract.”
Yuko wasn’t sure how to respond.
“When I got that email from him, I was so angry. There was a part of me that wanted to get back at him, and another part of me that assumed I wouldn’t get pregnant, since nothing had come of the fertility treatments so far. I slipped up. I’m really sorry,” Riki said, lowering her head. She wasn’t crying, but she looked deeply troubled.
If Riki had given birth without mentioning anything, no one would have been the wiser. But Yuko appreciated her honesty.
“Do you think I should tell Motoi?” Riki asked. Yuko remembered Ririko asking whom a child really belonged to. There was no right answer.
“I don’t think you should tell him,” Yuko said decisively.
“But wouldn’t that mean I’m deceiving him?”
Yuko thought the probability of the children not being his was low, but as long as there was a non-zero chance, it was hard to say. She thought for a minute. Riki looked uneasy, and kept her gaze fixed on Yuko.
“You’re risking your life to have these children, so I think they belong to you. Motoi paid a lot of money for them, and went through the cumbersome process of donating sperm, so he might complain, but I don’t think there’s anything he can do, legally speaking. So, if you want to have the children, I think you should have them, and then think about what to do afterward.”
“Do you think they’ll do a DNA test?”
“Not necessarily. And if you don’t want to hand over the children, you can just take them with you.”
“Where?” Riki asked, her expression troubled.
“I don’t know. I think you should just have them first and then decide.”
“But that would be a breach of contract, wouldn’t it? Do you think I should give the money back?”
“No, you don’t have to give it back. If you want to raise the children yourself, you can use the money for that.”
“But you were planning to raise the children with Motoi, weren’t you? You probably wouldn’t like it if I change my mind.”
Yuko shook her head. “I actually felt uncomfortable about the whole thing from the start. And now I’m regretting that I didn’t speak up earlier. I feel it was unfair to you. I realized Motoi and I don’t see eye to eye on all of this. We’ll probably split up, but I think he’s planning on living with the children.”
“Even if they’re not his real children?”
“Yeah, that part would be tricky. He’d probably feel like they had to be his. He did say he was looking forward to seeing his own genes reflected in his child.”
Riki shuddered a little when she heard the word “genes.” “I don’t know what to do. But I think I do want to have the children.”
“You’ve come all this way. Why not have them? Things will work out in the end.”
Would they? Wouldn’t it be better for Riki to get an abortion now, and tell Motoi she’d had a miscarriage? But they’d probably need Aonuma-san’s help, Yuko thought, her mind flitting between different scenarios.
Yuko wondered why, if two lives were really dwelling in Riki, there were no outward signs to indicate she was carrying twins. Still, as she gazed at this healthy-looking girl, Yuko couldn’t bring herself to suggest an abortion.
4.3
It was already eleven o’clock by the time Yuko got back to the apartment. She’d thought about what to do on the train ride from Shibuya. What Riki had told her was far beyond what she’d expected, but Yuko also had no intention of blaming her. This whole “project” had been unfair from the beginning, designed to take advantage of Riki. So, even if she changed her mind, or acted on caprice, what could they really do?
An abortion seemed out of the question, especially when she thought about the life that they had finally been blessed with. If they kept quiet, Motoi would probably believe the children were his. Suggesting Riki raise them on her own was probably irresponsible on her part. Most likely the children were Motoi’s, so Riki should just have them and feign ignorance of any other possibility. Then she’d hand them over to Motoi, as planned.
But would Yuko then have to bear the responsibility of raising them? She could imagine Chimiko not helping much at all, instead complaining and criticizing Yuko for every little decision she made. That would be depressing enough, but she’d probably have to stop working, too. Just thinking about it made her sigh.
“I’m home.” As soon as Yuko opened the door, Motoi appeared, looking ecstatic. He was wearing a black sweatshirt and jeans. He hadn’t even gotten ready for bed yet.
“I was waiting for you,” he said as he walked toward her, opening his arms wide as though to embrace her. The double-armed position was very balletlike. À la seconde.
“What happened?” Yuko was struggling to undo the fasteners on her boots, so she sat down and took them off slowly to buy herself time. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to him.
“She’s having twins!” Motoi proclaimed with deep feeling as he stood behind her.
Yuko whirled around. How did he know already?
“I got a call from Aonuma-san earlier. She told me Riki had a checkup today, and they found out from the ultrasound. It’s not a hundred percent certain, but they’re pretty sure.”
Riki had just told Yuko not to tell anyone, but somehow Motoi had already found out. Even if the person carrying the children didn’t want the information shared, it seemed the person who paid took priority. Riki must be displeased.
“Did Ōishi-san contact you?”
“No, nothing from her yet.”
Yuko looked up at Motoi, sensing it was futile. He didn’t notice her expression. He looked like he was about to cry from happiness.
“I never dreamed we’d have twins. I’m so happy. That’s why I was waiting for you—I thought we could have a celebratory drink.”
Yuko followed Motoi reluctantly into the living room, where she saw a champagne cooler on the table, and a bottle of Krug.
“Shouldn’t you be celebrating with Ōishi-san, not me?” Yuko said, recalling Riki’s discouraged face as she sat at the back of the café.
“I’ll celebrate with her eventually. But first let’s toast, just the two of us.”
“Because the project succeeded?”
“No, not quite yet. We won’t know that until the actual birth.” Motoi uncorked the bottle of Krug. It let out a loud pop. Yuko stared at the light-yellow liquid, the tiny bubbles endlessly streaming up to the surface, then disappearing.
“Cheers. To twins!” Motoi touched his glass to hers. Yuko felt sorry for him. What would you do if I told you they might not be yours? she wanted to ask. But the only person who had the right to ask him that was Riki. By now, Yuko was convinced that none of this had anything to do with her.
“Yeah, it’s really great,” Yuko forced herself to say as she brought the champagne glass to her lips. But Motoi looked worried.
“I’m happy about it, of course, but I’m guessing you’re not.”
“Why?”
“I mean, you’re going to be a mom to twins. Raising them is going to be a lot of work.”
“I bet.” Yuko couldn’t bring herself to shake off her long face.
“Don’t worry, though. We’ll make it work—together.” Motoi must have been misinterpreting the cause of Yuko’s concern.
“What would you do if we didn’t remarry and you had to raise the kids on your own?” she ventured boldly.
For a moment, Motoi looked at her, stunned. When he finally responded, he sounded upset. “Are you really considering staying divorced?”
“I’m not trying to avoid responsibility. It’s just that, in the end, they’re not my children, they have nothing to do with me, and I can’t shake the feeling that we’re doing something terrible to Ōishi-san. I can’t accept the fact that being a surrogate is just a job, like any other.”
“I don’t necessarily think that, but I can see how women might feel differently about it. Maybe my attitude has been rubbing you the wrong way.”
Motoi was being unexpectedly mature today. Yet, just a moment ago, his joy at the prospect of being a father prevented him from noticing how Yuko was feeling.
“Why the sudden change?” Yuko couldn’t help but ask in a sarcastic tone.
“Well, I thought you had agreed to everything, so I hadn’t thought about it for a while.”
“You shouldn’t be so quick to forget about things. I felt like I had to agree to the whole thing, because I did want to raise a child with you. But once we got divorced on paper…” Yuko’s voice trailed off. She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.
Motoi finished the sentence quietly. “You felt like you didn’t care anymore?”
“No, it was more like there was so much to think about, I kept feeling more and more lost. What if we stay divorced and Ōishi-san refuses to hand over the twins? She might say she wants to raise them on her own after all. Are you going to sue her for breach of contract?”
Motoi shook his head. “I couldn’t. The whole thing was done under the table from the beginning. But I agree it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared in case something like that happens. I wouldn’t want the kids to be taken away, so I wouldn’t agree to divorce her on paper. I’d just have to wait it out and ask her to reconsider.”
Yuko hadn’t realized they were in this for the long haul.
“And what would happen to me?”
“I’d have you wait until we had everything straightened out.”
