Occasionally he saw the lights of a vehicle approaching in the distance and each time he ducked out of sight. He watched a succession of military vehicles drive past. He did not want to think of what would happen if they found him.

  He was limping slightly from his painful knee, and he still had a pain in his head from when he had hit the ground. He also kept having to rotate his left arm in wide circular movements to relieve the ache in his shoulder. But apart from that, and the underlying pain and fatigue he felt in every other part of his body, he was just fine. Well, if you ignored the fact that he stank like a goat. Jai started laughing out loud. At least he knew he was alive.

  He came around a long sweeping curve. Ahead was a fork in the road. Recognition triggered instantly and Jai started running. Well limping and shuffling, really. He reached the junction and stood at the bottom looking up. It ran away in the moonlight, up towards the mountains.

  Was this it? Was it the way to the Gateway to Heaven?

  He looked around and listened. He appeared to be completely alone. He took a deep breath and started up the road.

  The night was cold but there was little wind, and the exertion from the pace he was making generated enough heat to keep him warm. A feeling of quiet accomplishment glowed within him as he walked along in the bright moonlight. When he had escaped from the soldiers, he had run for an age through the dark wood. He knew of the danger behind him, but what was ahead lurking in the darkness? In the past he would have struggled, maybe even turned back. But this time it had been different. He had faced it back in the cave. He had looked that fear in the eye and challenged it to take him. As his master had said, the truth was his to know. He knew the reason he had found nothing in the cave and nothing in the woods. There was nothing there.

  The miles seemed to drift on past as if he was in a different dimension. He gazed up into the night sky. A myriad of stars glistened like fairy lights strung out across the universe, stretching as far as his eyes could see. His master had told him that many of the stars were so far away that their light had travelled for thousands, even millions of years to arrive here. Some of the light had travelled for so long that the star no longer existed. When we viewed the stars, we were actually looking back in time and time itself was a mere drop in the ocean compared to eternity. His master had said that it was not unlike ourselves, our existence. Our spirit runs on long after this body that we think of as ourselves, is gone. For some strange reason he seemed to understand that clearer now. He increased his pace, somehow there seemed a greater spring in his step.

  He pushed hard towards the brow of the hill up ahead and was panting heavily as he reached the top. He bent forward, his hands on his knees while he caught his breath. Below him, lay a large snow filled plateau surrounded on all sides by rising hills and dark mountains. The moonlight etched a clear edge to the outline of the mountains against the sky at the far side.

  Something caught his eye. He could clearly see the mountain outline change from its ragged irregular shape to the straight, angular lines of a man-made object. The dzong stood clear against the skyline. Jai stood up, gazing across at the old mountain fort. A wave of relief swept through him and his legs suddenly felt weak. He had made it. He had found the Gateway to Heaven.

  Antahkarana Dzong, Tibet Autonomous Region

  Shelby huddled in his sleeping bag but there was no chance of sleep. Braddock was over by the window looking out. A lit cigarette held below the level of the windowsill. He turned his back on the window and leaned on the wall.

  “Are you awake?”

  “Do you hear me snoring?”

  Braddock ducked his head and took a long, draw on his cigarette, his face clear in the glow of the ember. He straightened up and let the smoke out in a gentle plume.

  "Do you ever think about Jock?"

  Shelby shot Braddock a hard look, but the CIA agent met his gaze with a cool unblinking stare.

  "Every night, when I close my eyes."

  Braddock shook his head. “Trouble with you, Shelby, you’re a goddamned boy scout. You blew the whole thing by letting that kid go. That was the problem. You asked me if I was pissed at you. Well for that, yes. For hightailing it out of there and then leaving me in the shit? I would have done the same thing in the same situation. That's the way the dice fall. But it's making the right decisions that matter."

  “And you’re the expert on that?”

  Braddock ignored the sarcastic comment. "You did the right thing, becoming a teacher. As a soldier you were good, I’ve seen you in action, but you always had that flaw. A good soldier does what he has to do to ensure success of the mission, whatever the circumstances. And as a soldier you take what comes. Now Jock, he was a real soldier, when that Iraqi major blew his brains out, he made Jock a happy man. That was the only way he would ever have wanted to go, in a blaze of glory."

  "It didn’t seem that glorious to me."

  "What happened to you, Shelby? You and me should be alike. We’re both army brats, army goes back generations in our families. We’ve got military stamped in our DNA. The only difference is your old man was a general and mine was a gunny."

  "Yeah, I'm sure the two of them would have gotten along like a house on fire. My old man always loved his men. I can see the two of them marching into glory together. The problem is neither one of them got the ending they wanted."

  Braddock tensed. “What do you know about my old man?”

  Shelby shrugged. “The trouble with you, Jack. You talk too much when you’re drunk. I know the story of your old man - old soldiers, there are a million tales the same.”

  “Pops was a proud man until the end.” Braddock ground out his cigarette on the stone floor. "That's why Jock was lucky. He had a soldiers end."

  "Is that what you want, Jack? - A soldier’s end."

  "There are worse ways to go."

  "Is that why you're still doing this shit?"

  “Some of us feel there’s still a job to do.” Braddock turned around and went back to looking out the window. Suddenly he tensed. Shelby caught it from where he was sitting. Braddock was staring intently through the window.

  "What is it?"

  "Well, will you look at that."

  Shelby scrambled out of his sleeping bag and rushed across the room to the window. The moon was bright across the snowy landscape, and clear to see was the figure of someone on the road. Slim and upright, still with a spring in its step. Even though the light did not allow Shelby to see its face, he knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, it was a young boy.

  Braddock shook his head beside him. "I told you he was like his old man."

  Antahkarana Dzong, Tibet Autonomous Region

  Suddenly the ache was gone from his legs and the tiredness seemed to fall from his body. Jai moved as fast as he could towards the silhouette of the dzong in the moonlight. He had come so far, and at times had not even dared hope that he would find his way here. He just hoped that the people from the resistance movement would still be there to meet him. He crossed the bowl and came to a flat area in front of the fort. The road ran on into the distance and disappeared. A narrow bridge to his left spanned the way across a frozen stream to the fort entrance. The way was clear in the moonlight.

  Jai stepped onto the bridge. In front of him he could see the darkened entrance to the fort. Something stirred deep inside him. But he was determined that was where it would stay. After all he been through, after all everyone had given. He stepped forward.

  A man stepped out of the shadows. He was tall, and well built. But Jai was still unable to see him clearly.

  “Jai,” the man called out his name.

  Jai’s heart was pounding. This did not seem right. He was expecting Tibetans, but this man did not seem Tibetan. He knew he had to run, but his feet were frozen to the spot.

  "It's okay Jai," the man said in English. "Everything is okay. It's me, it's your father."

  The words did not register, because the man took a step into the moonlight and Jai saw his face clearly. Terror gripped his heart in a steel claw. The face was not the face of an oriental, not a face he would see on any day of the week. But he knew it, he had seen it many times, but each time it had faded away. It was the face from his dream and now at last he saw it clearly and the dream rolled clearly in his mind. The man's eyes were staring, burning like those of a demon and his hands were on her throat, shaking her, strangling the life out of his mother.

  Jai wanted to run but his legs would not move. It was as if he was standing on the edge of a deep chasm. His heart was pounding loud in his head, louder than he had ever known, like someone was banging a huge drum. The man was speaking, he could see his lips moving, but Jai could not hear a word. Another man stepped out of the shadows. "Jai, it's all right."

  Two Tibetans appeared out of the darkness and stood by the man’s side. A third stood in the background.

  “My name is Braddock,” The other man said. “These men are from the Tibetan Resistance. Your friend, Jongba contacted them. We are here to help you."

  The sound of Jongba’s name seemed to drag Jai back to reality. The man to his right started speaking rapidly in Tibetan. His name was Dobje. Jongba had asked him to help. Jai’s eyes remained fixed on the man who said he was his father, and he wasn't moving any closer.

  "Let's get inside," the man called Braddock said. "I'm sure you're hungry, we’ve got food and a fire."

  Suddenly Jai felt very tired, as if he had run a very long way. It seemed like the walls of the dzong were moving in and out with the beating of his heart, and the world started to turn around him. His last conscious thought as his legs finally gave way.

  ‘The deities from the Gateway to Heaven have come to take me.’

  CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia

  The telephone on the main console gave a persistent trill. The guy on the watch desk picked it up but didn’t speak. The voice on the other end said.

  “Golden Child.”

  The watch desk guy shook his head at someone from the top floor’s idea of a joke.

  “Code in,” he said.

  The voice at the other end gave him a six digit code and the man typed it into the keyboard in front of him. The agent’s details flashed up onto the screen. The watch desk guy put his hand over the phone and called across to another man, sitting with his feet on the desk. Apart from the close cropped hair he looked like he was still in college.

  “It’s Agent Braddock.”

  The man’s feet came off the desk in a rush. “Put it on speaker.”

  The watch desk guy flipped a switch. “Report in,” he said.

  The voice on the other end was crystal clear. “I’m trying to contact Agent Dane. Do you know where he is?”

  “Agent Dane is temporarily out of communications. Do you want to pass on a message?”

  “Yes, tell him we’re go. Tell him to call me as soon as he can.”

  The younger guy held up his hand. “Agent Braddock, this is Lieutenant James McAndrews. I work for Colonel William Crawford. You might not be aware but the Colonel’s organisation has taken over responsibility for this operation. I need you to give me your full report and your current location. Our team will come and relieve you.”

  There was silence then Braddock’s voice came on the other end. “Listen sonny, I can’t see you but I guess you’ve just about started shaving. You also don’t know shit about dealing with a man in the field. As an active, in-field operative, I only report to, and take orders from, my controller. I have specific orders. If my controller for some reason becomes unavailable, I only take reassignment from the DCI in person. So I’ll ask you to follow procedure and contact Agent Dane.”

  “Agent Braddock,” McAndrews shouted.

  The control desk guy shook his head. “He’s gone.”

  “Can you get the GPS coordinates for that call?”

  The watch desk guy gave a shrug. “I guess.”

  McAndrews banged his fist on the desk. “Well, do it.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  Antahkarana Dzong, Tibet Autonomous Region Shelby stood looking down at his son. Exhaustion had finally caught up with him and Jai was sleeping peacefully, wrapped inside a sleeping bag. There were so many times he had wished he could do this one simple thing. The simplest but most precious thing a parent could do, to watch your child sleep. Jai was lying on his back, Shelby could see his face clearly. He had the look of his mother about him. If only she could be here standing beside him, watching their son. Why had he let it all slip away?

  Jai stirred muttering some words that Shelby couldn’t make out. He wanted to reach out and comfort him, but he was afraid that he would scare him. This was one very brave boy. He couldn’t begin to understand what he had been through in the last few days. One thing was sure. Shelby looked above him as if Su Li was up there watching. He had let him go once, and that was never going to happen again.

  Jai slept for an hour but hunger brought him awake. He climbed out of the sleeping bag and sat with the Tibetans while he ate. Urmu was a local, a mountain boy, but Dobje was from Lhasa, so was Uthu. The food and the warmth brought him a step closer to civilisation, and he started to relax. Soon they were laughing and talking about places they knew. But occasionally he would glance over at the tall American, standing at the far side of the room. The man who said he was his father.

  Shelby waited until the Tibetans had gone to sleep. He moved over to where Jai was sitting, staring into the fire.

  “Do you mind if I sit down?”

  Jai didn’t look up, he simply shrugged his shoulders. Braddock sat down cross legged on the floor beside him.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “I am fine.”

  “I know things have been a little rough. A good night’s sleep will do you a lot of good. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

  “I am not tired.”

  “Do you want to talk?”

  Jai shrugged his shoulders again, still staring into the fire.

  Shelby wondered if this was what it was like anyway, talking to a twelve year old boy. “You speak good English.”

  Jai continued staring into the fire. “My mother speaks to me in English and my friend Jongba.”

  “I met your friend Jongba. He seems like a good guy.”

  Jai looked up at the mention of his friend. “You saw Jongba, was he alright?”

  “Yes I saw him. He’s fine.”

  Jai went back to staring into the fire.

  Shelby took a deep breath and tried again. “I guess you’ve got a lot of questions you want to ask me.”

  Jai’s gaze remained on the flames, not speaking.

  Shelby wanted to reach out and touch him. “Okay, I understand. Maybe tomorrow.” He stood up and turned away from the fire.

  “What do you understand?”

  Shelby stopped and turned back to Jai. The boy was looking directly up at him.

  “What would you ever understand about me?”

  Shelby found himself unable to speak.

  “You know nothing about me. Why are you here?”

  Shelby finally found his voice. “Jai, if you’d only give me a chance to explain.”

  Shelby could see Jai was clenching his fists and getting agitated. Suddenly, something in the boy snapped, years of frustration and anger bubbled over and turned into pure energy. He sprang to his feet and covered the few yards between them in a single angry bound, his arms thrashing, his feet kicking. At first Shelby let the blows land, letting Jai vent his anger, he deserved it. But finally he grabbed his son’s arms and held him there.

  “Jai.” he called.

  Finally the kicking stopped and Jai stood, still shaking, looking at the floor.

  “Jai, I’m sorry. I really do want to explain.”

  Jai pulled his arms free and looked up, his eyes wet with tears.

  “Why did you try to kill my mother?"

  It was a dagger in his heart. How many times had he laid awake at night thinking about this moment, hoping that the boy, who was only two at the time, would have forgotten it, would not even recollect the event. But deep down he had always known that was a forlorn hope, had known with complete certainty that the event would be burnt into the boy’s soul.

  "Jai, it’s very hard to explain. I was sick. I was not in control of myself. That’s why I left. I couldn’t put you both at risk. Jai, you have to know. I love you, and I never stopped loving your mother."

  Jai looked at him. “Have you heard from my mother? Do you know where she is?”

  Shelby had a thousand things he wanted to say but not a word would come out. Jai gave him a strange look. Shelby wanted to lie, say he knew nothing, but he couldn’t. The boy was bright, sharp, like his mother.

  "You know something, don’t you?"

  Shelby didn’t want it to come out this way. He had planned to wait until they were safe across the border, when he could find the right time and the right way to tell him.

  “What is it? Tell me.”

  “Jai, I need you to be very strong.”

  Jai looked at him intently. “What are you saying?”

  Shelby slowly shook his head. "Jai, I’m so very sorry. Your mother is gone, I’m afraid she’s dead." He could see the boy was struggling to take in what he had said. "You have to understand. She sacrificed for you. Your mother would never let any harm come to you. All the things that she did, she did them because she was trying to protect you."

  “No,” Jai was shaking his head.

  Shelby put his hands on the boy’s shoulders, but he just kept repeating the word over and over.

  “Jai, listen to me. Your mother has gone, and you have to carry on. That’s what she wanted, that’s what she always wanted.”

  Jai looked up at him.

  “Everyone I ever cared about has gone. Why?” Jai shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

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