He’d let her go as soon as he could feel the bed beneath them again, as soon as he could catch a full breath, as soon as he could remember his name.

  Her fingers threaded through his hair, and she exhaled against his cheek before kissing his jaw, his neck. Then she simply laid her head on his shoulder.

  He knew he should loosen his hold, give her some space. He should do anything in this moment other than stay buried in her with his arms probably crushing her to him. He just needed a minute or two and then he’d…let go.

  He had no idea what this clutching feeling in his chest was. The need to hold on tight and not let her go, a near panic that she would go—or, rather, he would have to. Why the hell was he feeling panicked over reality?

  Reality dictated he get up and get out, but leaving this behind…it was completely unfathomable. She was soft and warm and cradled in his arms and few things in his life had ever felt so right.

  So, apparently he’d lost his mind.

  Chapter Seven

  ‡

  Kaitlin never wanted to move. She knew she would have to, and soon, but this was…perfect. Every muscle in her body was relaxed and singing with satisfaction, she was comfortable and warm all tucked into Beckett’s arm.

  Holding her like…well, like she might matter. Which was a dangerous line of thought for someone like her, so she tried to cut it off at the pass.

  He shifted, the arm not curled around her head brushing some hair out of her face. “I feel like I need to make this one hundred percent clear.” He tipped up her chin till she met his blue gaze. “You would never be revenge.”

  He was so earnest, and maybe if things had gone a pinch differently here, a hair differently there, she might have needed that reassurance, especially since she’d suggested it could be when she was begging him to stay.

  She cringed at how desperate she’d been, and yet Beckett had never once made her feel that way. She found she didn’t need his reassurance at all. She understood he’d done this because of…her. Crazy. “I know.”

  His eyebrows drew together. “How do you know that?”

  She forced herself to flash a confident smile, because she found she could with him. “You like me.”

  His mouth curved in return. “That I do.”

  She paused, turning it over in her mind. “Why?” she asked on a whisper. It was a pathetic question, but it had been…quite the day. She wouldn’t beat herself up for a pathetic question, or the way she dropped her gaze from his after she asked it.

  “Why?” He shook his head, the roughness of his whiskers scraping against her cheek. “You’re the strongest, most determined woman I know. And you don’t let bullshit get in the way of anything.”

  She turned those words over in her head. She wasn’t sure about strong, and she’d taken plenty of bullshit if she thought that was what someone wanted from her, but she was determined. She just wasn’t so sure that was an asset. It had hung her up on Carter for over a decade.

  Which had led her to this and here, which…wasn’t so bad. Of course, it wasn’t like anything could come from it. It was Beckett for heaven’s sake, and she needed to remember that. No matter how sweet he could be, no matter how much he did like her, he wasn’t…the staying, build-something kind of guy, and even if he was…even if they’d gotten along tonight, they weren’t long-term compatible.

  There was Luke think of, and the town. All the people who would side-eye the heck out of them together. It was laughable really.

  You’re going to go back to doing what other people want you to do? Feeling what other people want you to feel?

  She frowned at her internal monologue. Okay, so, no. She wasn’t going back to old Kaitlin, but that didn’t mean anything could come from…this. No matter how great it was. She was all Marietta and Beckett hated this town. They didn’t even know each other. Not really.

  Something in her chest seized, painfully, like the few times she’d told a lie to get what she wanted. But that wasn’t a lie. What did she know about Beckett?

  Aside from the planting roses for his grandma and the way he felt inside of her. Which were two really incongruous things that probably shouldn’t be in the same headspace.

  Why on earth did she even have a headspace at this point? She wasn’t a virgin anymore, and while it had been uncomfortable at first, it had quickly gotten as amazing as every movie and other people’s bad decisions made it out to be.

  So, all this thinking needed to stop.

  Beckett yawned, shifting in the bed, his legs brushing against hers. What a strange thing to be thrilled by, but she was.

  “I should go. If not, I’m going to fall asleep right here.”

  She wouldn’t mind that, but she couldn’t let herself say it. She had to be a mature adult here and let him go. She had initiated the one night and part as friends, and that’s what they would do.

  So, she moved off his shoulder and sat up when he sat up. He paused. Was he waiting for her to say something? But she didn’t know what she should say. ‘Thank you’ was on the tip of her tongue, but that seemed way too virginal and lame.

  She wracked her brain, but no words came, and eventually he slid out of bed, pulling his boxers and pants back on. Kaitlin sighed at the loss of naked Beckett.

  She figured she should walk him out, so she slid out of bed too and grabbed her robe. When she glanced at Beckett, he was watching her as his fingers worked on buttoning his shirt. He looked a little disappointed she’d covered up, too.

  Unable to stop herself, she grinned. Naked Beckett liked naked Kaitlin and wasn’t that just…she didn’t even have words for it. Or this night. Anything about this day, but he’d made it…not about Carter and Sierra somehow, and so she owed him something.

  But she couldn’t repay him, because it was a one time event. One he probably didn’t even think all that much of. He was the one who’d gone to a wedding with a condom in his wallet. This was his normal progression, and she didn’t want him to know it wasn’t hers—even if he could guess.

  Now dressed, he crossed to her. He pulled the sides of her robe together, chuckling as he felt the fuzzy fabric in between his fingers.

  “It was a gift from Sierra.”

  “And here I thought you had a secret, pink fuzzy side.”

  “Sadly, no.”

  “Nothing sad about who you are, Kate.” He leaned in, brushed a kiss across her cheek, and she had to hold every muscle tense to keep from leaning in, to keep from kissing his mouth and wrapping his arm around his neck and holding on.

  “I’ll walk you out,” she managed in a squeaky voice.

  He nodded and things were oddly silent as she walked with him out of her apartment and down the stairs to the backdoor. The urge to say thank you was back, but she tamped it down. Still, she owed him something.

  He slid on his jacket in front of the door, and opened his mouth—presumably to say goodbye, but an idea occurred to her.

  “Wait right here.”

  He raised his eyebrows, but he did as she asked and she scurried to the back of the shop where the leftovers from Sierra’s wedding bouquet were sitting waiting to be turned into a bouquet for the shop.

  Kaitlin grabbed a white rose, snapped off most of the stem and made sure there were no thorns left. When she returned to Beckett, she slipped the little rose in his pocket.

  His grin was crooked and a little baffled, but she didn’t mind. It was a silly gesture, but she was so rarely silly, it was a nice change of pace.

  She patted his chest, refusing to let herself linger. “Good night, Beckett.”

  He nodded, pulling the door open. “Night, Kate,” he offered, stepping out into the cold evening. She pulled her robe together, fighting the urge to keep the door open to watch him walk away.

  Would he look back? Would she be upset if he didn’t? No, she wasn’t going to put herself through that. She let it click shut and then allowed herself one more silly thing. She rushed up the stairs so she could look out the window and watch him walk away in the low streetlight. Back to Grey’s, and then she imagined back to the Graff where he was undoubtedly staying.

  He’d probably be leaving Marietta soon. Maybe even tomorrow. As far as she knew, he’d only come because he’d done something for the car Carter and Sierra were going to drive away in.

  Funny, the thought of Carter and Sierra together didn’t pinch quite as hard as it had earlier today. Maybe sex was a cure-all.

  Beckett disappeared out of view and Kaitlin sighed. It really had been amazing. He was actually pretty amazing all in all, but she had to ignore all the weird feeling swirling around in her chest, because she wasn’t going to fall into the old Kaitlin trap of latching onto one guy, one image, and making that her whole life.

  She’d learned her lesson. It was time to live for her. So, if she saw him again…she wouldn’t go back to being her old self, because she’d promised him that, and more, he didn’t deserve it. But she wasn’t sure she could treat him as a friend. She wasn’t sure that determined nature of hers wouldn’t simply latch onto him.

  Beckett wouldn’t marry her sister, but he would leave, and he would probably feel sorry for her, which somehow, in the moment, seemed way worse than Carter marrying Sierra.

  So, she had to make sure she avoided him, because she couldn’t trust herself, and she wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice in her lifetime.

  From here on out, she was living life on her own terms. No men allowed until she could trust herself not to build her world around them.

  *

  Beckett hadn’t gone to Kaitlin the next day. He’d wanted to. He’d wracked his brain for any possible reason to see her that wasn’t I am desperate for you and I don’t know why. He couldn’t find one.

  So, he stayed away. He left approximately ten voicemails and twenty text messages for Craig. The guy had until Monday to get back to Beckett, and then screw nobility once and for all, Beckett was telling Luke he suspected Craig was at fault.

  Sunday was interminable, not helped by the text from Luke to meet him at Java Cafe Monday morning. His room at the Graff was all things comfortable and relaxing, but he could do neither as he tried to sleep Sunday night.

  Visions of Kaitlin haunted him. Her all made up, her naked and above him, her in that ridiculous pink robe that was so out of character. Her sliding a rose into his pocket. She’d turned a fantasy into reality and he didn’t know how to deal.

  Monday morning dawned, no messages or emails from Craig. He convinced himself that was what he was hoping for when he turned on his phone. Certainly not any sort of message from Kaitlin. They’d had their fling and she’d made it pretty clear that was that.

  What else would it be?

  Like moving through molasses, Beckett got ready for the day and the meeting with Luke. He would have to explain that he suspected Craig. He couldn’t let Luke think he’d done this thing any longer, and Craig wasn’t responding to explain himself. What other choice did Beckett have?

  Unfortunately, Beckett couldn’t get the fact Craig had a baby on the way out of his head. The guy had been to prison and couldn’t get a job if he lost the one Beckett had convinced Luke to give him.

  Luke would probably still blame him. He hadn’t wanted to hire Craig, so this was probably still Beckett’s fault.

  Frustrated with himself and everyone, Beckett arrived too early at Java. Which was only a little on purpose considering Sweetpea was right across the street and he could stare at it wondering what Kaitlin was doing with her Monday morning.

  He smiled when he saw her pretty, auburn head turn the corner of the building, the bulldozing gait moving straight for Java. If she’d seen him in the window, she wasn’t making eye contact.

  For the first time in thirty-six hours, the constricted stress around his chest eased. He glanced over his shoulder at the door, watched her enter, and then stride right to the counter. She passed his booth and didn’t stop, so he called out to her.

  “Morning, Kate.”

  She froze, then her back went oddly straight. It was a few humming seconds before she turned to him. The smile on her face was so…bland, his chest squeezed. He could feel the impending doom, and yet he couldn’t stop himself. “Join me for breakfast?”

  She swallowed visibly, her eyes darting around the cafe. “Thanks, but I…can’t,” she said, completely unconvincingly as she was alone, no one was jumping up to meet her, and she looked as though he’d offered to fuck her over the table in public.

  “You can’t?”

  “No.” And with only the briefest hesitations she kept walking, past his table, up to the counter to order her breakfast, he presumed. She didn’t once look back at him.

  That was all. She couldn’t and walked away. Why…why on earth had he expected anything different? He’d known what this was all along. Had he really expected her to start treating him like…anything other than what he was?

  A momentary lapse. A mistake. Something she wished had never happened. He was too well-versed in all of those things to fool himself into believing she didn’t think them. He saw it on her face, in the way she moved away from his as quickly as possible.

  No, she wasn’t treating him like the gum on the bottom of her shoe anymore; she was treating him like she wished he didn’t exist.

  That was so much worse.

  He stared at the table without really seeing it. Apparently he had misread…everything. He could almost, almost laugh at himself. Had he really thought he and Kaitlin Shuller had any connection? That was…pathetic on his part.

  Women like Kaitlin were happy to slum it, but they didn’t want to be reminded they’d slummed it later.

  He didn’t look at her. Didn’t watch her leave. He didn’t have to look; he could feel it when she left like a clamp that had unclipped. Pop. Gone.

  Of course, he couldn’t quite stop himself from glancing out the window, and wished he hadn’t when the first thing he saw was Luke. Standing next to Kaitlin.

  Kaitlin’s eyes darted to him inside the window, and the color on her cheeks rose to a pretty pink. Luckily Luke didn’t notice, he just squeezed her shoulder and started stalking inside.

  Beckett looked down at his hands; apparently he’d curled them into fists. He had grease around his nails from tinkering with his bike this morning, the black mark of his tattoo stuck out from the cuff of his jacket.

  Like visual proof he’d never measure up to these two people.

  “Beckett.”

  He looked up at his best friend sliding into the booth across from him, then out the window at Kaitlin’s slowly retreating form. The Shullers, at least half the reason he’d turned his life around, and now…

  “I’ve decided not to press charges.”

  Beckett could only stare. Press. Charges. He hadn’t done jack shit and Luke was talking about the possibility of pressing charges.

  “And, I’m not going to fire you, but there are going to be some rules. You can’t be alone in the shop, and you can’t handle money…”

  The rest of the “rules” were nothing more than Luke’s mouth opening and closing, the chatter of the diner fading away. Beckett couldn’t hear anything over the crushing pain in his chest.

  The Shullers were certainly doing a number on him this morning. But, the great thing about being an adult was that he didn’t have to sit here and take it, or pretend it didn’t matter. He got to do whatever he wanted, so he stood. Pulled his keychain out of his pocket, began unhooking it from the rest.

  “Beckett, sit down and—”

  “No, we’ve said everything we need to say. Oh, except this.” He tossed his key to the shop on the table. “I quit.” And he walked out the door of Java Cafe, bound and determined never to set foot in Marietta, Montana again.

  Chapter Eight

  ‡

  (one month later)

  Kaitlin rubbed her temples. “This wedding is going to kill me.”

  Risa laughed as they looked at the huge write up of what the celebrity bride and groom wanted. So specific, half of it not even possible. “This is the price we pay for a celebrity wedding in Marietta.”

  Kaitlin wanted to groan, but it was an amazing opportunity for Sweetpea. That a famous-herself Marietta native wanted to marry the Jared Lovell in Marietta and use local vendors was a big deal for all involved.

  Kaitlin wished she could feel more excited. She mainly felt exhausted and headachey and already irritated at the things these famous, wealthy people thought they could do.

  “You look tired, Kaitlin. Why don’t you knock off a little early and get some rest? I need you healthy as a horse for the next two months.”

  Normally she would argue, power through and say everything was fine, but she really was exhausted. She must not be sleeping very deeply lately. Maybe she’d cut back on the caffeine.

  It had nothing to do with Beckett infiltrating her thoughts every time she lay on that stupid bed, or put on her ridiculous pink fluffy robe. She refused to let it have anything to do with the way he’d said Nothing sad about who you are, Kate. The way that had made her have to start thinking about who she was instead of who she wanted to be.

  She hadn’t seen Beckett since that unfortunate morning at Java, the morning she still cringed over, because she should have sat down with him, made idle chitchat, done anything but act like he was no one.

  She’d just been so scared she’d sit with him and smile at him and fall all over herself to spend more time with him when that was the absolute last thing she could allow herself to do.

  She couldn’t regret being cool to him that morning, because she’d saved herself from walking down the same stupid road. From letting a tiny little crush turn into a goal. She’d saved herself.

  Except for the part where you haven’t seen him for a month and he’s still on your mind.

  Irritated with herself, Kaitlin said goodbye to Risa and trudged up to her apartment. Ugh. She was too tired to even think about dinner. Hopefully too tired to think about Beckett.

  She pulled up her calendar on her phone, making sure there wasn’t anything she’d forgotten to do before she crawled into bed and slept for—hopefully—ten hours straight.

 

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