Alyssa laughed and replied, “I think it’s your turn, actually.”

  “No, it’s definitely you’re turn.”

  “It could be our turn,” Alyssa suggested.

  She quickly slid her hand between Hannah’s legs and inside her. Hannah gasped at first and lifted herself up to take Alyssa’s fingers inside her more fully. She rode Alyssa for a few minutes before she reached between Alyssa’s legs and stroked her clit softly, as if she couldn’t actually focus on the touch but also couldn’t not touch her at the same time. Alyssa came only moments after her wife. When Hannah collapsed on top of her, Alyssa rolled them over and placed her own head on Hannah’s chest, listening to Hannah’s heart, beating wildly. She loved listening to Hannah’s heart after she came. She loved the fact that she’d done that to her. She’d made Hannah’s heart race.

  “Han?”

  “Yeah, babe?” Hannah played with Alyssa’s hair.

  “I don’t think I need to publish the book. I think I just need to write it.”

  “What?” Hannah said.

  Alyssa lifted her head up to meet Hannah’s green eyes.

  “I think part of the problem I’ve been having is that I’m trying to write a book. I’ve been hoping that would give me closure. But I don’t think I need to do that.”

  “What do you need, Al?” she asked softly.

  “I need to write it only for myself. I’ve been trying to make it something people would read. I guess I thought that it would somehow help me explain what happened. They’d read it and know that Derrick did this horrible thing to his family.”

  “Babe, people know that.”

  “Some of them do, yeah. I was hoping this would confirm it for those who still, for some reason, doubt it. I know it doesn’t matter. I know that. But I guess it still bothers me a little.”

  “But do you really think writing the book is going to change their minds? If they still think that even after Derrick’s confessed, what are the odds that you are writing a book that would change their mind?” Hannah asked and twirled Alyssa’s hair.

  “I think that’s what I’m realizing. I reached out to Frank yesterday.”

  “You called Tyler’s dad?” Hannah asked.

  “He’s lost his two sons, his granddaughter, and he’s about to lose his wife to cancer. I don’t know. I think I needed to talk to him and get his blessing to write the book. So, I called, and we talked a little bit.”

  “What did he say?” Hannah asked.

  “He said he understood.”

  “But now you’re not writing it?” Hannah questioned.

  “He asked me to hold off on publishing until his wife has passed. He didn’t want her reading about it before she dies. It made me think. Once I publish it, it’s out there for everyone to see; the whole story, including stuff about Derrick and Ty even before the murders. Ty was a great guy most of the time, but he had flaws. And what I’m writing includes those. It includes a piece about Rachel and me. Then, there’s the stuff about you and me.” She paused and exhaled deeply. “When I really think about it, I don’t want any of that stuff out there for public consumption.”

  “What changed though? You knew this before,” Hannah said.

  “Our kids. When I was recording them playing today, I realized how permanent that is. Once it’s recorded and posted somewhere, it’s always there. When I write this and publish it, it’ll be out there forever. And I think it just dawned on me that – while I’ll tell them about what happened one day – I don’t want to take the chance that they’ll ever find that book and read it. I don’t want them to know the severity of what I went through; that you had to hold me every night for a long time before I could get right again.”

  “I will always hold you,” Hannah said.

  Alyssa lifted herself up and climbed on top of Hannah.

  “I know,” she replied. “I’m going to finish writing it like a journal entry. When it’s done, I’m going to take it to Dr. Macron. I’ll have that check-in visit we talked about. Once it’s finally out of me, I’ll make sure the nightmares go all the way away, Han. I’ll do whatever it takes to never have those nightmares again. I love you so much, Hannah. You and our kids – that’s my whole world, and I love my world.”

  “Whatever you need, I’m here,” Hannah said and pressed her hand to Alyssa’s chest. “You and our family are the only things that matter to me, Al. I hope we can add to that family one day. But even if we don’t, I have enough. You are enough for me. You will always be enough for me. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” Alyssa said before she leaned down and kissed her wife.

  AFTER… THE BEST LINES

  “Did your wife seriously just get another Ph. D?” Charlie asked as they sat in Ember and Eva’s living room.

  “It’s an honorary one. I’m not sure it counts as much as the other two,” Eva explained.

  “She’s racking them up, isn’t she?” Charlie asked.

  “She’s a smarty,” Eva replied proudly.

  “She can also hear you,” Ember said as she bounded down the stairs. “Eva, where’s my blue shirt with the buttons?”

  “Probably at the cleaners,” Eva replied.

  “Damn it, I was going to wear that tonight,” Ember said. “What about the–”

  “Hanging up in the closet,” Eva interrupted. “By the–”

  “Oh, yeah. I remember.” She took off back up the stairs.

  “You two are so married,” Hailey said as she joined Charlie on the sofa.

  “So are you two,” Eva replied as she pointed at them with two fingers. “I seem to recall you ordering for her the other night, when we all went to dinner, and then picking the onions off her salad.”

  “That was less about me not really liking them, though.” Charlie wrapped her arm around Hailey’s back. “And more about her not wanting me to taste like them.”

  “What can I say? I don’t like onion breath. Plus, I read a study about–”

  “Okay. Better?” Ember interrupted as she reentered the room.

  “You look great, Em.” Eva stood and approached her wife. “Why are you so nervous? This isn’t even your first Ph. D.”

  “It’s not even her second,” Charlie pointed out and stood along with Hailey. “And I just heard it’s honorary. Does that even count, Ember?”

  “How many do you have?” Ember shot back with a playful wink. “This is a big one for me, though, because it’s based on the work I’ve done for the university. They’re honoring me. I want to look good.”

  “You look really good,” Eva whispered in her ear as she moved to straighten Ember’s collar. “I’ll enjoy celebrating with you later,” she added.

  “We’re standing right here,” Hailey pointed out. “And we can hear you even when you whisper.”

  Eva laughed, pulled away from Ember and took her in. She was wearing black dress slacks and short black heels. Her slate gray shirt with three-quarter sleeves didn’t look as good on her as her blue one would have, but it still made Ember the hottest woman in the room in Eva’s estimation. They’d been together for years now. Almost as long as Hannah and Alyssa. They were about to embark on the next phase of their life together. She knew Ember was excited. They’d been planning this for over a year. Eva was excited too. It would be a big change for the two of them, but she knew she loved Ember Elliot more than life. She’d go anywhere with her, do anything with her, and couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

  “You guys ready?” Eva asked after a moment of objectifying her wife.

  “Let’s go get her another degree,” Charlie said and took Hailey’s hand.

  ◆◆◆

  “Time to celebrate,” Alyssa offered after they all sat around the table at the back of BBZ’s, the bar Ember’s brother and sister-in-law owned. “To Ember, on her one-thousandth advanced degree.” Alyssa lifted her glass up in a toast.

  “To Ember,” the rest of their group echoed.

  Eva sat next to Ember at the six-person booth while Alyssa sat next to Hailey and Charlie. Hannah was taking care of the kids and would miss their celebration. Summer sat next to Eva, with Lena sitting in the chair she’d dragged over to join the table when she’d arrived a few minutes later. As Eva looked around at her group of friends, she noted how they’d all still managed to pair off so perfectly. She and Ember had met first. That brought Charlie and Hailey into Eva’s life. They’d finally realized their feelings for one another and were now happily married. Charlie met Summer and Lena separately. Then, Summer and Lena discovered their feelings for one another and were the last of the group to marry.

  “What’s this one in?” Lena asked. “You have so many; it’s hard to keep track.”

  “They should just give you all of them,” Summer added and took Lena’s hand on the table.

  “Probability and Stochastic Analysis,” Ember said to the looks of confusion from all her friends. “Can I just say it’s a type of calculus and move on?”

  “Yes,” Hailey replied. “But I assume it’s more complicated than just calculus.” She sipped her water.

  “A little, yeah.” Ember smiled at her friend and took a drink of Eva’s beer since her beer was empty.

  “Would you like another beer there, Em?” Eva asked her.

  “No, I’m good.” She leaned over, smiled and kissed Eva’s cheek. “Ten days,” she added in a whisper in Eva’s ear.

  “Can you at least explain how you ended up with a Ph. D from a university you haven’t even attended?” Summer asked. “It took me years to finally finish Stanford, and I actually went there. They wouldn’t just hand me a piece of paper.”

  “You wouldn’t have taken it had they’d offered, Sum.” Lena smiled at her wife.

  “That’s true,” Summer agreed.

  “I did some work for the UK government through the university. They partnered with Northwestern, since I’m technically on the faculty there. It took over a year to complete the analysis for them. I guess they figured that warranted an honorary Ph. D.”

  “How many more of those are you planning on earning?” Alyssa asked as she checked her phone.

  “Isn’t three enough?” Charlie asked.

  “Three is more than enough,” Eva offered with a glance in Ember’s direction.

  “We actually have some news we want to share with you guys. It’s why we invited you all out tonight.” Ember met Alyssa’s eyes. “You can tell Hannah?”

  “Of course,” Alyssa said. “She just texted, actually. She said she’s sad she’s missing it.”

  “What’s the news?” Hailey leaned in. “Is it what I think it is?” she asked. “Finally?” she added with her hands clasped together in mock prayer.

  “You’re pregnant?” Summer asked.

  “No, we are not pregnant,” Ember replied. “Not everything in life revolves around one of us getting pregnant. I’m looking at you, Hailey Jean.”

  “Tell us about it,” Lena said. “Hailey keeps asking if we’ve changed our minds.” She motioned with her finger between herself and Summer. “We haven’t; in case you’re thinking about asking later.”

  “If you’re not pregnant, what’s the news?” Charlie asked.

  “We’re leaving,” Ember said as she wrapped an arm around Eva’s shoulders. “In ten days.”

  “Leaving?” Hailey asked. “For what? Vacation?”

  “Something like that,” Eva answered for them. “I’m taking a sabbatical from the college. Ember is taking a year off from–”

  “Mathing?” Summer asked and earned a small laugh from the group.

  “From her work,” Eva corrected. “We’ve both been going non-stop for a long time.”

  “Since we first met,” Ember added. “We took a little time off after the wedding; but even then, we had a conference to go to for Eva’s article publication. We haven’t taken a real vacation since. We’re both in a good place at work. Eva’s enjoying tenure and the luxury of a sabbatical it provides. I’m working freelance and just wrapped the project I earned the honorary degree for. We’re leaving for a year,” she explained.

  “A year?” Hailey asked and leaned forward.

  Eva watched as Charlie’s arm moved from around her wife to Hailey’s leg under the table. She leaned forward with Hailey and slid Hailey’s hair behind her ear before turning to Eva and Ember with a smile.

  “That’s great, guys,” she said.

  “But a year?” Hailey asked.

  “Where are you going?” Lena joined in and took a drink of her martini.

  “Everywhere,” Ember replied with intense excitement in her tone that had Eva turning to catch Ember’s eyes. She loved looking at Ember’s eyes when she was excited. They were always electric to Eva. But when she was this happy about something or incredibly turned on, her eyes had this whole other level of intensity that still got Eva going, even after all these years together. “We’ve planned the first few places, but we’re going to just wing the rest of it.”

  “You’re winging a year-long trip?” Summer asked.

  “Not the whole thing,” Eva corrected. “We’re doing Southern Europe first; starting in Italy and then going to Greece. The plan is to also go to Egypt and then head to Australia and New Zealand. That’s the first four months. After that, we’ll go back to Europe and explore the other countries we’re interested in seeing. I’m thinking about a few places in the UK. Em wants to spend some time in France.”

  “And Germany, Spain, Austria, Switzerland, and–”

  “They get the idea, babe.” Eva laughed and leaned over to whisper into Ember’s ear. “Stop that. You’re turning me on.” She laughed softly into Ember’s ear.

  Ember placed her hand high on Eva’s thigh under the table and met her wife’s gray eyes.

  “And that’s a sabbatical?” Charlie asked.

  “You’re making me tired just thinking about it,” Alyssa said.

  “I think it sounds like fun,” Lena added. “We should go on a long trip like that,” she said to Summer.

  “Name the time and place, babe.” Summer smiled at Lena. “Well, I guess this means we need to have a going away party then. We can host.”

  “We’re not going away forever,” Eva reminded.

  “But it’s a year,” Hailey said with concern still being clear on her face.

  “We’ll be back, Hails,” Ember assured. “Maybe we’ll come back in between a few countries. We still haven’t planned the whole thing. I kind of like that. We can at least call and FaceTime, if you want.”

  Eva loved how well her wife knew her best friends. Ember could see Hailey was having a hard time with the idea of the two of them being gone for so long. She also knew why. Hailey and Charlie had been trying to get pregnant again. They’d had two babies already. Hailey had had their little girl, Eden Jean. Charlie had their son about a year later. They’d named him Jonah Matthew. Hailey wanted to have their third, and she’d already tried once. They’d taken a break from the shots and procedures for a while before starting up again. Ember was Eden’s godmother. Eva was Jonah’s. Eva knew that this would be hard for Hailey.

  “I know. I want you to go and have your trip, Ember.” Hailey leaned back.

  “Hails, if you and Charlie have another godchild for us, we will come running. You know that, right?” Ember said. “Aunt Eva and Aunt Ember will be here.”

  “There you go again,” Summer started, “just assuming you’ll be godparents. Lena and I have been campaigning pretty hard for this one.”

  “It’s true. You two already got Eden and Jonah. We get dibs on this one,” Lena added.

  “Excuse me. What about Han and me?” Alyssa joined in. “We actually have kids. Shouldn’t we be in the running?”

  “I’m pretty sure Hailey and I get to pick,” Charlie said. “And we’re happy for you guys.” She met Ember’s eyes. “You deserve this.”

  “Al, it’s interesting you bring up wanting to be a godparent, because we have some other news too,” Eva said. “When we get back from our trip, we’re going to finally figure out the whole baby thing.”

  “Wait. What does that mean?” Alyssa leaned forward to ask. “I’m getting a godchild?”

  “We want one more trip where it’s the two of us before we have a baby, yes,” Eva answered. “And you would be my first choice as godmother, Al.”

  “Hey, what the hell is wrong with Lena or me? Are we not even here?” Summer asked and laughed.

  “That’s great news,” Hailey exclaimed with a wide smile on her face. “Who’s having the first one? Wait. Will there be more than one? What if you have twins like Alyssa did? Would you stop at two? What if it was two girls? Would you try for a boy? What if you had two girls and then tried again and got another girl? Would you want–”

  “Excuse my wife,” Charlie interjected. “She’s been waiting for you two to have kids for a long time.”

  “We don’t know those answers.” Eva laughed at Hailey.

  “Part of the reason we’re taking the time off is to figure that all out.”

  “Tell them the other part too,” Eva said and rested her head on Ember’s shoulder.

  “Oh, I’m going to write a book.”

  “What?” Lena asked. “Isn’t Eva the Lit Professor?”

  “Eva’s going to edit it for me,” Ember explained.

  “What the hell are you writing a book about?” Charlie asked as she laughed.

  “Math.” Ember shrugged, causing Eva to have to lift her head before lowering it back down. “Making math fun for people who don’t see it like I do.”

  “No one sees math like you do,” Summer said.

  “I see a calculator on my phone. Does that count?” Alyssa joked.

  “I want to make it more accessible. Eva’s going to help. She’s lived with me all this time and–”

  “And she has to dumb things down for me, so she’s already basically written a book,” Eva interjected.

  “I never dumb things down for you,” Ember revealed as she turned to face Eva in her seat. “Babe, I don’t do that.”

 

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