Chasing forever, p.8
Chasing Forever, page 8
“No. I care about you, Willa. If you need space to decide if you want to be with me, I’ll go.”
I push out of his arms and rise to my feet. “I should have kept this to myself. I messed everything up.”
As fast as I can blink, Luca’s arms are around me again. “I’m glad you told me. It makes sense why you kept turning me down. Is Tabi the only other person who knows the whole story?”
I nod against his chest. I feel safe in his arms. I can’t walk away, but what do I do with my fears? I lift my head to gaze into his eyes.
He erases the fallen tears with his mouth.
Sighing deeply, I rise on my toes and kiss him softly. “I want to be with you, but I don’t know how to handle my fears.”
“As indelicate as this may sound, do you or did you have someone to talk to other than Tabi when this first happened?”
“I did. I haven’t been in about six months or so. Why?” My mind is spinning with options.
“It would be disingenuous for me to tell you to simply get over your fears, not only because I care about you and want you in my life, but I love my career. Maybe talking about this will help. I can go with you.”
“You would do that?” Of all the scenarios I posited in my head about how this conversation would go down, this wasn’t one of them. He’s a gift.
“Sweetheart, of course I would. I care about you.” The sincerity in his voice shakes me to my core.
“No man has ever wanted to stand beside me before. Thank you.”
“It makes me want to find Zack and give him a piece of my mind and a shiner.”
My lips curl up into a small smile. “I greatly appreciate your willingness to come with me. I’ll call her tomorrow. Maybe she thinks it’s best for me to go on my own at first.”
“Whatever you need. Can you promise me one thing?”
I lower my head in a tight nod.
“I need you to share your feelings and concerns with me, especially about work, like you did tonight, no keeping it in.”
“I promise.” I flatten my hands on the hard planes of his back and set my head on his chest. I feel his heart beating against my temple.
He holds me for a long time in silence before we curl up on the couch. I wake as the sun streams across my face. I’m covered in a throw blanket, alone on my couch. Well, Newman is asleep at my feet. Once I make it to the kitchen, I find our dinner dishes washed, put away, and a note by the flowers he brought.
Willa,
I didn’t have the heart to wake you on your day off. I’ll call you at lunch.
Luca
Sharing even that much more about my father was difficult. Luca deserves to know about my fears. It’s difficult to explain it truly has nothing to do with him or his abilities but my fear of losing someone else. I realize it’s early in our relationship, but I couldn’t be in this with him longer without sharing my fears and why. I’m sure Abby will tell me I need to share the whole story with Luca. Maybe talking to Kelsey, the Captain’s wife, or Maggie, Sgt. Washington’s wife, will help. It’ll mean I need to share my dad too though.
Confident in my plan for the day, I change and complete a long, sweaty workout.
Chapter Sixteen
Willa
Settling into my desk chair, I pull up Abby’s contact information. Abby was recommended by a therapist based in Boston who works with widows and children of fallen officers. I only stopped seeing her because I didn’t think I had anything more to talk out. She taught me coping mechanisms to deal with my grief and all the things my dad will miss in my life going forward. Until Luca—my chest tightens simply thinking his name—I never really thought about my future as a wife or mother, aside from knowing it’s something I want for myself.
“Good morning. Dr. Berry’s office. Casey speaking.”
“Hi, Casey. It’s Willa Reynolds. I would like to make an appointment.”
“Hi, Willa. Nice to hear from you again. Is it urgent?”
I know what she’s really asking—am I planning on harming myself or someone else. “No, but soon would be preferrable.”
“No problem. She has an opening Monday at six. Does that work?”
“Sure. I’ll be there.”
With the first step taken, I hustle to the Perk for a tea and one of Kelsey’s delightful scones. The Perk is a cute coffee shop modeled somewhat after the one from Friends. Kelsey purchased it a few years ago. She moved here after an assault by her ex-boyfriend. While she was here recovering from her injuries, she met Captain Ramirez. They got married almost two years ago.
“Good morning, what can I get for you?” asks a young blonde whose name tag reads Becca.
“I’ll have a tea with cream and a sweet scone please.”
“No problem. Anything else?” Becca asks with a bit of extra cheer in her voice.
“Is Kelsey here?”
“She’s in her office. You can head on back. I’ll bring your breakfast to you there,” Becca offers.
“Thanks.”
I zigzag through the kitchen to Kelsey’s office. I hear cooing. Sweet, I get a baby fix too. Kelsey and William had a son a few months ago. Benjamin is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. I’m sure someday my own will surpass him, but for now, he’s the cutest ever.
“Knock, knock.”
“Hi Willa. How are you?” Kelsey is gorgeous. She has curves in the right places, and she’s a great friend.
“I’m good for the most part, but I want to see if you have some time to talk about a personal situation. Cop wife to maybe dating a cop.”
“Ooohh. Who?” The gleam in her eyes is too cute.
“I need you to swear on your insanely cute son here you’ll keep this in confidence until you hear the rest of what I need to talk about.”
She pretends to zip her lips shut. Before I can answer, Becca appears with my breakfast.
“Thank you, Becca.”
“You’re welcome,” she replies, leaving as quickly as she came.
I exhale before answering Kelsey. “Luca.”
“Okay. I’ll be done here in an hour. Are you off today?”
“Yes. I need to find a dress at So Elegant. Can I take you to lunch somewhere private where we can talk?”
“When you’re done shopping, come over to the house. We can talk there.” She scribbles the address on the back of her business card.
“Thank you so much, Kelsey.”
“Happy to help.”
Feeling a bit lighter, I round the corner to the dress shop. As long as I don’t focus on the occasion for the dress, shopping will be fun. So Elegant is a boutique dress shop run by my friend Kelly Barnett. Since her marriage to Hollywood heartthrob, Nicholas Barnett, her shop is by appointment only. Kelly met Nicholas during her first costuming job. Since then she has handled two movies and dressed Hollywood’s A-list actresses for all the awards ceremonies. I ring the bell and wait for someone to answer the door.
Kelly opens the door and allows me to step in. “Hi, Willa. It’s so great to see you.” She pulls me into a tight hug.
“You too.”
“You need a cocktail dress for an awards ceremony, right?” Kelly asks, guiding me to the dressing room.
I nod.
“I took the liberty of pulling a few in jewel colors to match your skin tone and hair color. Let me know what you think.”
“Thanks, Kelly.” I step in and shuck off my jeans and top. Then I pull on the first option.
It’s a tea-length sheath dress with a ribbon interwoven along the neckline and hemline. I don’t love it and it’s green, so I move on. I don’t want to match Tabi. The second dress is the one, and I know it before I even slide it over my hips.
The navy satin dress is a bit lower cut than I would normally choose, but the straps are wide set with a fitted bodice. The skirt portion fits loosely over my hips but is gathered up the midline with a high-low hem. It’s beautiful.
“Kelly?” I call out, hoping she’s nearby.
“Done already? Let me guess, the blue one even though it’s a bit lower cut than you would usually choose?” she asks from outside the curtain.
It doesn’t surprise me Kelly knows exactly which dress I chose. “Yes. You’re amazing, Kelly. The straps are a bit loose.”
“Step out here and I’ll pin them.”
As I step out, I notice Billie and another woman are at the counter. Kelly starts pinning the straps.
“Hi, Willa. That dress is perfect!”
“Hi, Billie. Thanks. It is.”
“All set?” Kelly asks as she checks the hem as well.
“Yes, thanks.”
“Go change and we can set a time for you to pick it up.” Kelly ushers me back into the fitting room.
Content with my choice for the ceremony, I head to Kelsey and William’s house. My nerves are on edge again, not only for talking about my dad and Luca but knowing he plans to call me too.
Chapter Seventeen
Luca
Leaving her asleep on her couch is harder than it should be at this point. Slinking away isn’t my style, but she looks so peaceful. I cover her with the blanket and leave her a note. With one more glance at her, I lock the front door behind me.
Her admission consumes my thoughts. Part of me feels sad for her, but the other part is concerned for both of us. I would like to say I chipped away at her resolve with my charm, and maybe I did, but I thought she truly wasn’t interested in me. Honestly, before bringing her home from the brewery, I decided to stop trying. Now look where we are.
My woman bared a deep part of her soul to me last night. My woman. My confidence in the phrase is a bit shaken right now. Now more than ever I need to land my dream job. While I would still be a cop, it would be less dangerous, at least I think it will. It isn’t the main reason I applied for the job, but now, after talking with Willa, it doesn’t hurt.
Thankfully I have a patrol shift today. I even let Davis drive. It shows exactly how much her words affected me and how concerned I am we’re over before we even really got started. I was forthright. I’ll go to see her therapist if it’s what she needs. The only thing I know for sure is I can’t fix this for her.
“You good, Cappelli?”
“Yup.”
“Girl trouble?”
“Nah, thinking. How’s Tabi?” I have no interest in knowing about Davis and Tabi. However, I won’t discuss my feelings with Davis about Willa, considering I’m not even sure how I feel at this point. My heart goes out to her, and I understand her fears. She’s a woman I could spend the rest of my life with. I don’t know if I would give up my career for her. Would I resent her? Honestly, I don’t know.
“Dude, I’ve known you since we were in middle school. What’s going on?”
“I appreciate the effort, Davis, but this isn’t something I can share with you right now.”
“I’ll leave it alone, man. I’m here when you need to talk.”
“Thanks. Did you talk to Tabi?”
“No. Not sure I’m going to. Everything is fine the way it is. I have no restrictions, and neither does she. We see each other when we can. It’s simple.”
“Fair enough.” I stare out the window as we make our way to the high school. The principal feels a police presence every now and then is good for community relations with the students. Some officers feel this type of policing doesn’t work. I disagree. I believe it does.
“I’ll check in at the office.” Davis walks away from the main entrance as the bell rings.
The students file out of their classrooms and move along to their next one.
“Hey, Officer Cappelli. How are you?”
“Hi, Austin. I’m well, and you?”
“Pretty good. I’m glad Miss Willa let you help with the window.”
“What do you mean?” I’m intrigued by Austin’s phrasing. If he only knew Willa wanted to kick me out that night.
“She does everything on her own, from the lawn to hedge trimming to fixing the shed door. She refuses help from my dad, claiming she can do it herself.”
I nod. “Yes, she’s fiercely independent. I was surprised she let me help too. You should hurry to class.”
“See you next week.”
“Bye, Austin.” We go through our elaborate practiced handshake before he scampers away.
Davis joins me, and we take a walk around the school and meander to the cafeteria for the first lunch block. After greeting a bunch of the students, we return to our car and seek out some lunch. While I wait in the car for Davis to retrieve our sandwiches, I text Willa.
Me: Hey. How is your morning off so far?
Willa: Hey. Pretty good. I called Dr. Berry, went to the Perk, and then So Elegant.
Me: Davis is getting our order inside. Can I see you tonight?
I push send before I think better of it. I don’t know if seeing her is the right answer. That isn’t true. I want to see her, but I understand she may not want to see me until she sorts out her concerns. If she can get over her concerns is more like it.
Willa: Yes.
Me: Okay. See you later.
I sigh and shove my phone back in my pocket. I don’t know how to feel right now or what the right move is.
Davis returns with our food, and we stuff our faces in silence in the car. Once we resume our patrol, Davis starts probing me for information again.
“What happened with Willa?”
“Nothing. She’s great. She has….”
“We’ve been friends for way too long, dude. You care about her, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“But?”
“No but, at least not for me. Look, I can’t share with you. I respect her too much for that.”
“Forever material, huh?” Davis has always been forthright. He may not want a wife, at least not right now, but he isn’t against the notion of marriage.
“She is.” Right now, in this moment, I don’t know if we can get there or at least if we can get there together.
“Okay. I get it.” Davis continues driving toward Short Sands Beach.
The playground has been overflowing lately with early tourists. We hop out and walk along the beach. The ocean is one of the things I missed when I was working in Boston. The crash of the waves against the sand and the salty air is soothing no matter what you need to sort out. Maybe I need to come back before I visit her tonight.
People dot the beach, but it’s nowhere near summer capacity. In the summer, it’s packed each day from sunrise to sunset, as is Long Sands Beach. The playground isn’t overfilled today. We walk past it and curl around the parking lot. Davis picks up a stray piece of trash as we return to the vehicle.
“You coming to the bar tonight?” he asks, despite already knowing my answer. Davis knows bars and clubs aren’t for me.
I glare at him. “No, thanks. I appreciate the invite though.” When our shift ends, I hurry home to Bogart and a hot shower before heading to Willa’s. I have no idea how tonight will go, but there’s no place I would rather be.
Chapter Eighteen
Willa
I finish answering Luca’s texts after I park in the driveway. Surprised doesn’t begin to cover how I feel after him asking to see me tonight. Luca continues to intrigue me each day.
I’m grateful to call Kelsey my friend. As I step out of my car, I see her standing on the porch with two large dogs. Bear and Knox are their names, if I recall correctly. Bear was the captain’s K-9 partner in the military, and they adopted Knox together.
“Hey there. You have a dog, right?”
I nod and approach the porch. I lower my hand in front of each dog and then pet them. Content I’m not here to hurt Kelsey, they allow me inside.
“Would you like a drink?” Kelsey offers.
“A water would be great.” I take in the décor. It’s clear this was William’s house before it was their home. The furnishings are modern and masculine but have touches of femininity, like the fluffy throw blanket and decorative pillows.
“What can I help you with?”
“Thank you again for meeting with me.”
“Anytime. Cappelli, huh?”
“Sort of.” My voice rises as I answer her. I take a deep breath and continue. “You may or may not know this, but Luca has asked me out at least four times over the last two years since his injury. I turned him down each time. About a month ago, Tabi and I went to the new brewery and Luca ended up bringing me home because she hooked up with Davis.”
“I could see them getting along, but I’m not so sure about long-term prospects for either of them.”
I laugh. “You’re spot-on there. Neither of them is interested in any type of commitment. When I got home, Austin, who lives next door, was sitting on my stoop. He broke my window playing baseball with his dad and brother. Fast forward a few hours, Luca refused to leave me alone with a boarded window overnight despite Newman and my alarm system. Before you ask, he slept on the couch. The next day, he helped me install a new window.”
Kelsey smiles. “It doesn’t surprise me he refused to leave. Will would have done the same thing. Every cop has a deeply rooted protective streak. Luca’s is deeper than most because he’s the only brother, if I recall correctly.”
“Ever since then, we have been hanging out. We have a mutual love for classic movies. Our dogs even have names of actors from classic movies. We hike with our dogs, and I even met his family.”
“I’m not seeing a problem.”
“You know my dad died almost five years ago, and he was a single parent.” I don’t recall if I told Kelsey I’m adopted, but it doesn’t matter regarding Luca, at least for this conversation.
Kelsey nods but says nothing.
“He was a decorated cop and training officer killed in the line of duty. I kept pushing Luca off, declining his invitations, because I’m terrified something could happen to him too. The pain of losing someone in such a tragic manner is unbearable.”
“Oh, Willa. I assume you’re leaving out the part where he kissed you and everything feels like fireworks exploding only for the two of you.”
