Heartless devil, p.15
Heartless Devil, page 15
He pulls away from me. I wish it wasn’t so dark so I could look into his eyes. I want to dive into his brain and find out what he’s thinking. I want to wrap myself up in him and forget everything that’s happening in my life.
“Come to bed with me,” he says.
This Cole is different. He’s aggressive but he’s gentle. He’s assertive but he’s vulnerable. I don’t know how to act around him. I can’t let my guard down.
“No,” I tell him, pulling away and walking towards the stairs.
“Babe, stay. Stay with me. Don’t go,” he practically begs.
This hot and cold behavior is giving me whiplash.
“Why would I stay? This is never going to work. You’re just going to continue to fuck with me. It’s not like you love me or anything. It’s not like we live in a world that we could ever be more than just sex. You don’t know how to love someone, and even if you did, I could never love you back,” I lie.
It’s a lie, because I know deep inside my bones that I’m hopelessly in love with him. That scares me more than anything.
“If I did, then I’d love you,” he admits, his head hanging.
“Fuck you, Cole. Fuck you for putting me through this over and over again. I’m fucking done,” I yell, turning my back on him.
I’d rather feel the heat of a thousand flames on my skin than feel the burn that falling in love with the devil is leaving on my soul.
Chapter Eighteen
COLE
What the fuck is wrong with me? Since when do I spill my heart out to a woman?
This isn’t just any woman. It’s Charlie. She’s clawed her way into my brain and my heart and now I’ll never get rid of her. I could leave right now, find some random girl and try to fuck Charlie out of my brain, but even I know it would never work.
I’ve let her make herself at home inside my soul, and now she’ll live there forever.
One day, the two of us will learn to love each other, and it will be everything.
Sighing, I run my hands through my hair. I’ve been going back and forth, wondering if I should talk to Cam. Should I tell her that I think I could be falling in love with her best friend? I’m afraid of her reaction. It doesn’t matter to me either way, but I know it matters to Charlie.
I walk into the kitchen, grabbing a drink from the fridge. I’m not sure when it was that this stopped being a game for me and turned into something real.
Sure, I mess with her and act like I’m just in it for sex, but it’s clearly more than that. She’s convinced that it could never work between us, but I’m not so sure.
My phone rings from my pocket. Frowning, I pull it out and see Tyler’s name on the screen.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“Where did you go?” he shouts over the loud music in the background.
“Back to the place I’m crashing at. I couldn’t find you to tell you and hadn't had a chance to text you,” I tell him.
“Your sister told me that Charlie left sick. She’s worried about her.”
“Not worried enough to leave the party though,” I say, tossing the empty water bottle into the trash.
“Cole,” he warns.
“Well, it’s the truth, right? Her friend told her she was sick and needed to go home, and typical Cam stayed to finish the party.” I head towards the stairs.
Why is Charlie so worried about letting my sister down when my sister continues to treat her like a piece of shit?
“It’s not like that and you know it. They’re best friends,” he says.
“Why are you sticking up for my sister right now? Why do you even care?” I ask.
“Oh, fuck off. I’m just saying, we don’t know the dynamics of their friendship. Clearly, whatever they're doing is working. They’ve been friends forever,” he says.
I know the dynamics of their friendship pretty well. My sister continues to take, and Charlie gives. There is no in-between.
“Is there a reason you called?” I ask, annoyed with him.
“Yeah, actually there is. I told Cam I’d see if you’d stop by Charlie’s and check on her.”
“Sure thing. See ya,” I say, ending the call before he has the chance to speak again.
I see a light coming from the bottom of Charlie’s door, and I pause in front of it, my ear pressed against the wood.
I can’t hear anything but the sound of her TV. I contemplate knocking, but I’m afraid that we’ve already said too much tonight, so I change my mind and head towards my room.
If I didn’t have all the shit I’ve got going on in my personal life, it would be my new goal to prove to Charlie that there’s something going on here besides sex.
I know I keep telling her otherwise, but I’ve got to keep up appearances.
I scowl when my phone rings and I see who’s calling. I told him I would call him when I had everything I needed.
“What?”
“I don’t think that’s any way to talk to your dealer.”
“You’re not my dealer anymore.”
“And yet, you still owe me,” he says with a chuckle.
“I got you all the money you told me I still owed you,” I point out.
“I changed my mind. I want all of it.”
“How am I going to get all that?” I toss my keys on the dresser, pacing the room.
This is what happens when you think you’re untouchable. You end up mixed up with the wrong people with no way out.
“That doesn't sound like it’s my problem,” he says. “You still owe me ten grand. The clock is ticking.”
The click on the other end lets me know the conversation is over. For now.
When I left home, I was pissed at my dad. Hell, I was pissed at life. I thought the best way to get back at him was to do everything I could think of that would disappoint him. I got mixed up with the wrong people and got myself in a shit load of trouble. That’s why I left college and came back home.
Turns out, my past has caught up to me. I already took ten grand from my dad and sent it off to Stefan, and now I need to figure out where to come up with another ten grand. I know if I go to my dad and actually tell him the truth, I’ll be in bed with him for a long time, and that’s not something I’m willing to do right now.
It’s not like there’s anyone else I can go to. I don’t want to drag anyone else into this.
“Fuck!” I yell, throwing my phone across the room. “FUCK!”
“Are you okay?” Charlie asks, peeking her head inside my room.
The last thing I want right now is Charlie in here seeing me like this.
“I’m fine. Just a bad phone call,” I say.
She looks at me, eyebrows raised, calling me out on my bullshit without actually saying anything.
“I’m really fine,” I insist.
“I know we don’t really get along, and most of the time we can’t stand each other, but if you ever need an unbiased opinion, I can be there for you,” she says, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know anything about any of this,” I tell her, reaching down to grab my phone off the floor.
“I’m just saying, if you want to talk to someone that won’t judge you, I'm here.” She shrugs.
I laugh. “You not judge? Yeah right.” I scoff.
“All right, I see this is going nowhere,” she says, throwing her arms up and turning to leave.
Could I open up to her? Should I?
“Wait!” I call out, making her freeze. “You’re not going to say anything to anyone?” I ask, skeptical.
“Who would I tell? Cam is my only friend, and it’s not like I can just talk to her about how me and her brother had a heart to heart while he was living with me,” she says sarcastically.
“I fucked up,” I tell her honestly.
“Well, that’s obvious. Given the way you were stomping and cussing, I kind of gathered that. Not to mention, you got kicked out of your house,” she points out.
“You want to go downstairs? I’ll get you a drink and we can talk,” she asks.
“Sure.” I sigh, following her down the stairs.
Am I really going to open up to her? Is this what we’re doing now?
“Here,” she says, handing me a beer.
“Your parents don’t measure the alcohol and count the beers?” I ask, smirking, grabbing a seat at the table in the kitchen.
“They’d have to care enough to do that.” She scoffs.
I watch her grab a glass and fill it with water, joining me at the kitchen table.
“So, before I left for school, my dad was really after me. He was nagging about everything. Going on and on about how important college was so I could take over for him one day. The last thing I wanted to do was work with him, let alone take over for him. When I got to school, I made it my mission to do the complete opposite of what he wanted. I was stupid and not thinking. I got mixed up with the wrong crowd.” I pause, taking a drink, trying to avoid eye contact with her.
“I don’t think that’s shocking. Most of us rebel at some point,” she points out.
“This goes far beyond just partying and drinking to spite my parents. A couple of the guys I started hanging out with were selling drugs on campus. My dad was threatening to cut me off, so I thought, why not? I got in over my head, big time.” I put my head in my hands.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she says, grabbing my hand and squeezing.
I can’t for the life of me figure out why she’s being so nice when I’ve been nothing but a dick to her lately.
“Anyway, I ended up owing this guy a shit load of money, so I ran. He found out where I lived and showed up one day. I stole some money from my dad’s secret stash and thought we were squared away. Dad found out from watching the cameras and kicked me out, and now this guy is after me for the rest of the money I owe him. I think my only option is to go crawling back to my dad and admit I’ve been wrong all this time.” I down the rest of my beer.
There isn’t enough alcohol in the world for this conversation.
“How much?” she asks.
“What?”
“How much more does he want?” she asks, leaning back in her chair.
“Ten grand,” I say, getting up to throw my beer in the trash.
“Let me help,” she says.
“Fuck off,” I say, turning towards her.
“I’m serious. Let me help you. I’ve got that in my savings account. You can pay me back,” she says, like it’s no big deal that she just offered to give me ten grand.
“There’s no way in hell I’m taking money from you,” I tell her.
“Why not? What’s so bad about taking help from me?” she asks.
“It’s not that. It’s just that you don’t need to be involved in this. I appreciate you letting me spill my guts to you, but I’m not involving you with these people.”
“I won’t be involved. I’m just loaning you the money, Cole. I have the money and you can pay me back. Just accept my offer and be done with these people. You’ll be able to move on with your life and you won’t have to bow down to your father. Trust me, I know how that is,” she says.
She’s got a point. I’d rather be in debt to her than in debt to them. But can I really do this? Can I take this money from her without knowing when I’ll ever be able to pay it back?
“Won’t your parents notice it’s gone?” I ask, grasping at straws.
“Please. They’ve been funneling me money for years. They don’t know I have a savings account. I very rarely spend the money they send me. I don’t even know what I’m saving it for,” she admits, frowning.
“You could use it for so many things. To get out of this town when you graduate, travel the world,” I tell her.
“Wouldn’t that be nice?” she mutters.
“What do you mean? What’s stopping you?” I ask.
I immediately notice the change in her demeanor. It seems like I’m not the only one of us that’s been harboring some secrets.
“Nothing,” she lies, getting up from the table to take her glass to the sink.
I follow her, caging her in, my arms on either side of her.
“Speak up,” I say, leaning down and whispering in her ear.
I don’t miss the way her body reacts to me.
“It’s nothing,” she says.
“So tell me. I spilled my secrets to you,” I say as she turns around to face me.
We’re close enough that I could press my lips against hers, and I want to, but I also want to know what she’s hiding.
“I won’t be traveling the world after high school. I won’t be buying a house or going to college…” she says, tears in her eyes.
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“I’ll be getting married,” she says quietly. I’m almost sure I didn't hear her right.
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“I’m getting married. I’ve been promised to someone. I have a contract to uphold,” she says, not meeting my eyes.
I grip her chin with my fingers. “Did you just say you have a contract to uphold?” I ask, not believing my own ears.
“Yeah. I have to get married to someone that will benefit my family,” she says.
“There’s no fucking way that’s happening,” I yell, gripping her arms. “You can’t be serious.”
“There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing anyone can do. They told me at the beginning of my freshman year. I’ve known it’s coming,” she says, hanging her head in defeat.
“Princess, you can’t marry some guy when you’re already mine,” I tell her.
“Don’t you get it? I’ll never be yours,” she says.
Something in the way she looks, the way her voice sounds, the change in her demeanor cracks the armor around my heart.
“I won’t let this happen,” I tell her.
“As if you could do anything to stop them,” she says, laughing slightly.
“This isn’t normal. People don’t do arranged marriages anymore,” I say, dropping my grip on her and pushing my hand through my hair.
“I know it’s not normal, but my parents don’t care about that. They care about getting ahead.”
“We’ll figure something out,” I promise her.
I’m desperate, grasping at straws. The thought of her being married to someone else, being with someone else is enough to drive me mad. I don’t give a fuck about my ten grand anymore. The only thing I’m worried about now is getting her out of this situation.
Chapter Nineteen
CHARLOTTE
I see the wheels spinning in his head. He pulled away from me and he’s pacing the kitchen. I can’t believe I told him what was going on in my life, but man did it feel amazing to get that off my chest. I want to fall into a puddle on the floor and sob at the relief I feel from telling someone my biggest secret.
“Seriously, Cole. Stop stressing about this. What’s done is done. I’ve accepted that this is my life,” I tell him, making him stop to turn and look at me.
“I refuse to accept this, Charlie. I know I've been a dick to you. I know we can’t stand each other most of the time, but I can’t let this happen.” He stalks towards me; my hands grip the counter in anticipation.
“You’re mine, and I fight for what’s mine,” he says before pressing his lips to mine.
This kiss feels like it’s taking the oxygen from my lungs. It’s like he’s worried that this will be his last chance to feel my lips against his.
His hands grip the back of my thighs, lifting me up and sitting me on the counter.
“You’ll always be mine,” he growls, his lips traveling from my mouth down my neck.
My body is so responsive to him. Arching into his touch, my head falls back in ecstasy.
I don’t say anything when he tugs at the bottom of my shirt. I just put my hands in the air so he can pull it off me.
He buries his face in my chest, pulling my nipple between his teeth before blowing and sucking.
“Cole,” I moan.
He grips the waistband of my shorts, pulling them off me, leaving me naked on the countertop––bare for him.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says, and the way he says it makes me believe it.
He’s looking at me like I’m someone he’s been searching for his entire life. If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost say he’s looking at me like he’s in love.
His hands push my knees apart, and he kneels down, his face aligned with my pussy. I don’t have time to fathom what’s happening before he swipes his tongue over my center, making me gasp.
“You’re so fucking wet, princess,” he says, pumping a finger inside of me before leaning down and swiping his tongue across me again.
I can feel my body spasm. I press my knees against his head, my fingers digging into the countertop.
“Fuck, Cole,” I cry out.
I feel myself come crashing down, and he pulls away, wiping his mouth with a smirk.
“Are you going to fuck me? Or just stare at me?” I ask him, making him grin.
“Oh, I’m planning to fuck you thoroughly,” he says, gripping my hips.
He pulls me to the edge of the counter forcefully, before pushing inside of me.
“Fuck, you feel amazing.” He groans.
He pushes in and out. Slowly. It’s almost agonizing. This isn’t normal sex for us. This feels deeper. It’s not a frenzy. It’s not coming from anger.
He’s fucking me with feeling, and that’s something I’ve never felt with him before. It’s something I’ve never felt before at all.
He grips the back of my head, pulling me to his mouth, crashing his lips onto mine. I can taste myself on him, and it makes me feel insane.
“Charlie,” he moans against my mouth, pumping into me harder.
Each moan, each breath, each stolen kiss bringing us closer together.
It occurs to me that I'm falling in love with a man I’ll never have. A man I’ll never be allowed to have. The one person I had no business falling in love with.
