Shadowman alabaster peni.., p.74
Shadowman (Alabaster Penitentiary Book 5), page 74
But I’m no longer focused on either of them. I’m too busy gripping the edge of the bannister with white knuckles, eyes rounded in wait.
Officer Chevelle is speaking to someone. I can’t hear what they’re saying, and I can’t see him, and it’s driving me mental. I feel like I could crawl out of my skin.
Fortunately, they’re only speaking for a minute, and then the clack clack clack resumes. I’m chewing my cheek so hard I taste blood, limbs tense, my entire frame stiff and sickeningly anxious. It’s purgatory… It always is. Awaiting him.
Until suddenly there’s a beam of light, like a lightning strike.
Diablo…
“Ahí estas…” My pulse is thumping so hard it’s rocking my body.
The magic fades when I remember myself, jaw clenching tightly, leering after him as he ascends his staircase. As if everything is normal.
It’s all fine… I’m the King, the ruler of this dark castle, and nothing else matters…
Yea, we’ll see about that.
I’m startled out of my simmering when I realize that Officer Chevelle is on his way up the stairs.
“Shit…” My first instinct is to hide, but then I remember that I’m an invited guest.
Straightening, I take a deep breath, slinking back toward the party just as the large form is arriving on the third floor. He stomps past me without a glance, and I watch him closely, observing his rigid posture and his brooding expression.
He doesn’t seem happy.
Poor thing… I get it.
Velle makes a beeline toward the room that I was peeking inside before—it must be his bedroom—but he stops before entering. He turns over his shoulder, casting me a brief glare, eyes sliding me up and down. Something in them makes me want to cower.
I feel like he can see right through me, and it’s unsettling.
There’s an intruder in our midst…
I simply blink at him, striding as carefully as possible past the guard dog and hoping like hell it won’t bite.
Good doggy… nice doggy.
It’s okay… I’m on your side.
Eventually, he pries his narrowed gaze off of me and slips into his room, slamming the door behind him. Releasing a long breath of relief, I place my palm over my heart. It’s leaping up to my hand.
I’m alive here. I feel this, all of it, in my bones.
Stepping timidly over to the door that just closed, I lean in, and rest my forehead to the wood. I’m fighting back unexpected tears, and I don’t know why. The pressure in my skull anchors my head to the door.
I’m six years old again, the smell of copper in the air. Screams, and that same damn clack clack clack ringing in my ears as I watch him walk away.
“Whatever he’s done to you…” I whisper, seeing him stop in my mind, “lo siento.”
It’s not my fault, but I’m still sorry.
Because he’s all over me, coursing through my veins, and I can’t stand it. Every moment that he’s still breathing feels like my responsibility, and I know that’s crazy, but I can’t help it.
I feel like I summoned him, or something. And now, on behalf of my bloodline, it’s my job to exorcise him back to the pits of Hell where he belongs.
In spite of the fervent thrill, my fingers curl to a fist. “I promise, for you, for me… para la casa Alvarez… I will make him pay.”
For a full list of resources, visit my website: authornylak.com/resources
If you’re thinking of harming yourself, please know that it’s not the answer. You are loved, and no matter how dark it can feel at times, all life is a gift.
Dial 988, or visit 988lifeline.org if you need help.
For LGBTQIA+ resources and assistance, visit www.thetrevorproject.org - The Trevor Project for LGBTQ youth in crisis.
Find more information here: glaad.org
For Transgender resources and assistance, visit: transequality.org
For assistance with Transgender legal matters, visit:
transgenderlawcenter.org
If you or anyone you know is struggling with substance abuse or mental health issues, please seek help. There is a light at the end of even the darkest tunnels.
www.samhsa.gov - Substance abuse and mental health services.
www.projecthealthyminds.com - End the stigma on mental health
www.mentalhealthishealth.us - Mental health resources
If you need an ear or a shoulder, I’m always here at info@authornylak.com. It might take me a bit to respond, but I will. Middle fingers up. Perfect is overrated. Never stop fighting.
Well, well, well… Look who finished this EPIC TALE of dark and depraved fiction. You must feel pretty proud of yourself, huh? You should! Because you’re officially one step closer to the conclusion!
I’m going to attempt to keep this brief—she says before writing a zillion words—because this is already close to the longest book I’ve ever written. It’s sitting pretty at 225k words. To put that into perspective, that’s about 25k more than Fragments, which means the books in this series are only getting longer. I have no idea how long Ivory will end up being, but at the rate I’m going, it’ll be a 900-page paperback.
And the craziest part is that this was never even supposed to be a book! Originally, the series was planned as five books (which is why for the longest time, Goodreads was showing Ivory as Book 5, despite numerous requests for them to fix it. Here’s hoping it’s right now, but I won’t hold my breath.) The point is, Byron Kang was always a side-character. A lovable, grumpy sidekick who was just another inmate on the roster. But as time went on, and I got to know him more, I realized there was no possible way I could leave him in the shadows. That boy had a story, and dammit, I was gonna let him tell it!
Well, tell it he did. And he spared no details, clearly.
The other half of that is our tall, mysterious British newcomer… Otherwise known as Harry Potter’s drug dealer, Slenderman, aloof Jack Skellington, Sid Vicious’s creepy cousin, or Benedict Arnold Cumberbatch (that one’s my favorite). Honestly, I don’t think people realize how clever my characters are sometimes.
Anyway, Trevel Fenwick was a new addition to the AP cast. After showing up in Brainwashed, he became another unplanned, yet pleasant surprise. And as soon as Trevel came into the fold, I just knew he’d be the one to bring our Byron out of hiding.
So, did you notice what I was saying in the foreword… about this being like two books in one? It is, isn’t it? That might’ve been what made this one of the most difficult editing experiences of my life. And let me tell you, I live for the editing process. It’s my bread and butter! But this one put me through the wringer. I was really trying not to have it be 8 million pages long, but there was just so much to cover. I needed to give Byron his time to shine, and connect you to this completely new character, while also unveiling mysteries from the existing storyline that we’ve been anxiously awaiting!
Eventually, I had to give in to this book being long as shit. And while we did get a bunch of answers we’ve been waiting for, there are still so many more secrets left to be revealed!
One of my favorite things about this series is how different each book is from the last. Not only do we have different couples—or throuples—falling in love and banging like there’s no tomorrow, but the style of each book is also unique. This one came together similarly to Brainwashed, in that it took a while for Byron and Trevel to even meet—not something that’s typical, or recommended in romance. But you know me… I’ve never been one for following rules (wink). And like I said, this isn’t just a romance between two relationship virgins without a single clue how to be together (hence the term I’ve coined: “delulu-to-lovers”.)
It’s a vast exploration into the characters, their issues, and the ways in which Alabaster Penitentiary ultimately brings them together. Not to mention covering years of backstory, the “present timeline” (the same one covered in each book), the aftermath of the storm, and the war… It’s a lot! I mean, dang.
Speaking of the actual “timeline” of Alabaster Penitentiary, you have to expect a certain level of fictionality. The most difficult thing about writing this series has been making sure all of these timelines match up, from Distorted to the end. Between thirteen POVs and six total happily ever afters that need to somehow all culminate in the same ending, I was tearing my hair out more than once when things didn’t exactly line up. Seasons are endless, years are shorter and then somehow longer… Let’s just chalk it up to time being a construct on the Isle. I honestly have no idea how Quentin Tarantino does it…
Which is a nice segue into something I wanted to mention about inspiration. I believe I have mentioned before that I’m hugely influenced by Quentin Tarantino movies. Pulp Fiction, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, and Kill Bill in particular have played (and will continue playing) huge roles in my creative thought process for this series. I’m sure I’ve also mentioned this somewhere before, but I also found inspiration in two of my favorite television series: Breaking Bad, and The Walking Dead.
If you’re a hardcore fan of either of these shows, you might even pick up on a few of the subtle tributes… One of my favorites being The Ivory, who was loosely based on the character Gustavo Fring from Breaking Bad. Of course, I say loosely based because The Ivory is very much his own entity, but I have really loved developing him into this sort of elusive, omnipotent supervillain, something I will obviously dive much deeper into when we get to the next book… Our conclusion, which will also be The Ivory’s redemption—sort of (lol).
Many of you are convinced you will never love him. I’m here to tell you that you will. I don’t make the rules. Oh, wait…
Part of this book required a lot of action and suspense-inspiration; basically everything that occurs after “the fall”. I’m a huge Walking Dead fan—I’m not caught up on any of the spin-offs, but the original series is my jiggity jam. This is another series with excellent villains, that plays with the notion of “good” versus “bad”. Things like found family, survival during extreme circumstances, loyalty, betrayal, and ultimately war between two sides all come into play, and playing with them was a lot of fun for me, especially as a fan of such shows.
Another thing I have to mention is the abundance of TMNT references. Now, I’ve always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But Byron and Trevel’s obsession with them took on a life of its own. It seeped into everything, from the colors of the corresponding turtles (we’ll come back to that), personality traits, nicknames… And of course Leo.
The concept of “Leo” as Trevel’s imaginary friend came to me in the early stages of plotting this book. To go off-topic and bring up another TV show that I love, have you ever seen Happy? It was a show on the SyFy network starring Chris Meloni (aka Daddy Stabler), and Patton Oswalt as the voice of “Happy,” the imaginary friend of Meloni’s character, Nick Sax’s daughter, which was tragically cancelled after only two seasons—one of the great travesties of television history, as far as I’m concerned. Anyway, I’ve always loved the darker side of imaginary friends—see also: Donnie Darko—and for Trevel Fenwick, having this deranged ninja bear sidekick made perfect sense.
For most of the book, Leo seems like sort of a negative influence on Trevel, which is odd, considering that Leonardo is the leader and the most moral of all the Turtles. But when we get to his POV in chapter 28, we really see how much of a coping mechanism he is for Trevel. At the end of the day, he is an extension of Trevel, and Trevel knows that. But growing up the way he did, having such a tragic past, Trevel needed guidance he wasn’t getting anywhere else. He needed a friend, a confidante… He needed a partner in crime. That was Leo… until Byron comes along, that is.
Next up, on the subject of side characters named after Ninja Turtles, we have one Michelangelo Russo. I have to tell you, the governor’s son was originally supposed to be an antagonist. I mean, he was sleeping with Byron’s “girlfriend”, after all! (Side note, how cute was it that Byron actually thought Rey was his girlfriend?? I had more written about Byron’s Rey obsession, but I had to cut it. Still, his stalking was a fun little surprise when developing his character.)
Back to Michelangelo, the original plan was for him to be an asshole. Governor Russo was always going to be responsible for sending Byron to AP, but when Byron began writing out his origin story, in the form of his Book of Secrets, Michelangelo just wasn’t cooperating as an equally atrocious human being. He insisted on being sweet and adorable, and just the right amount of secretly kinky that allowed Byron to explore his latent bisexuality. He’s basically Ren, if Ren didn’t have a treasure trove of issues rolling around in his pretty noggin. Hence, Byron’s attraction to Ren.
“Proxy jobs” play such a significant part in this entire series, it’s almost as if Ren didn’t invent it at all. Don’t tell him that, though. But seriously, everyone be pulling the proxy in the Pen! And there will be much more on the origin of the “proxy” in Ivory, just saying.
Michelangelo could be the reason the Shadowman cover is orange! Well, maybe one reason. But color comes up a lot in this series, in things like the corresponding cover colors, characters’ eyes, belongings—“Zadira”, Dash’s car, being purple, and “Raphael”, Byron’s street bike, being red. In his epilogue, Trevel mentions a bracelet he made for Byron out of sunstone and carnelian. Those stones are both orange, and they promote health and wellbeing, courage, vitality, and creativity, all of which are things that Byron and Trevel can embrace in their new lives, post-Pen.
Okay I’ll shut up about the Ninja Turtles… After this: it’s not lost on anyone, I’m sure, that our little “Pen Boy Posse” has a Michelangelo (Ren), a Donatello (Luthor), a Raphael (Byron), and a Leonardo (Dash). Is Dash really a Leonardo, though?? Maybe not in Distorted, per se. But in Shadowman, when he returns to the Isle like a boss, only hell yea.
The found-family vibes of this series are strong by this point, and they’re only getting stronger. I’m telling you, there was nothing more satisfying than having all of our boys reunited! Despite the grief and drama that had to go down before we got there. I really hope you guys loved that stuff, because it delighted me to my core—having Dash show up, followed by Luthor and Ren, when everyone thought they were dead! I mean, come on… It was what we’ve all been waiting for, wasn’t it?!
I’ll talk about the ending in a minute, but just a couple more quick things. First, I definitely need to mention Alice. That was a very significant and difficult part of Trevel’s backstory, but also of the story as a whole. You might remember, in Brainwashed, the reason Dr. Love had to leave was because Trevel had killed again—it’s mentioned that he “killed his girlfriend, her brother and a busboy.” Those details have been a part of the storyline we knew was coming, which would play a big role in the storyline overall, because of The Ivory factor (we’ll get to that).
So as much as it hurt to have Alice die, it was a major event, that was not at all done in vain. Of course, we now know that Trevel didn’t kill Alice. Sure, he was a shitty boyfriend, but he did care for her deeply. The fact that both Trevel and Byron were recovering from significant and ultimately tragic relationships is a major part of what brought them together. And that both of their exes were great people, not evil ones, makes the whole thing a lot sadder.
Although I must say, to me this is significant. So many times, we see characters coming out of shitty past relationships. To have them both heartbroken after losing great people, felt unique and complex to me.
As mentioned in the foreword, certain parts of this series are much darker than others. I enjoy seeing the varying shades, from light gray to pitch black. I like to think it verifies that nothing done in this series is done for “shock value”, or in order to be edgy. This isn’t dark romance for the sake of being dark. It’s fiction with realistic values, and that’s one thing that makes this series so special.
Byron and Trevel’s relationship is a unique one, that’s for sure. They start out as sort of fuck-buddy confidantes, having long, elaborate bouts of luscious sex—do I even know how to write a sex scene less than 5k words anymore? And there’s a lot of confusion and insecurity, sexual attraction fading seamlessly into reluctant feelings. But it’s all these things that bring them back together in the end. It’s unconventional af, and I love it.
Quick thing… How did we like Trevel’s poetry?? Personally, I was thrilled about it, because I’ve always loved writing poems (and songs), but I don’t get to do it often. I had more of his poems I couldn’t include because the book was too long as it is, but I plan to share them with Patreon, so if you’re ever in that neck of the woods, check it out!
Having Byron end up as a fighter/writer was really the icing on the cake of his character development for me. Just saying.
Before we talk about the ending, I want to quickly mention the nicknames. There are a lot of them in this book! It’s almost as if I couldn’t settle on just one because I’m indecisive as shit and so are my characters. Trevel calls Byron “sweet fury” (based on the tattoo on his chest), and “Raph” (obviously for Raphael), and “warrior” (because it’s cute and accurate). And Byron calls him “violet eyes”, “Leo”, and at one point “danger boy” (which is a nod to one of my favorite obscure af 90’s cartoons, Aeon Flux). Plus, “By” and “Trev”, ‘cause adorbz. And doesn’t it seem like The Ivory comes up with interesting nicknames for everyone? I wonder if there’s a reason for that, or if he’s just Daddy asf (lol).
The ending of this book was a tough one. I always knew it would end with the gang back together amidst a war, leaving us on a massive cliffhanger with the final reveal of a name… Meaning that giving Byron and Trevel their happily ever after and the epilogues I love using to showcase such things was complicated. The only way to do so was to go a year in the future. I know some books end that way—seeing the characters finally admitting their feelings, then sorta just ending it and jumping a year in the future. But I usually like to give my couples a chapter or two together before the end. Unfortunately, we couldn’t do that with this one, so hopefully their happiness came across in the epilogues. Because they are deliriously happy. But make no mistake… There’s still so much more to come!
