Envy, p.23
Envy, page 23
Leviathan released my chin, only to slide his sharp, black nails up along my jaw to gently trail small, curling patterns along my cheek. His expression was still void, blank, unreadable, and intimidating as fuck. He simply stared into my eyes for several heartbeats, his breathing deepening as though trying to catch my scent. Slowly, he bent his head, running his nose along my collarbone. Oh hell! I hadn’t been expecting this! I froze as his hands drifted to my shoulders, carefully holding me still as he slowly crouched to his knees before me and, without pause, pressed a kiss to my chest, right over my heart.
“Evangeline,” he murmured. “You are beyond charming, even when you are spouting nonsense. Now please, eat your food and enjoy yourself. I will be by to see how you are faring.” He sounded so damned hopeful it tugged at my heart. He honestly thought this was going to cure me.
And I was going to break his heart…
“Thank you so much,” I whispered, glad that his forehead was resting over my chest, the tears in my eyes and hopelessness that was no doubt etched upon my face hidden from his view. “This just… it’s one of the sweetest, kindest things anyone has ever done for me.”
At that, his gaze snapped up to mine, the fury evident in his eyes, like the thought of me living my whole life without this simple kindness and consideration enraged him. He rose to his feet and kissed me, his lips firm and unyielding over mine before pulling back to whisper vehemently, “I sincerely hope that is untrue.”
* * *
I’d only been able to eat the smallest fraction of the mass amount of food Leviathan had procured for me. As delicious as it was, I felt sick trying to finish even one plate. My loss in appetite, the swelling in my throat, the recurring exhaustion… I tried. I tried hard to put a dent in the food, to show my appreciation, but I simply couldn’t.
He’d given me privacy in this space, this cozy little room he’d arranged for me to work in. It was warm, the chair before the desk cushy and soft, and my weary body longed to sleep some more. But my determination not to waste this precious gift he’d given me, to explore the interesting selection of materials he’d brought me, pushed me through. As I played around with the metal, winding, bending it, an idea occurred, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a creative surge rush through my veins.
I’d been making my kits for a long time by this point, and I’ll admit that while they brought me a nice income, I’d grown bored of making the same things over and over. Trying something new like this was like a palette refresh. Cutting a length of gold wire, I began twisting and shaping a small cage of sorts, trying to make the metal as appealing looking as possible as I looped and bent it.
When I carelessly missed a sharp point and stabbed myself with it, I gritted my teeth in frustration, muttering, “Oh, you’re a dirty little bitch, aren’t you?” Before I grabbed one of the files to smooth out the edges.
Initially, when I searched through the crystals he’d obtained, I began with the flashier ones, admiring their sparkle and shine. But when I discovered a raw, obsidian chunk and a small, bead-sized smoky crystal quartz, I changed my mind completely. Slipping the natural black stone into the cage, I began tightening the metal around, making sure that none of the gaping holes were big enough that it could slip out. Almost finished, I took the smoky quartz bead and twisted it in at the top of the cage, where I threaded a gold chain through to make it a necklace.
I spent the remaining time tightening everything into place, knowing that this first attempt wasn’t the best; nonetheless, I was pleased with the outcome.
When Leviathan reappeared an hour or so later, poking his head into the room as though expecting to see me buried amid a project, I laughed at the discreet way he tiptoed in as I hid the gift I’d made behind my back. His green eyes took in the remaining plates of food and visibly deflated, but upon seeing the small mess I’d made on the desk, there was a spark in his eyes that was so hopeful I felt my heart break again. He shut the door behind himself and headed straight for me, stooping to his knees before my chair, his arms encircling my waist as he curiously studied the broken pieces of metal and chain I’d tampered with.
“You have been busy,” he said, sounding satisfied, as if this was the progress he wanted. Except when his gaze drifted up to mine, I could see the hint of dismay flickering there. “You did not eat very much, darling.”
I melted at the affectionate name and ran my free hand through his silky, wavy hair. “Don’t worry about that. It was delicious, I promise. I just…” My voice trailed off as I tried to think of a way to tell him without lying, but also without worrying him. “I was too eager to get started with my crafting.”
That sad, sorrowful expression shifted, and he scanned the desk again. “And what, may I ask, did my little human create?”
I rolled my eyes at the term, though he smirked at me as he said it, his tone playful. “Well, my demon prince,” I said, my voice heavy with sarcasm, which he missed, of course, “I’ve been making a present for you.”
At this, his brows shot up in surprise, now looking even more eager and curious. “Have you now?”
“I have.” I grinned, loving the teasing. I knew he wanted to see what I’d made immediately but making him wait was too much fun for me. “I slaved away this entire time, trying to think of something I could make that would be worthy of the Great Leviathan, Grand Admiral of Hell, Ruler of the Chaotic Oceans, Dragon of the Abyss…”
His eyes flared at my praise, the corner of his mouth tilting up as he gazed at me from my lap. His large hands, which were gripping my hips, gave a little squeeze, and he leaned in closer, wedging his body between my knees so that I had no choice but to spread them so he could fit. Resting his chin against my stomach, he smiled up at me, reminding me of a mischievous child who was getting ready to sweet talk to get his way. “And where, may I ask,” he practically purred, “Is this creation?”
“Around,” I grinned, clenching the necklace tight in my fist behind my back. His vivid green stare flickered to my arm and back up to my face, that playful grin broadening.
“May I have it, then?” He pressed a long, firm kiss to my stomach, his touch warm over my cream-coloured silk dress.
“That depends.”
“On?” He kept his eyes on me and trailed kisses down my stomach.
“On how nicely you ask for it.”
“Mmmm,” he rumbled, his arms wrapping around to cup my ass as he buried his face into my gown, his lips moving over my navel. “Evangeline…” he murmured, the reverberation vibrating against my skin so deliciously I couldn’t help but sigh as I gave in to his touch. “My beautiful, perfect Evangeline, who owns my dark, crooked soul so completely in the little palm of her hand… would you please reveal what item your talented artistic mind has assembled? For any treasure made by your hands will be forever cherished by me.”
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because of the way Leviathan said it, the way his eyes so innocently stared up into mine while he spoke; I knew every word was his truth. He was not one for false praise. He was too literal for any of that. To think that this wicked, dark being thought in such a way of someone like me was so moving, I felt a lump catch in my throat, and tears stung the backs of my eyes. But I held it together as I slowly brought forth the simple trinket, now feeling silly to present him with such a flawed, imperfect thing.
Knowing Leviathan, how he saw things, this would seem like a joke to him.
Sure enough, his head snapped back as he took in the gold chain and rough stones I’d entwined within them. His eyes followed the pendant as it swung minutely before his face, until finally, one of his large hands reached up to cup it in his palm. He stared at it silently, no doubt taking in every blemish and rough edge, and suddenly, I felt so self-conscious I wished I hadn’t done it at all.
“I-I know that it’s nothing fancy. It’s ugly, really. I mean, I can make another one and use one of the nicer stones, I suppose.” I glanced over at the emerald and sapphires, thinking I could incorporate them into something instead. “And I can make anything. It doesn’t have to be a necklace. I get you’re a guy, and… and… you probably wouldn’t want to wear such a thing, and you don’t have to-”
Leviathan, however, pulled on the pendant, freeing the chain from my hand, and stuck his head through the loop for his neck, the rough stone settling against the space between his pecs. He admired it for another minute before meeting my uncomfortable gaze and murmured, “If you dare try to take this back from me, I shall be most displeased, Evangeline. This is something you have made for me, and therefore, it is the most exquisite piece in my collection. I will never remove it.”
I sucked in a sharp, shaking breath and nodded, bowing my head over his as my tears began to fall free. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I could feel myself suffocating the sweeter he became, the truth I was withholding from him eating away inside of me. He tilted his head back so that our foreheads touched, his hands caressed my sides, both of us sitting in comfortable silence.
“Leviathan?” I whispered, closing my eyes, finding it unbearable to watch his reaction, “I have to tell you something…”
“Tell me,” His voice was soft, gentle. It almost seemed like he was hoping for a sweet secret, shared confidence between us. It only made it difficult.
“This was all so kind, so thoughtful…”
“Mmmm,” he rumbled again, sounding immensely pleased. Goddammit…
“And I appreciate it so much, but…”
“But?” I could hear the instant wariness in the word as he snapped, caution rearing to the forefront.
I reached up, my fingers touching the hollows of his cheeks, my forehead still touching his, my eyes closed as I summoned the strength to speak. “I am unwell.”
“I know this, and I will fix you.” I shook my head slightly, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “I have access to anything you require, to anything that will make you more comfortable. Is there another fare you wish for?” He pulled back from me then, and when I finally looked at him, I could see him glance at the remaining pancakes. “Or perhaps a more comfortable sleeping space? I will upgrade our rooms. I can have oils delivered from my brother’s kingdoms. If there is something on Earth I missed, I will have my followers obtain it for you-”
“Leviathan,” I cut him off, unable to bear it any longer. “It’s not like that.”
He stared up at me, his brows furrowed, lips slightly parted. He looked so lost, confused, like a child trying to grasp something beyond their capability of understanding. I gently cupped his face again. “Humans get sick, and sometimes, they can’t get better.”
His green eyes turned to stone at my words, but he remained silent, listening.
“Once before, I told you I had been unwell, that I passed away, and miraculously, recovered,”
“When we met.”
“Yes.”
He nodded, trying desperately to follow and understand, and it occurred to me how little he really knew of humans.
“It’s back.”
He stared and said nothing.
I sighed wearily. “How I’ve been feeling… it’s like it was before, that time when I was younger. I know that I’m not a doctor, but I know my body, and I recognize this for what it is. I’m not going to get better with fancy pillows or expensive oils and luxuries, Leviathan.”
“No…” he began to shake his head.
“It’s just a part of being human-”
“No, I won’t allow it!”
“It’s something we all face. Our mortality is-”
“You cannot!” he shouted and reared suddenly to his feet, his breaths coming fast and uneven, his eyes crazed and wide. “You will not! I won’t allow you to pass. I will fix it!”
I rose to my feet, swaying slightly from the head rush, and clung to the desk for support. “Do you have the power to heal, Leviathan?”
He opened his mouth but stopped short, his lacking in this ability apparently hitting him now hard.
“This is Hell, where people are brought to be punished. I doubt many of you actually have the capability of healing.”
“I… I cannot just…”
“If I can’t get the help I need here, then I must return to Earth-”
“No!” he cried, moving into my space, his hands clasping both of mine. “You cannot leave me, Evangeline!”
“And if you do not let me return to Earth, I will die here.”
“NO!” he screamed and fell to his knees with a heavy thud. He hugged me around my waist, burying his face against my chest, only this time, there was a sort of desperation behind it. “No, if you die, I know you are meant for the heavens! Your soul would leave me-”
“Then you must allow me to return to Earth so I may get help from my own kind.”
“No!” He shook his head, hissing the word. “If you go, I will only bring you back here!”
“And if I die here?”
“Then I will cling to your soul and keep you with me!”
I sighed heavily, both my hands fisting the hair at the back of his head, my heart wrenching, my tears falling into his waves as my sobs had me trembling. “Would you be so cruel as to damn my soul to Hell because of your own selfish desires? You won’t even ask me what I want?”
He shook his head again and pressed his face into my body. “I would be so lost without you!” Leviathan’s voice cracked, breaking on every word, and I hiccupped as I cried over him.
“Do not think that my leaving means anything more than only my wish to live…” I said to him, cradling the back of his head. “I fought like hell when I was younger because I wanted to experience life. When I got my second chance, I tried to take every advantage of living it to its fullest. I never thought I’d be ripped away from it and brought here with you. I never expected any of this-”
The wail from his lips was absolute heartbreak. He sagged against me, and I had to reaffirm my stance to keep from falling over from his bulk. He pressed his ear over my heart, and his face screwed up in pain. “Then stay!” His words were full of desperation and grief.
“And perish? Humans are only given one chance to live their life, Leviathan… I was lucky enough to be given a second chance. How can I throw that away?”
His body was shaking from his wracking sobs. Pressing his lips to my heart, he wept, “But… I love you.”
I broke down at this, bending over him, my arms wrapping around him protectively. “Love is not selfish, Leviathan.”
“I do not care!” He held me tighter. “You have brought so much to my miserable existence… you have blessed me with your soul… never in all the ages that I have lived have I felt such fulfillment, tasted such serenity and simple joy. I have never known any sort of love such as this before! I don’t want to lose it! I don’t want to lose you!”
I closed my eyes, shuddering over his body as I sobbed, “You told me once I could not leave Hell unless you wished it, and that’s true. I can’t just walk out of here, I know that. So, the decision is yours, Leviathan. Keep me here and when I inevitably die, you will keep my soul as yours, and all of this, despite everything I have told you of what I wish for. But know this… that is not love. It is not. You are destroying what I want for your own selfish needs. That is the very epitome of your sin… to destroy the happiness of another so that you can be satisfied.”
He shivered before slowly lifting his head to look at me, and at first, the sight was horrifying, for I’d never seen Leviathan actually cry, but seeing him now, it was a reminder that he was a contorted, dark mix of three beings… for his tears ran black down his face like oil, filling the whites of his eyes, his appearance never looking more demon-like than it did at this moment. When his mouth opened, the sharp upper and lower canines of his teeth seemed to have lengthened and he released that primal, monstrous rumble, the almost mechanical sounding vibration unearthly and ancient.
“I will fix you!” His voice had dropped to a dangerous tenor, the sound ominous and so unlike him, I knew he’d further tapped into his first original being. It frightened me, but still, he was Leviathan.
Ignoring the black streak marks that bled from his eyes, the animalistic appearance of his facial features, the terrifying growl of his voice, I ran my fingers through his hair, the love I had for him still ever-present, as I whispered, “This is one battle you cannot win.”
Never had I ever felt so inadequate, so incompetent, in my entire existence. I had always revelled in my powers, but now they were nothing to me. I could not heal the sick or wounded. It was never something I even coveted, until now. Although there was one being in Hell who could, and it was toward the Kingdom of Pride that I carried myself to, ignoring the very fact that today was not the day Lucifer would usually see his subjects to listen to their plights, but he was my last resort. I’d have him heal Evangeline, and then I could keep her forever. Over time, I was sure that she’d forgive me for keeping her in Hell at my side. Then as her words echoed again and again in my head, a sense of shame and guilt began to churn and writhe in my gut, making me feel ill.
I travelled through the ether, teleporting as close to his kingdom as I possibly could, the spot he held open on meeting days being closed. Determined, I strode up the road to his palace, a pathway made of actual souls he had damned here, uncaring of their well-being. The only one that mattered I’d left safely in my private rooms, and I was on a mission to save her.
Two of his demon guards were blocking my way, and upon my approach, I could see the apprehension in their stances as they wavered. No doubt I had caught them off-guard with my untimely visit, not to mention that my appearance had shifted into something quite unlike my familiar image, but I did not care.
“Uh, The King of Darkness, The Great Red-” one started to stammer when my gait did not slow, but I hadn’t the patience for this.
With the power surging through my veins, I seized the air around his throat, squeezing it so that it constricted like a snake. Though I was ten feet away, the demon gasped and spat, clutching at the invisible force holding him, while the second one backed away. Any other being besides one of the royals of Hell would never dare such a thing, nor be capable of it, and I’m sure Lucifer would be less than impressed with my attacking his guard, my mind had gone oddly unequivocal and straightforward, only comprehending one thing at a time.
