P s longer letter later, p.2
P.S. Longer Letter Later, page 2
No, Emma did not wear the sunglasses you gave her. She lost them over the summer.
All right. I think I’ve said enough.
Oh, Tara. I just reread this letter because I always reread letters before I mail them in case I find a spelling mistake or maybe a punctuation error. And it was a good thing, because I found an ENORMOUS mistake. And not the kind of mistake like “there” for “their” or no question mark, but, like, a mistake in my thinking.
All of a sudden, I understand something else about scapegoats, something Mr. Chiumento (now I know how to spell his name) forgot to tell us. He for got to tell us how easy it is to make someone a scapegoat. And he forgot to tell us how if you get angry enough you don’t even think about who you’re taking your anger out on. See, when I got your letter today I thought, Great, now I can tell Tara about what’s been happening around here, which is not good. (I mean, what’s happening is not good.) Then I opened your letter and read it, and I got mad about the things you had said. And I took it out on you — even though I really do still consider you my best, best, BEST friend in the whole world ever. So I apologize for everything I said — but I’m still mailing this letter because I do sort of mean the things, just in a nicer way.
I’m really sorry you have writer’s block. That’s bad, but I don’t think it will last.
The thing I wanted to tell you about concerns my dad. He hasn’t been home before 11:00 P.M. for a week. And Mom won’t talk about it. She gets that leave-me-alone-I-can’t-talk-about-it look. I really have so much to tell you, but now I’m just plain too tired. This is not an attention-getter. Like, now I want you to write back and beg me to tell you what’s wrong. I really am too tired after writing the mad part of this letter. I PROMISE I’ll tell you the other stuff in my next letter.
Your friend 4-ever,
P.S. Tara, can’t you come up with a better nickname for me? I know you weren’t trying before because you were mad. And this is really important.
P.P.S. The next time I write I’ll put the * back in your name.
Sept. 28
Dear Eliza*Beth (That’s your new nickname. Do you like it? I really REALLY do…. It’s kind of like you … a little old-fashioned but willing to try new things. And if you add the star, then we can be the Star-twins or the Star-friends or just the Stars…. And you don’t have to change the spelling of your name or anything…. So let me know what you think of it.)
I could go on for pages about why I’m sorry that I said all of that stuff … but you already know that I’m sorry.
To answer your questions:
1. About mentioning that your father doesn’t like me — I know you don’t like to think about that, but it’s true. But just because my parents got married so young and we’ve never had much money is no reason for him to act like that. After all, your parents weren’t always so rich, were they? (Actually, I know that you didn’t question me about your dad…. I just wanted to say this.)
2. I’m sorry that you are so upset that your father hasn’t been home at night until late. Do you think it’s work? Do you think it’s something else … or someone else?
About what’s happening with me — nothing much…. It’s still the same.
Write back soon.
Your Star-Friend (*Friend for short),
October 2
Dear Tara*Starr,
I love my new name! And I love being the Stars or Star-Twins or Star-Friends or *Friends, but mostly I just like being friends, which I’m glad we still are. I’m glad we’re over our letter-fight. (If our parents would just let us talk, we probably could have cleared things up even more quickly.)
Well, I PROMISED I would tell you about my dad, so here goes. Remember when I said he hasn’t been home before 11:00 for a week? Well, that was a whole week ago, and he still hasn’t come home before 11:00, so now that makes two weeks. And one night I don’t know what time he came home because it was so long after 11:00 that I guess I was sound asleep.
I know, I know. You’re thinking that he probably didn’t come home until the morning, but I’m sure he did. When he left for work, Mom asked him if he would try to get home before four. And somehow I just knew she meant get home before four in the morning, not four in the afternoon, like she sometimes used to ask him to do if we were going out to dinner together or something. What could my dad possibly be doing every night until 11:00 or 4:00?
You asked if it was something or someone. (Only you would ask me that.) And I thought about it, and I really think it’s something. Don’t ask me why. I just have a feeling.
Guess what. Mom asked me to play with Emma today while she went downtown. I said okay because of course I have no friends and no life since you’ve gone, so I have nothing to do but homework. (Oh, and I started a new cross-stitch project.) Anyway, Emma asked for some apple juice, so I went to the pantry, and guess what I found behind all the juice and seltzer and stuff. Four big bottles of vodka. I mean those really big bottles, like gallons or something. That’s a lot, isn’t it? Maybe Mom and Dad are going to have a party, but they usually tell me so ahead of time. If those bottles aren’t for a party, well, I don’t know. My stomach felt all cold and watery when I saw them.
So, Tara, tell me about some of the kids in your school. Are there any potential friends? Do you ever see the boy whose future you predicted on the first day of school? Are there any normal kids? Are there any other new kids you could hook up with? Like, maybe you could join together and form a group of your own … all the new kids. Hey, maybe Ms. Heartburn or whatever has a daughter at the school. You could become her new best friend and get on Ms. Heartburn’s good side.
Well, here’s Emma. I think she wants to add something to the letter. I better give her a new page.
That’s all for now.
Your Best *Friend Forever,
October 10
Dear Eliza*Beth,
I’m so glad that you love your new name. Are you going to start using it at school, putting it on all of your homework, having everyone call you by that name? You really should.
I want to talk about the stuff in your letter. I’m a little worried … actually I’m a LOT worried!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It definitely does not sound good at your house.
What is happening to your father? Are things bad at work? Are he and your mother fighting? (I know your parents always act like everything is perfect … but what’s going on seems REALLY weird.)
I talked to Barb about some of the stuff in your letter. (Okay. You know that I never lie to you…. I showed my mom your letter. I didn’t think you would mind…. You always used to talk to her when you came over to the house … and you know she really cares about you…. So I hope you don’t mind that I let her see what you wrote.) Barb said that any time you really need her, you can call and reverse the charges. (She knows how your parents don’t like you to call me.) When she said that about the call, I begged to call you but she said no … this offer was for emergencies only. (We are on a really tight budget … as usual!!!!!!!)
Why aren’t you hanging out with any of the kids there? I know you used to ride with some of them at the stables, before I moved to town.
And even though they aren’t really your friends, you could do things with them or with some of the other kids. (You really shouldn’t be so shy…. You are so nice and so funny once someone gets to know you.) But Eliza*Beth, a lot of kids do like you. You just have to call them, invite them over to your house, hang out with them more. I know they’re probably not the kids your father would want as your friends, but they’re the ones you want as your friends. (I just got a letter from Sarah, and she was talking about trying out for the school play. Why don’t you get involved with the Drama Club? You are sooooo good in art…. Maybe you could cross-stitch the scenery … just kidding…. Really, you could do scenery or costumes … or maybe even try out for the play. That would a good way to be with people, to have fun.)
Actually, I’ve decided to take my own advice. I’m going to try out for the Drama Club play … and the school newspaper … and for Future Corpses of America. (People are just dying to get into that club…. I know … I know … it’s a dumb old joke, but it’s been a hard time for me and I’m just getting back my sense of humor.) Really, though, I am going to get involved with drama and writing. I’m getting soooooooo bored with being bored.
You asked me about the kids at my school.
First of all, there are sooooooooo many more of them. This school is gigantic. It’s one of those regional ones that kids from a lot of towns go to. (I never thought about how lucky we were to live in a small town with its own schools. Here kids go to schools in their own towns until sixth grade. Then they go to a school for seventh through ninth grade. High school is tenth through twelfth grades. Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The good news for me is that this is a new school for ALL seventh-graders. (Well … it’s new for all seventh-graders except for the ones who flunked last year…. One of them is in my gym class. His name is Hank. I think of him as Hank the Tank.)
The bad news is that everyone else seems to have come from one of the small-town schools … and they all know other people. I haven’t found anyone else who moved here from somewhere else.
There seem to be certain groups at this school.
1. The really popular “we are so perfect” group. They make me want to barf. They seem to make the “rules” about how to be, what to wear.
2. The “we live in the detention room after school” group.
3. The “we love being different” group. There are all kinds of kids in this group. Actually, there are a few I want to get to know.
4. The social misfits…. There are a lot of kids in this group who I am going to try to get to know.
5. The “A list” … the kids who really care about their grades and spend a lot of time studying.
6. The everyone else group … in case I left anyone out. You know how I hate to see anyone left out.
Elizabeth … I’ve just looked at what I’ve written. I sound like such a snot. (I know that you hate that word.) I really do sound like one, though. You know how I hate when people label other people…. AND I’VE JUST DONE THAT!!!! How gross! I’ve got to get out of this rotten mood.
Oh, well…. I’m not going to let it get to me. I’m going to do something to work all of this out. You know me. I’m not the kind of person who looks at a half-filled glass and sees it as half empty … or half full either. I always figure that I can do something to fill it to the top.
I’ve got to go now. I’m going to try out for the play.
I want the lead … I want to be the star.
LOVE,
October 17
Dear Tara*Starr,
That was so cool of your mom to say I can call her and reverse the charges. I’ll probably do it sometime, even though I don’t know how to reverse the charges. I guess I just call the operator and tell her what I want to do???
Anyway, I really miss your mom. And your dad. (Since I’m not mad at them anymore, I’ve decided “Charents” is a nice word after all.) Mostly I miss you, though. Tara, don’t you think you could convince the Charents to come back here for a little visit? You could all drive out here one weekend. We wouldn’t have to figure out anything complicated, like how to get you here by yourself. Then I could see Barb and Luke too. Please? PLEASE? Just ask them about it, okay? If you can’t afford a motel, maybe you could stay at Sarah’s or something.
I liked hearing about the kids at your school. Have you tried to get to know anyone in the “we love being different group” yet? Or any of the social misfits? If I went to your school, I guess I’d be one of the social misfits. I wonder if I’d like it. I suppose if there were enough of us I wouldn’t think much about it. Besides, I’d rather belong to the social misfit group than to no group at all.
So did you try out for the play? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. I’m dying to know!!! Did you get a part? A big part? Are you the star? I wish we lived closer. Then I’d come see you in the play. No matter what part you get I’ll be so proud of you. (I know you’ll get some part.)
I haven’t talked to anyone about the Drama Club yet. I don’t really have time for an activity. I have to baby-sit for Emma most afternoons. Mom is busy almost all the time working on PTA stuff and now also for this group called Kate’s Kitchen that helps feed hungry families here. (Mom told me the way it works, which is really neat, but it takes a long time to explain, so I’ll save it for another letter.) Anyway, I wrote this while Emma was napping, and now she’s calling to me from her room.
Gotta go.
Love,
(I love my name!!!)
P.S. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE think about visiting.
October 25
Dear Eliza*Beth ……………….
Earth to Eliza*Beth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe that you didn’t discuss the stuff going on with your family. Please…. Enquiring minds want to know.
As for coming to visit you. I WOULD LOVE TO … AND SO WOULD THE CHARENTS!!! But you know we really don’t have the bucks to do that. For the first time in ages, both of my parents are making good money. (Good for our family — maybe not as good as a lot of families, but for us … good.) That means the bills are being paid and a very little bit of money is being saved. Trips are out of the question right now. Also, Sarah’s house isn’t big enough. (Might I remind you that your house is gigantic? But I know your parents would have heart attacks if my family showed up at your house. I know … you would have us stay there if it was your choice.)
Now for my news. I TRIED OUT FOR THE PLAY AND I GOT A PART … NOT JUST ANY PART BUT ONE OF THE LEADS…. I’M GOING TO PLAY DOROTHY IN THE GIZZARD OF OZ. (It’s the heartwarming story about a girl from Kansas who gets caught in a tornado, ends up in Australia, and has to get help from a chicken part.)
Okay … I’m joking.
The play that they’re doing is Cheaper by the Dozen, which was chosen so that lots of kids could have parts. I’m Anne, one of twelve kids in a family that is run by efficiency experts (not exactly like my family, which has been run by no one — since my parents are sometimes inefficiency experts). AND GUESS WHAT … Alex, the kid who teased me in the beginning, plays one of my brothers, and it turns out he’s also my neighbor. PLUS … Hank the Tank plays my father. Oh, well. I’m used to having a young father.
As for making new friends, I’m doing better.
Kids are talking to me a lot more.
You know how I did it? I decided to say at least one sentence to at least fifteen people a day and I smile at them when I say it.
Here are some of my sentences:
“Hi, how are you?” “Please pass the catsup?” (I ask this no matter what I’m eating … yesterday it was an ice cream sandwich.) “Your fly is unzipped.” “Is that spinach on your tooth?” “Have you noticed that a snot ball has escaped from your nose?”
Needless to say, I am becoming one of the most popular kids in the school.
Just kidding again.
I don’t use those sentences.
I am, however, trying out less obnoxious sentences and IT’S WORKING!!!!!!!!!!! I really have met some new kids … more about that later…. Right now, I’ve got to go downstairs. Barb is going to help me figure out a costume…. At school we’re going to have a combination Halloween costume and come as your favorite book character party. (It’s a little “baby” but it’ll be fun and I’m thinking of going as either the Cat in the Hat, the Little Engine That Could, or Elizabeth Bennett—Pride and prejudice is my new favorite book). Gotta rush … see you.
Love,
P.S. I was trying not to mention this because I know it will upset you … but what is this about your not having time for an activity at school because you have to baby-sit for Emma? Is this a bogus excuse? What happened to Jeannemarie and Martha? Why don’t your parents hire a nanny? Also, why is Emma still taking naps? Does she feel well? Is she bored? Upset? Out late on dates?
October 31
Dear Tara*Starr,
Well, here it is Halloween and I’m not going out or anything. I guess you’re probably at the combination costume and book character party right now. What costume did you decide on? Personally, I’m voting for the Cat in the Hat or the Little Engine That Could. No offense, but Elizabeth Bennett doesn’t sound all that interesting, although I haven’t read Pride and Prejudice yet. (By the way, I just started The Yearling and I can barely put it down.) There’s no party at school this year. Nancy Hall (remember her? from down the street?) invited me to go trick-or-treating with her and her sister and their cousin, but I feel too old for trick-or-treating. I took Emma trick-or-treating this afternoon, though. We went at 3:30 because Emma just couldn’t wait any longer. Emma’s costume was one of those horrible plastic ones from March’s downtown. She’s supposed to be a skeleton, but it’s hard to tell. I guess you get what you pay for, and Mom paid about three dollars for this thing — when she finally even remembered that Emma would need a costume, which was at, like, 9:00 last night.
A little different from last year, huh? Remember the good old days when my family was normal? (Well, normal for my family.) Tara, you’re right. Something BIG is going on. And believe me, I’m waking up and smelling the coffee. I just don’t like what I smell. I tried to get away with holding my nose, but even I know that doesn’t make the odor go away. That’s like trying to fix a leaky faucet by closing the door to the bathroom so you can’t hear the dripping anymore.
But anyway, do you remember last year? Last year Mom asked Emma and me in September what we wanted to be for Halloween, and by the middle of October those elaborate handmade costumes were finished. Last year Mom used to stay at home all day being a mom. Last year Dad used to come home at six most nights and then we would eat dinner together. I know you think he’s a stuffed shirt, but he was always planning things for Emma and me. And most important, he was home every evening and every weekend.
