Making christmas again, p.13
Making Christmas Again, page 13
“May we get back to my apartment. Please.” This roaming around aimlessly was getting on his nerves, which were already frayed.
“Sure. I simply wanted to bid the old year goodbye. My family did this every year. Reviving old traditions has been helpful. I got through it, but not without help. You, the pastor, Jason, Glenn, the antique store ladies, the funeral director—”
“How long is this list?”
“It’s quite extensive, but you should have noticed you got top billing,” she said.
“I noticed, but I didn’t do much.” Sawyer sighed. “Other than make you mad at me.”
She pulled over and parked. “I’ve decided to stay here in Apple Hill. I’m not running away. You said you liked me. I love you and Glenn. I appreciate everything you did to help me. If you are not ready emotionally to love again because you are still grieving Lila, I will understand and respect that. But this is a small town. We should be friendly to each other. Got that?”
Sawyer nodded.
Celeste pulled back onto the road.
Sawyer mulled over Celeste’s words as she drove to his apartment. Yes, he did have feelings for her. He ached to be with her, to touch her, to kiss her. But his foggy brain refused to figure out the problem.
They arrived at the apartment, and she helped him carry sleepy Glenn into his room.
“Well, Happy New Year,” she said with a smile. Then, she simply walked out the door.
Something shriveled up inside him as if a bright spot of hope passed by him and left him in the dark.
~*~
Celeste didn’t hear from Sawyer during the week. She continued praying for him and Glenn, but she did not intend to harass him even though she missed him.
She kept busy with work during the day and made plans to fly to Lexington after work on Friday. She had an appointment with a realtor for the condo on Saturday and another appointment with her lawyer that same day. She wanted to get as much done as possible while avoiding any of her former coworkers.
She drove her rental to the airport and returned it. The weather remained favorable and the flight to Kentucky was blessedly uneventful.
With the realtor’s help she put her condo on the market. She decided to sell the modern furnishings with it. Her apartment reminded her of a sterile waiting room. Her contemporary possessions lacked the luster, details, and stylistic elements from artisans who worked by hand to perfect furniture that was both functional and a work of art.
She donated her power suits, which hadn’t given her any power at all. Then she packed up her sentimental, useful, and practical items to take home. She realized the condo had never been a home, only a way station, like a hotel.
Celeste rose early the next morning and prayed before she started the long ride back. Then she picked out a playlist of hymns and began the journey.
By the time she reached home, it was very late. A blue SUV sat at the curb. It resembled her mother’s car, but it had a temporary license plate. She pulled into the driveway.
The only person parking at that spot would be Sawyer. Had he bought a car similar to her mother’s car? Was he taking all of his stuff out of the basement to set up shop in a warehouse? She now knew how much Mom charged him for renting the basement. It was so low it was a mere formality.
Not seeing him anymore on a regular basis would contribute to the ache in her heart, which throbbed like an old wound.
But tonight, Celeste was far too tired to do anything but get into bed. She would continue to pray, but she refused to worry. She handed her problems to the Lord. Nothing would be put away tonight. She would do it tomorrow after work.
Celeste wanted to remain in a Christmas state of mind all year long. Life was a gift and no matter what happened God loved her. She could depend upon Him.
20
Celeste glanced out the window the next morning. Snow was falling. She groaned and picked up her phone to check the weather report. A message from Sawyer blinked.
“Sorry.”
The emptiness in her heart turned into anguish. Was that an apology? Or a goodbye? She didn’t know how to respond. So, she didn’t send a return message. She glanced outside, but the blue SUV wasn’t there anymore. Sawyer must have heard her arrive last night, but he probably left long after she was asleep.
The snow outside was just a dusting.
She struggled against uncertainty and worked to stay focused on the Christmas-every-day frame of mind—joyful and thankful.
At work, the numbers in the municipal office kept her busy. The man who retired came in again to check over her work.
“You’re doing a great job,” he said.
“Thank you.” Grateful, Celeste felt blessed to be in this new job. It was nice to receive appreciation for her efforts.
At the end of the day, she stopped at the big supermarket outside of town. She decided to make a pot of chili. While the snow that fell was light, the chill wind that came with it was bitter.
The realtor called to say someone was seriously interested in her condo. That was terrific news.
But by the time the chili was ready to eat, Celeste’s weekend of rushing around caught up to her. She stared at the suitcases, bins, and boxes she’d left in the foyer. Those would have to wait for one more day. She said a prayer of thanks for the food and then heard a knock at the basement door. Her heart wanted to fling it open wide, but her mind cautioned her. She went to the door and called out, “Is there a problem?”
“Yes.” Sawyer’s soft, deep voice returned.
She remained skeptical. “What is it?”
“Did you get my message?”
“It was rather brief, so I was confused as to what that was about.”
“I’d like to talk to you face to face.”
“I’m getting ready to eat dinner.”
“Do you have any cookies?”
“I always have cookies.”
“Then we’ll have cookies while you eat your dinner.”
She opened the door.
Glenn bounded in and hurried to the kitchen.
“He missed your cookies,” Sawyer said as he entered the foyer. He wasn’t using a cane. His expression appeared neutral, not sad, not happy.
“You’ll have to teach him how to make them,” she said as she walked back to the kitchen where her bowl of chili sat getting cold. She retrieved the cookie tin and got out two plates, milk, and glasses. “You may help yourself.”
Sawyer doled out a few cookies for Glenn but didn’t get any for himself. He poured milk for Glenn.
Celeste ate her chili. The room was quiet except for Glenn who appreciated every last crumb of the pfeffernusse and every drop of milk. Then he went into the foyer to play with the Nativity set, which still sat on the table. Celeste decided to keep it there all year long.
Sawyer stared at his hands, which were tightly clenched together.
“Will you tell me what your problem is?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Will you tell me soon?”
“First, I have to explain about my message.”
“Go ahead.”
“I tried to write you several messages but then I deleted them all.”
“OK.”
“Then I thought I’d try again, but Glenn saw me typing and he grabbed my phone and hit send.”
Celeste tried not to laugh. She bit her lip instead.
“So, I didn’t really send that message,” he stated.
“But you intended to send a message,” she said.
“I didn’t know exactly what to say, so I kept deleting them all.”
“Obviously, you were sorry about something.”
“Yes, I was.”
“You should try being more specific.”
“I talked to the pastor while you were gone,” Sawyer said. “Jason threatened to drag me there, so I went.”
“And?”
“I was still dealing with some grief issues. I was afraid of making another commitment because I don’t want to lose someone I love ever again.” He lifted his gaze and looked at her.
Celeste held her breath.
“I said I liked you, but it was more than that and it scared me. I didn’t think I could ever deal with that kind of pain again. That’s why I hurt you and pushed you away.” He paused. “The pastor has a degree in psychology.”
“He is quite perceptive.” She wanted to hug Sawyer, but decided not to since he might label her a hussy.
“I thought maybe we could start all over again if you want. I cancelled the warehouse for now. I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to go bankrupt.”
“You may continue to rent the basement. It’s not a problem.”
“May I try a little of that chili?” he asked. “It smells good.”
She got another bowl and filled it from the pot on the stove.
“By the way, the police found your mother’s car. That’s the one outside.”
She stopped filling the bowl and turned to frown at him. “What?”
“It was at the auction all this time, by the back entrance and no one thought much of it.” He shrugged.
“So, it’s yours now?” she asked.
He nodded. “I’ll be getting the title and new plates.”
Sometimes things just seem to fall into place. Celeste remembered Sawyer’s words about prayer as she turned to set the bowl on the table.
“Oh. I forgot something. I’ll be back in a minute.” He went back to the basement and returned carrying an abacus on a stand. “Your mother told the auctioneer on the day she died that she wanted to give this to you. The perfect gift for an accountant.” He set it on the floor. “As it turned out, it didn’t sell that day. The auctioneer still had it. So, I bought it.”
Celeste smiled as she caressed it. “It’s big.”
“It’s vintage, from the 1960s.” He boasted. “All the beads are there.”
“I guess Mom wanted me to keep counting.”
“Perhaps…” He drew her close. “We can count kisses.” His gentle kiss warmed her right down to her toes.
She drew away from him and moved one of the beads. Then she started chanting as fast as she could, “One, would you give two, would you give three, would you give four…”
He laughed. “Where did you learn that?”
“From an online video.”
“Maybe I could make you a partner in the business,” he teased as he drew her to him once more.
“I’d like that,” she said as a sense of endless bliss swept through her.
~*~
Three months later, during the first week of April, Celeste glanced out the window where a light dusting of snow covered the ground. A warm glow coursed through her. She and Sawyer were to be married this very day. The small amount of snow served to remind her of their first meeting. Despite her initial misgivings, Sawyer turned out to be the man of her dreams and her life had drastically changed. She was back where she started but it was good. Better than she ever could have imagined.
She offered her deep thanks for all of it. The Lord was good to her.
She turned, took a deep breath, and stared at the ivory peau de soie gown draped neatly across the bed. She slid her fingers across the exquisite fabric. After all these years, it remained in perfect condition. Mom made sure of that.
Alice, Jason’s wife, hustled into the room. “I’m ready. Time to put on your gown. You don’t want to be late.”
Celeste’s mouth suddenly grew dry. “Is this gown too old-fashioned?”
Alice gathered up the voluminous folds of the gown and slid it over Celeste’s head.
“Your mother preferred classic styles and this dress is a wonderful example of that.” Alice adjusted the shoulders and slid the zipper up on the side. “It will never go out of style.”
Celeste stood in front of the cheval mirror and smoothed down the bodice. “When I was young, Mom would take out the dress, show it to me, and tell me all about the day she was married. I never imagined I would wear it someday. But now, it’s almost…like a hug from Mom.” She stifled a sob, but her eyes swam with tears.
Alice gave her a gentle squeeze and handed her a tissue. “Think of the good times ahead and smile. Besides, I don’t know if your makeup is waterproof.”
Celeste chuckled in spite of herself. “Good point.”
By the time they reached the church, all the snow had vanished in the bright sunshine. Inside the foyer, Alice handed Celeste her bouquet as they prepared to line up for the ceremony. Celeste stared at the flowers. “The flowers are shaking.”
“That’s not the flowers. That’s you.” Alice readjusted Celeste’s veil. “Don’t worry about your nerves. Once that ring is on your finger, you’ll be fine.”
“You think he’ll keep me?”
“He is besotted with you.”
Celeste’s heart lightened. “I thought so, which is good because I am besotted with him.”
The organ music started.
Alice smiled. “Don’t run up the aisle.”
“You lead the way.” Celeste lifted her head and glanced toward the altar where Sawyer stood waiting for her. Her tension fell away as the warmth of his love radiated through her.
The brief ceremony was made more memorable by Glenn, the ringbearer.
As he handed the pillow with the rings on it to his father, he shouted out, “Right!”
“Right,” Sawyer returned and gave him a high five.
Glenn turned to go back to his seat, and everyone clapped. Surprisingly, Glenn bowed.
Celeste’s heart overflowed.
During the reception, the photographer choreographed every move Sawyer and Celeste made, giving them little time to talk to anyone, not even each other.
Sawyer wore an enigmatic smile and his warm hand covering hers left no need for words.
At last, the beautiful cake, shaped like a Christmas tree with icing as the snow all around it, was cut and served.
By the time they arrived at the old house, Glenn was sound asleep. Sawyer and Celeste got him into bed in what used to be Celeste’s room. Sawyer and Celeste had remodeled it. It featured the abacus, which had become one of Glenn’s favorite playthings.
With Glenn settled in, Celeste stepped out of the beautiful gown and into a comfy robe.
Sawyer waited for her in the quiet of the living room. In front of him on the coffee table was a tray of snacks. “I think you should eat. You didn’t eat much of anything at dinner.”
“I was a nervous wreck.” Celeste sat next to him. “Nobody told me getting married is exhausting.”
“I thought the second time would be easier,” he chuckled. “I was wrong. My cheek muscles are sore from the constant smiling.”
She picked up cheese, salami, and an olive. “Thanks for the nibbles.”
“You’re welcome.” He dipped a chip into a bowl of hummus. “Why were you so nervous?”
“I was the star of the show. I don’t like that. I want to hide in a cubicle and count numbers.”
Sawyer let out a laugh and wrapped his arm around her.
Celeste closed her eyes and offered a silent prayer of thanks. The peace of being where she was supposed to be settled into her soul. “Remember what you said about things falling into place?” Celeste asked.
“They don’t always,” Sawyer replied.
“But this time…”
“This time, because we had prayers and a considerable amount of help, it all worked out.” Sawyer leaned in for a kiss.
Celeste stopped him. “So, we must continue to pray.”
Sawyer nodded. “Every day.”
Then she kissed him.
A Devotional Moment
THEREFORE CONFESS YOUR SINS TO EACH OTHER AND PRAY FOR EACH OTHER SO THAT YOU MAY BE HEALED. THE PRAYER OF A RIGHTEOUS PERSON IS POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE. ~ JAMES 5:16
* * *
Prayer is often underrated, but several studies by anthropologists have shown that even if a person isn’t aware that they are being prayed over, their spiritual well-being improves. That improvement leads to better healing, whether it is spiritual, emotional, or physical. Atheists and agnostics do not understand this phenomenon. But Christians…we know. We know that it is the power of God that helps us to weather the storm-tossed terms that this world throws at us.
In Making Christmas Again, the protagonist has suffered losses, her life is in disarray. Years before, she’d prayed for healing, but it never happened, so she abandoned God. As she navigates the lingering feelings of loss and misunderstanding, someone lights a pathway to God for her. As she renews a fragile faith, she finds comfort that holds even when life doesn’t go as planned, but God’s healing does.
Have you ever felt so far from God that prayer seemed impossible or useless? When you go through a period of time where it seems God is ignoring you or always saying no, it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s important to remember that God sees the big picture. He knows what will protect you, strengthen you, save you. When He says no it’s because that’s the best answer for you in the long run. Keep telling yourself that and pray through the dark night.
LORD, HELP ME TO STRENGTHEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU THROUGH PRAYER AND WORSHIP, SO THAT I MAY BE SPIRITUALLY WHOLE, DESPITE TRAUMA. IN JESUS’ NAME I PRAY, AMEN.
Thank you
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