The invincible miss cust, p.9
The Invincible Miss Cust, page 9
For once, my mother and I were connected, if only through my and the Queen’s interest in Pomeranians. It was not much, but I was grateful for not disappointing Mama for once. I even felt a little smug at having something to discuss with my mother that excluded Ursula. I did not, however, realize how tenuous the connection was until I again raised the topic of studying to be a veterinary surgeon.
“Her Majesty wants you to measure your dogs so that she can compare their dimensions to those of hers,” said my mother, when she returned to Leasowe from Buckingham Palace one weekend.
“I shall do so,” I replied. “You know, Mama, I think I could be more helpful to Her Majesty if I knew more about the anatomy of Pomeranians.”
My mother looked at me, her mouth in a line as straight as a set of carriage tracks across a flat field.
“If you and Charles were to permit me to train as a veterinary surgeon, I could learn how to help Her Majesty breed the lines she desires. It would please her I am sure, and I could—”
“It would repel her,” she said, her jaw clenched.
“But Mama, surely—”
“Her Majesty has a veterinary surgeon. He provides everything that is required.”
“Imagine, though, a veterinary surgeon who is also an expert on Pomeranians. Her Majesty could—”
“Stop it, Aleen. It will never happen.”
The helplessness of the situation made me resentful. I stared at her, tempted to say that she would receive no more information from me about Pomeranians to convey to Her Majesty for as long as I was forbidden from pursuing my dream. I caught Ursula’s eye across the room. She did not try to hide the smirk on her face.
Perhaps, I thought as Juno clip-clopped over a gray stone bridge, I should discuss the notion of giving up my dream once and for all with Dorothy. Her opinions almost always calmed and reassured me. She could tell me about her thoughts on whether I should devote myself entirely to breeding dogs and horses. I knew it would please my family, but that did not stop the thought from saddening me. I urged Juno into a canter, imagining as we passed through the woods with the soft Northumberland hills in the background how it would be to let go of the dream I had held on to for so long. With the trees behind us and the road becoming flat and smooth ahead, I leaned forward and pressed her to gallop, as if going faster might leave the bitter thought behind.
Dorothy was waiting for me outside the large front door at Fallodon. I assumed she had been alerted to my arrival by the clatter of Juno’s hooves on the drive. We had not seen one another for several months. Edward had recently been appointed Under-Secretary of State at the Foreign Office, and the couple had spent several months in the country in Hampshire so that he had easier access to London.
I dismounted, and she took me by surprise by embracing me. It was only when she stepped back and took my hand to lead me into the house that I noticed her red-rimmed eyes.
“Is something wrong?” I asked. Dorothy avoided touching people, even those she cared for. Even if her eyes had not been red, the embrace and hand-holding would have startled me.
“Come,” she replied, climbing the stairs. “Tea is laid out in the drawing room. Edward arrived a few hours ago. He is waiting for us there.”
I saw from Edward’s tight smile that something was most certainly amiss.
“What is it?” I demanded.
Edward had learned, minutes before boarding the train that morning, that Orlando had died the previous day shortly after being diagnosed with meningitis. I sat down, shock taking the strength from my legs.
Orlando. Warm, kind, and thoughtful Orlando. The only one of my siblings who truly listened when I spoke of my ambitions and allowed me to declare my frustrations. The brother with whom I laughed…the one I loved and loved me in return. He was only three years older than I was and yet, his life was over. How cruel it was. No more walks on the beach at Leasowe with him. No more jesting in the drawing room. Who would keep the peace at the dinner table? Who would acknowledge that my complaints about the injustice of life were valid?
I do not remember much about the next few days. Dorothy accompanied me to Leasowe where my mother, Ursula, Charles, and Leo were waiting, silent and stony-faced. Whether they had exhausted conversation about Orlando before I arrived or had chosen to deal with his death with the kind of silent stoicism that prevailed among the Custs, I cannot say. I suspect it was the latter.
My mother’s eyes were empty, just as they had been when Papa and Percy had died. I wanted to convey to her how sorry I was for her grief. She had lost a husband and two sons within fifteen years, and although she was not yet sixty years old, she looked much older.
“Mama,” I said, approaching her when we arrived, my arms open, “I am so—”
She turned from my embrace. “Yes, Aleen, I know.”
My mother’s coldness hurt, though I wished it did not. Fortunately, Dorothy was there. It helped to have her with me. We walked on the beach, where she listened as I spoke freely about Orlando and my anger at his death. She handed me her handkerchief when I cried. Dorothy knew how fond I was of my brother and that I believed that he was my only ally in the family.
Days later, Major Fitz—he and Lady Widdrington had come to Leasowe for the funeral—assembled my mother and siblings in the dining room. It was only then that I realized just how much of an ally Orlando had truly been.
“Your beloved son, Isabel,” said the major, giving my mother a tiny nod before glancing at the rest of us, “and your brother entrusted me with his last will and testament, which he wrote and signed some three years back.”
He held up a one-page letter. The room was quiet.
“I shall read it to you,” said the major. So he did; the room grew quieter still.
Unsurprisingly, Orlando ensured that we all inherited from his estate. What was unexpected was that he stipulated that a portion of his wealth be paid to me independently of my inheritance from Papa and Percy, and that I should have full and immediate access to do with it as I pleased.
“May I see it?” I asked when Major Fitz reached the end of the document.
He handed the paper to me. It was exactly as I had understood the major’s reading of it.
Charles took it from me, rolling his eyes in my mother’s direction once he had read it. I could think of nothing to say. It was astounding. In death, Orlando had stood up for me in the most daring and forceful way possible. My peace-loving brother had provided me with the means of training to become a veterinary surgeon—if I could find a place that would take me. As the rest of the family trailed silently from the room, I sat speechless with love and gratitude. Major Fitz sat next to me.
“Did you know about this?” I asked eventually.
“Not until this morning.”
“It is so unlike Orlando. So risky. He must have known how this would upset Mama and Charles,” I said.
“He cared for you.”
“He did not anticipate dying young enough for me to use it to study.”
Major Fitz stared at me. Clearly, he was unsure of how to respond. I started to laugh, quietly at first. He chuckled. The grief, anxiety, and fatigue that had amassed within me since I learned of Orlando’s death seemed to bubble to the surface. I continued laughing until I realized that I was also crying. I placed my head in my hands and sobbed. As Dorothy had days before, the major handed me a handkerchief and sat without talking until I was done.
At last, I sat up. “I am going to inquire about studying as a veterinary surgeon.”
“I know,” he replied. “You might begin your inquiries in Scotland.”
“Scotland?”
“Do you remember the college Edward told us about when we were riding with him in Hyde Park years ago?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I visited some months ago and met the principal. Remember the man with the memorable name of William Williams?”
“Yes, indeed. You met him?”
Major Fitz glanced away. “I did not want to upset your mother by saying anything at the time or getting your hopes up, but now, with this…” He gestured toward Orlando’s will, which lay on the table. How remarkable that such an ordinary-looking sheet of paper could hold such powerful promise of change.
“You spoke to Principal Williams about me…about a woman enrolling at his college?”
He nodded. “He said that you would be required to obtain a certificate of education with credits in specific subjects from the University of Edinburgh before commencing the veterinary course but that it should be possible for you to do that within a year.”
I grasped the arm of the chair as if I might fall off if I did not.
“But…I…” My head swam. I did not know what to say. “Are there other women students there?”
“A few at the university but not at the New Veterinary College. You would be the first.”
“But Principal Williams will support my application?”
“Yes, indeed. We have providence to thank for that,” he said. “At least, in part.”
Major Fitz reminded me about what Edward had told us: that Principal Williams had established his own veterinary college after having run a different one, also in Edinburgh, for several years.
“As you can imagine, there is keen rivalry between the two colleges,” said the major. “But I sense that Principal Williams is steering a more progressive organization and would consider it a victory to be able to claim to have trained the first woman veterinary surgeon.”
“That is providence,” I replied, still giddy.
“He did, however, allude to how difficult it might be, given that you would be the sole woman at the college. He inquired at length about your character. I explained that you had been raised with three older brothers and that you are one of the most determined people I know. Not to mention, a proficient horsewoman and successful dog breeder.”
I gave a small laugh. “Thank you, Major. I am indebted to you.”
“Not at all. If I had not been able to help, you would have found another way,” he said. “I will, if you agree to it, write to Principal Williams and request another meeting—to introduce you.”
I nodded, aware of my heart thundering in my chest.
“Will you tell your mother and Charles?”
“Yes. There is nothing to suggest that they might change their minds, but I continue to hope. I do not want to alienate the few members of my family that remain, but now that Orlando has provided means, I will do this with or without their blessing.”
My instinct was correct. If anything, Mama and Charles were even more opposed to the idea of me going to university and working than they had ever been. After bidding Dorothy and her parents farewell the next day, I told my mother and brother that I would begin investigating training as a veterinary surgeon. Mama turned her back. Charles glared at me.
“After everything Mama has gone through, you are going to add this to her worries?” he said, his upper lip curling in a snarl.
“I do not want to be the cause of any worry. I simply want to realize my dream of becoming a veterinary surgeon. It has been my ambition for as long as I recall.”
“That is the problem,” said seventeen-year-old Ursula, appearing suddenly behind me. “If you were a proper lady, you would not be ambitious.”
She spat the word, as if it was poisonous.
“I am a lady, a lady who aspires to do something worthwhile with her life. I cannot understand why that upsets you all so.”
My mother swung around. Her dark eyes flashed. “Because it is embarrassing. Gravely so! You will bring great shame on the family if you go ahead with this, Aleen. I am not sure how I will hold my head up in company. What will Her Majesty think?”
“And I am due to come out next year,” said my sister. “Are you so selfish that you cannot see what your stubbornness might do to my future?”
I thought of several responses to Ursula’s charge. Did it not apply both ways? Was she not also selfish to deny me my desires? Was my happiness not as important as hers?
The collar of my dress, high and scratchy, seemed tighter. I gave it a tug as I opened my mouth to speak. “Why is your—”
I stopped myself.
Charles made a valid point about our mother’s woes. Her grief was fresh, and her position in the deeply conventional royal household made her particularly sensitive to anything Her Majesty might consider improper. Part of me wished that I could brush off my family’s disapproval like a horse might disperse a fly with her tail, but I could not. Despite their censure and conformist ways, I was proud of being a Cust and yearned for them to feel the same about me.
“Actually, there is no reason to worry,” said Charles, addressing Mama. “None of the colleges or universities will accept her. They will not entertain this madness. Women are not permitted to study to become veterinary surgeons. It is ludicrous to imagine a woman working with animals. Her appeals will come to naught. We should ignore her threats.”
Ursula sniggered and stared at me, as if daring me to refute his statement. I could have told them about Professor Williams and the New Veterinary College but thought better of it. What if they contacted the college and the principal had second thoughts? I called Nugget and Honey and, with the two prancing gaily at my heels, walked to the beach.
Chapter 10
1896
Cheshire, England
It was easy not to reveal my plans to my family after that. Charles returned to his nautical life and my mother to hers mollifying Her Majesty. Ursula and Leo, whose sojourns at Leasowe sometimes coincided with mine, more or less ignored me.
Over the next few months, Major Fitz wrote a letter of introduction and intent to Principal Williams, which I followed with a dispatch of my own. Once I had established which university subjects I needed to study to obtain what he called the certificate of education necessary to enroll at the veterinary college, I mailed my application to the University of Edinburgh. When I received confirmation of registration from the institution, I wrote as much to Principal Williams. He replied immediately, inviting me to meet him and tour the veterinary college as soon as I arrived in Scotland to begin university.
I stood in front of the fire in the drawing room in the castle in Leasowe and stared at the letter for several minutes after reading it. It did not, despite my fears, disappear. It was real. Finally, in 1896, I would begin working toward becoming a veterinary surgeon.
“Thank you, Orlando,” I said to the empty room. Nugget heard and trotted to me. I knelt and hugged him.
As agreed upon with the Widdringtons, I would travel to Northumberland and leave him and Honey at Fallodon with Dorothy. Major Fitz would accompany me to Edinburgh to introduce me to Principal Williams before leaving me to settle in the city. After a year at the university, I would begin training at the New Veterinary College. Three years later, I could begin work as a veterinary surgeon.
I wondered briefly whether my father had ever imagined that his friend would go to such lengths to support me. The major’s guardianship might have officially expired when I turned twenty-one, but his support never waned. Of course, my father could not have predicted as much. Why would he? Papa would not have entertained thoughts of his daughter pursuing the kind of unorthodox life that would require such patronage.
The sky was gray and the wind cold, but I wanted to be outdoors. I sent word to the stables to saddle Caesar. I would celebrate my imminent new life by riding across the beaches and fields of Cheshire. Perhaps the sound of pounding hooves and crashing waves would help drive reality home. It would also be an opportunity for me to say goodbye to the Leasowe countryside. Who knew when I might return south?
Dorothy met me at the station when I arrived in Northumberland the following week. Nugget and Honey bounced around the carriage like lambs with grass beneath their hooves for the first time. They were elated to be free of the crate they had been confined to on the train.
“How was your mother when you left?” asked Dorothy, trying to calm Nugget by stroking his back as he sat on her lap.
“The same.” I did not meet her eye.
“What do you mean?”
“I have not told anyone about Edinburgh. I will write once I have settled there.”
She frowned. “Oh dear. I suppose procrastination is one way of approaching the matter.”
“I told her I was coming to Northumberland and was not sure when I would return. I do not believe she gave my leaving much thought. She is accustomed to my being here for months at a time.”
“Yes, but you will not be here.”
“I know. I am a coward. I should have told her, but I—”
“You are not a coward. You are the bravest, most resilient, independent woman I know. You will find a way of appeasing your mother and Charles soon. I am sure of that.” She paused. “I worry more about how it will be for you in Edinburgh.”
“As a student you mean?”
“Yes.”
“The university has accepted women for several years. The Edinburgh Seven cleared the way for me.”
“Yes, but you know how difficult the men made it for them, and what a trial it remains for women students to this day. Then, when your year at the university is complete, you will be the first woman at the veterinary college. Will the men there be ready for you?”
“They will have to be.”
“You will not take on a masculine disguise and become the veterinary surgeon version of James Barry?”
I laughed, thinking it a joke, but Dorothy’s expression was earnest.
“No, I will not,” I said. “I am considering using just my initials. A pseudonym might also provide some cover. Or ambiguity, at least. But I cannot imagine dressing as a man. James Barry was slight. I have the full form of a woman. Can you imagine me successfully hiding this shape?”
