Chasing the alphas son, p.17
Chasing the Alpha's Son, page 17
My heart is beating a little faster. I hadn’t really thought about whether or not Olivia knew what she was doing when Jasper tried to break our bond. I guess I was more focused on the whole losing-my-mate thing. But hearing it from her now, I can’t help but tense my jaw and shorten my breaths.
“It was an asshole move and I know it,” she says. “I’m a complete puta.”
I can’t disagree.
“So why did you agree then?”
In my mind I can picture the conversation I walked in on. Olivia and Jasper talking in hurried, hushed tones, neither of them looking particularly happy, Jasper desperate and Olivia reluctant. But she still said yes, she still betrayed me.
“It seemed like a good solution, at the time.”
“Solution to what?”
Olivia leans forward and runs her hands over her face. She looks more pained than I thought was possible—she’s always been so strong, so statuesque and invulnerable.
“That’s what’s so fucked-up about what I did. I knew what I was doing to you, because I’m…the same. I’m gay too.”
Whoa!
Once again I’m caught off guard learning that there are other people like me and Jasper out there. I’m not sure why they all seem to feel comfortable coming out to me—I must have one of those friendly faces or something. But I’m glad. I just wish I was able to do the same thing and talk about myself so openly.
“You’re…?”
“I’m totally into girls. And I thought…”
I can see how pained she is, how remorseful, and I want to intervene, because I understand, don’t I?
“You thought if you mated with Jasper, it would go away and you wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.”
“Pretty dumb, hey? Thinking lying to everyone would change something that’s in me, part of me.”
“We’re all struggling,” I say. “The thing I don’t get is why you’ve been freezing me out…”
“Ugh, I guess I thought I deserved your hatred or something, like I didn’t deserve to be friendly with you. So, I acted like I felt, like an asshole. And I guess I thought if I let you get close enough I’d have to come clean, so I kept avoiding you.”
“Didn’t work, did it?” I say, laughing a little.
Olivia sits back and finally looks at me; there’s relief in her expression—and regret.
“Can’t fight something that’s inevitable,” she says. “And while we’re coming clean…”
She rubs her hands, palms down, on top of her thighs. What’s coming now?
“You’re not the only person I’ve been avoiding.”
I tilt my head, scrunch my face up.
“What do you mean… Who…?”
Olivia arches a brow and my mouth opens in a gasp of realization.
“Your mate!”
She nods and buries her face in her hands again, but more like a shy puppy this time.
“Um, okay dish, who is it? Someone from back home?”
She bites her lip nervously and shakes her head. I’m desperate to know who her mate is, but I’m also enjoying seeing this softer side of Olivia. She’s always been badass, but she’s kind of a sweetheart too. I guess love makes a fool of us all.
“Someone from here?” I hazard a guess.
Olivia nods.
“Who is she?!”
I’m almost bouncing out of my seat, causing Olivia to shush me and hold me in place.
“Be quiet, I… I don’t want them to know. I don’t think I’m ready for…all that.”
For a second I’m back on the balcony, Clayton with rage in his eyes and his fist raised. There might be more queer people about than I first thought, but there are haters too.
“I get it,” I say. “You don’t have to tell me who it is.”
This strange giddy expression crosses her face, and I recognize it immediately. She wants to tell me, to speak the person’s name, and speak the mate bond into existence.
“Let’s just say,” she begins, being all coy, which is weird coming from Olivia, “I can understand your predicament better than you’d think.”
For a second I don’t understand. My mind starts reeling through Rocky Pack girls like I’m scrolling through contacts in my phone. Then I land on a name and suddenly everything makes sense. The way Olivia reacted when we first met her. The way she hasn’t been spending that much time around Jasper…
“Mia?” I ask.
She flutters her lips as if expelling pent-up energy, then nods.
“Oh my Moon Gods!”
“Calm down, chico. I still don’t know if she’s even into girls.”
I press my lips together. I want to tell Olivia so badly, but it still isn’t my place to out Mia.
“What are you doing?” she asks, and I wish I was blessed with a better ability to lie. “What do you know?”
“I can’t say,” I snap frantically. “Just…don’t ask.”
She side-eyes me questioningly. “Okay.”
We both sit back against the bench and turn our gazes to the sky. The moon is hanging massive and low, staring us in the face.
“I can say one thing,” I offer. “If we’ve learned anything in the last fifteen minutes, it’s that you can’t avoid the inevitable.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
I turn to Olivia.
“So stop avoiding her.”
The packhouse is strangely quiet when we head back inside. The festivities of the evening, not to mention the food and sherry, have wiped just about everyone out. We make our way to the parlor, which is lit only by the dying embers of the fire and the multicolored string lights on the tree.
“Okay, chico,” Olivia says. “You’ll be okay getting back to your room?”
I kind of like the idea of having Olivia as my personal bodyguard but I can take it from here.
“I’ll be fine, thanks.”
“Okay and…thank you.” Olivia pulls me in for a very rigid, too-tight hug that catches me completely off guard. Once the shock has worn off, I hug her back.
As she heads off toward the royal suites or whatever they’re called, Jasper emerges from the shadows. He looks tired, his hair is a little mussed, and his white button-down is untucked, loose at the collar.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi.”
He looks worse off than I feel, and I was the one who was attacked. My chat with Olivia has left me feeling strangely upbeat. From Jasper’s expression, I don’t think he’s sharing my optimism.
“I’m sorry, Max. I should never have let him get that close to you… I…” Jasper sighs and rubs his eyes. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine—I had Olivia. What about you? What’s happened to Clayton?”
“Clayton has been confined to his room; he’ll be sent back to the pack in the morning. He’s actions are…inexcusable.”
“Okay, great.”
The lights from the Christmas tree are reflecting on Jasper’s cheeks, lighting one red and the other green. Tonight Jasper came to my rescue, he protected me like he said he’s meant to this whole time. But here he is, five feet away, and I feel more distance between us than ever before.
“Are you—”
“This is what I meant,” he interrupts. “This is why we can’t be… We can’t be together.”
“Jasper—”
“No, Max. Imagine if more people found out—more people like Clayton. I can’t put you through that.”
“Put me through that?”
The embers in the hearth crackle as more of them die and turn to ash.
“I thought maybe there was a way we could make this work. But it’s obvious now it won’t.”
“Because one drunk asshat took a swing at me?”
“It won’t just be him.”
“I don’t care, Jasper. You protected me, Olivia protected me, Todd, Simon, Katie, Mason. We have friends, we don’t have to do this alone.”
My voice has risen and echoes in the rafters. Jasper looks stricken; his eyes glance to the exits—he’s terrified someone might hear us.
“We are alone,” he says. “I’m sorry. I know… I know this isn’t what you wanted.”
My jaw starts quivering, and I want to argue, to tell him he’s being a dick, acting like the jerk from the summer. But I don’t say anything. It’s one U-turn too many. I can’t keep fighting, keep chasing him.
“Is that how you really feel?” I ask, voice trembling.
“Yes.”
“Then so be it.”
Jasper looks up, shocked, as if he has any right to be. I’m giving him what he wants. I’m backing down.
Before he can say anything else I turn and leave. Passing the fireplace, I notice the embers have gone dark. Soon they’ll be cold too.
WHERE YOU STAND
“What’s up?!” Aisha says, her face beaming through my phone screen. “Merry Christmas, dude. How’s that mountain air treating you?”
The sun is shining too brightly through a gap in my curtains, I rub my eyes and lie back on my pillows.
“Merry Christmas,” I croak. “The mountains are…wild. How are things with you? What did you get up to yesterday?”
There’s so much I need to tell Aisha, but for the moment I just want to hear her talk and pretend like I’m back in New York.
“It’s pretty chill here to be honest. My parents took Troy and me out for dinner in the West Village, and look what Troy got me.”
She holds her wrist up to the camera so I can see. She’s wearing a delicate silver chain with a sparkling wolf charm dangling from it like a Christmas bauble.
“Ohhh pretty,” I say.
“Isn’t it gorge? He’s the best.”
“And what did you get him?”
“He thinks we need to spend more time together, so I got us tickets for a couples cooking class.”
“Fun.”
“So lame, right? He also got a new Xbox game, because, you know, straight guy so…”
I laugh and for a second I’m glad someone is in a normal, happy relationship.
“But enough about me, what’s going on with you? Is Jasper behaving himself?”
I give her a look and immediately she knows something’s up.
“What’s that donkey done this time?”
For the next fifteen to twenty minutes, I give Aisha an in-depth account of everything that’s been going on. She oohs and aahs as I tell her about our kiss in the ranger station and purses her lips as I tell her about what came next. When I tell her about Clayton attempting to lay into me, her expression changes, her nostrils flare, and she stops blinking.
“That guy is so damaged,” she says, fuming. “He’s lucky I wasn’t there. If I caught him acting up like that I’d have ended him for sure.”
It’s hard to explain, but there’s an edge to the way Aisha acts when I bring up Clayton—like just the sound of his name is enough to tighten her jaw. That he nearly sucker punched me has her incensed. She looks like she wants to jump through the phone and mess him up.
“Jasper stopped him and he’s being sent back to the pack.”
“Good.” She nods. “You need to stay as far away from him as possible. And what about Jasper? Have you spoken to him since?”
My dumb body completely betrays me, and as strong and in control as I want to act, tears spring to my eyes.
“He says it’s just more proof that we can’t be together.”
“That ass.”
I wipe my face and sniff back my emotions. “It doesn’t matter. I’m over it.”
She lifts a brow. “Ahuh.”
“Anyway, we have the blood moon ceremony viewing thing tonight, then we’re coming home, so…”
“I’m sorry, Max.”
Troy enters the video frame. “Whoa, is that Max?” He approaches, wrapping an arm around Aisha. “Hey man!”
“What’s up, Troy?”
“Ah you know, just eating well and treating my girl.” He kisses Aisha on the cheek, but she’s watching me with concern in her eyes.
“Sounds nice,” I say.
“Actually”—he turns his attention to Aisha—“we gotta go. My folks will be at the diner in fifteen and you know they hate waiting.”
“Okay, just let me say goodbye,” she says.
“No problem. Hey Max, happy Christmas, dude.”
“You too, Troy.”
He exits the frame and Aisha leans a little closer to the camera. I wait for her to speak.
“It’s okay if you’re not over it,” she says finally.
I take a deep breath in through my nose and hold it. “I don’t know if I have much of a choice.”
Aisha looks to the side, running something through her head. “Can I be honest about something? I was worried about you going up there. I didn’t know if Jasper would ever be able to get over his bullshit and open up. But from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he’s doing it—or at least, his version of it. It sounds like progress.”
“Nothing’s changed. I’m right back where I started.”
“I’m just sayin’, that boy has a truckload of trauma to work through. He’s doesn’t have the support you do. Hell, his best guy friend is freaking Clayton. He might need more time to process.”
“And I’m just supposed to wait around.”
“No, not if it’s making you unhappy. But do you think you’d be happy giving up?”
My shoulders drop and I sigh, with a slight roll of the eyes, because my stupid self—my traitor of a heart—knows the truth: there’s only one thing that will make me happy.
“Right,” Aisha says. “So, maybe don’t give up just yet?”
“I can’t keep chasing him though. It’s…too much.”
“That’s fair. You gotta protect yourself.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“What if you stopped chasing? And see what happens.”
I shoot her a confused look. “So, do nothing then?”
“You’re a special kid, Max, and whether he’s ready to admit it or not, Jasper knows it too. Maybe he needs a second for his head to catch up with his heart.”
“Maybe.”
Aisha glances off to the side, where I can picture Troy holding her coat and gesturing for her to hurry up.
“I gotta go,” she says. “Remember where you stand and don’t forget yourself in all this.”
“I miss you,” I say.
“Happy Christmas, Max.”
“Happy Christmas.”
She smiles at me and I give my best attempt at a smile back.
“Okay, go!” I say, swishing my hand as if I’m shooing her away.
“Laters!”
We hang up and I let my phone flop onto the mattress.
I head down to breakfast with my head in a swirl. Is Aisha right? Will giving up just make me more miserable? Or is this a lose-lose situation? All I know is that I need to start putting myself first. What do I want? What will make me happy?
If I stop chasing Jasper, will he ever come around?
The parlor is busy this morning. I guess more Rocky Pack wolves have arrived for the blood moon. Heading to the pastry table feels like wandering through a hotel lobby. I load up my plate with apricot Danishes and apple strudels and look around for a place to sit.
I’m shocked when I spot Katie, Todd, and Simon sitting by a window—not because they’re together, that’s pretty standard. But because Katie is holding hands with both of the boys and they’re not fighting or throwing things at each other.
“What’s up?” I ask, taking the last seat at their table.
Katie grins at me like she’s trying not to smile too wide.
“Hey bruh,” Todd says.
“Sup, dude,” Simon adds.
“You’re all acting very strangely,” I say, biting into my apricot pastry.
“We have some news,” Katie says, like she’s about to explode with joy. “After the dance we all sat down and talked and—”
“And we’re going to try this polyam thing,” Simon finishes for her.
“Wow, quite the development! How did you come to this arrangement?”
Todd still looks a little unsure, but Katie nods to encourage him to explain, as if saying it out loud will help him adjust.
“We always have a great time hanging out, the three of us, and when that dick came after you last night, Simon and I realized…we make a pretty awesome team.”
“Yeah and if there’s one person in the world I don’t mind sharing with, it’s my bro,” Simon confirms.
Todd puffs up his chest a little. “And we’re man enough to be confident that even if we have to share, it doesn’t diminish what we have with Katie.”
I shake my head in shock. “That is a very mature thought.”
“It’s still going to be hard,” Katie says. “We’ll need to make sure we’re communicating with each other, and there will be times when jealousy makes us do silly things, but they know I love them both.”
“And that’s enough,” Simon says.
“My gosh,” I say, sitting back and taking in this cute little arrangement of people. “I’m happy for you all.”
“We also know you’ll want to spend time with Katie,” Todd says, like that was even in question. “And we respect that.”
It must be a Christmas miracle, or maybe it’s the thin air up in the mountains, because somehow the bro twins have developed emotional intelligence. Or maybe they just care enough about Katie that they’re willing to do what it takes to hold onto her. Is that what I should be doing? Or am I Katie in this analogy? Do I just need to lay my cards on the table and wait?
“It’ll be a nice time for you two to be able to hang out as friends and not rivals, too,” Katie says to her twin boyfriends. “Plus I was sort of lying when I said I liked watching you play video games, so you can do that when I’m with Max.”
“Sounds good,” Todd says.
“You’re so smart!” Simon says.
From the corner of my eye I spot Mason passing through the parlor. His shoulders are hunched over and he looks tired. I watch as he moves to the breakfast tables, stares at the food, then turns back around and leaves. What’s up with him?
