Chasing forever, p.14
Chasing Forever, page 14
We settle on the cushions, Mack curling up at her feet. My house is more or less like a log cabin with a giant great room and open floor plan where you can see the kitchen.
I lean back in the corner of the sofa, extending my arm across the back of the couch and the other along the armrest. Might as well get right into it. “You didn’t know? Really?”
“Know what?”
“You’re a smart woman, Lottie.”
Her eyes turn to her wine glass, and she twirls it like a little kid trying to make a whirlpool just to keep from looking at me. “I knew you liked me. I mean, I knew you had feelings of some kind for me. I did for you, too, as much as I tried to act like I didn’t. But…” She looks at me. “I don’t want to assume anything. Can you just tell me?”
I down a sip of beer, hoping for some liquid courage. “Lottie, I’ve loved you my entire life. Not just since Holden left, but before that.” I hold my breath, waiting for her to respond.
“You did?”
The words dig in, revealing what I already knew. I was alone in it for so long. She was always looking past me, at him. Lottie was too hung up on my brother to ever see me. It’s a cut I thought had healed, but tonight it feels like someone is picking at the scab.
“I did. I wanted to ask you out so many times, but I thought since I was a year younger that you wouldn’t give me the time of day. Then Holden came home after graduating from college.”
He saw her, and she had definitely changed that year. Became leaner and developed more curves and overall, just become the version she is now. All the guys were talking about her, and everyone wanted to date her. I wanted to scream at them that I had loved her before she’d developed into a beautiful young woman and that I loved her for who she was, not her body, but I was too self-conscious to approach her.
“He asked me out that first weekend,” she says, remembering their romance with clarity. I wish it didn’t sting.
“And I stepped aside. You were so into him.”
She sets her wineglass on the table and slides closer to me, placing her hand on my thigh. “Brooks, I didn’t—”
“I know you didn’t. Anyway, you were happy, and I wasn’t going to ruin that for you, so I just stayed in the background and hoped you’d find the love you’d always dreamed about.”
“Dreamed about?” Her forehead wrinkles.
“You used to believe in fate and kismet like Romy does. You were in love with Holden. You were walking on a cloud, and there was no talking you down. Maybe it’s supposed to be like that.”
Her eyebrows scrunch, and she frowns.
“You fell fast and hard for him.”
“Did I hurt you?” she asks, and I can see the weight of her concern in her eyes.
I place my arm along her shoulders, my hand resting on the back of her neck. “Not intentionally, no. It’s not like that. I just… fuck, I sound like a loser. Yearning for you all these years when you never felt the same way.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I have thought of you, but you were Holden’s brother, and after he left me—the way he left me—I just didn’t want everyone talking about me again, so I pushed all those feelings away.” Inching closer, she curls into my side, resting her head on my shoulder. “I was really blind, wasn’t I?”
I chuckle and kiss the top of her head. “Extremely. I’m pretty sure everyone else already knows. Ben does for sure.”
She kisses my jaw. “I thought maybe you were just trying to get with me because you felt guilty your brother had destroyed me. That, or you wanted to stick it to him by being with me.”
I squeeze the back of her neck. “I hate my brother for stealing that light from you. For destroying your belief in true love. My feelings for you have nothing to do with him. But because I’ve loved you this long, of course I want to cure that for you. I want to show you all men aren’t bad.”
Her gaze softens, and she lifts her leg, straddling me. “Brooks, I have no idea where this thing between us is headed. I need to keep this casual for now, feel it out and see how it goes.”
Lottie’s reaction doesn’t surprise me at all. I knew going in that it would take time for me to earn her trust. Really earn it so that she will trust me with her heart.
“We can go as slow or fast as you need. I’m good with whatever you’re willing to give me.” My hands find her hips.
“But—”
I lift my hand and place my finger on her lips. “No but, Lottie. I get that I’m already there, and you’re not, but I don’t want to rush this. I want this to last, and I don’t want you ever feeling pressured to feel anything for me that you don’t. So, let’s just put all this on the back burner and keep going exactly as we have been.”
“You expect me to just forget everything you said?” There’s a glimmer of something in her eyes that I can’t quite decipher.
“If I had a mind eraser, I’d use it on you.”
She chuckles, and her forehead falls to mine. “I can’t ignore it, Brooks, and I wish things were different, but at the same time, I don’t.” She draws back and meets my gaze. “Because everything that happened shaped me into who I am. I know my faults. I know I have a brick wall around me, and I don’t want it there anymore, but maybe I had to go through all that to really appreciate this.” She waves her finger between us. “To appreciate you. I can’t forget what you just told me, and I don’t want to.”
I swallow hard. “So, what do we do?”
“Well, I’d really like to kiss you if you’re okay with that?”
A grin teases the corner of my lips. “I’d never say no to a kiss.”
She leans forward and places her lips on mine. At first, it’s hesitant, a tad awkward after what I just told her, but she slides further onto my lap, and my fingers tighten, possessive and aching, against her hips.
Our tongues tangle, her hands running along the back of my head, tugging me closer as though she’s starved for our connection. And there goes all my control—she’s in my lap, her mouth hot and hungry on mine. I’ve wanted this for so damn long, it’s been bordering on agony.
I want to claim her, beg her to be mine. She may not be in love with me yet, but there’s no denying the physical connection we share.
She strips her mouth from mine, but my lips find her jaw and kiss their way down her neck. “God, you taste too good. Should we stop?”
“Do not stop, Brooks.”
“Ten-four.” I tug at the hem of her blouse, my hands inching the material up. She arches her back, offering herself to me. Fuck, if that’s not the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
I should be lost in her and not thinking about how lucky I am or how long I’ve waited. Just taking what she’s giving. What I’ve dreamed about since I was too young to understand why she made my chest ache.
My fingertips graze the sides of her torso and trail over to her breasts, running my thumbs over the thin fabric of her bra and each nipple. She says my name as if it’s her favorite sin, and I groan, tugging down the cups of her bra. She strips off her blouse, sitting in my lap in just her bra. The cups shoved down, tits out like a gift I never thought I’d get.
I stare, stunned. It’s so much better than I ever imagined. “You just gave me beat-off material for a week.”
“I’m not done yet.” She reaches behind and unclasps her bra, pulling her arms out of the straps and dangling it from her finger before dropping it to the floor. “Close your eyes, Mack.”
I mold my hands to her breasts, inching forward and taking one nipple into my mouth. Her hands hold my head to her, and I continue to devour her by licking, sucking, and tasting every inch of her heated skin, as I’ve been dreaming about for so long.
She grinds against my hard bulge, and I flick open the button on her jeans before slipping my hand down and under the elastic waistband of her panties. I groan into her breast when I find her soaked.
“Shit, Lottie. I’m so hard right now, and you’re so damn wet.”
“I know, you feel amazing. Damn it, Brooks.” She stares at me as if she wants to swallow me whole. “Fuck me. Fuck me right now. I need you.”
Jesus. Her words undo me.
Her arousal coats my finger, and I slide it up and down her center, then circle her clit. When I slip a finger inside, her walls clench as if she’s been waiting for me as long as I’ve been waiting for her.
Her hands dig into my shoulders as she rides my hand. I press my palm harder against her clit, and she grinds faster, chasing that edge. I watch her in complete awe as she’s about to come apart because of me. I’ve never seen her lost, unguarded, or trembling with want, and I’ll do whatever it takes to see her fall apart completely.
“God, right there. Don’t stop.”
“Never.”
Her breathing sharpens, her eyes locked on mine, and I hold steady, ready to catch her the second she lets herself go. Her body tenses, sweat trailing between her breasts, and she rocks harder, chasing it—
Knock. Knock.
She freezes as if she’s been doused with a bucket of ice water.
I’m going to murder whoever the hell is at my door.
“Ignore them, keep going.” My voice is the plea of a desperate man.
She stills, then lifts her leg, pulling my hand from her pants. “It doesn’t work like that. Feel free to arrest whoever it is though.”
“More like kick their ass,” I practically growl.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lottie
Deputy Moore is on my shit list.
Brooks and I were so close to having sex when Moore knocked on the door because Brooks didn’t answer his phone, and some idiot kids were caught vandalizing down on Wild Bull Ranch. If I ever see him again, I might push him into a mud pile.
My phone dings with a message as I’m getting ready to change into my clothes for our softball game. Every year, the ranches in the area have weekly softball games, and of course Plain Daisy Ranch is part of it.
Can I give you a ride?
Depends
??
What do I get to ride?
And now I’m hard.
I laugh and fall back on my mattress as though I’m sixteen again.
Sadly, I meant a ride to softball.
I’m ready to hammer out a yes, but then I pause. Us showing up together screams couple. It says we’re together. It says we’re giving this whole thing a chance.
Get out of your head. It’s only a ride.
Is it really?
I’ll leave it up to you. I’ll stay your dirty secret if you want me to.
For some reason, it pains me that he would think I see him like that.
It’s not you.
I know.
Giving up the fight the other night and kissing Brooks felt so good. I have liked him for a while, but fear has always held me back. Fear of what people would say, how they’d judge me, whether he’d hurt me.
I sit up in bed and inhale deeply. Wanting to see him and be with him and kiss him trumps any of the things I was scared about now that I’ve really seen the kind of man Brooks is.
Pick me up in ten?
I’m already here.
I bolt up and look out my bedroom window to find his truck idling outside.
How did you know I’d say yes?
I didn’t. But I hoped you would.
I’ll be right down.
I hurry and change into my shorts and Plain Daisy Ranch T-shirt, then open my door and jog down the stairs.
“You ready?” Romy asks me.
“Sorry, I have a ride.” I open the front door.
“Cool, I’ll just go with you and Brooks.” She follows me out onto the porch, and I whirl around.
“Um…”
She steps back and tilts her head at me. “Don’t want me to go with you?”
I glance over my shoulder at Brooks’s truck. He’s waiting, and all I want is my lips on his. The grown-up thing to do would be to give my sister a ride.
“Are we leaving now?” Poppy comes down dressed in her sweatpants and matching Plain Daisy Ranch T-shirt. Her blonde hair is braided to the side. “Is Brooks driving us?”
Romy continues to study me. “I think Brooks is only driving one of us.”
Poppy’s eyes widen. “Shut up.”
“Looks like Brooks has finally won.” Romy grins.
“Oh my god, it’s new. Don’t go labeling it as anything just yet.” I take one of the steps down. “I’ll see you guys there.”
“Didn’t the label thing become pointless when you married him in Vegas?” Romy hollers at me, but I don’t bother responding.
Brooks’s door opens, but I rush to the passenger door and spring it open before he has a chance to get out. “Stay. I’m good.”
He’s wearing his usual baseball pants with his matching shirt and belt. I used to make fun of him for always dressing like a baseball player when it’s only recreational softball. Now, I like it. It shows commitment, and it says more about Brooks as a person than his fashion sense.
“Do they need a ride?” he asks because Romy and Poppy are still on the porch, watching.
“No. It’s just us.”
He leans forward to kiss me, but I put my hand in front of his face, not wanting the audience. “We don’t want to be late.”
He draws back and looks at the porch again where my sister and cousin are still gawking at us. “Okay.”
To my relief, he doesn’t seem bothered by me putting him off.
We drive over to the softball field and find that we’re the first ones to arrive, so I unbuckle my seat belt and climb into his lap, shifting one knee at a time until I’m straddling him in the driver’s seat. His breath catches, but his hands lock on my hips.
“How about that kiss now?” I murmur, mouth inches from his.
He groans, low and guttural. “Fuck yes.”
I press my lips to his, kissing him hard, and his mouth meets mine with a desperation I’m starting to crave. Our tongues slide together, and he groans into my mouth. His hands roam under my shirt, fingers skimming the skin at my waist before dragging upward. I grind against him, slow and deliberate.
“Jesus, Lottie,” he mutters, breaking the kiss, trailing his mouth down my neck. “You’re killing me.”
“Good,” I whisper, pressing kisses along his neck, nipping just enough that he jerks under me.
He pulls me tighter against him, and his bulge tells me how badly he wants me. One of his hands slides to my ass, the other up my spine, anchoring me to him while his mouth devours mine again. My fingers tangle in his hair. His hips lift, grinding against my core as though he can’t stand even an inch of space between us.
“Tell me to stop,” he breathes against my lips, but his hands still locking me to him.
I shake my head, dizzy with how badly I want him. “Never.”
A deep groan slips out of him. The sound rips through me, and I lose all restraint. We’re a mess of hands and desperate kisses, making my chest ache and my thighs tremble. I roll my hips once more, and he curses under his breath.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispers.
I smile, brushing my lips over his. “I’m starting to.”
We close our kiss and laugh, our gazes glued to each other.
Someone pounds on the truck window. “Okay, you two, time to play.” We both turn our heads and see that asshole from Wild Bull Ranch, Walker Matthews. “Unless you want to forfeit.”
He walks away, and Brooks runs his hand down my back. “I think our secret is out?”
He stares at me with questions in his eyes because Walker Matthews isn’t family. He’s probably going to tell everyone what he saw as soon as he reaches the diamond, and Brooks looks worried. The way his fingers graze my spine, I swear he feels the anxiety rising inside me.
Before I experienced this feeling with him, I probably would’ve bolted and said I couldn’t play tonight, but he’s put himself out there, and it’s about time I do too.
“Let’s go play.” I dodge the subject for a second because words mean nothing. It’s my actions that will show him how I’m feeling.
He opens the door, and I crawl off his lap and out of the truck in the most unladylike way.
“We need to talk about your shorts now,” he says.
I wiggle my ass as I wait for him to get his bag out of the back. He’s the one who brings all the equipment for us. “You can’t tell me what to wear.”
“I’m only asking for an inch or two longer. Just so I don’t get hit in the balls again,” he says, swinging the equipment bag over his shoulder.
“Too bad we weren’t together back then. I could’ve nursed your balls back to health.”
He looks around, and everyone is still driving into the parking lot. Of course, Walker Matthews is here before anyone else because he scouts the teams. The expression on Brooks’s face says he wants to back me up to the truck and kiss me again, but something stops him.
“I think I still feel some phantom pain. Maybe tonight you can soothe it with your mouth.”
I push him back against the truck, and he bounces off with the strength I didn’t mean to use. Stepping up to him, I rub my hand over his dick.
“People are going to see,” he whispers, his gaze somewhere behind me.
“I don’t care.”
His eyes widen. I inch up on my toes and press my lips to his. His hand slides down my side to my ass and presses me all the way against him as his mouth devours mine.
I’m so lost in the kiss, so lost in him, that it’s not until clapping rings out that I realize he’s right, I just completely outed us in front of my family and the Wild Bull Ranch players. But I can’t find it in myself to care.
