Chasing home, p.15
Chasing Home, page 15
The Hidden Cave is packed. Zander and I are the last to get there, which means we’ll be making an entrance.
We walk through the main bar inside toward the door leading outside, and I try to wiggle my hand free of Zander’s, but he grips me tighter.
I stop and tilt my head in his direction. I haven’t questioned why he wants to hold my hand sometimes on our walks because it feels natural, and I’m just desperate enough to take what I can get, I suppose. But walking out there holding his hand makes a statement, and even I’m not delusional enough to think he really wants that.
He releases my hand and reaches past me, pushing the door open for me to go through first. Laughter and country music fill the cool October air.
Sure enough, my entire family is huddled around the same four tables we usually take here. The girls are together at one end and the boys at the other.
We walk in the direction of my family, but someone pulls Zander’s attention away. I’m prepared to leave him to talk, but his hand wraps around my wrist. I circle around, and he tugs me closer to him, his hand warming the small of my back, so I’m tucked into his side.
Zander leans down, and my heart beats out of my chest as his mouth lowers to my ear. “Sorry, I have to talk to Cal. I’ll be right there,” he says loudly enough that I can hear him over the music. He draws back as if he wants to see my reaction.
I nod, and a smile pierces his face, and my damn heart disobeys, pitter pattering. Then he releases me, leaving only the chill of the air.
Oh boy, I need to get a hold of these feelings because this man doesn’t want commitment. He’s only being this way because I’m having his child.
Scarlett slides off her stool and opens her arms. “Lottie said you weren’t coming. Are you feeling okay?” She grips me tightly, and from her outfit, I see she came straight from work.
I look at Lottie over Scarlett’s shoulder, and she raises her eyebrows at me as if she said what she could without lying.
“I’m feeling better and—”
“Mr. Country Superstar came over to get her,” Poppy says from across the table.
I glance at the guys’ table and see Nash talking with Jensen. She was cursing Nash up and down earlier.
“There’s an empty seat near me.” Scarlett leads me over, and I slide onto the stool.
“I’ll get you a drink,” Lottie says and shifts to move away from the table.
“She can have some from the pitcher.” My cousin Jude’s wife, Sadie, holds it up and reaches for a plastic cup.
“Is that margarita?” I ask. She’s already pouring it. “Oh, I… um… I think I just want…”
Fuck, spit something out, Romy, they’re all staring at you.
“She likes strawberry better.” Lottie leaves the table before anyone can stop her.
Sadie lowers the pitcher to the table and shrugs. “I always forget everyone’s favorite.”
My cousin Emmett’s wife, Briar, slides in beside me. “Saw you walk in with Zander…” She raises one perfectly arched eyebrow, stirring her drink.
I shift in my seat “Yeah.”
“Here you go!” Lottie slides the drink in front of me.
“Thanks.” I shoot her a look of appreciation. Maybe I was wrong, and we can pull this off.
“Briar, you took my seat,” Lottie says.
I’m sure Lottie wants to stay by my side tonight, make sure no one suspects anything because, although she doesn’t agree with the secrecy, she’ll honor it for me.
“Sorry, I haven’t seen Romy in weeks. Someone’s been stealing all her time,” Lottie says.
“Yeah, what’s the story there?” Gillian asks.
My cousins stare me down from all sides of the table, so I say, “We’re just… I’m helping him with the video.”
They all look at one another and laugh.
“Okay,” Sadie says. “I saw the way he pulled you to him when you walked in.” She nods toward the area where the crew is all hanging. “Even now, he hasn’t really stopped looking at you.”
Everyone at the table turns and looks over, but I keep my back straight. “I’m sure he’s just looking around.”
Lottie offers me a sympathetic smile because she knows. I think Scarlett assumes I hooked up with him at some point, and Briar keeps glancing at my untouched drink. I feel as if I’m in a boiling pot of water with the lid on.
“I’m pretty sure he’s only looking at you.” Sadie pours herself another margarita and holds the empty pitcher. “Jude, can you get us more?”
He comes over and takes it from her, kissing her cheek and murmuring something in her ear before he walks away.
“It’s amazing how much men can change for the women they love,” Scarlett says. “If I asked Jude to get a refill, he would’ve flipped me off.”
The whole table laughs.
“Daisy is having a sleepover at her grandpa’s tonight, so we’re making the most of the hours we have.” Sadie waggles her eyebrows.
I turn to Briar. “And Colter?”
“Aunt Bette and Uncle Wade have him for the night.”
The group turns to talking about how Aunt Bette and Uncle Wade are the only ones without grandkids. Poppy and Scarlett say their parents don’t care, but they think they’re secretly hoping for one of them to get pregnant by accident.
Poppy shakes her head and laughs. “Seriously, if I told them Nash knocked me up—”
“Nash?” Gillian asks, eyebrows raised.
“I’m using him for story purposes only.” Poppy flits her hand in the air.
She can claim they’re friends all she wants, but I have a feeling about those two. Poppy’s emotions toward him run hot and cold too much for her not to care. I get that he’s like a brother since he’s Jensen’s best friend, but I’d bet money on it they are more than friends.
“One night stand, drunken fling… she wouldn’t care, my mom would be over the moon.” Poppy rolls her eyes.
My hand slips to my stomach. I’m the fling. Not the drunk part, but I’m the careless one who allowed a man to not use a condom. But I can’t seem to care about that anymore because every day I fall more in love with my baby.
Briar glances at my hand, and I retract it right away, my cheeks heating. But then she stares at my drink again. “Do you not like it?”
“Oh, no, I do. My stomach…”
“Is growing?” A tiny smile tips her lips with an expression to say it’s okay, I was there too. My eyes widen, and she places her hand on my knee in reassurance. She shakes her head. “You should stop by sometime. We see you and Zander walking around the lake a lot. Emmett told me to mind my business, but we have a great porch and would love to get to know him better.”
I give her a wan smile. “Thanks. Yeah, I’ll message you.”
She squeezes my knee. “Great. Can’t wait.”
“Where’s Jude?” Scarlett asks, looking at the bar since her glass is now empty. “Let me try your strawberry margarita while we wait. You don’t mind, do you, Romy?”
Before I can stop her, Scarlett snatches my glass.
My heart shoots into my throat. “Scarlett—”
She takes a long sip and hands it back over with a look of disgust. “I think they forgot the alcohol.”
“I’m sure it’s there. Tracey just did an excellent job of making the drink,” Briar says.
“I saw the bottle in her hand,” Lottie adds.
“Let me see.” Sadie, who I think is a little tipsy, grabs the cup from in front of me and sips the drink. “Yeah, I think she forgot it. I’ll tell Jude to get you a new one.” She raises her hand. “Jude!”
Panic rises in my chest. “You guys, it’s fine. My stomach isn’t right anyway.” The lie tastes bitter, but what choice do I have?
“Huh. A stomachache and your drink doesn’t have alcohol…” Poppy’s eyes widen then zero in on my stomach. “Oh.”
“Oh what?” Scarlett asks, following her sister’s line of sight. “No way.”
“No what?” Gillian asks. “Let me grab Ben. We’re getting you two shots in the next drink, Romy, you need to catch up.” She slides off the stool, but Sadie grips her arm. “What?” Her forehead wrinkles.
“Stomachache and no alcohol. Lottie got Romy’s drink,” Sadie fills her in, and everyone’s eyes shift to Lottie.
She holds up her hands. “It’s not my fault that Tracy’s so overworked she forgot to put alcohol in it.”
Their eyebrows shoot up because Lottie has a hard time lying, and she can’t look any of them in the eye.
I can’t put Lottie in that position, so I lean forward, look over my shoulder, and say quietly, “Yes, it’s what you’re thinking.”
They all shout and cheer, making spectacles of our table, drawing attention.
“Shh…” Lottie says. “It has to stay quiet.”
“Why?” Poppy asks, but she glances over my shoulder. “Oh…” Her eyes widen. “Ohhhh!!!”
I nod.
“What?” Gillian asks, not making the connection.
“The mystery man is… him?” Poppy connects all the dots.
All of their heads turn, and I don’t have it in me to see if Zander now sees half my family staring at him with their jaws dropped.
“Way to make it obvious,” Lottie says.
Heat creeps up my neck as the floor tilts under me.
Once everyone is done looking, I chance a glance over my shoulder and find Zander leaning against the bar, hat on backward. He’s laughing and smiling with the people around him. This must feel really good to him—no pressure, no cameras, free to relax a bit.
His gaze lifts and catches mine. The ease he just displayed vanishes. His smile falters, and something flickers across his face as if he knows me well enough to figure out that something’s wrong.
I push up from the table. “I’ll be back.”
Briar frowns. “Okay.”
My eyes don’t stray from his as I weave through the crowd. Zander straightens, his brows pulling together as he pushes off the bar and removes himself from the people he’s chatting with.
He meets me halfway and places his hands on my upper arms. “What is it? Is everything okay with…” His gaze darts down to my stomach.
“Dance with me?”
His mouth opens as if he’s about to ask why, but then he grabs my hand and leads me onto the dance floor just as the music shifts into a love song. Couples sway close together, bodies pressed tightly.
Zander twirls me in front of him, slipping his hand into mine and his other around my waist. He pulls me against him, and my breath hitches, the heat of his body burning through my sweater.
“What’s going on?” he murmurs low enough that only I can hear.
I swallow hard, trying to find words. His thumb runs slow circles along my hip, and it makes it impossible to remember why I asked him to dance in the first place. All my attention is drawn there.
I shake off my stupor. “They know.”
“That was fast.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
I expect him to stop, to let me go, and push away to go find Beau to figure out the plan. But he doesn’t. Instead, his hands tighten, pulling me flush until there’s not even an inch between us.
“Scarlett tasted my drink, and it snowballed from there.”
He exhales slowly, his breath warm against my temple. “You trust them, right?”
I nod against his chest, resting my chin there to look up to him. “Yes.”
His hand slides up my back, steady and protective. “Okay. Are you relieved?”
“Yeah.” And I am. It’s nice not to have to hide it in front of my family.
“Good.”
He doesn’t let go or pull away. We sway together as though there isn’t a storm about to engulf us.
The thread between us pulls taut, and I can’t tear my eyes from his as his gaze lingers on me, softer than usual. His thumb grazes the small of my back like a caress.
“Are you sure you’re not mad?” I whisper, more to myself than to him.
“They were all going to find out eventually. I knew what bringing you here might mean.” He spins me so we’re away from the other couples. “Let’s just enjoy the dance.”
His hand is splayed on my back, and he nudges me so there isn’t a millimeter of space between us. The music swells around us, drowning out the pounding of my heart.
It feels so intimate. So right. My emotions and my desire expand in my chest until I can barely breathe.
“Zander…” I whisper.
He dips his head, lips hovering so close to mine that our breath mingles. My knees weaken, my body aching to close the distance.
It would be so easy for me to rise on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. Find the comfort in his body that I always found with him.
Then I remember reality—he doesn’t do relationships. I have more than me to think about now.
I press my hand against his chest, pushing back just enough to break the connection. “We can’t do this.” Although my voice doesn’t hold the conviction I wish it did.
His eyes search mine, yearning swirling in them, but he doesn’t argue. He nods once and steps back, allowing more space between us.
The song ends, and we separate as people shout out drink orders and laughter echoes through the open air.
Even though we didn’t kiss, the almost part might haunt me just the same. It’s a stark reminder that no matter how hard I try to push him away, part of me still wants him.
What if that never goes away?
Keeping my distance from him romantically might be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
ZANDER
Plain Daisy Ranch has brought a peace to my life I haven’t had in a long time, maybe ever, but even as quiet as it is, I need to get out of here again before I go stir-crazy.
The last few days leading up to the actual filming, every time I step outside the lodge, there’s some crew member waiting with a clipboard full of questions. Thank God I had decided to bring Jack on as co-director. Romy is proving to be a big distraction. A good one, but I still need to make sure the bases are covered as far as the video goes.
After breakfast, I let Beau go do whatever he does during the day, and I head to The Knotted Barn.
Romy is in her office as usual.
I’ve been trying not to think about our almost kiss, but that feels impossible now that I’m standing in her doorway.
She looks up from her computer. “Oh, hey.”
I grab the trim of the door above me, needing to do something with my hands so I don’t head across this room, pull her up from her chair, and tell her she made the wrong decision last night. That she shouldn’t have pushed me away.
“I need a really big favor.”
She leans back and runs her hand over her stomach. “I feel like I’m already doing you a big favor.”
I chuckle, staring at her stomach. God, I can’t wait to see that swell. “This one’s much easier, I promise.”
“Good, because the one I’m doing for you now is giving me horrible heartburn.” She opens a drawer, takes out a bottle of antacids, pops two in her hand, and puts them in her mouth.
“What do I have to do to get you to take me out of here?”
“Take you out of where?” she asks, mumbling around the antacids.
“I need to get off the ranch.”
“Again? Oh, well, I’m not—”
“No, no, no, listen to me. I know we can do it. I have a hat and sunglasses.”
She laughs. “I was told a hat and sunglasses would not disguise the magnificent Zander Shaw.”
I cross the room and sit in the chair across from her, resting my clasped hands on her desk. “I want to see Willowbrook. I want to see what everybody’s always talking about. I keep hearing all these stories about a bakery with pumpkin spice cream cheese cupcakes, some donut place with apple spice.”
“Shouldn’t it be me who has cravings?” She grins at me, brown eyes alight with amusement.
“Fair, but some chicken place was mentioned? The Sprout something? And people showed me pictures of the gazebo in the town square.”
She stares at me long and hard. “Zander, you’re not missing out on anything. It’s a small town. You’ve seen plenty. It’s like all the rest.”
“It’s not just any small town. It’s the small town where my kid is gonna grow up.”
She releases a slow breath and stares at me, hand resting in her lap. “You’re asking me to somehow hide you and take you into town. We’ll get caught, and then Beau will kill me—”
“You let me handle him. But we’re not gonna get caught because I have a hat and sunglasses.” I wink at her.
She chuckles. “I don’t think you realize… I was out last week. I had to run to the post office. And honestly, I’m not joking, Zander, there is so much press outside of these fence lines. So much.”
“It doesn’t matter. I want to see everything. I don’t even care if they see me at this point.”
“Beau cares,” she argues.
“I’m the one who matters. My well-being matters. So, I’m asking you—take me to Willowbrook. Let me see where our kid’s gonna grow up.”
That same look crosses her face, the one she always gets whenever we come close to broaching the topic that she’ll be the one primarily raising our child. It kills me to know I’ll be flying in and out of his or her life. But what choice do I have? I have to support my child, make sure they’re set up for life and never want for anything. That means I have to travel. Plus, I don’t want my kid to grow up with cameras in their face and people pestering them. They deserve to have a normal childhood on a ranch like this, surrounded by family.
She sighs. “Fine. Let’s go. But you’re gonna have to be on your best behavior. And I want to see the hat and sunglasses.”
I smile and stand, feeling victorious. “Awesome, let’s skedaddle.”
She eyes me. “I don’t see a hat or sunglasses.”
“I’m gonna stop by The Harvest Depot and pick some up.”
“You’re just going to swing by The Harvest Depot where people are loitering to catch a glimpse of you?” Her eyebrows raise as she stands and goes to a cabinet in the corner.
