The one i stood beside, p.18
The One I Stood Beside, page 18
I lean back against the wall, waiting for her to answer. My gut twists because as much as I don’t like Melody, she has a point. At some stage in Sadie’s life, she’s going to mourn that she never accomplished all she was meant to in this life. I don’t like the idea of her sacrificing her happiness, then resenting me for it.
“I told you. I’m happy,” Sadie repeats. I worry she’s trying to convince herself as much as she’s trying to convince Melody.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sadie
The reunion was fun, but Melody has been driving me a little crazy since she got here, and Jude has spoken to me many times about his dislike of her. He’s being a good husband, keeping his mouth shut, but it’s about time I set it straight with Melody, even if she’s not going to be a part of our daily lives.
She comes down the stairs, dressed in a leisure-type purple pantsuit. Jude already brought her suitcase down this morning before he headed out.
“It’s been so much fun catching up. Thanks for letting me stay. It’s not like Willowbrook has any five-star hotels,” Melody laughs, slamming the town that raised her again. One for the road, I guess.
“You know, Melody, I really am happy here.”
She runs her hand down my upper arm. “I know you are. But you must—”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m really happy here. I’ve found myself, and sure, what I wanted in high school seemed so big and amazing, but I’m not sure it was ever for me. I know my life seems small to you, but it’s not. I have Jude, who adores me. I’m close to my mom. I have friends who are always there for me. And I’m going to have a great chicken farm.”
“I never meant to—”
“I’m sure you didn’t. But the little digs that somehow my life isn’t what I want is hurtful. To not only me, but Jude. I made my choice a long time ago. I’m not that eighteen-year-old anymore. It’s great that you’re happy in Los Angeles, and you’re living the life that we dreamed of, but my dreams changed. And that’s okay.”
Melody nods, frowning. “I just remember us saying how we were gonna have it all. A career and a family and money, and we’d go out for drinks and fancy dinners.”
She literally lives the life we said we wanted, but hearing her talk about her life is exhausting. It sounds kind of empty. I like sitting on the porch and watching the ducks with Jude, talking about nothing and everything. I like Friday night football games in the fall where I know everyone and the corn maze every Halloween, pig roasts on the Fourth of July here on the ranch. The endless parades. I even enjoy walking down the sidewalk downtown and running into people I’ve known my entire life, even if I resent their interest in my personal affairs sometimes.
“And I’m happy you got it. But it’s not for me.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean any harm. I just… this small town living isn’t my thing.”
I smile. “I know, and that’s okay.”
She opens her arms. “Hug it out?”
“Of course.”
We wrap our arms around each other, and I squeeze her tightly because I have a feeling this could be the last time I see her. This short visit confirmed that we’re different people now.
“Maybe when you have that chicken farm going, I’ll bring the kids for a visit.”
She won’t.
“You’re always welcome.”
Just don’t ask Jude.
We step away from one another and share a smile.
“Have a safe trip home,” I say.
“Thank Jude for me?”
“I will.”
I open the screen door, and she walks out and down the stairs to her Uber ride. I watch her leave. She doesn’t give me one last wave through the back window, and that’s okay. She was okay leaving Willowbrook in her rearview mirror, but it’s her loss.
I want to have a little alone time with Jude after our visitor, so I go inside, put together a lunch, and hop in the UTV, driving out to the corn field.
He’s beside the tractor, looking at his papers, when he hears me. The smile that splits his lips is the exact reason I came out here.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, deserting his papers and hugging me, kissing my temple.
“I wanted to see you.” I lift the cooler I packed. “And I brought you lunch.”
“You could be my lunch.” He backs me up against the tractor, caging me in.
“That sounds good too. Should we go home?”
“I’ve got a better plan.” He grabs the papers and climbs up on the tractor. His GPS screen hangs from the front. “Ride with me.”
I grab the lunch cooler and accept his offered hand. I sit on his lap, and he starts the tractor, driving it through the corn maze until we’re driving through eight-foot corn stalks.
“It’s kind of creepy in here,” I say.
“I’ll keep you safe.”
He stops us a good way in where he still has to plow, so that we’re surrounded by vegetation. “We’re gonna have to be resourceful here.” He kisses my neck. “Straddle me. And lift that dress.”
I’m wearing more dresses now because Jude loves them, and it makes it so easy to fool around since we can’t seem to keep our hands off one another. We’re certainly making up for lost time.
I swing my leg over his lap, but he holds me steady on my hips. “Get me out.”
I smile at his order, and my hands go to his belt buckle. I’ve mastered undoing his belt and pants since our wedding. I slide down his pants and pull his dick out of his boxer briefs. The sight of it standing thick, tall, and proud makes me wet. We haven’t had sex in two days since Melody was here. I stayed up late with her both nights, and Jude went to bed since he gets up so early.
He runs his finger between my legs. “How are you already wet?”
“I feel like I’m always wet around you.”
“Such a great problem to have.” He smirks and eases me down on him.
I sink down, and he fills me inch by inch until he’s fully seated inside me. God, I missed this so much. I place my hands on his shoulders and grind my hips forward and back.
“Shit, you feel amazing, Sadie.”
“So do you.” I inch forward, pressing my lips to his.
We spend the next fifteen minutes having fun in the tractor in the middle of the corn maze field. I’ll never look at it the same again. Then afterward, I feed him lunch and spend my afternoon plowing the corn maze with him.
Melody has no idea what she’s missing. Farm life is incredible.
Jude leaves before the sun is fully up. I hate waking up without him, but that’s the life of a farmer’s wife. I run my hand over Jude’s pillow and find a bouquet of wildflowers and a note.
I sit up and open the envelope. His scribbled handwriting warms my chest.
Sadie,
Date night. Be ready at six.
Yours,
Jude
We’re finally going on a real date. Not just pizza or ice cream or one of us making dinner. We’ve been so busy with everything that we haven’t gone on an actual date, and I’m so excited. I pick up the bouquet of flowers and hold them to my chest. Could life be any better? I don’t think so.
When the scent of the flowers hits my nostrils, nausea gurgles in my stomach. I gag on vomit rising up my throat.
Tossing the flowers aside, I run to the bathroom, falling to my knees and wrapping my arms around the porcelain toilet. For a moment, the nausea settles, but a second later, it rushes back, and I throw up in the toilet. By the time I’m done, my throat burns, and I sit back on my heels. My stomach feels a little better now. I touch my forehead, wondering if I’m coming down with something, but I’m not clammy or hot.
“What the hell?” I say, flushing the toilet and standing.
I turn on the shower, rinse my mouth with water, then brush my teeth, but after spitting out the toothpaste, the feeling returns, and I’m back at the toilet.
I’ve had the IUD for six months and haven’t had a period since, so I can’t be pregnant. I must have caught a cold. I shower, and afterward, I feel so much better that I’m even more baffled by the sickness.
I work on my computer for a couple of hours and make myself some lunch, wondering if something made me sick from dinner last night. Another thought comes to mind—Jude squeezing my breasts last night, and it hurt a little. I grab my breasts. My nipples are sensitive.
No.
I can’t be.
There’s no way.
My chest feels tight, and I have to work hard to draw in a breath. My heart races as I think through all the repercussions if I am pregnant, but then I tell myself to calm down. There’s only one way to find out, and there’s no sense freaking out until I know for sure.
An hour later, after buying a pregnancy test—not in downtown Willowbrook, but a neighboring town—and peeing on a stick, I know why I threw up this morning.
I’m pregnant.
And I have no idea how Jude will react to the fact that we’re going to have a baby.
My hand falls to my stomach. A baby. Something I always wished for, but I thought I’d be married. I mean, I am, but it’s not the same. We’re just getting started together, finding our way as a couple. We haven’t talked about what the next steps for us might be. And now I have to tell him he’s going to be a father.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jude
Sadie’s on the couch at five thirty when I return to the house. I want a date night with her, but today was a shit day, and I’d really prefer to curl up on the couch with her in my arms, but she deserves for me to pull out all the stops, bad day or not.
She has a dress on, her computer on her lap as usual. She smiles at me, but something feels off about it. It’s not the smile I’m used to getting lately.
“Hey, you look beautiful.” I step over and kiss her lips. She kisses me back, but she doesn’t put her hand on the back of head, keeping me in place for a few extra seconds, like she normally does. “I’m going to shower.”
“Okay.”
I walk up the stairs, a sour feeling in my stomach.
She was normal yesterday after Melody left. I’ll never look at my tractor without getting a hard-on again. But could Melody’s insistence that Sadie hasn’t lived out her dream be on her mind? Has she realized that she’s settling for a lesser life in Willowbrook with me? Maybe she’s thinking more about what she wants in the future.
I hate the fear that invades the minute she’s not my cheerful, happy girl. But I’ve always wanted Sadie to get out of this town. I always knew she was meant to be something bigger than a farmer’s wife.
I take my shower and get ready, putting on fresh jeans and a button-down shirt. I made us reservations at the fancy Italian place in Hickory. I’m not usually a pasta guy, but Sadie loves it, and it’s the fanciest place around here, which isn’t saying much.
I walk down the stairs, and Sadie’s still sitting in the same spot, her computer open, but she’s looking out the window at the lake.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer.
“Sadie.” I sit on the couch and put on my boots.
She blinks and smiles at me.
“You okay?”
She nods. “I’m good. Are you ready?” She puts her computer on the coffee table, closes it, and stands to put on her sandals.
I drag her into me with my arm around her waist. “Are you sure? You seem upset.”
Tell me, Sadie. I can take it.
“I’m perfect.” She kisses me. “Come on, I don’t want to be late.”
She leaves the house first, and I grab my wallet and keys off the table by the door. Unlike normal, she walks down the stairs to my truck without waiting for me. At least she stands by the passenger door. I open it for her and help her up into my truck. I head to the driver’s side, my mind a tornado whirling with all the reasons why Sadie could be so preoccupied right now.
When we pull into the parking lot, Sadie’s shoulders sink. “This is too nice, Jude.”
I squeeze her hand. “Nothing is too good for you.”
This time, I do get one of her smiles, which eases some of the discomfort in my chest.
We walk hand in hand, and I open the door for her, placing my palm on the small of her back. At the hostess stand, she steps into me, getting closer, and I wrap my arm around her waist. Maybe I’m imagining things. She’s had off days even before we were together, and I didn’t give them this much headspace. She’s not going to be in a good mood every day of our life. It could be her dad is on her mind, or she’s worried about the chicken farm.
When the hostess leads us to our table, I pull out Sadie’s chair for her, then fold myself into my own. She reads the menu, and a waitress comes over. I order us a bottle of wine although red isn’t my favorite, but it feels right.
Once we’ve ordered, the waitress brings us the wine.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask, staring at Sadie’s full glass of wine.
“I’m fine. I just haven’t been feeling that great today.”
“We could’ve stayed home.”
“No.” Her hand takes mine on the table, squeezing it. “I’m glad we came out.”
“I drew up a blueprint for the chicken coop. Is there anything you wanted to modify on the first one I did?” Maybe talking about the chicken farm will boost her mood.
“I was thinking that maybe we could put a food tray along the one side,” she says.
While we wait for our food, we talk about the chicken coops and what we need to add and remove. How we’ll transport them around the land. And her mood does pick up a bit. She seems excited about making them this winter.
Our food arrives, and Sadie asks the waitress for an iced tea.
When I stare at her confused, she says, “I just don’t want heartburn. Alcohol and red sauce.” She shudders.
I nod, but don’t say anything. I don’t really want to talk about Melody and her bullshit, but I need to know what’s going on in Sadie’s head.
“Melody get home okay?” I ask.
She twirls her pasta around her fork. “Yeah, she texted me. Said she had to go right to the courthouse and change in the bathroom.” She piles the forkful into her mouth.
“She sure is busy.”
She nods and swallows. “Fast-paced life for sure.”
“She has help though.”
She looks at me as though she doesn’t understand.
“The nanny.”
“Well, she can’t do it all, Jude.” Her snippy remark takes me back for a second.
“I wasn’t implying it was a bad thing.”
“Sorry,” she says instantly. “I’m just lost in my own thoughts tonight.”
“About?”
She puts another forkful of pasta into her mouth. I sip the wine, waiting for an answer. No matter what it is, I want to know. I hate being in the dark.
“It’s just everything. It’s been a whirlwind these last couple of months, right? My dad dying, the wedding, me moving in.”
My stomach clenches. “But you’re happy?”
She rolls her eyes. “Why do people keep asking me that?”
“I don’t mean to question it. I’m just curious.”
She sits back in her chair. “I am. I wish people would believe me.” She buries her head in her pasta.
I move my food around my plate, wishing we would’ve postponed this dinner.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I put down my fork, wipe my mouth with my napkin, and give her my full attention. Finally, she’s going to tell me what’s really wrong.
“Where are we going?”
I tilt my head and study her. “What do you mean?”
She looks around for anyone paying us extra attention. Leaning over the table, she lowers her voice. “We’re technically fake married.”
Her statement is like a quick slice of a knife to the heart. Sure, we decided to get married before we started dating, but it doesn’t make what we have any less real. We’re just getting started. “I like being married to you.”
She smiles and accepts my outstretched hand. “I like being married to you, but our future? What do you think it looks like?”
I feel as if it’s a loaded question, as if she’s looking for a specific answer, the way her eyes are lasered on me across the candlelit table.
“I like us now. We’ll take it as it comes,” I say.
I squeeze her hand. She gives me a wan smile and slides her hand away, picking up her fork. We finish our meal, not talking much, and head back home. The anxious tension in my body increases with every minute that ticks by.
We’re no sooner in the house than she’s heading to the stairs. I assume she’s going to change out of her dress, but she turns to me at the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m going to head to bed. I’m tired.”
“Are you feeling okay?” I ask, feeling as though I’ve been on repeat all night.
“Yeah.” She breaks the distance, giving me a kiss. “Thanks for the date night. The pasta was great.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll be up in a bit.”
Her hand runs down my chest. “Take your time. Good night.”
Turning around, I watch her walk up the stairs, my heart aching because even though I just got her, I think I’m losing her.
I’ve given Sadie all weekend to tell me what’s bothering her, and I’ve got nothing. She didn’t want to start a new crime show on Saturday night. She was out of bed before me on Sunday, and I found her on the porch, sipping her tea and staring at the lake. She stayed at her mom’s most of the day Sunday, helping her mom clear out some of her dad’s things.
My only saving grace is that she cuddles up to me at night. But I laid awake most of last night, my mind reeling, thinking she’s torn between staying with me here and taking some job in Los Angeles like Melody suggested. That stupid fear that I might be holding her back keeps popping up in my head like a flashing red warning sign.
