Fall shook up, p.14
Fall Shook Up, page 14
Her face melted as she spoke, like she understood in real time what a nuisance she’d been. Weirdly, as she listed things out, I found myself recalling the memories with dewy sentimentality.
Huh.
“You went in the cabin?” Pace asked me happily, eyebrows high with hope, obviously not hearing any of the other details.
I blinked at him once. “Yes.”
“Yeah.” Claire chuckled nervously. “He had to get me out of my clothes when I hurt my knee when I was all wet.” She stopped and put out a hand. “Saying that out loud, I hear how that sounds, but it wasn’t like that.”
“We’re going now,” I said and began to steer her away. Pace all but vibrated with the need to ask more questions.
“I’ll see you for poker night,” he called after us.
“No, thank you,” I said.
“Oh, that’s not nice,” Claire whispered.
“Wednesday it is,” Pace yelled. “See you then!”
I gave him a sort of salute, much more PG than I wanted to give him, but was conscious of all the families around.
“Aw, that’s nice.” Claire waved goodbye one more time. “You guys are cute together.”
My social batteries were running low, and I needed the safety of my workspace. Claire, too, seemed to be wearing out. The sun was almost down, and the town glowed orangy-pink. I was about to suggest leaving when the next obstacle popped up.
Kathy Wilson spotted me and was making a beeline right for me. I froze in my tracks.
“Oh, my sweet Levi. I am so glad to see you out and about.” Mrs. Wilson was the Cozy Creek County clerk and would never relinquish that role because of the firsthand access to gossip.
“Hello, Mrs. Wilson. Nice to see you as well.” Not really. If ever there was a person who loved to watch people squirm, it was her.
“You know, I was just thinking about sweet Lily this morning. Gosh, I still can’t believe it’s been over a year already. I swear I can still smell her gardenia perfume sometimes in the street, and I’ll think oh, I just missed her, and then I’ll remember.”
My Adam’s apple lodged in my throat. I felt like I was drowning and having a heart attack at the same time. I couldn’t—what was I supposed to—What was anybody—
Claire’s hand found my own, warm and stable, as her fingers linked through mine. She gently squeezed my hand, and the tension melted from me as I squeezed her once in return. An arm looped through mine. Only after being held by Claire did I realize my body had been trembling. I couldn’t admit how much strength I took from that simple action. Her other hand extended out.
“Hi. I’m Claire Wells.”
The older woman took us both in. She stared pointedly at Claire’s arm through mine. Claire’s thumb brushed over the back of my hand, soothing with our palms pressed tight. I had been there for Claire in her most vulnerable state, and now she instinctually knew how to show up for mine.
“I’m renting out Levi’s cabin, and so far, making a total nuisance of myself,” she said before Kathy could ask the question on the tip of her nosy tongue.
“Is that right?” They shook hands. “And what are you doing up here in Cozy Creek?”
“I’m a reporter.”
The older woman seemed to feel like that necessitated straightening up and fluffing her short yellow-blond bob.
“Are you writing about Cozy Creek?”
“Should I be?” Claire asked in a co-conspiratorial tone.
“Every town has their secrets,” Kathy said, looking at me as if putting together pieces that weren’t there. Pieces that shouldn’t be uncovered. I stiffened, then shifted on my feet. Claire said something in response that my ringing ears couldn’t make out.
“Is Levi being a good host?” she asked, still trying to sniff out salacious details to spread through town.
“He is. This whole area is beautiful.”
But as the awkwardness grew, so did Claire’s momentum. She simply could not stop talking. Maybe I should interact with her more. Perhaps she had some sort of word quota for the year and had lost mileage to make up for. Maybe I should be down at the cabin talking to her more so this could be avoided.
Eventually, I dragged Claire away, insisting we had much more to see. We left a stunned Mrs. Wilson behind as Claire stiffened.
“Was I talking about breast exams with that woman?” she asked when I gently led her into an alley between shops for some privacy.
I nodded, unable to hide my smile now. The secret was out, so no point in locking them down. If anybody should get to see them, it should be Claire. I wouldn’t need to avoid the town and talking with people if Claire was here at my side.
“It’s like I black out when I start talking. Whatever they say lights up parts of my brain, and my mouth just spews it out. We skip the whole ‘is this an inside thought/outside thought’ filter on the way,” she said with a defeated sigh.
It was true. I had thought something about myself initially made her talk so honestly, but that was who she was. She was genuinely so earnest and open.
“You need to nudge me. Or we need to establish a code word when I start to go too far,” she said.
“Absolutely not.” I couldn’t help my chuckle. She had completely turned my mood around. I had been dreading every moment of that interaction, and by the end, I wanted to pull up a chair with some popcorn.
“You love my humiliation.” Claire hid her face in her hands. “My ex would give me a look so I knew when to stop.”
I ground my jaw.
“I really hate my brain sometimes,” she added.
“I really love your authenticity,” I countered. “And your ex sounds like an idiot.”
The words came out. I, too, lacked a filter, which was another reason I hated coming into town. But I loved it on Claire. I loved that from the second I met her, there were no games or pretenses. She was exactly what she presented herself as. I thought maybe it was just me who saw this side of her, but that was who she was. In every interaction, she was just a little too goofy and a little too earnest. People didn’t know what to do with her.
I knew exactly what I wanted to do with her.
I could kiss this woman senseless. And as soon as the thought formed, it grew and implanted itself deep in my brain tissue, where it would only be removed by a lobotomy that made me forget everything. I wanted this woman. I wanted her with every fiber of my being. And not because she saved me from Kathy Wilson, but because of every real thing about her.
Her head shot up, and her eye contact zinged down my spine. “Oh,” she said eventually. “That’s good. Because I don’t have any control over that.”
“Good.”
The back alley was quiet in our bubble of honesty.
“Thank you,” I said before I did something that might get me slapped. “For intercepting Kathy.”
I didn’t have to elaborate. Her cheeks went red, and she shook her head. “I’m a pro at dealing out dead mom diversion. Been doing it for a decade.” As soon as the words were out, she winced. “Shit. Sorry, that sounds so crass. I just meant—”
My hand cupped her chin and lifted her gaze. “Thank you,” I repeated because, again, the desire to kiss her muted all other words.
She placed her hand over mine and nodded softly. “You’re welcome.”
After a moment that held too long, she dropped her hand, and I released her. Determined to give her a good time, I led her out of the alley and back toward the festivities. She buzzed to a few more places, and by the time we reached the town square, my arms were loaded with bags of souvenirs for her dad, kettle corn, fried food, and other various “irresistible” snacks.
She sipped her cider, humming happily as we rounded into the center of town. The town square had transitioned into a nighttime spectacle with hundreds of jack-o’-lanterns glowing along fake flickering candles and white fairy lights. She gasped as she took in the pumpkins that filled every square foot set up for the competition. She found a bench and sat, that ever-present smile still on her face. A few musicians were set up and playing an acoustic version of a song I recognized but couldn’t place. A group of kids were right in front of them, shaking their little bodies out of rhythm and without a care in the world. A few couples danced hand in hand just outside the kids, laughing and rocking to the light tempo. I groaned at myself and set down all her treasures.
“All right. Come on then,” I said and stood.
She frowned up at me. “We’re leaving?” Her brows contorted in the saddest expression I’d ever been victim to. Even if leaving had been the plan, it wouldn’t have been anymore.
“You’re wiggling so hard, you’re shaking the bench.”
I held out my hand. Her jaw dropped. “You want to dance? Out here? In front of God and everyone?”
I huffed. “You’re quickly talking me out of it.”
She set down her paper cup of cider. “No. No. This is happening.”
She bounced up so fast that I had to step back. She dropped her hand into mine and squeezed. It was dark and crowded enough that I didn’t worry too much about being seen. Also, what would my mother think if I didn’t dance with this beautiful woman? As we stepped to the makeshift dance floor in front of the musicians, the song transitioned from a fast beat to a slow, soft melody.
Because, of course, it did.
Chapter Seventeen
Claire
Levi cleared his throat and brought me closer as the music shifted. My right hand slid into his left as his other hand moved to my waist. It was perfectly innocent, but for the way every nerve of my body lit up. I held his shoulder and wished I could close the last bit of distance between us.
Levi smelled incredible. A masculine woody scent with soap and the hints of apple cider still in the air. How many times could I take deep inhales of his chest and neck area before I weirded him out?
Chances were, I’d passed that line the moment I met him.
The soft music playing was an acoustic guitar and a man and woman gently harmonizing a love song about traveling the world. Their voices were lovely and fit the mood as the exciting events of the day melted into the luxurious softness of the fall evening. All around the town square, portable metal firepits were jumped to life, surrounded by little groups of people wrapped in blankets.
I held on to Levi, not ready to let go of him or end this perfect day. He had done well, too, though the strain around his eyes spoke of how taxing this day had been. I would let him get back to the safety of the cabin.
Just one more song.
It was so nice to be held. I couldn’t remember the last time I enjoyed it without counting the appropriate number of seconds until it would be over, or worse, feeling like it led to an obligation. So much of what I thought was normal with Kevin, I was starting to understand that maybe it wasn’t healthy. Something was wrong with me and the way I behaved in our relationship, so I made up for it by being obliging in other areas even when I didn’t necessarily desire to. I never actively wanted a physical connection. I didn’t hate it. I just wouldn’t have chosen it.
I’d been delusional in thinking he left me because of the story. This breakup was coming long before that.
I dropped my head to Levi’s chest, letting the steady thump of his heart smooth my jumbled thoughts.
Bump-bump. Bump-bump.
“You’ve gone quiet.” His voice rumbled through my ear and down my spine.
I lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Have I? It’s loud as ever up here.”
His focus flicked over my features. His thumb lifted to smooth the tension between my brows that I hadn’t even known was there. My breath caught at the action, but he dropped his hand again to wrap it around me.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly.
Boldness had me releasing his hand to swing my arms over his shoulders under the guise of better speaking in hushed voices. After a beat of hesitation, his hands came to rest just over my hips.
“I don’t think I was a very good girlfriend. Or at least, not very good for my ex.”
He frowned, and his body tensed as he missed a step. “Why do you say that?”
“Just thinking about things toward the end.” When I felt him tense, I decided this wasn’t the direction I wanted this night to go. I wouldn’t let Kevin ruin this moment. “Anyway. I don’t want to think about that right now.”
“Tell me what else is on your mind,” he said.
“I forget it’s like this sometimes,” I said, eventually focusing on the more positive direction of my tailspin.
He hummed a questioning sound.
“The simple sweet humanity of it all.” I looked around at the easy joy that surrounded us, and he followed my gaze. The friendly smiles between neighbors. The glow of children loaded up on sugar in the brisk air. The tired but happy eyes of their doleful parents smiling on.
“I’m so in my head all the time. I’m deep-diving into some new topic, usually something awful, the underbelly of the worst of humanity. I get so set in the truth that people are inherently greedy and awful, but then, and maybe this is silly—I come out, and I see these little pockets of love and think, aw, maybe we aren’t so bad. Maybe most of us are just doing our best. We’re just a messy little collection of cells and matter given a conscience, and perhaps we’re doing okay with the chaos of the fact. Considering how hard it all can be. You know? Humans are cute.”
His jaw clenched, and his eyes went all hazy in the way they did when I spoke a lot at once. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s . . . nice. I should probably get out more.”
I wanted to pry into why his hometown seemed to be just as strange and new to him as it was to me, a visitor just passing through.
“Me too.” I sighed.
“But not too much. We’ve seen what happened when I try small talk.” I squeezed him into an unexpected hug, and he stopped our movement to hug me back. Here we were in the center of town, hugging like it was nothing. I wondered if it bothered him to have the rumor mill seeing this. “This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Thank you,” I said.
He stiffened in my arms and made a soft sound of understanding. He didn’t need to speak, he just needed to know that I was thankful for his kindness.
“Are you doing okay?” I asked, looking closer at him.
“I’m okay.” I waited for him to expand. He looked around the town and collected his thoughts. “It’s been a while since I came down here to hang out. Nothing more than a quick job to help someone or get groceries.”
“A lot of people seem happy to see you,” I said. It was true. He’d been treated like the prodigal son.
“This town cared about my mom,” he said.
“What was her name?” I asked, hoping this question was okay. He was so reluctant to talk about her. He pulled me a little closer with no excuse given, just mutual comfort.
“Lily. She was one of those rare people who was genuinely kind. Genuinely unbothered by the trivialities of life.” He started rocking me to the slow tempo again. “Not like me.” He added the last sentence like a confession.
“Not like me either,” I admitted. “My whole life, I feel like I’ve shown up for a class halfway through the semester. I’m so envious of people like your mother. It’s like they understand some big secret and are waiting for the rest of us to work it out.” I smiled.
He nodded, his throat bobbing as he looked over my shoulder. “Yeah. Exactly.” He cleared the tightness from his throat before asking, “What are you working on now? You said you finished your story?” His voice stilted with repressed emotion.
I studied him for a moment but decided to allow the subject to change. “I don’t know actually. I’ll probably get some edits back here soon, but that won’t take too long. I need to find my next project. Usually, I don’t know I’m into my next story until it’s too late.”
“Too late?” he asked.
“Sleepless nights. Obsessive research.” My fingers tapped a wave pattern on his strong shoulder. “You’ve not seen me at my worst. Don’t make that face,” I said when his eyebrows shot up skeptically. “You’re catching me at a pretty even keel time. This is ‘normal’ Claire.”
“You’re far from normal,” he said. I must have frowned because he added, “Thankfully. Anything inspiring you here?”
“Not unless Farmer Nelson has a secret racket of cheating for the biggest pumpkin prize,” I teased.
He tensed and forced out a laugh.
“Oh my God, does he?” I lowered my voice and got close enough that his exhales brushed my cheek. “Because if there is some secret injustice, I will sniff it out and bring it to light,” I added faux menace to my voice.
“I don’t doubt that.” His forehead wrinkled when I leaned back to study him. “How about we just dance?”
I lowered my head to the planes of his hard chest with a dramatic sigh. “If I must.”
His chuckle rumbled through me. He pulled me closer yet. The front of him was pressed warmly against me. A heady heat spread through me, making my breasts feel heavy and making me want to press even harder against him. He smelled so good. Being held by him was so good. I was all melty inside and wanted to just spread my body all over his. I wanted to taste him and be tasted by him. I wanted to hear what sort of noises I could get him to make and find out the secrets of his desire.
God, I was really, really bored.
When the next song ended, we broke apart, and after collecting my souvenirs, he led me to a firepit on the outskirts of the town square instead of toward the truck. A small family, with sleeping kids in their arms, spoke quietly that they were leaving.
I settled next to the fire as he stoked it back to life. To my surprise, yet again, instead of seating himself on the opposite side of the fire, he took the spot right next to me and covered us both in a blanket that had been left on the chair. We were close enough that our elbows touched. Maybe because of the hushed environment, or perhaps because he was enjoying our closeness as well, but Levi hadn’t seemed in any hurry to leave.
