Fall shook up a small to.., p.22
Fall Shook Up : A small-town, autumn-inspired, grumpy-sunshine romcom, page 22
She dropped her head into her hands. “What am I even going to do?”
“Nothing needs to be decided right now.”
She tilted her head back and met my gaze. “How can you understand that about me so clearly?” she asked with a sense of awe. Despite myself, my gaze moved to her mouth, where she licked her lips.
“I think the issue is that …” She took a breath and went on. “It used to feel so important to change the world. Now, I fear I was just avoiding something else, but I can’t even consider it because I’ve invested so much into this version of myself. It feels so impossible to change now.”
I let out a long, slow breath. “Now that’s something I know a little bit about.”
She grabbed my fingers back and squeezed.
“I think we just try small steps. A little bit, each day that scares us.” My throat was so tight, the words so close to coming out. “And with time, we can be whoever we want.”
“I like that, Levi Carmichael.” She leaned forward and kissed my temple. “Thank you. For all of it.”
I couldn’t share my desire to keep her here, not now. Not when she was just starting to relax.
I was a hypocrite and a liar. So much for having the courage to change.
Chapter 27
Claire
Levi and I ended up talking well into the night. I was so emotionally drained that I must have drifted off. I remembered being on the couch and feeling the weight of sleep pull me under, but I felt too at peace to disturb the status quo.
I vaguely remember him scooping me up and carrying me upstairs.
Now, I sat up and looked around groggily from Levi’s bed. Again. My phone said it was after four a.m. I felt lighter. Not happy. I was still concerned about the future, the article, and my career, but I wasn’t spiraling. I had spun out, launching myself to another planet of numbness and denial, but Levi had grabbed me and brought me back to Earth. He’d cared enough and been patient enough to help me work out what I couldn’t understand.
As always, Levi understood what I needed before I had.
I went to the restroom before padding down to the living room to find him on the couch. He slept on his back, legs hanging off the couch, an arm slung over his face, and Ripley taking up the other half. She lifted her head and lowered it, unimpressed to find me.
I shivered in the cool air before heading over to him. I gently shook him awake.
“Come to your bed, you sweet silly man.”
He blinked groggily. “I wasn’t sure.”
“Just come on.”
The three of us went back upstairs and fell into bed. Well, except Ripley, who burrowed into her little cot on the floor. There was no hesitation as he lifted his arm so I could tuck up next to him. I was back asleep in an instant, sucked into the warmth of him. The last thing I remembered was the soft kiss brushed against my temple and the feeling of safety brought on by his arm around me.
My body woke before my mind.
I knew that because, by the time I had any semblance of being awake, my back was already arching, ass rubbing against hardness. Kisses were being placed on my neck as Levi’s rough hand cupped and teased my breast. His heavy leg moved between me, and the thickest part of his thigh ground into me until I was turned almost on my stomach.
My underwear was already damp, and a tingling readiness pulsed heavy in my abdomen.
My eyes remained closed as I focused only on sensation. It gave every touch and sigh a dreamy quality.
His other hand, the one not driving me wild while toying with my nipple, slid between my body and the mattress, finding my core. Expertly, he pet the areas I needed as I writhed, all but humping his hand. Push down, and my clit hit just the right spot. Arch up, and his hard cock pumped along my backside. It was a win-win.
“Claire?” he whispered against my ear.
“Hmm?”
“Are you awake?”
“No. I’m dreaming. Please never wake me up.”
His deep rumble of laughter raised the hairs on my neck and had me clench around the air. I needed him in me, above me, filling me. We’d waited long enough.
“I need you awake for my plans.” As he spoke, he dipped a finger into my core, and he pressed harder above me, causing me to groan from the exquisite weight of him.
“God,” he gasped out. “You’re so wet already. How are you so wet already?”
“I think our bodies may have been going at it for a while.”
He turned me over so that I faced him as he hovered above me, balanced on his elbows. His tender gaze moved over my face. I studied him in return as intense pressure filled my chest.
“How are you so beautiful in the mornings?” He dipped his head to kiss my neck and chin and that little spot by my ear that he found.
I yawned and covered my mouth with the back of my hand. “You should talk.”
He grinned down at me, the gentle light of the early morning softened by the curtains still backlit him enough to make him seem to glow. His dreamy eyes were so entrancing, and his disheveled bedhead was laughably charming. He was the picturesque view. I could get quite used to seeing this every morning. The revelations of last night, the plans to move to Chicago, it all threatened to taint this moment like a storm on the horizon.
Instead, I lifted my head to place a tentative closed-mouth kiss on his. It was a question about where this was going and maybe a little bit on our stance on morning breath.
But that was what was so weird. I was so pliant for this man, so flexible in all things. Qualms and trivialities with anybody else that bothered me so much before didn’t matter with Levi. Being with him felt so natural. Where everything else required effort, Levi was easy and necessary.
His tongue slipping into my mouth, his slow lowering of his body on mine, it all felt right and natural. We kissed for a long time, hands intertwined in the other’s hair. I broke apart to slip out of my clothes as he did the same. No words were exchanged. Again, a natural understanding and progression.
We kissed deeply, naked bodies rubbing. My nipples rubbed against his chest, luxuriating in the forgiven feeling of his coarse hair against my smooth skin. His calloused hands moved relentlessly over my calves, hips, ass, back, and abdomen. Anywhere he could reach was subject to his exploration, and my urge grew stronger with every new body part memorized under his touch. Toes gripped at nothing, hips rocking forward in a syncopated rhythm.
We both gasped when the motion caused his incredibly hot and hard length to slip between my clenching thighs. I was slick and ready for him to slide into me, but he maintained more self-control than I had by simply rocking back and forth so that his blunt tip teased my soaking clit and folds. It brought me close to a precipice I wasn’t ready to fall off yet.
He shifted away, a brief shock of cool air before the sound of a condom being unwrapped and rolled on.
When he returned, hovering above me, his head fell back, revealing his beautiful, strong neck to me. My hands grasped at his body. A frantic energy, racing to that final destination, made me mindless with want.
Spreading my knees wide, I arched my back to pull away from him. I slid my hand between our bodies to find him hard as iron, large and intimidating. I swallowed, holding his gaze, and lined him up.
A tremor passed through his body as I pressed just the head of him to my entrance, already meeting my first hurdle.
“We’ll go slow,” he said.
I nodded and tried to relax back.
“I’ve got you.” He bent to kiss me again, hovering just where he was until my muscles relaxed again and the need to be filled surpassed anything else.
Inch by inch, my body made room for him. When he finally pushed to his hilt, we both gasped out.
“You’re so good. You’re doing so good,” he whispered.
Heat suffused me with his tender praise. My body clenched to take him deeper, spurring him on. His words came faster, more muffled and frantic. “You are so incredible. You feel so good, you know that? You’re so hot and wet and perfect for me.”
My head pushed back into the pillow, and I gripped his hard ass as I met his demanding pace. I pushed us faster, loving how good he filled me, sliding in and out of me. Our frantic breaths filled the air, the sounds of our bodies colliding.
“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he said. “I’ve wanted to fuck you so hard. I’m going to take you again and again. I’ll never have enough.” On and on, he spoke all the dirty little things I never knew I needed to hear. He held my gaze and pressed his forehead to mine, sharing my breath as we pushed higher and higher. It was so intensely beautiful I broke away, clenching my eyes shut as sensation ratcheted me up. He filled all my senses as deeply as his hard cock filled my core.
I coiled tighter and tighter.
“Yes, just like that. So good. So perfect. Gorgeous.”
His hand slipped between us and slid against my swollen bud. It was the final push I needed to crash into my orgasm. I screamed out, vocal for the first time, as wave after wave passed through me.
Above me, Levi continued with his praise, his hips jerking more erratically after waiting for my final pulse.
“Fuuu—” he called out, and hot pulses spasmed into me.
He stayed in me a minute longer. We both remained quiet, me certainly in a state of bliss. Occasionally, an aftershock would pulse through me, clenching him. He’d groan and mumble something about killing him as he pressed up into me, still hard even now.
It was too good. It was so unbelievably, bone-meltingly good.
I never thought it could be like this. My rational mind always thought people exaggerated the connection that came with this level of intimacy. I’d had tastes of it when he got me off with his fingers and tongue, but this connection was next level. Primal. With him rocking inside me, holding my gaze, as some tender emotion pulled at his brows, I was connected to every atom of my being. I’d never been so in touch with my body or this level of emotion.
I might not ever be able to process this. Too many new things were happening inside my body and mind. It was more than this incredible physical connection that I shared with him after never experiencing anything even close before. It was how he doted on me time and time again. How he took care of me and understood my needs long before I did. How he made looking after me, knowing me, being with me so effortless. He made it seem as though I wasn’t strange or a burden to be born. I couldn’t understand it. It didn’t match up with my experiences so far, and it didn’t help me understand the future. It was wild, unventured lands.
Even after I slipped away to use the restroom and come back, Levi’s touch was confounding in the multitude of feelings that it brought with it.
Wasn’t this supposed to just be for fun? It was fun. But why had that felt so heavy, or maybe deep? Why wasn’t I able to just crack a joke and move on?
What the hell was I going to do now? Where were the rules that would help me understand this intimacy?
Chapter 28
Levi
By dinnertime, both of us were boneless with exhaustion. Thankfully, we could microwave some leftovers because the idea of cooking was too much for either of us.
Not that I was complaining. It had been the best day of my life. And that wasn’t an exaggeration.
After we refueled, we decided to read in silence by the fire, nowhere to be, and enjoying the light falling snow outside.
Peace settled over me for the first time in a long time.
“What was that big sigh for?” Claire asked, looking up from her book and wiggling her feet that were tucked into my lap.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “It was good, though. Contented.”
She smiled full dimples. “Good.” She closed her book and looked out the large windows facing the trees. “Man, it’s really coming down.”
“Guess you’re stuck here for a few more days.”
“Darn.”
We drifted into silence again, neither of us talking, but neither of us went back to reading either. I watched the snowfall for several minutes.
A fresh start …
“Yeah,” I said, only realizing too late that it was out loud.
Claire tilted her head in confusion.
“I was, uh, talking to my mom.” I quickly added, “I still hear her sometimes. It makes me feel crazy. But it’s clear as day. Maybe it’s my own inner intuition that was sculpted by her words and actions growing up, but Mom’s still there.”
As she listened, her features softened into understanding. “It’s nice that you have that,” she said.
“You don’t think it’s crazy?” I asked tentatively, feeling heat burning down the back of my neck.
“You’re asking the woman who has full-blown conversations with her reflection, so I might not be the best litmus test, but no. I think it’s nice you still hear her. It’s like a gift. And what do we know? Maybe it is some form of her energy, spirit, whatever.”
I smiled, wondering if it was true, hoping that it was.
“Do you ever hear your mother?” I asked.
“No. Mostly just my dad rambling about in my head. But if she is still watching me, I’d like to think she’s proud of me.” After a beat, she added, face falling. “Or she was.”
I squeezed her toes. “She hasn’t stopped being proud because you were obstructed in justice by centuries-old systematic corruption.”
“Thanks. But I’m talked out about the whole thing. Tell me more about what you’re thinking.”
I rubbed Claire’s arches as she leaned back to stretch her legs out and give me her full attention. “I miss Mom. A lot. We were so close my whole life. Even over a year later, I reach for the phone to call her or think of how I’ll have to tell her something only to remember.” I swallowed. “Sometimes, I don’t even feel like she’s gone. It’s like by avoiding the house, I’m stuck in this limbo. I’m just avoiding all the—” My throat tightened to the point where I couldn’t swallow. “Like I’m just delaying the inevitable.”
“There’s no timeline for grief. You’ll know when you’re ready to tackle the room and the rest of it.” She crawled forward to kiss me on the cheek. “Plus. Once I’m out next week, you’ll have your space back. Which, let’s be honest, is what you’ve wanted the whole time.”
Her words were light, so I tried to match her levity as I asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, I may not be a genius when it comes to reading people, but you weren’t exactly thrilled to share your home. And now you won’t have to. Maybe this was your sign that you aren’t ready yet.” She smiled. “And that’s okay. It’s not like you need the money.”
It felt like a sucker punch to the center of this nice moment we’d been having.
“Claire, you don’t have to go.”
“Yes, I do. The contract I signed is up,” she said simply. It was unfathomable to me that she could be so casual after what we had shared.
“What I’m saying is … you should stay.” I watched as her gaze turned inward while my words soaked in. “Just for a little while. Maybe through New Year’s until you have a plan,” I added too quickly, but she must have seen the truth behind them.
“I don’t have any income. I have some saved, but I need to look for more work and …”
“Then stay here.” I emphasized to the room around us. “I’ll rent the cabin to someone else for extra income if you’re worried about that.”
Her gaze dropped to her fingers now, twisting in her lap. “Levi. I—Thank you. That’s a kind gesture, but I already told my dad. And I have the moving truck planned. I just, I have a plan.”
“You won’t even think about it?”
She breathed in and out. “I-I think maybe it’s too fast. Maybe I can make a list of the pros and cons.”
“Pros and cons.” My words were flat, but my heart lurched, twisting in pain.
What was there to think about? We were infatuated with each other. Wasn’t she here the last few weeks while we fell for each other? I shared everything with her, and she wouldn’t even consider my offer?
I ground my jaw. “What’s all this been?” I asked.
She sat back on her heels, surprise pinching her brows. “This?”
“Claire, you’re honestly going to sit there and pretend you don’t have feelings for me? Are you afraid to admit it? Because I will. I’m falling for you. I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here. Indefinitely.”
She stood off the couch in a blur. The sudden action caused Ripley to pop her head up and whine. “Of course, I have—of course, I’ve been having a good time. But sex complicates things. It inflates feelings that aren’t … well, it complicates things. I want to have all the facts before I decide anything. Just a few months ago, I was planning a whole different life.”
“Oh right. Heaven forbid you admit to feelings.” It was a low blow, and I was defensive. I regretted it the moment I said it.
“Maybe I just don’t fall for someone I’ve only known for seven weeks. Maybe it’s not so easy for me to pick up my entire life and move here. That’s not fair to make me feel like shit about this.”
“I’m offering a solution, but you’re being too proud to accept my help.”
“It’s not about pride,” she said slowly, her features going flat, thoughts inward.
I was being an asshat, as Pace would say. But I shared everything with her, every vulnerable nook and cranny of my soul, and she was ready to just pack up and leave.
“What’s all this been, Claire? You’re just going to leave like nothing? Like we haven’t been sleeping together and sharing our lives.”
“I-I don’t know.” She paced, hands to her temples. “I need a minute to breathe. I need to think.”
“Was all of this just a vacation for you?” I couldn’t understand it. I showed her everything, admitted everything, and she was ready to walk away like it was a hookup.
“No. I don’t know. It’s been this weird little pocket out of time.” She pressed her hands to her temple, eyes squeezed tight. “My life is in total upheaval.” Her shoulders shrugged to her ears and dropped. She spoke animatedly. “I have always known what to do next. I have followed exactly the right path, and all for nothing.”
