Twin consequences of tha.., p.9
Twin Consequences of That Night, page 9
Antonio crawled into her lap, Gabi’s arms automatically coming around him as he leaned against her, and both parents looked at each other, their children in their arms, and knew that, no matter what had happened in the past or would happen in the future, they had done the right thing.
Nate came to sit beside her at the double seated head of the table, and she fought the urge to simply rest her own head against his shoulder. Her mouth wobbled in an attempt to prevent the yawn escaping, but Nate’s focused gaze saw everything.
‘You’re tired.’ It was a statement, not a question.
‘I’m fine,’ Gabi dismissed with a patient smile. ‘We’ll be home soon.’
Something flickered in his gaze, and she was about to question him on it when Javier tapped a fork to a glass and insisted on making a speech. She leaned back and gently rocked her son as her brother welcomed her new husband to the family, as Hope and Emily, and even Luca, looked on with emotion shining bright in their eyes.
‘Family is what you make of it,’ Luca had said.
Words to live by, Gabi realised. And while she had been utterly and irrefutably focused on making sure that she was the perfect mother for her children, the kind of mother she’d never had, she thought that perhaps it was time to ensure that their family was much bigger than her. She looked at Nate, could see the ferocity of his love for his sister, the need to protect those he considered his. But she wanted more for Ana and Antonio. And she was beginning to think that they might be able to make that happen.
* * *
Nate ended the call that had put the final part of his plan in place. It was an extravagance, for sure, but one that Gabi and the twins deserved. They all deserved.
‘What are you doing out here? It’s nearly time to say goodbye to the guests.’
He turned to find his sister walking towards him across the courtyard, a hand shading her gaze from the late afternoon sun. He looked at her, eyes bright, cheeks pink, and felt relief. He could see how happy she was, how much she’d enjoyed meeting her niece and nephew and the new members of their family.
As she drew closer, she narrowed her eyes. ‘What are you scheming?’
‘Nothing for you, dear sister. Just some honeymoon plans.’
‘Honeymoon? I thought you were just returning to the house?’
‘Not any more.’
‘Well, you’d better be sure about it, dear brother,’ she said, sweeping her arm around his waist, ‘because Gabriella Casas doesn’t strike me as a woman who likes having plans changed on her.’
‘Gabriella Harcourt,’ Nate replied with shocking possessiveness.
Hope turned as they entered the large barn where the wedding breakfast had been served, and smiled with something like pride. ‘Yes, she is a Harcourt, isn’t she.’
Nate looked up to find Gabi once again looking at him. Ever since the officiant had proclaimed that he could kiss his bride, it was as if an invisible thread had bound them together. It was something that pulled and pushed at his skin, wanting and waiting and not in the least bit patient.
He tried to shake off the feeling that Hope’s warning was unnecessary as they said goodbye to the officiant and staff, as the last of the guests drove away from the stunning venue, and Gabi looked at him tiredly and said, ‘Home,’ with such longing he realised that he might have just made a very big mistake.
He winced. ‘About that...’
* * *
Gabi was fuming. And it wasn’t easy to fume on a speedboat slashing through waves, holding onto your children as if their lives depended on it. Yes, they were wearing life jackets, yes, she knew that they were ‘perfectly safe’, as the pilot of the boat had told her repeatedly, and yes, much to her irritation, they did seem to be having the time of their lives. But she wasn’t.
All she’d wanted was to go home. Where she could change, where she could get the children back into their routine, where there was familiarity and rhythm. She’d thought that she and Nate could spend the next few weeks settling into whatever it was their marriage would look like.
Gabi studiously ignored Nate as he cast nervous glances her way. The arrogant, presumptuous, estúpido... What use did she have for honeymoons and husbands? She’d been perfectly fine without him. And then she caught sight of Antonio wriggling in his father’s lap, a look of sheer joy across his face as he cried happily into the wind, and bit back the thought. It was right that her children had both their parents—she just wished their father wasn’t so high-handed, or handsome.
She hadn’t wanted a honeymoon, because theirs wasn’t a normal marriage. It wasn’t about rose petals and romance, champagne and diamond rings, she thought as she clenched her fist around a ring that was far too much for her, and far too much beyond her wildest imagination. She didn’t want a honeymoon because she didn’t want to make this longing for something more even worse.
The boat arrived at a small private island just off the coast of southern Spain. She’d visited some of the islands during some of her mother’s infamously extravagant parties, but Gabi had never been to this one. It looked like a castle rising up from the sea, trees and large boulders simultaneously decorative and natural. She caught glimpses of chrome and glass embedded harmoniously within the wild landscape.
It was beautiful, she thought a little resentfully. It was where she would have wanted to come had she... Gabi bit her lip and forced a smile to her mouth when Ana cheered, looking up at the pretty island.
The boat’s pilot guided them efficiently to a jetty and helped them offload as dusk began to descend. Little lights either side of the wooden deck led them up steps that took them towards a house that looked like a modern-day fairy tale.
‘What about clothes?’ she asked, pulling to a stop halfway towards the villa.
‘They were packed and brought here earlier,’ Nate replied, leading her on a few steps before she stopped again.
‘And the things the children need? Like nappies and wipes, and bottles and toys and—’
‘All here, I promise.’
Panic gripped her. ‘And Antonio’s blanket? He can’t sleep without it,’ she said, terrified by the hysteria that would ensue if Antonio didn’t have his pacifier. ‘And Ana, she needs her—’
‘Both the blanket and Ana’s squeaky clam are here, I promise,’ Nate insisted. He held out his hand to her. ‘Please, Gabi, just come and take a look. If it’s awful, then we can leave first thing tomorrow.’
‘Why did you do this?’ she asked, unable to keep the utter defeat from her tone.
‘Because...’ He paused, taking a breath and shifting Antonio onto his other hip, completely unaware of how devastating he looked, dressed in a tux and carrying his son. ‘I wanted to do something nice for you.’
With that, he turned and walked on ahead, leaving her to wish so very much that he hadn’t.
But, as he had promised, Gabi discovered everything that the children and she would need for at least two weeks in the bags that had been left by unseen staff in their rooms. Ana’s toy clam, Antonio’s blanket—everything.
Dead on her feet, Gabi didn’t even think about changing out of her dress as she put the children to bed, only realising she was still wearing it when Ana, almost asleep, thrust out her hand and patted the material on her arm and announced ‘bonito’. It was the highest compliment she could have received for a dress she had designed herself, she thought, backing out of the room and going to find Nate.
He was standing in front of the single floor-to-ceiling window that wrapped around half of the entire villa, looking out at the stunning nightscape on display. He had removed his tie and cufflinks, the sleeves of his shirt rolled back in such a carelessly attractive way it almost stung.
If Gabi could have slipped off to her own room and not seen him again she would have, coward that she was. But the one design flaw of her dress—one she promised herself to rectify—was that she couldn’t get out of it without help.
He caught her gaze in the window’s reflection and simply watched as she approached, waiting. She looked away, unable to hold his gaze. She knew she must have sounded utterly irrational and churlish, resenting such a gift from her husband—the word felt strange in her heart. But how could she explain? How could she find the words to tell him how much it hurt, wanting more than she was allowed to have?
‘Can...?’ She tried again after clearing her throat. ‘Can you...?’
He turned. ‘You need my help?’ he asked.
Gabi nodded, startled when he let out a cynical laugh.
‘Your dress? You need my help with your dress.’ He nodded to himself as if angry.
Heat poured into her soul. ‘Look, if you don’t want to—’
He raised his hand, cutting her off. ‘It’s not about want, Gabi.’
‘Nate,’ she said, exhausted and done, ‘I don’t know what the subtext is here. I don’t know why you’re angry, when you changed all the plans that I knew, when you basically upended everything, just because you can—’
‘I’m angry, Gabi, because you don’t let me help.’
Gabi pulled herself up short and Nate shook his head as if in disbelief, as if realising she had absolutely no clue what he was talking about.
‘You don’t let me help with the children, you don’t let me help you. I’m not allowed to make changes to your routine. I’m not allowed in.’
Shocked by the truth of his words, Gabi’s own anger rose. ‘I’m trying to navigate the convenient marriage you wanted and the parental role you need, Nate. It’s not easy,’ she snapped.
‘There is nothing convenient about any of this.’
‘On that, we can finally agree. I’ll see you in the morning.’ She turned, furious tears pressing against the backs of her eyes, determined to get to her room before he could see them fall.
‘Your dress,’ he called after her.
‘I’ll rip it if I have to,’ she yelled, forcing aside the sob that filled her chest. She slipped quietly into the room next to the children’s, hating the sight of the rose petals that she was sure Nate hadn’t even seen, making a mockery of her wedding night. A bucket beside the bed held a bottle of champagne and melted ice water and she wanted to hurl it out of the window.
The tears came then. Silently, in the way she had learned as a child. Hot and hurting as they poured down her cheeks. She snatched at the zip behind her, clumsy fingers suddenly uncaring of the dress that had brought her so much joy, and tore at the material desperately, needing to get it off her body.
Eventually, with only a little ripping, she wrangled the silk and lace from her skin and sobbed, sucking in a lungful of the first clear air she’d taken that day. She scrubbed her make-up from her face in the shower, where her tears were nearly invisible, and from habit waited until she was sure that they had run dry before getting out.
She slipped between the satin sheets, ignoring the rose petals, but as she finally closed her eyes and tried to find sleep, she couldn’t stop hearing his words in her head.
‘You don’t let me help... I’m not allowed in.’
A tear escaped from beneath her closed eyes, because she realised she had never learned to trust that, if she asked, help would be given. And she couldn’t help but think how terribly sad that was.
An hour later, Nate gently prised open her door to make sure that she was okay. He stayed in the doorway, unwilling to wake her, watching her sleeping amongst the red rose petals, for enough time for the moon to pass overhead before turning away.
* * *
Nate clutched his espresso in a death grip, knowing it was his only lifeline to staying awake at that moment. Last night had hardly been the typical wedding night, but, for a man who had never intended to marry, he wasn’t that surprised. He’d not slept a wink, tossing and turning between memories of their kiss, the wedding, the single night they’d shared more than two years ago, and his words to her. Words that had fallen from his lips out of sheer frustration and his own tiredness. He should never had said them. He’d been hoping that Gabi would adjust, would slowly start to give him more space, more responsibility, but she hadn’t. Instead, it had almost been getting worse.
At around three in the morning he’d begun to fear that she didn’t trust him. That she didn’t think she could leave the children with him. That because of his aneurism—a weakness, a vulnerability—he was unreliable. Wasn’t that why he’d not told anyone outside the family about what had happened to him? Knowing that the business world would not only smell blood in the water but take advantage of it too. But to think that it made her doubt him as a parent...
‘Morning.’ Gabi ventured quietly from the doorway to the kitchen.
He turned, hating the way that, after searching her face, he could see signs of her distress last night too. He looked around her but couldn’t see Ana or Antonio.
‘They’re still asleep, miraculously,’ Gabi said, correctly interpreting his thoughts. ‘Which is a good thing—’ she sighed ‘—because I want to talk to you.’
Nate nodded, ready to accept whatever resolution she had come to, knowing that she had done so because of the way she carried herself. Determined, which he respected. Powerful, which he admired. Beautiful, which he couldn’t deny.
She came into the room and sat at a gorgeous golden oak hand-carved table, warm from the gentle morning sun as it streamed through the windows. She looked like a summer fairy, Nate thought, before blaming the ridiculous thought on a considerable lack of sleep.
He took a seat opposite her and waited.
‘I owe you an apology,’ Gabi said, and he immediately shook his head in denial.
‘No, you don’t.’
She held his gaze. ‘I do,’ she said solemnly.
‘Gabi—’
‘Nate, por Dios, if you don’t let me finish—’
‘Sorry,’ he said, raising his arms in surrender, biting back the urge to insist that she didn’t.
She flexed her hands against the table. ‘You were right,’ she admitted. ‘I didn’t—don’t—let you help. I can’t. Because...’ She took a breath. ‘Because I grew up in a household where everything I had came with strings. Where if I was given something, it was either taken away later or used against me.’
The fury Nate felt towards Renata Casas increased with every word Gabi spoke.
‘And where most of the time, when I asked for help, it was either dismissed or forgotten,’ Gabi said, and Nate’s heart pounded in his chest.
‘When I couldn’t get hold of you to tell you about the twins,’ she said, and Nate felt a fresh twist of shame unfurl in his gut, ‘I had to go to my brother. Javier, who had already been so damaged by our mother. I... I know that he would never say such a thing, let alone think it, but I was afraid that I and my children were a burden to him that he might eventually resent.’
Pink, painful-looking flushes appeared in patches beneath the gentle tan of Gabriella’s skin. He had done that to her. His neglect had done that and he needed to know, needed to hear it all. Not as punishment, but so that he’d never forget what she had felt because of his inaction.
‘That was terrible for me because I...’ Gabi struggled to force the words through the hurt that had accumulated over the years. But Nate knew he deserved to hear the truth. The only way that they would be able to move forward, even remotely successfully co-parent, would be if she was completely honest with him. ‘I didn’t want to get used to his help, only to have it taken away.’ His love. She hadn’t wanted her brother to take away his love...like her parents had done. ‘And then you came and... And signing a paper and wearing a ring doesn’t suddenly make me feel as if you will stay, because my father didn’t,’ she said with a shrug, as if those words didn’t beat against her fragile heart with the strength of a battering-ram. ‘He didn’t. He remarried and made himself another family. And my mother? Well, she’s been married three times, so it’s hardly something I see as reliable. And—’
* * *
Her words stopped when Nate reached across the table and placed his hands over where her fingers were picking at each other. Suddenly Gabi felt both impossibly young and terribly old, and, above all, utterly vulnerable.
‘That will not happen here,’ he vowed.
She tried to shake him off.
‘Gabi, whatever happens, you will be taken care of, protected, financially at least.’
‘It’s not about finances.’
‘No,’ he admitted. ‘It’s not, but at least that is something that you can see on an account statement and know. The house is in your name. I have set up accounts for you and the children. I have no access to them. I cannot close them.’
His words did soothe something in her, but she also knew they were a patch, to cover her real need.
‘As for parenting and supporting you? This is only something I can show you daily, until hopefully you don’t have to question it any more. If you let me. If you trust me.’
Gabi wasn’t deaf to the plea in his voice, nor the urging of her heart. She knew that she needed at least to let him try—let herself try.
‘But Nate, you can’t just make decisions that directly impact me and the children without me knowing. You’ve been in our lives for five minutes—’
He opened his mouth to speak but she knew what he was going to say. ‘I know that’s not your fault, but it is fact. And there are things you don’t know about the children. What if they’d been terrified of the water and you didn’t stop to ask? What if Antonio had nightmares sleeping away from his bed, or Ana had allergies?’
