Andi wanted him there.

  The part of her that wanted to hurt Cole was the incessantly irate part of her mind that always wanted to be in control of everything around her.

  Not today.

  She would try something new today. Andi knew that if she didn’t get her shit in order, Laurel might cut her out of her life. Laurel wouldn’t do it to be hurtful, but to protect herself. Hadn’t Andi always taught her to protect herself from those who meant her harm in any way? Hell yes, she had. She’d taught Laurel to stand up for herself and never let anyone make her feel less than perfect.

  “You’ve been preparing your daughter to easily walk away from you,” Andi muttered, scrubbing her hands down her face as she sat up in bed.

  God, when had she gotten so bad? Everyone else avoiding her sounded almost tolerable, but not Laurel. Not her daughter. Not the only reason Andi found the strength to push through and not give in all those years ago. Not the only person on the face of this planet she would crawl through shards of glass and rubbing alcohol for.

  So, the change started now.

  Or had it started last night when Cole caressed the side of her face, wiping away the tears that fought their way through? Maybe it started when he admitted that he expected her to be a bitch.

  Or maybe, just maybe it started last week at the airport when she’d silently admitted to herself that she had a problem. She’d purchased a self-help book from the airport terminal. It insisted you could ‘Lose your anger, Not yourself’ in bold yellow and green letters. Maybe that book was the small light guiding her toward the end of a long tunnel she’d been trudging through for the past two decades.

  A real change started now.

  Andi got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. Last night, she’d forgotten to put her pajama pants on, and as she padded across the pinstriped brown and white carpet, she could fully see the extra flesh jiggle on her thighs. Barf.

  “Start with your fucking self, Andromeda,” she mumbled, observing her reflection. “Try being nice to you.”

  That’s what she would do! She would say one nice thing about herself every day. That’s what the book had said. One nice thing.

  Andi sucked in her jaws and nodded her head. Her hair was all over the place, so she couldn’t start there. Lines from the pillowcase etched across her cheeks, and she looked like roadkill.

  “Come on, self,” she begged, hoping to God she could pull something out. “One. Nice. Thing. About you.” Giving herself another once over, she lifted her hand in a Eureka moment and whisper-yelled, “Even though you should be hung all the way over from those drinks, your eyes aren’t bloodshot, and you haven’t thrown up.”

  That was a start.

  She smiled widely and marched to the bathroom. Andi made a mental note to make a list of pleasant things she could say about herself and put them on the mirror. If she didn’t plan ahead, she would give up within the week. And she needed to reorder that book. After she’d bought it at the airport and read the first half of the book on the flight, she’d tossed it in the trash so Laurel wouldn’t ask about it.

  Smooth move, sunshine.

  Stepping into the bathroom and closing the door, Andi pulled out her toothbrush and toothpaste and then really took a moment to look at herself. Even in its tangled condition, Andi could see parts of her hair were reverting back to its normal curly state. Once a week, she would go to the salon and have her stylist blow-dry and flat iron her naturally coily hair until it was bone straight. But, if she got it wet and didn’t brush it down, the coils would start to pull into their springy condition and make her hair look shorter.

  “Oh, I remember,” she said through a mouth full of toothpaste foam.

  She’d gotten into the shower last night to wash away the smell of whatever kind of whiskey she’d spilled on the boob part of her shirt. Instead of properly showering, she’d stood under the raining drops of the showerhead and rinsed off her boobs while she danced and sang.

  Good job.

  After brushing her teeth and using the bathroom, she hopped in the shower and used some kind of homemade body wash, shampoo, conditioner, and leave-in conditioner Cass left on the shower caddy. Each was labeled with neat writing that didn’t belong to her sister. From head to toe, Andi smelled like vanilla, peppermint, and some other subtle scent she couldn’t make out. These were her new favorite things. They made her feel pampered, like she’d been at a spa all day.

  With a soft, fluffy yellow towel wrapped around her body, Andi stared at herself in the mirror of the bedroom. Instead of focusing on the extra skin of her arms or the way her breasts no longer sat high on her chest, she said, “Your hair is shiny and doesn’t look too short, and your eyes are brighter.”

  For a moment, she thought of trying to convince herself that she would go on a diet tomorrow. That was bull, and a horrible compliment to give one’s self. Hell, she was having too much fun eating hot wings, ice cream, and bread. Mmm, warm buttered bread was the shit!

  Up until last year, starving herself had been a daily challenge, but all of that flew out the window when she’d moved out of Maryland and had another scare. Being afraid you were going to suffer slowly and die was enough to drive anyone to abandon their regularly scheduled routine and give their cautious life choices two middle fingers.

  Up yours, diet and starvation. I’m dying. Who’s got the pancakes!

  But thank everything holy, it had just been a scare.

  Andi took a deep, shuddering breath and swallowed thickly. Laurel had mentioned Andi’s constant criticism yesterday. Now, she wondered when was the last time she’d even complimented herself. On anything. Things like, ‘At least you’re not fat,’ or, ‘You’ve gone this long without food today, just wait until dinner,’ were the only compliments she’d given herself in such a long time. And now, two actual flattering statements directed at herself almost brought her to tears.

  “Your hair looks beautiful. And so do you,” a husky voice said from the bedroom door.

  With her heart in her throat, Andi screamed and just barely managed to keep the towel covering her breasts and treasure bits.

  “What the fuck?” she yelled, pointing at Cole, who laughed so hard he had to hold onto the wall to keep himself upright. “Don’t you knock? I could have been naked. Where the hell is your shirt, asshole?”

  Cole’s abs contracted as he belted out a full and hardy laugh. Good God, look at those abs. There were cut perfectly into six, neatly carved, muscle-pillows that Andi wanted to rest her saggy teets—don’t say that about yourself— on. They led down to an Adonis Belt and a smattering of dark hair that started below his innie belly button. His pants hung low around his waist, almost inviting her to unbutton them and rip down the zipper. He’d been virtually pale when they first met last year, but now his lightly sun-kissed skin was tanned, and the dark tendrils of ink that crept along his arms were hot as hell.

  After Cole finally managed to stop laughing, he wiped his eyes with the tip of his finger. In a sexy sweep of his muscled arm, he rubbed his hand over his face and through his dark hair. “I’m sorry I laughed.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “No, I’m not. But you knew I was downstairs, didn’t you?”

  “So?”

  “I hummed and sang on purpose, just so I wouldn’t scare you.”

  Andi blew a raspberry and pulled the towel higher on her chest. “You’re the size of a yeti blocking all the light from the doorway. How can you not scare me? And you didn’t announce yourself when you came upstairs. How’s your finger?” she asked, motioning toward where she’d bit him last night.

  Sorry, but not sorry. He was hers now, and she’d bite him every day to make it stick.

  Cole looked down at his hand and shrugged. “It’s healed.” He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment as he studied the bites, and when he looked up at her, his blue eyes held some dark expression she couldn’t read. “All that stuff you said last night—”

  “I meant every bit of it,” she rushed out, pushing the words through her lips before she chickened out. “I won’t lie to you. It’s not going to be easy with me. I started reading a book on how not to be mad at life last week, but I threw it in the garbage when Laurel and I landed at the airport.” She looked down at her lavender painted toenails and shrugged. “I didn’t want anyone to know I was reading it. There are things that happened to me a long time ago. Apparently, I still haven’t gotten over it. It’s dimmed the way I look at the world. The way I look at myself. And I know that now.”

  “You don’t have to do this.” Cole took a step toward her, but she put her hands up to stop him from getting any closer.

  Andi shook her head and forced herself to look him in the eyes. “Let me finish. I’m not ready to talk about it just yet, so you need to be okay with that.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “But I’m trying. Over twenty years of me being this way, and it just stopped working.” She let out a humorless laugh and reached for her lotion to give her hands something to do. “Truth be told, it never worked. Well, maybe a little. For me, it did. But not the people around me who love and support me. Who loved and supported me when I didn’t deserve it.”

  Cole nodded, and Andi could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He wanted to know what she’d been through, but being the decent man that he was, he wouldn’t push. Which was good, because she wouldn’t budge. No amount of liquor could make her talk about it.

  “Purple fits you,” he said, shifting the conversation away from what she didn’t want to talk about any longer. God bless him. “Your toes and fingers look really pretty with that color. Except when you poked me in the eye last night. Then, it was horrible.”

  “Sorry about that.” Andi snorted a laugh and nodded. “It’s lavender. And thanks. I like your… your body. What happened to the silver bar you used to wear in your ear? I liked it.”

  He rubbed his hand through his beard and laughed. “Audra ripped it out when she was trying to murder Simon. When it healed, the entire piercing closed up. Shifter healing is sometimes a pain in the ass.”

  The Ghost shifters must be a violent bunch. Cass broke a guy’s neck last week, but he got up and shook it off like it was nothing. Heck, she’d even heard her sister threaten to tear someone’s throat out a few months ago. She needed to maintain some of her attitude if she was going to be around them.

  “Cry me a river,” she teased, pumping the bottle of thick, unscented lotion once. She slathered the cream on the skin of one arm as she looked at Cole. “You heal too fast. Bummer.”

  He chuckled and stepped into the room, watching as she quickly applied the lotion. “Okay. That was a bit of a stretch. A lot of people would kill to be able to heal that fast.”

  Don’t I know it, Andi thought.

  She sat down on the bed and grabbed the bottle again to moisturize the other arm. As she glanced out the window to take her attention off of Cole, who was watching her like he was getting paid to do it, she fumbled with the towel to keep it high up on her body.

  “May I?” Cole walked toward her and took the bottle from her hands.

  Holy shit. He wanted to put lotion on her. He wanted to rub her body as she sat there and let him take care of her. Best idea of the morning.

  A chaotic flight of butterflies erupted in her chest as she handed the bottle to him. His large hand wrapped around her smaller one as he took it, and an electric shock pulsed from his hand to hers. She pulled away and let out a nervous laugh. This was crazy. No one had ever offered to do this. Was it some kind of kink she wasn’t aware of? As of right now, she was totally for it.

  Cole knelt in front of her as she sat on the bed. He considered the bottle for a moment, and when he looked up at her, his eyes were as bright as the sun shining on a clear ocean wave. “Fuck it. I do want to rub every inch of you, but really, I just want to eat your pussy. I can smell your arousal and all I want is to make you come.”

  Holy crap.

  Andi’s eyes went wide as she drew in a sharp breath of surprise. Her fingers tightened around the towel. She brought her hand up to her mouth and covered it, trying to figure out if she’d misunderstood him. Even the chirping birds outside seemed to quiet so they could make sure Andi heard him correctly.

  “Too much too fast?” he asked, concern pulling his dark eyebrows down.

  Yep. Cole actually asked if he could go down on her.

  With a doofus sounding giggle that startled even herself, Andi nodded and then shook her head. “Yes, you can do that, and no, not too fast. We’re adults, and you’re mine.”

  Before she could rationalize herself out of it, Andi leaned forward, wrapped her arms around Cole’s neck, and brought her lips crashing against his. Never in her life had she been this bold when it came to the affection of a man. Hell, she’d never wanted a man quite the way she wanted Cole.

  No, it was deeper than wanting Cole.

  She and Cole had the potential for love and friendship and all the other perks that went along with finding that special person for you. Finding someone who understood you, didn’t judge, and made you want to be the best version of yourself.

  As she pressed her soft breasts against the hard plains of his pecs, opening her mouth to let in the sweeping demand of his tongue, she felt a frenzied need for Cole. This man was hers. Her mate. And she was his.

  It had seemed like gibberish when Cass spoke of her mates or her men, but in Cole’s arms, Andi knew the truth of those words. They belonged to each other. Those words fired up some kind of possessive entity inside of her that she would have to be careful with. If not, she would smother him and disappear into this man. Hell, even that thought seemed unnatural to her.

  Whatever was building between her and Cole was pure and real. Not a false feeling of ‘he’s mine, and you can’t have him.’ This was more. Some great force had made them for each other, and Andi would honor that bond between them.

  “Where’d you go?” Cole asked, pulling away just enough to look Andi in her eyes.

  “I—” how could she explain it to him. She didn’t even understand it herself. So, she said the only words that wanted to pour from her mouth. “I’m just happy. Happy for you, and happy because for the first time in so long, I saw me in the mirror this morning. Me. The one I’ve tried to protect from the pain of this world for so long. And it makes me happy.”

  Running her hand up the length of his arm and to the base of his neck, she wound her fingers through his dark hair and pulled him to her as she leaned in.

  With the softest kiss she’d ever had the pleasure of taking part in, she held him close as he gently undid the tuck of the towel in a slow way that made her think he was waiting to see if she would stop him. No chance in hell.

  Andi put her hand over his and drew the towel from around her body, letting the soft material tumble down the sides of her torso and onto the bed. She could feel his lips curve into a smile as the skin of his body fully pressed against hers. Her breasts were crushed against his chest, and his racing heart thrummed through her soul.

  Bringing his body above hers, he laid her down on the bed until her legs were high on either side of his waist. The rough denim of his pants brought welcomed friction against the skin of her thighs, and she let out a soft whimper of pleasure. Even before Andi had gained weight, she hadn’t let a man touch or see her body in years.

  His fingertip brushed the scar at the base of her neck, and a low panic built in her abdomen as she thought of him seeing her, all of her, for the first time. He ran his palm along the two scars on her ribcage and then leaned down to kiss them. The discomfort rose higher as she remembered the scars on her belly.

  Well, she thought to herself. He’s going to see them eventually.

  All of her fears were laid to rest when he growled, “So damn perfect.”

  Cole moved down her body, leaving a fiery path of wet, sucking kisses as he grabbed the backs of her knees and brought her ass to the edge of the bed.

  Andi thought she would fall, but Cole used the tender press of his thumbs against the skin of her thighs to urge her to put her bare feet on his legs to steady herself. She looked down just in time to watch his tongue stroke from the bottom of her wet pussy to the top of her clit.

  A tremble worked its way up her body until her shoulders shook with the need for him to fuck her. “Oh, God,” she breathed, running her hand down her stomach and to his head. She threaded her fingers through his hair and lifted her hips to bring herself closer to his mouth.

  He felt so warm against her, tasting her as everything in the world fell away to nothingness. Cole sucked her clit into his mouth and flicked with his tongue. She cried out, her back arching from the bed as he drove her toward an orgasm she already knew would shatter every other release she’d ever had.

  Massaging his hand up her leg, he took two fingers and pushed them inside her soaked entrance, curving them until he rubbed against that blessed, responsive spot that would drive her headlong into orgasm.

  “Please,” she begged, moving her hips in tune with his drawing pulls of her clit. “Make me come.”

  As if he knew exactly what would make her scream, Cole lowered his kiss until his tongue stroked the apex of the inside of her cunt while still sucking on her clit.

  The world grew silent for two frantic beats of her heart. Her body went rigid, a tightly coiled spring ready to unravel as all sound came rushing back. Heat flooded her belly, sending electric shockwaves of ecstasy throughout every part of her body. Her channel clenched around Cole’s fingers, and she called out and froze beneath him, mindless as he drew every bit of pleasure from her body.

  Her legs pressed against the sides of his head, but he wrapped his arms around her thick thighs and held her open to him. Taking from her, and giving so much more than she had the words for.

 

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