‘Nat!’ I heard a shout behind me. I let go of Scott’s hand and spun around. Tiff was running up to me. Her step was uneven. When she got to us I could see that her face was red. She’d been crying.

  ‘What happened?’ I asked, taking her hands and getting her to stand still. She was moving from one foot to the other.

  ‘It’s Jack, we can’t find him. He went into the woods but we’ve looked everywhere. He had two bottles on him, Nat, and one of them was absinthe.’

  I looked at my phone. We’d been in the chippy for two hours. Where the hell had that time run off to? Jack had been drinking a shot every ten minutes for two hours. He’d be rat-arsed by now, if not unconscious. I turned to Scott.

  ‘I’m sorry, I gotta go.’

  ‘I’m coming with you,’ he said, taking Tiff’s arm and linking it through his. I took her other arm and we all walked back to the park. Tommy was sitting on the ground near the woods, smoking a fag.

  ‘Why aren’t you looking for him?’ I asked, letting go of Tiff and grabbing the fag from Tommy’s mouth. ‘Why does everyone else suffer around you?’

  I was well angry. I couldn’t believe that he’d sent Tiffany to find us, instead of calling an ambulance or coming himself.

  ‘Natalie, come on. Let’s go and look for him.’ Scott took my hand and pulled me as Tommy went to get up. He couldn’t get his feet under him and he fell back down. He laughed as he looked up at us and I almost smashed his face in.

  ‘Tiff, call the police, will you?’ I shouted over my shoulder as we ran towards the woods.

  ‘Have you got any idea where he might be?’ Scott called as we entered the woods and started to call for Jack. It was dark in here and I kept tripping up. What if he was unconscious? What the hell would we do? I wondered if Tiff had called the police. I took my phone out, but there was no reception.

  ‘He might be nearer the other end. There are a couple of trees that have big holes in them. Maybe he’s in there?’ I had to grab Scott as we tried to get our bearings. He was struggling too.

  ‘Would it be better to go out to the field and go back in nearer those trees?’

  I nodded, even though he couldn’t really see me. This weren’t fun. Why did they always do stupid things like this? Just for the sake of alcohol.

  ‘I’m glad you didn’t join in,’ Scott said, steadying me as I tripped again.

  ‘Why?’ I snapped at the judgemental whiny boy. Hello, I’d just been thinking how stupid it was, why was I getting all cross with him? Because you would’ve joined in if it wasn’t for him.

  ‘Because I’d be terrified if I knew you were out here alone in the dark,’ he said, ignoring my sulk. Aw, he was actually being really sweet. Bloody pain in the arse. Why did he have to be so nice all the time?

  ‘I’m harder than Jack, I would’ve been fine,’ I said, pulling him back out of the woods and into the field. He stopped and turned me to him.

  ‘Why do you have to be so defensive all the time? It’s okay to not be okay,’ he said, brushing my hair away from my face. His touch had me going all goosey bumped again and I walked off, leaving him standing there. This was not the time for sweet words. I had to find Jack. We started to jog and got to the end of the field quickly. We went in. I swore as I fell over something big. I threw out my hand to see what I’d tripped over.

  ‘Jack!’ I said, letting Scott pull me to my feet and then bending over the shape. It was him, I could smell the drink. He was unconscious.

  ‘Please go and tell the police that we’re here and need an ambulance,’ I said, sitting on the floor and pulling Jack onto my lap.

  ‘I don’t want to leave you,’ Scott said, trying to get a signal on his phone.

  ‘Please, Scott, just go, it’s not far. I’ll be fine,’ I cried as tears allowed themselves to fall out of my eyes, little gits. Scott heard me crying and did as I asked. I felt for Jack’s pulse and sighed when I felt it beating weakly. I could smell vomit and was so glad that he hadn’t choked on it. It looked like he’d given up hiding and started to come out of the woods. Being so drunk, he must have tripped over and passed out. I seriously would’ve joined in with this dangerous game before but I was thinking about stuff more now that Twinkle Toes was in my life.

  It didn’t take long for Scott to come back with a policeman and a paramedic. I’d stopped my pussy tears and wiped any evidence of them away. We walked back with the policeman as the ambulance stretchered Jack out. I wasn’t allowed to go with him as the police wanted to question us all. Tiff and Tommy had already been taken to the station.

  ‘We weren’t even here, man, we just came to help,’ I said. My mum wouldn’t be able to handle the news that I’d been down the station. It was no use in fighting it, they wanted to hear everything. Scott took my hand as we sat in the back of the car. I couldn’t believe that I was doing it, but I shuffled over and rested my head on his shoulder.

  Chapter Twelve

  ‘Nat, where the hell have you been?’ my mum said when I walked in the door in the early hours of the morning.

  ‘You should be asleep. Why are you still up?’ I snapped, glaring at Dick when he came in the kitchen. I’d tried to sneak in through the back door, but it hadn’t worked.

  ‘I was worried about you. You’re usually home by now,’ she said, fiddling with the ring on her finger. I knew this would happen. Anything out of routine made her feel weird.

  ‘I’m eighteen, mum. I can do what I want.’ I’d had enough for one evening, I needed my bed.

  ‘Don’t speak to your mum like that, Natalie, she was just worried about you.’

  I had to bite my tongue and yes, it did hurt. Dick was jumping on my nerves yet again but it weren’t their fault. The fact that he was still up with her … well, I couldn’t fault him for caring for her could I? Bloody Dick.

  ‘I’m sorry. It’s been a stressful night, that’s all. Jack’s in hospital with alcohol poisoning and before you start, I wasn’t with them. I just helped to find him.’ I looked at them both. Richard looked at my mum and she shook her head. She knew me well enough to know when I lied. There’d been no point in lying in the past. I could basically do what I wanted, really.

  ‘Want to talk about it?’ Mum asked as Richard left for bed. I sat down at the table. We’d not had a daughter to mother chat for years. When mum was well, we’d always chat, but since Richard had come into the picture, I weren’t up for it no more. It was good that she had him. I wouldn’t be hanging around forever.

  ‘I’ve met a boy,’ I started. Mum ducked her head when I caught her smiling, ‘No, seriously, this boy is pretty insane, mum.’ I clamped my hand over my mouth when I realised what I’d said. Nice one, Nat, the wrong person to say that to.

  ‘What’s he like?’ she said in a soft voice.

  ‘Smart, confident, too good for me … ’ I let the words trail off. I’d not thought them out loud, let alone said them out loud. Yeah, that’s how it felt. He was too good for little old me and now he was showing serious interest … cue bright red face. I needed to face that.

  ‘No one is too good for you, love, you are beautiful and special. I just wish you could see it for yourself. You have so much you could do, yet … ’ she sighed, ‘you choose to hang around with your group.’

  She didn’t need to say anymore. She’d never outright said that she didn’t approve of what we did but I could see it now. It was like my eyes had opened, very bloody wide.

  ‘I know, Mum, I know.’ I stood and kissed her cheek. It was the first time I’d been able to go near her for a long time. She must be feeling much better. I climbed the stairs and went into my room. I looked around at all the stuff that I’d collected over the years and realised that it meant nothing. What good was things when there was no one to share them with? What good were friends, when someone always got hurt? Could I choose to live a different life?

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Jack, how you doing?’ I asked as I went into the hospital room. He didn’t respond as I sat in the chair next to his bed. His gaze was on the ceiling above him.

  ‘How long until you get out … ?’ I asked. It was like talking to a brick wall.

  ‘What would’ve happened if Tiff couldn’t find you?’ This was the first thing he’d said to me all week. He’d had bad alcohol poisoning and was seriously messed up in the stomach. I wondered if it also affected his mood, considering how bloody miserable he was.

  ‘I dunno … ’ What did I say to that? I didn’t even wanna let my brain think about such a thing.

  ‘He’s bad for us, Nat,’ he said, turning his head towards me. Tears were running down his face and I leant forward and took his hand. I’d never seen my friend cry. He was tough as stones. We all were. I didn’t know what to say to that, either. Tommy was the head of the group. He was like our father in a way.

  ‘I get some days when I don’t wanna live like this no more.’ Jack squeezed my hand and looked deep into my eyes. I couldn’t move.

  ‘I know, Jack. I’m sure Tommy didn’t mean nothing. You know what he’s like.’

  ‘That’s the point, he never means anything, but people get hurt. Don’t you remember the guy he stabbed?’ He let go of my hand and turned to look back up at the ceiling again.

  ‘Shush, Jack, what if someone hears you? Of course I remember. How could I bloody well forget? The thing is, Jack, we don’t have to go along with everything he does, do we? In fact, it was your idea to do the game in the first place.’ I weren’t sticking up for Tommy. He weren’t right doing the things he did, but Jack had a choice to go along with it. Jeysus, I sounded like my boyfriend now. Boyfriend … ? Since when had I started seeing Scott as my boyfriend?

  ‘Yeah, I know. I gotta change something. This can’t go on.’ He turned his head away from me and I realised that he’d dismissed me like a boss dismisses his employee. Well, maybe … I wouldn’t really know about that.

  ‘Then change it, Jack,’ I said, standing and walking out the room. Maybe it was time for us all to see that life could change.

  Chapter Fourteen

  ‘What’s your problem?’ I heard his voice before I realised he was even behind me. I turned to see him glaring at me. He was flicking a fag. I was sitting on a bench in the park on my lunch break. The small area I often came to was quite crowded because the sun was showing its happy head for a change.

  ‘I ain’t got a problem, Tommy,’ I answered, turning back to my college prospectus. I’d even learnt how to say the word properly.

  ‘You think you’re better than us now?’ He came over and sat down. I turned to him, tempted to knock his head on the floor, just to get some bloody sense into him. Instead I just sighed and shrugged.

  ‘Is Mr Know It All your boyfriend now then?’

  ‘Hey … .You!’ someone shouted from behind us. We turned round and saw a familiar-looking face.

  ‘Shit!’ Tommy gasped, throwing his fag on the ground and jumping up as the boy he’d stabbed came over. What the bloody hell was gonna happen here? The kid didn’t look happy and I could feel Tommy gearing up for a fight.

  ‘It’s alright, Nat, I’ve got my knife,’ he muttered as he turned and stood his ground.

  ‘You’re joking, Tommy!’ I said, trying to grab at his arm. The anger in that bloke’s face was already causing trouble. How could Tommy still be walking about with a knife on him, after everything that had happened last time! Something in me wanted to turn away and abandon my friend. I wanted to scream for help and call the police. I’d never dobbed my friends in before. I would protect them from anything and everything, but this bugger just wouldn’t stop. I froze.

  ‘You’re the bastard that stabbed me!’ The boy glanced at me and also stopped dead. ‘And you’re the one who saved me. Why are you still hanging with him?’

  What could I say? He was right. Tommy had almost killed this boy and here I was, still talking to him.

  ‘He’s my friend,’ I muttered, unsure where my balls had disappeared to. Where was the Natalie that would’ve stabbed someone who was threatening any of my family?

  ‘What do you want?’ Tommy called.

  ‘Revenge,’ he said, running full pelt at Tommy. I couldn’t watch this again, so I jumped in between them. Tommy was just about to lunge forward with his knife, but he pulled back. I could hear screams around us as the boy ran straight into me. He was a strong git and had me flying straight back into Tommy and his knife. I felt a pain in my arm as the blade sliced through it. A red mist went over my eyes as I staggered and threw out my clenched fist towards my friend. The friend who had just cut me. The friend who had just been prepared to kill someone. When my fist connected to his meaty head, I felt a satisfying crunch of nose under my not very strong knuckles. The boy pulled me away as I went to pound Tommy’s face in.

  ‘We need to get you to hospital,’ he said, pushing me to the floor to sit. The red disappeared and I looked down to see blood bloody pouring down my arm. The pain was nothing on the outside, compared to what was going on in my chest. Who needed friends like this? I heard a siren in the background and looked over at Tommy. He was staring at me with his big gaping a-hole mouth hanging open. He also showed some blood, which made me feel better. It was running out of his smashed nose. I suppose he would think we were even. He shook his head at me and then turned and ran away. The bitch actually left me sitting there with a stranger after knifing me.

  ‘Surely he isn’t your friend now?’ he said. I shook my head as those tears started to betray me. They ran down my cheeks and I had to wipe snot from my nose, which was really gross. The police and an ambulance arrived. Lots of people had come over to me, but I couldn’t make sense to anyone. I was sniffling and sobbing all at the same time. The boy stayed with me and came in the ambulance, even though I tried to make him go. It was strange, but then I suppose he just wanted to return the favour I’d done for him.

  ‘Thank you for saving my life,’ he said as we sat in the back of the ambulance. I’d finally stopped my girly bawling and didn’t want to speak.

  ‘Thank you for helping me,’ I replied, hoping he’d leave it at that.

  ‘You could do better, you know. With friends I mean.’

  I looked down at my wrapped arm. The knife had sliced me on the forearm and I needed some stitches.

  ‘You can choose who you hang around with. You seem like you’re a decent girl,’ he kept talking when I didn’t answer him.

  ‘I’m not so sure. Not long ago I would’ve done anything to protect my friend. We’re a family,’ I whispered the end of my sentence. My friend family was feeling more broken than my real- life family.

  ‘Well, I’m not sure I’d like a friend like yours.’ He turned to look out the front and I felt a surge of heat go through my messed up body.

  ‘Don’t judge him, okay?’ I turned from him, too, ignoring him as he shrugged. An image of a kid that had been used as a punch bag came into my mind. Tommy had been through shit a few times and come back through it too.

  ‘He still has a choice,’ the boy whispered, reminding me of Scott. I wanted to defend him. I wanted to call this annoying boy out, but I couldn’t. He was right. We were all old enough now to change our lives.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‘Nat!’

  I heard the shout behind me. I turned to see Scott and Tiffany running towards me. I was on my way home from work. My arm was healing nicely and I was due to have the dressing taken off the next day. It was a right pain in the arse having a big white thing on your arm.

  ‘Guess what?’ Tiff giggled, grabbing my good arm and spinning me around. I was gonna push her away but her excitement was catching. I laughed as she jumped in the air.

  ‘Bloody tell me then, will you?’ I said. Scott came up to me when Tiff let go and kissed me on the cheek. I pushed him away, feeling my face flame up like a candle. He was such a soppy git.

  ‘I got into an arts school!’ Tiff ran around me, making my head go funny.

  ‘Tiff, stop will you! When did you even try out? Why didn’t you tell me?’ I didn’t know what to feel. My bestie had gone behind my back, but had managed to achieve something that we never thought she could.

  ‘I’m sorry, but what with everything going on I didn’t want to jeopardise it. I just needed to concentrate on getting in. That’s why I ain’t really been around.’

  She had stopped moving and was now holding my hands. I squeezed them as my eyes threatened to overflow. I wasn’t as hard as I used to be.

  ‘Well done, mate, that’s amazing!’ I said, wiping my eyes. Tiff hugged me and then left, shouting that she had to go and tell everyone.

  ‘Wow, she really did it, Scott, you were right all along. You said that we could change our lives if we changed how we looked at it. You’re really lucky to know that. How did you learn all that?’ I let him take my good hand and we started to walk. It felt weird, but butterflies were constantly living in my stomach when I was around him.

  ‘Can I show you something?’

  I nodded and he led me to a church. We walked into the graveyard. We’d played ghost hunt here before and all I could picture was Jack pretending to be dead on one of the burials. Shaking my head, I bumped into Scott when he stopped walking. He was looking down at a stone. I followed his gaze and read the words on it.

  ‘Is that … ?’

  ‘Yes, that’s my mum. She died in an accident when I was ten. She taught me that no matter what happens in life, we have the power to rise above it and make our own choices. There is help out there when we need it and there’s love out there too, if we allow it.’ He looked at me as he spoke and I felt that heat come back onto my face. What was he saying? My heart was doing a nutty drumming session in my chest and my lungs were trying to breathe, but I’m sure they weren’t working probably.

 

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