Lost in seoul, p.1
Lost In Seoul, page 1
Lost In Seoul
A My Summer in Seoul Novel, Book 2
by Rachel Van Dyken & Colet Abedi
Copyright © 2023 RACHEL VAN DYKEN® & COLET ABEDI
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and events are fictitious in every regard. Any similarities to actual events and persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Any trademarks, service marks, product names, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if any of these terms are used. Except for review purposes, the reproduction of this book in whole or part, electronically or mechanically, constitutes a copyright violation.
LOST IN SEOUL
Copyright © 2023 RACHEL VAN DYKEN & COLET ABEDI
ISBN: 978-1-957700-45-8
Edited by Kay Springsteen and Jill Sava
Cover & Interior Design and Illustrations by Jill Sava, Love Affair With Fiction
Table of Contents
Title Page
A Note On Content
Dedication
Author Note
K-pop Glossary
Meet SWT
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Epilogue
Chronic Illnesses
Resources
Want More K-pop?
Acknowledgments
About The Authors
A Note On Content
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As always, thank you for reading!
Dedication
This is RVD,
I’m doing this dedication for Colet,
she’s currently as I write this, visiting her father’s grave. He would be so proud of her right now for jumping right into this book and adding what can only be genius. She’s a producer and a writer and her detail on this has been so life changing.
So we dedicate this book to her dad, I hope right now as she’s able to honor him, he’s able to look down from Heaven and say, well done, because Colet, you did well. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Author Note
You hear authors talk about passion projects, projects that they do because they want to because if they don’t do them, a part of their soul feels like it’s dying—this was that project for me.
Back in 2019, I had this idea to do a K-pop book while sitting at Apollycon in DC. There were so many readers, and the vibe of the entire place was off the charts. And because I was a huge fan of K-pop already and had a friend constantly sending me music videos, I decided that our table needed to have a bit of BTS’ Mic Drop playing on repeat.
It was insane how many people would start dancing, singing, or how their nerves would just dissipate (let’s be honest, book signings in the romance community can be insanely nerve-wracking for both authors and readers, just another reason I love the romance community!).
I told my agent and a publisher that I was going to do it; I was going to write this book—after all, I’d written a ton of rockstar romances; how different could this be?
HAH! Well, I knew that idols had a lot of pressure and that the K-pop industry was vastly different, but the minute I dove in, I realized that I seriously had no clue, NO CLUE. It was hard to include all of those details in just one book, so fingers crossed I can do more!
This is also a passion project for me because I was told by several industry professionals that I couldn’t write it. Or that it wouldn’t sell. Or that it was too new. What genre did it even fit into? I’ve written diverse characters my entire career and have always been careful to research and use sensitivity readers no matter what, so I was a bit shocked. I had a few very key people tell me that if this story was in my soul; I needed to write it. If I listed all the people here, the list would be so long but thank you to everyone who reached out, who helped me, people from all over the world, from Korea to China, Africa, the States, Canada—this book would be nothing without your input. Truly.
Once COVID hit, I decided I would dive deep into K-pop that I’d spent nearly a year already attempting to write, little did I know that the pandemic would be ongoing and that I was forced to take some “free” time indoors and continue my research, and not just researching but watching YouTube videos (I swear my youngest probably knows Korean at this point). I even decided to start learning Korean and attempted to stick to a K-pop idol schedule to fully immerse myself—I didn’t last long, and as a parent, I am used to zero sleep! It was so much fun, and now I’m happy to announce that’s literally all my kids want to listen to. How amazing, right?
I’m so thankful for the experiences I had with this book, and I’m SO SO SO thankful to Seoul Street & Q4 Entertainment, along with Content Group, Will Yun Lee and Mark and Christine Holder, for believing in this story and adapting it for TV. You guys are amazing.
I’m newly adding to this, that one of my producers, Colet Abedi, is also in on this project and after the writers/actors strike we were like, let’s just keep going. Let’s not leave people hanging and wondering what happens next. I had messages from people asking to go to casting, I had one in particular (you know who you are) who identified as Jay and even did a special art piece depicting the group and himself and asked if he could audition. I was like, well I’m not in charge but, this is amazing and thank you. I think the really cool thing about thinking outside of the box is that you learn things, so I hope you learn from not only Colet’s industry experience and writing experience but from the research we both did. This is something that we had to do. You might cry, you will most definitely be shocked, and know a lot of this is fiction, but based on truth. Happy reading!
I hope you guys enjoy this book!
No, this experience ;)
K-pop Glossary
K-pop: Korean Pop (music)
Idols: The term for a Korean pop star or K-pop star.
Visual: The idol in the group with the best features and is also a main focus for their good looks. Think Jin from BTS or more recently in 2021 V, after 13 fancams reached over ten million views. If you’re looking at fourth generation groups, you can look up Stray Kids, Ateez, or TXT, ITZY, AESPA, IVE.
Trainee: Someone under a record label who is training to be an idol with others in an attempt to debut either on their own or, typically, with a group. This can include as little as a few months of dance training, singing with coaches from the label as they invest their money into you, or it can take years. Some people train for years and never debut. Think of it as a record label boot camp. A lot of times they see others debut and watch them succeed while they still work.
Maknae: Youngest in a group.
Sasaeng: The fans who don’t respect the idols’ privacy—stalk them, put them in dangerous situations, and feel ownership over their idols’ lives. Another one of the reasons idols don’t date or are encouraged to hide dating is because of these “fans.”
Netizens: Online commenters, keyboard warriors
Bias: Your crush in each group, changes often depending on what groups you Stan.
Comeback: When an idol or musician releases new music and makes their “comeback” into the public eye with a new look, music video, tracks, mini album, or full album (collabs included).
Variety Show: Shows that idols perform on. It can be musical performances, acting, skits, an intro to them, competition, etc. While the states have only a few of these, this is pivotal for a K-pop group to win and show success. Some might even say more important than hitting anything international would be to win a music show in your own country.
MV: Music Video
Showcase: Typically set for debut groups who don’t have enough songs to do an entire concert, groups will pick up to five songs to perform. A newer group like SWT might also do this if they’ve only been releasing mini-albums and not a full-length one yet. For a good example of a Showcase, check out newer groups like Xikers or ZB1 (Zerobaseone).
Meet SWT
Something Worth Taking
Prologue
Sookie
Two years ago
I’m in my school uniform, and it’s the day of my graduation.
It’s itchy, uncomfortably small, and it feels all sorts of wrong, like I shouldn’t be in it. I know everyone is staring at me and judging in the way only a know-it-all teenager can do. Can I blame them? No. I know this isn’t my best look. I wish I had the latest uniform and at least
fit in with my peers in that one way, but my parents couldn’t afford to get me the new one from last year and my back up one ripped because I grew too fast—welcome to manhood.
So life is a little shitty right now because they all know what my world looks like. They know I’m a trainee with a brand-new label that prides itself on finding and locking down talent while making sure they debut with only four dollars a day to spend on food, and worse, doing school homework and dance practice until five a.m.
This wouldn’t be so bad if the odds were in my favor.
But no, the music label I signed with is still small and there’s quite a good chance that I’m about to debut at a label that is about to go under. And everyone knows it. Half the student body pities me, while the others are in awe of me for even trying to manage school while chasing my dream to become a singer.
Yesterday I had notes stuck to my locker saying that I was an idiot and a failure and had no talent.
No talent.
After everything I’ve gone through.
Nothing.
I should be used to it now.
I am. I tell myself I am.
I’m used to it now.
But it doesn’t mean it hurts any less or that I’m skipping through a field throwing flowers everywhere saying it’s going to be a great day when it’s not.
The guys hate me because the girls like me, and the girls only like me because they’re banking on my potential fame. None of them have even heard me sing, or watched me dance, they just see my face.
And think—him, that guy.
There’s so many secrets I have to hide.
My natural instincts to hook up.
My label made the decision that as the youngest in the group, I had to sign a contract to be the most innocent and pure idol.
Can I cuss? No.
I don’t even know the words. Lies.
Can I have sex? Nah.
Sex is a word I shouldn’t even know exists. That’s hilarious.
To make things even shittier, I’m required to look sexy, manly and innocent all at the same time—I just have to pretend to not know I’m accidentally exuding that energy—and these orders were given from a “good label,” one that actually wants to protect me.
Be good, but not too good.
Be bad, but not too scandalous.
Be talented, but don’t boast about it.
The worst part? And, yes, it does get worse…
The number of times my mom has approached me asking if I think I should take the exam for college, or suggesting I look into becoming a plumber. She’s subtle, my mom…
I don’t have a problem with either of those things, but…
I was born on a piano, and I was born to be on a stage. Look, I get it. My mom is worried about her son. She’s not intentionally trying to be a dream killer; she’s just trying to temper my expectations and not so subtly tell me that this could all go to shit. She’s always been concerned about my career choice. Even when I was little, she would tell me that I had talent, but she didn’t know if I was good enough—like she needed to make sure I understood how hard this would be so I shouldn’t get my hopes up.
I hated hearing it, but she’s my mom, and she’s supposed to worry.
So woopty-fucking-do.
I’ve been trying, pushing, climbing… but I’m exhausted, I’ll never admit it out loud, but I’m wiped and it has nothing to do with my graduation today.
I’m in actual hell and the only thing I want… the only thing I’ve ever wanted—is to sing.
That’s all.
That’s my biggest dream.
So here I am on the day of my graduation among a sea of students who know exactly where they’re going and what they’re doing in their life. Everything is guaranteed for them, whereas I’m taking the biggest risk ever.
Damn.
I can feel my nerves make their way up my spine. Disintegrating into a coldness that pushes down my body.
I wish my parents were here, but they can’t afford to take off work, so instead I have Rae attending. He’s the leader of our group and he’s one of my best friends.
The other guys wanted to come but were stuck in rehearsals and were threatened that they’d lose all of their stipend for food if they left. The label wants us to release our first album in the next six months, along with our first MV, the music is done, the choreography is nearly flawless and they still say it’s not good enough.
I’m feeling more anxious than usual. Maybe it’s because I know my own past. I know it. And I know the risk. Tears threaten. I hate them. I hate it.
I look up into the stands and find Rae all alone, holding up a sign that says GO SOOKIE. It’s almost funny. Nobody recognizes him, all they know is that he’s an idol trainee just like me, part of a group that may not ever even make it.
I get up out of the uncomfortable seat and start walking toward Rae. Before I take five steps a foot pops out and trips me, causing me to fall to the ground. My knees hit so hard that you can hear the bone bruising against the floor.
“Sorry.” Baek-Hyun’s smile is anything but sorry, he’s with his bully friends, all of them are smirking down at me. He cocks a brow and tilts his head to the side and smirks. “I slipped.”
I wish I could slip and punch him in the face. Just seeing the surprised look would be worth all the trouble I’d get in.
But no, I swallow the urge to beat the crap out of him and play my dutiful role.
“Yeah.” I get up and straighten my tie. I hate that it’s faded and doesn’t look expensive or flashy. I hate that I have to stick out like this too.
This tie is the only one I have with my uniform, while other students have multiples.
I’m aware my uniform looks like shit, I grew two inches last year so my socks are showing, and everything is worn to the absolute extreme. My parents have invested everything in my dream, and I still feel sick with guilt from it, considering I rejected every other suggestion they had for my future career. And now, after years of working hard, losing sleep, not eating enough, and a few mental breakdowns in between—I have nothing to show for it. I can only hope that when we debut, people take us seriously.
Truthfully?
That’s my biggest fear: being on stage and completely losing my shit—and keeping my shit together totally depends on the audience’s reaction. Yeah, I know all the gurus tell you you’re not supposed to care what people think—but my whole dream in life depends on it. If people don’t clap or of if they stare at us like we’re amateurs and have no clue what we’re doing, that will crush me. Kill my soul… and I don’t know if I could ever recover from it. Maybe it’s because I’m the youngest in the group, along with being the main vocalist, but the pressure is immense.
Which brings me back to the asshole Baek-Hyun, he found me one day in a bathroom stall having a panic attack after our CEO said if we can’t take it, we need to give up. The whole band had come down with the flu, but he didn’t care.
I puked five times, crashed at midnight and had to get up at five for choreography before school at seven. It was one of those moments I’ll never forget—like the kind you reflect on when you finally make it. Baek-Hyun was such a dick to me and made sure the whole school found out that I was having a moment.
Did I want to beat the crap out of him?
Yes.
Do I want to now?
Yes.
But… I’m not allowed. Until we make it, I have to eat the proverbial shit sandwich that I’ve been given.
So I just clock the asshole with my eyes and walk past everyone. I walk past the whispers and the weird stares and before I know it, I’m jogging toward the door. I push against it and pace down the hall, not paying attention to where I’m going. Everything smells like cleaner, the desks are all in perfect alignment, the chairs, the lockers, everything looks so fucking perfect and I want to ruin it all.
Because that’s not my reality.
It’s not any of our reality and yet we smile, we go through graduation, we pay for lessons, we fight for our dreams, but what do we ever have to show for it?
